is it so bad not to greet my friend happy birthday?
@princessbadge75 (28)
Philippines
March 3, 2009 3:54pm CST
i have a friend from high school who, for some years now have been forgetting my birthday. i'd wait for the entire day but no greeting.i would call her and she says,oh i forgot!i would usually say,oh-it's ok.she is also my son's grandparent.when my son was baptized,she didnt come due to distance (we live 8 hours apart if you measure this by travel time). it also was the reason why she didnt come when my son celebrated his 1st birthday.now that we are in the same city and she will just have to travel about an hour and she didnt attend my son's second birthday again,it has irritated me and has got me angry with her.i feel she has no more reason not to be able to attend.we now live in the same city,an hour travel compared to 8!when i asked her after the celebration,she said she texted that day that she will not be able to attend since her boyfriend is not available(i didnt get her text though).when i first invited her for this event,she asked if i invited her ex-boyfriend and i said no.so i waited for 2 weeks to hear from her about her not coming,but i couldnt keep getting angry for long so i decided to text her and let her know how i feel-being disappointed that she didnt come,didnt answer my calls,nor returned my calls,texted back,etc.her reasons made me depressed even more. i still believe that if there is a will, there is a way.
IT'S HER BIRTHDAY TOMORROW,BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE GREETING HER. is it so bad?
2 responses
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
3 Mar 09
I honestly don't see what the big deal is about celebrating birthdays. I think it's more of a day to appreciate your parents for giving birth to you but I know I am just the odd ball here for thinking this. Friendship is a weird thing and I don't really know how close you guys are but maybe things are changing between you guys. If getting a birthday greeting is that important for you and if she is sees you as an important friend she would understand and let you know. I think it's pretty childish if you don't greet her tomorrow just because she didn't do it for you... but if your reasons for not doing it is because you don't see her as important anymore then that is more reasonable. I think it's a silly thing to fuss over.
@princessbadge75 (28)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
actually,Lore 2009,it is her presence that we are looking forward to.here in the philippines,presence of family and close friends are important to us.as for this post,she has always been absent to even the birthdays of our children where she is a godparent.my other friend's daughter is already 6 years old now.people who remember us on our birthdays become like an indicator of your worth to that persons life.a person who greets you says a lot.that that person sees you as valuable in her/his life.
i havent seen her for so long,like 2 years already.that,in the philippines is really long esp because we are in the same city-Manila,if you have heard of it.it is actually more of her being present to my son who is her godson that im hurting more about.and true,it is a question of-are we really friends? or just friends in name?once/twice,she called me and we talked long because she is having a boyfriend problem.i have another discussion worded differently because i thought this was not posted.if you see that,you might get a clearer picture.im actually just hurting, sad and distant and confused so this question here.
but thank you for your comment and time.
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
5 Mar 09
I'm sorry that you are really hurt about this and you are right that I don't understand how much she meant to you personally and culturally. I think you should let her know how much she is hurting you from her behaviors... if that is possible for you. It sounds to me that she is lacking her responsibility on keeping a meaningful friendship that is defined in celebrating birthdays in your culture. You should let her know and see how she responds... and then maybe you can see what she's really thinking. Best wishes and good luck.
@princessbadge75 (28)
• Philippines
15 Mar 09
hi lore2009. i did tell her how i felt after my son's birthday.she said we bear with her for not being able to come to such occassions.i guess it is the option that i am left with.we are not talking till now.so i guess our friendship is on the rocks, sady.i still hope someday,things will be back to normal.i sometimes wonder why boyfriends can sometimes be hindrances to friendships!ah,thank you for your thoughts and time, i appreciate it.
@kbmsaylor (94)
• United States
5 Mar 09
i feel your pain on this one. i have sorta the same situation, except my friend never moved back (not yet anyways). from the time her son was born (she was 16, now 24) we were very good friends. hung out all the time, we were basically inseparable. i babysat for her numerous times while she worked, and sometimes when she had a date. i watched her kids for the summer while she was working and going to school. my son was 6 months old when she moved away. i haven't seen her since, she's been back home a few times. i've invited her to my sons bday party ( i didn't think she'd be able to come, because of the distance, but i figured i would atleast invite her). she didnt even call to say she got the invite. or send him a card or anything. so in return, i didn't send cards to her kids (kinda felt bad cuz i do love those kids), but i figured what was the point, if you can't acknowledge me and my kid, y should i return ? theres been mabye MAYBE 5 phone calls in the last year or so. (she knows i don't have long distance to call her). she finally started coming around a little bit via the internet, but even that is rare.
i feel kinda bad, because we were such close friends, but it kinda feels like our friendship has been put in the closet and forgot about.
i know people change when they move/get married etc, but shouldn't you still make time for your old friends? even a quick note/call?
i did send her a bday card on her last bday... and i think she sent me a christmas card, just signed names, no little message or nothing which was kind of disappointing. it's a really tough call when it comes to friends. i would say, give her a chance (like im doing)... she'll eventually come around. if you don't feel like talking to her tomorrow, maybe just send her a text saying happy birthday.
i wish there was an easy answer to this, but it's all in how you feel, so it's kinda your call.
@princessbadge75 (28)
• Philippines
15 Mar 09
hi kbmsaylor.thank you for this.i want you to know i read this just now.im not online all the time you see. but thank you.i felt ok knowing someone out there who i dont really know understands and knows how i feel at this point.i didnt greet her on the day itself but a day after,via text.but i got no reply.i guess she was hurt about what i said,that i was disappointed because she is my friend and that she hasnt been showing up to occassions like this.she also texted my other friend saying we bear with her for not showing up.our guess is that,she is avoiding our company probably because she is the only one not married.or my theory is that she was the brightest among them 3 way back in elementary years but the other two are more successful than her today,i guess it is a pride issue.im not so sure,but it's my hunch since she has all reasons not to go or to meet us. it is hard.i was chatting with my friend some days ago and checked on her about this matter and she feels our other friend (the one closest to me) is smart and beautiful but too private and hiding.it is a phase / stage we do have to go through i guess.i am not sure where this will lead,but i am hoping that something good will come out someday.
i am giving her the space that she probably needs now and the months to come.when we are all ready,we might be able to meet up again. i'll post that when it comes. for now,prayers are all that we can rely on for whatever is happening.
again, my thanks!
