should or should not you hide yur feelings ?

@krajibg (11932)
Guwahati, India
March 18, 2009 10:55am CST
Sometime it becomes necessary to hide our true feelings. Ethics says that if it is unpleasant and hurting someone' feeling even if it is true, better not to divulge. Besides if the people do not wish to listen unpleasant about them it is advisable not to tell. But if the issue covers the interest of a greater lot in the society and it is harmful as well, one should not desist from telling the truth. What is your take on this? Rajib.
16 people like this
58 responses
@venchaul (541)
• China
18 Mar 09
this is a good topic! I think sometimes it is better for us to hide our true feeling for one. This is not to cheat but love, which we call it "white lie". I hope I can keep the negative feeling hidden and let him or her fly freely.
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Hi there, yes it is not bad to tell the 'white lie' which harms none. Thanks a lot for the response.
4 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
18 Mar 09
There certainly are times to hold our tongues, to agree to disagree, to avoid criticism and conflict. Unlike western culture the asians are not expressive and demonstrative and prefer to bottle up their feelings. They prefer to keep their silence. Way too many marriages and other important relationships turn stale and ugly or simply end because of too much is left unsaid. It is not only the positive things that we need to say, it's the concerns, the frustrations, the hurts, and the feelings that need to get out, get aired, get communicated, get understood. We should express our feelings openly. Keeping it to ourselves will only raise our BP.
5 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Very well put zandi. This has been our problem that we are not that vocal as the western people are. We keep a lot within ourselves which even if aired or flashed would bot harm any one but we are silent. Even if we are happy or not is not known as we hardly open up. This bottled up thing is too bad. It indirectly harms us instead. Thanks a lot.
4 people like this
@dragon54u (31628)
• United States
18 Mar 09
In this case, it pays to be tactful. You need to tell that person in a way that they won't take offense. For instance, if a person wears inappropriate clothing you can tell them that you really like their sense of style but they wear it so well that it is distracting for the other workers.
4 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Yes, this is called killing two birds with stone. Nice suggestion. Thank you very much.
3 people like this
@TLChimes (4838)
• United States
18 Mar 09
Telling the whole truth, sparing some one's feelings, and hiding my feelings are related but really different subjects. Some people feel that You must tell the whole truth. I'm ok with that IF you use tact. There is a time and place for certain things, the way you word things changes the tone of it and how much hurt it costs. Things like that must be thought of. You can spare some one's feelings with out resorting to lying by either finding a positive, or using tact, care with your words. Instead of say "yes it's a nice dress but it gives you a big belly." you say "that color is great on you" Hiding my feelings has nothing to do with anyone else. I do that to spare myself... to spare an argument, to spare tears, to spare myself having to deal.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Hi! Yes, this too could be a nice tool to deal with. You are a bit diplomatic and left the rest to be understood by the persons concerned. It is really good to tell the fact in frankness than to resort to a lie. This would harm either party. Thanks for witty response.
1 person likes this
@sharay (2769)
• India
18 Mar 09
Haan, kabhi kabhi karna padtha hai...but mostly, about 80% of the time, i dont hide my feelings no matter what the consequences are and for this same reason i am being hated by some people and loved by some people
2 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Han kenha to padta hei but if that spoil someone's happiness? I appreciate people who are straight no mater they like you or not. So as some like you and some do not the sum is a zero. Not bad.
3 people like this
@sharay (2769)
• India
18 Mar 09
Not at all if someone else's life is involved
@checapricorn (16049)
• United States
27 Mar 09
Hi kra, I am very frank and straight but when I will feel that it will not help the situation, I will rather keep what I think and hope that the person will realize in different ways, not coming from me...
2 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi, this could a way too. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Hello Rajib! I do agree with you. Being too tactless or frank is not good sometimes. When talking, we should also consider other people's feeling. We should be very careful with every words that came out to our mouth. I am always careful when talking or when saying something to that person. There are person who are too sensitive and that's what I am careful about.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi aisaellis, Just the way and you are right. some people are really sensitive and Do not know what would come over them. It is therefore better to be in one's heel so that our words do not hurt any one. thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
Hey there! For me there are things that can be hidden, at least for a while, and there are those that should be bold. Like what you said, if it affect a greater number of people, even if it may have a bad effect on others, it should divulge to the people. For me, personally, it depends on the situation that I am in. If the situation is like I'm the one being pointed out with the wrong then I'll not hesitate to tell what I feel to defend myself specially if I know that what they are accusing me of is not true and malicious.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi, this sound wise. If it involves a lot number of people in the society and if it is kept under the carpet the society could suffer and therefore telling the right thing is the best option. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
• China
20 Mar 09
Hi, Rajib, your express is quite reasonable aiming to this topic. Most of time, we should make a consideration on thier feelings by putting ourself in their shoes, if it is good for them, but they would be not willing to listen, I think it is better to tell them. Our final purpose is for the good for them, though we will be blamed by them, I will do it, too. So how do you think of it?
2 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi , this is true that only when you put yourself in my boot you would fel the feel that I do. Very well said. Thanks a lot for the response.
• United States
18 Mar 09
I think in most cases, it is best to say what is on your mind. In the end, if you do not, it could come back to hurt you. It is also a nice feeling to get something off your chest. I have to say that sometimes it is better not to say anything. If you know that someone will be very hurt by what you have to say and there is no real reason for saying it, it may be better to keep the information to yourself.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
28 Mar 09
yes I too believe in your point. If it is useless and not important there is no need to speak out.
