how do you handle a whinner?

If somebody is a chronic whiner, I avoid them. I avoid someone who used to be my friend because all they ever do is whine, whine, whine, whine, whine, and no matter what I do to try to cheer them up, they insist on being unhappy and complaining all of the time. I spent so much time trying to cheer them up, I realized they were making ME miserable. However, it's good to keep in mind that life isn't always rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes, as annoying as they are, whiners draw our attention to things that really do need to be changed. The problem is that even after that thing has been addressed, they just don't shut up...

I had to laugh when I read your question, I teach 25 7 year olds and the majority of them are whiners. It doesn't matter how great the activity is that they are supposed to be doing, how great the theatre production was, how nice school dinner was, they always find something to moan about. The absolutely worst thing they so however, is that they tell tales on each other. A few weeks ago, I decided to set some new rules with them so that they would be more positive towards each other, I only listened to tales about good things that happened in the playground and this has really helped. I just realised that you were probably referring more to adults. We have a complete moan in the staffroom too. She lives with her mum, pays no rent yet has the cheek to moan that she has no money. Basically she spens £1500 a month on her nails, hair, make up and eye lashes. She has got her commupence however, people now avoid her at lunch because her constant moaning is getting the rest of us down! She also makes up things that are wrong when she doesnt have any dramas because she doesnt want to seem boring. Perhaps if she just relaxed and was herself, people would warm to her much more.

I knew some of my friends are like that. Me too sometimes. But as I'm growing older I knew that whining all the time wont do me any good. So I start to look for positive things in my life. Much better than whinning.

Do you mean other than my kids? I use to have a friend that everytime I seen her she was complaining about something. We would go somewhere and she would always want to leave because something or another was wrong with her. Eventually every one we hung out with always said they didn't want her going. I felt bad for her, but eventually it started to drive me nuts too and I never wanted to do anything with her. Every conversation always had to be about her and all her problems. If I tried talking about me for a change she wouldn't listen or she would change the subject back to her.

Yes, I have a friend who is a whinner. She never did this as we were growing up, and stuff, but when life actually started being normal so to say she started to whine about everything. (When I say normal, I mean she had to work for her money, pay her own bills, and take care of her child, before so her dad paid her way threw life, until he realized he could no longer do this, and stopped). We live a distance apart now, but everytime I talk to her, it's the same ol same ol bull about how she's always gotta do this, or that, or can't do this because of it's her night to have her son and so on. It really annoys me, I am a suck it up type person and deal with what life hands me. Though I care for my friend, I had to confront her about this issue, becuase it was causing issues with ourfriendship, she learned to a point, which is good. Maybe the space I put there will make her see that everyone has problems and we all need to deal with them instead of sitting around whinning about them and having a pity party.

Actually whiners really annoy me. And I try my best not to become a whiner myself, not just because it might annoy other people, but also because it's just not helpful and it won't change anything about the situation that i'm in. Sometimes when I'm in the mood, I can be considerate and be patient with others who are whining, complaining about things that bother them. Sometimes these people just need someone to listen to them and when they're done, they'll stop and realize that it was just a complete waste of time to whine about he things that they were whining about. On the other hand, if I'm feeling tired and just not able to listen to a whining friend, sorry but I'll just have to snob them and walk away... I mean don't get me wrong. I'm only human. I can't act so nice when I'm feeling down and need to get some rest.

well, i suppose i used to be a whiner but now am very greatful for all i have. i tend to ignore whining in the most part and just walk away but if my children whine, i point out how lucky they are to have what they have.

[i]I have one office mate who was like this before and every time she was in the office, we end up just nodding to her but giving no comment... I am not comfortable with that especially when we have so much things to appreciate in life![/i]

If a person is a constant whiner, I do my best to avoid them. I got really concerned when one of my friends did an "about face" and became a whiner. She's always been the person that saw the bright side of everything and suddenly she couldn't see one single blessing in her life. I didn't avoid her, I tried to continually show her what was good in her life. I finally got really upset with her and spoke a little harshly to her. She began to re-evaluate her life on her own and is now slowly getting back to her old self. She had suffered one bad event after another for about 2 years and it finally just got to her, but she's better now.

