For how much longer should I tolerate unrequited love?

@nuemann (332)
United States
February 27, 2009 10:20am CST
Am asking all you wonderful lovers and friends alike to know how much longer do I have to keep the tolerance thing up , even when she doesn't seem to care about me anymore. I have been wondering what life would be like if we were actually together and giving each other the same amount of time and attention but it has come to my notice that she ain't seeing other men but she thrives in snubbing, ignoring, being shy and she can go for days without any message or call and she won't care. I have truly wanted to end things but I get to miss her all the more everytimne I try to so I have resolved to wait cos she ain't seeing other men she just don't want to grow up!
4 people like this
16 responses
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
Good day.. Have you try talking to her? I mean say the things that you wanted to say. I think if she's mature enough she'll listen and things would hopefully worked out. And if both of you want your relationship to work then both of you should start working it out.
• India
28 Feb 09
thats definitly rite.
1 person likes this
• India
28 Feb 09
well controlling these things things depends person to person.but my suggesion will be to be a bit practical in life.
1 person likes this
@lyzabelle (1668)
• Philippines
28 Feb 09
Sometimes loving someone can give us more pain. Because loving is patience, understanding and above all else it's a matter of commitment. You should find way to talk to her and ask her what's her problem. Staying in a relationship that the other partner is cold, wont work anymore.
@jolasu (49)
• United States
27 Feb 09
That's your choice. You recongnize it. You admit it and yet you aren't ready to move on all on your own. Why? I don't want to come across rude, but I've been asking myself the same question and it's one only I can answer for myself. Being "outside your box" I'd say move on NOW before it gets any deeper, but being from inside my own box I know that's sometimes tough. Figure out why you stay and decide from there.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 09
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? I know you really really like her but she's just not that into you so move on. It'll be hard but you'll find someone who really wants your company all the time. Wouldn't you rather that than waiting for her to call you? I think anyone would.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 09
My friend time will heal all wounds. As hard as it might be if she is not responding or recipricating the same love back to you, she is more than likely has lost some interest for whatever reason cant quite let you go either. If the chemistry is not there for the two of you let it loose. If a good thing is meant to be yaw will come back together even stronger, absence does make the heart grow fonder when both hearts are in it. Sometimes we hold on so tight that when its time to latch on to the right person we cant because of the attachment to another. take the time time my friend to lay back and really evaluate the sound like one-sided relationship without your heart into it but dig deep within yourself and ask is this really what you invision for the love of your life to pen out. If it dont fit dont force it just relax and let it go one by one the answers you seek will come. Are you ready to listen?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 09
You should read "Love Must be Tough" By Dr. James Dobson. It sounds like she has. Actually, the book is mainly for married couples but it also has a chapter for singles. It is one of the few books that I can say it changed my life...or at least my outlook on life.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Feb 09
Not a minute longer. This most likely is not the one for you. You have zeroed in on one thing: She hasn't grown up yet, and perhaps, she never will. If you are hot one day and cold the next, I don't have time for you--at all. There are other fish in the sea. This gal is mainly interested in watching guys get interested in them so she can cut them. It's an ego thing with her. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with such a person? I really don't think so. At least personally, if I were you.
• India
27 Feb 09
Oh come on, be a sport. If she doesn't want to grow up, think like a child. You know children won't come and speak to you on their own. So just give her what she wants. Take her for an ice cream. Just be her friend. If you truly love this girl, you wouldn't be any hurry... Don't wait for her, treat her as your best friend, someone special. Tell her small things why she's special to you, why you wait for her calls and messages. And if you still don't find her responding, When God says yes, he gives you good. When God says no, he gives you better. When God says WAIT, he gives you the BEST... (Really true)
@deejean06 (1952)
• United States
27 Feb 09
I don't think you should waste another minute of your life on unrequited love. After all you are a person too and you are important - your time is precious - spend it on people who care about you in return!
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Maybe you need to sit down with her and tell her how you feel. Maybe there is something bothering her that she is afraid to discuss with you. If there isn't that much communication at a time, how are you suppose to know how she feels, or let her know how you feel with out discussing the problem. Give it a try.
• United States
27 Feb 09
i think that you should talk to her about how you feel. tell her about your feelings, don't be to quick to break things off, it might be something in her life thats bothering her, and shes copping with it in a certain way, talk to her.