@celticeagle (124393)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Mar 09
I think truth and honesty win out in anything. To save feelings? Why? To be a true friend or whatever it is important and ethical to always tell the truth. Truth will win out 9 times out of ten. I have had some bad scrapes in this area. Truth made me look like a fool, even made others upset with me[if you can imagine] but it is something to stand by and respect.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (124393)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Mar 09
Okay. And what are you going to do once you have him. Lie your way into something you may be sorry for later? Think it out. Life is short. You could be wasting precious time.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hello Celticeagle! well you said truth wins 9 times out of ten. you are correct. But is it necessary to tell the truth when you know that your effort in being honest and truthful someone's life is getting jeopardised. What would you do is such case?
2 people like this
@celticeagle (124393)
• Boise, Idaho
19 Apr 09
I would tell the truth. The truth regardless of any reason is always the best tack to take. Later on when you think on it and wonder if you did the right thing the truth should win out. It should win because it is right and it helps positive things grow. KARMA is our friend and it will always be in my back pocket right next to truth and justice.
• United States
19 Apr 09
Unless it is better that i keep my true feelings hidden so the propper revenge is executed, I think it is better to express your true feelings, There is a way to tell a person something unpleasant without trying to hurt their feelings,It is so much better to have the truth out in the open than have it hidden.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi, you seem right logically. But unfortunately the machine of life does not obey the steering always and we go wayward. There is no doubt that you express out your feeling but what if that ruins somebody's well established home? can not you try to bury them in your chest and forget what you knew. Just think.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Apr 09
You mean if I Knew a secret that could ruin a friends happy home? I would Never tell.I don't see this as lying but keeping a secret.
@patzel88 (3311)
• Philippines
19 Apr 09
yes there are some reasons why we hide our feelings because we think that it is not a right time to tell to the person what really the true feeling we have. And sometimes it become too late for us because of some circumstances that being occurred in the situation.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi, Yes that is true. Thanks for the response.
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
19 Apr 09
so much depends on the situation and your relationship to that person.....the timing of your moment of "honesty", your intent etc. It is a fine line between being blatantly honest and just plain tacky. It also depends on if you were asked for your opinion. Some people go around speaking their unsolicited truths claiming to be honest when in fact they are just plain rude and mean. I work in the public and I have been a victim of this type of "honesty". Ok so I am well aware that I have a big zit smack in the middle of my chin. Is it ok to be honest and tell me that you see it...remind me that it is there just in case I got my mind off it for a minute? That is just an example but come on...keep that sort of stuff to yourself. Unless you are a close friend and are trying to help, then there is no need to open up critisism on another person just to let them know their negatives. Now if the truth about the person is really in the greater interest of the community....say you know something of this person that others would benefit from knowing...do tell. You have to think before speaking on whether divulging your true feelings will have any positive affect. This is actually a case by case question.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hello sid, very well argued. Yes if it has some bearing on the social issue and not divulging the truth could cause harm to the greater interest it is compulsive that you tell it. Or else there is no necessity to be candid and beat your own drum. Thank you for the elaboration.
@xParanoiax (6997)
• United States
19 Apr 09
Case-by-case basis. If it's potentially physically harmful, then obviously it's better to keep a low profile until you can get out of that situation. If it'll lead to worsening a crisis situation, it's better to keep yourself together, to be real but to try to radiate strength for those around you to calm the situation and keep everyone level to deal. In every day life, and all our various kinds of relationships with people...it's your call. But mostly I think honesty's best in this case. The key is to have an outlet for expression somewhere, elsewise, none of it's super good for you. It helps to be aware and thinking about your actions and observant of yourself.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi Paranoia, very lucid elaboration on the topic. Yes honesty is the best but sometime we need to focus on other aspect of the things too. Thanks for responding.
@subha12 (18449)
• India
30 Mar 09
It depend on the situation. If you are not hurting others' interest and also your own, you can also make your feelings known. But I will rather try to think about situation.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi subha, it really depends on the situation. Thanks a lot for the response.
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
29 Mar 09
Sometimes you have to say what you are feeling or thinking but other times it is possible that you don't need to say something that might hurt someone's feelings. What always bothers me is when someone insists on an answer when you really don't want to tell them something, and it isn't all that important anyway. It usually depends on the situation and what is being said and who is involved in the conversation whether something has to be said. My mother taught me that if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all.
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi, what is necessary and involves the greater people's interest one has to speak the truth but if your being to true yourself by telling the truth would break a relation would it be worthwhile telling. Thanks for the nice post.
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4804)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I just responded to a previous post that the thing I dislike most about anyone is lying. However, I do not consider keeping your mouth shut is always lying. The policy of "Don't ask. Don't tell" is frequently the best. When I was a teenager my mother gave me this advice, "Don't ever lie to anyone, but you don't always have to tell everything you know, either."
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi, this is fantastic approach indeed. One is not supposed to speak the truth to every one. Thanks a lot for the response.
@suzzy3 (8349)
20 Mar 09
Do what I do hear no evil.do no evil. and say no evil ,it could be construd as gossip and scandel mongering so follow my rules, and stay safe,unless you know the murderers name then tell the police.xx
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Ho you are on the dotage. Thanks a lot for your response.
@bbeiwu (11)
• China
20 Mar 09
In my opinion,without violating the principle of circumstances are required in good face lie.For example,If a lie is not harmful anyone,but make somebody happy,why not do?
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11932)
• Guwahati, India
19 Apr 09
Hi, yes, if the lie is a harmless there is no problem revealing it out Thanks for the response.