I really do encounter that kind...and it affects my mood too. This is a sign of discontentment in life..How to handle them? wow!!! it's pretty hard because they will misunderstood it when we react to their whining. What I always do is just listen to them, I don't way anything..I will just look at them, and say nothing... they will keep quiet anyway, when you have no reaction to it..

Hi there, As they say, misery loves company. There is also one in every crowd. How do I handle these types of personalities? I ignore them as much as possible! If I am forced to interact with them, I usually give them lots of sarcasm.

Kenchi- I've had my share of people like this in my life. They are the types that after a time you just want to shake and say "Why can you not do something else other then whine?" Personally, I cut these people out of my life. Oh sure, we all have bad times and those friends I am close with know that we each share with one another without whining about how bad we've got it. Does this make sense? It's one thing to say "Hey, I'm going through a rough time, but I know that the plan of action I have to solve it is going to work", then to say "Oh woe is me". So, those that can find nothing good in their life, constantly whine about how bad they have it, and are always upset over my good fortune or another's good fortune I simply don't hang around with any longer. Namaste-Anora

It all depends on how important that person is to me. If he is a very close relative of mine, I talk tough and admonish him for his penchant. If he is a close friend, I criticize him and advise him to look into his own personality and do introspection. If he is not a close friend or relative, I avoid him. If he is a boss or a customer, I empathize with him.(What to do?!) If he is a supplier or a subcontractor who depends on me, I show faces at him and cut him half way. If it is myself, I make sure that I repeat my whining to as many person as possible per day!

Yeah, some people are definitely energy drainers, you have to protect yourself. Wha-Wha-Wha. I had my good friend from my home call the other day, whinning about the same drama I told her she creates and keep fueled herself ect... she sent me email saying thanks for listening and of course as always I'm right not sugar coating when I talk to her, but she will probably never change she lives to live in drama.

I just get up and walk out. Life's too short to put up with people who whine about every little thing. Hey, if I did the same thing, people would get up and walk away from me, so that's why I don't do it. If no one would listen to me doing that, why should I put up with someone else who does it? Good question.

I have had some in my life...most of the time they get on my nerves so bad I usually try not to hang out with them....I like being around positive people...whinners....they wouldn't appreciate anything you did for them anyway...I like friendships etc that are two way and so if you do something for them...they thank you and do something back...

There are some people in life who enjoy whinning and gaining peoples sympathy. They are the ones who look for attention from anyone and this is the best way to gain it. You may feel sympathetic to them initially, but if they keep whinning all the time, it becomes irritating and I run a mile if I saw them c oming. Not being rude, but we all have our problems and I really couldnt be bothered of someone elses who has nothing better to do than to whine.

I dislike them intensely. These people like to exaggerate, blow things out of proportion; and I never know whether they are really in trouble or just whining! I have such a colleague, and I'm often sarcastic with her when she whines. When she complained about a problem, I'd voice my opinion/suggestions and tell her to stop whining and do something about the problem. Anyway, she has stopped whining to me; maybe she has found someone else to whine to.

people talk negatively all of the time, but too much negative talk and complaining can be really annoying for anyone around them. if someone seems to whine and complain too much about things, maybe you should tell them.:? try not to offend them, but let them know that they should at least try to be more positive, although that can be a rude thing to ask someone.:/ But if the person is really overboard in how much they "whine", then maybe it's called for. After all, there are a lot of rude people who would just tell them to shut up if they're whining. I think that would be the rude thing to do, but just telling them to cheer up in a caring way might make them feel better, and it will probably make it easier for you to be around them too.

Give them a disarming advice, that turns their problems into mole hills.