1 person likes this
@shanna34 (20)
• United States
27 Feb 09
As a woman, I have to tell you, I think you should move on. This will allow one of two things to happen. Either she will realize she can't use and abuse you anymore and will come to respect you for not putting up with it and want you back OR you will find someone who will treat you much better. It seems a win - win whatever happens. If your girl does not come back to you,that is okay, you can use the opportunity to find that person that is right for you. It may hurt for a while, but you will probably be happier in the end. Kick her to the curb and see what happens. Good luck with whatever you do.
1 person likes this
@Naylani (111)
• United States
27 Feb 09
You know what, I feel your pain and I have been in a similar situation and all I can say, is don't let her do this to you. You seem like a good person and should not put up with this kind of treatment. I would seem that she is the sort of person that probably enjoys playing games or perhaps she just doesn't know what she wants. You say you'll miss her if you break it off. what would you miss? It really doesn't seem like you have much of a relationship. life is too short to be with someone who is unable at this point in her life to give you what you need and deserve.I know it is easier said than done, but you have to make a decision to go on with your life possibly with out her, maybe once she sees you dating and enjoying yourself she may come around, but it is important not to base your happiness on the actions of someone else.
1 person likes this
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
27 Feb 09
What is sometimes the hardest thing for us to understand is that how we feel about someone else has nothing whatever to do with how they may feel about us. Just because you may like or even love her does not mean she may someday come to realize how great you are and come running. And it is most important for you to understand that your actions can often guarantee the opposite of what you want. If she has no interest in you then the more you approach her the more of a pest you will seem and guess what? You will loose any chance whatever of having a relationship with her. Relationships are a two way street. She has to feel the same for you or it will never ever work. The answer to your question is "no more". You could wait for the rest of your life and still be waiting. There is a statement that I think may apply here that I think you should seriously consider. "Give her the gift of missing you". Often absence will change the way a person feels about the other. Let's face it, being there all the time clearly has not worked for you so try the other approach. Make it appear you have lost interest. Hard to do I know but you may see a change in her you would never have suspected. Give it a try. What do you have to loose?
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
28 Feb 09
nuemann, You might think that you love her (since the feelings pretty much withstand a tremendous amount of time), but I am going give you my two cents which might let you consider otherwise. If your feelings, fails to initiate an action, then it is a mere fantasy. If it exists in fantasy, hence, it exists only in potentiality and not in actuality. Therefore, it cannot be considered as Love for Love must first exist in actuality and must be mutual. I will give you a simple philosophical analogy: Suppose we are hungry and we want to abate our hunger, our natural instinct will prompt us to eat. The existence of food (Love) and the act of consumption (Initiation of Love) must occur simultaneously before our hunger pangs will vanish and achieve satisfaction (Relationship). The entities by itself are meaningless unless they conjunct with one another and if we Love without acting, it's akin to having food without consuming - the hunger persist. We harbor fantasy for all sorts of things, people and dimensions. In fact, we might even lose track of our reality, especially when we abdicate our self awareness over such illusion. It's common for people who indulge in fantasy because we are unwilling to shatter this image by putting dreams into reality. We prefer to give beautiful descriptions about our worship with imaginary and wordings - many times, so perfect and immaculate that we know at the back of our mind if we were engage this extraordinary person in reality, we will gradually be forced to abandon our fantasy because nobody can be as perfect, other than the figure in our mental construct. The fantasy that we have grown to recognize and feel so intense for has completely supersede even the person per se. This ironic phenomenon is supported by a macabre veil of deep-rooted fear of rejection, overwhelming passiveness and gnawing narcissism. Think about it, as much as you have deemed this person to be significant over a vast period, she probably doesn't even care about your existence. You probably belong to the same rank as the stranger who brushed passed our shoulders everyday when we walk across the streets - the significance is almost negligible. The fact that this fantasy persisted because you continuously breathe life into it. Your refusal to discard the 'life machine' supporting this one-sided affair compromise your entire Love life as a whole. As such, it's likely that you have never been in a relationship before (a proper one) and because it's poignant to reckon that we are almost 'a clean sheet' in Love, the fantasy flourished as it merely take the space of the void that nothing is residing currently. You might think that nobody can invoke the kind of feelings, but I can tell you, a lot of that rationale comes from the fact that you are going around the market, asking for the duplication of your ideal product and as you are so focused to find this ideal product, everything else (which could be possible) are dismissed without adequate understanding. Hence without adequate understanding, it's no wonder the nurture and developmental aspect of Love never manifest in your life. Your time is better off getting to know new people or enhancing your socializing skills and opportunity to allow you to do just that. That strategy would pay off much better than lurking online and reveling in your narcissistic affection for her. Take care and have a nice day.