I Am Humbled

@CatsandDogs (13964)
United States
March 27, 2009 5:35pm CST
To all of you who've responded to my post titled "Mom called me last night" thank you from the top to the bottom of my heart for telling me how you feel for I'm very humbled! I do agree with you that because my parents are so ill and their time is near, it is no doubt the right thing to do which is to let the issue with my brother(s) go, at least for now so they can have peace for the rest of their days. I will heed that advice because it isn't just about me anymore, which I already knew but sometimes a person needs a good talking to to get their head on straight again. I thank you all for that!! ((((HUGS)))) May I add some more things so that you might get a better understanding? I'm still going to heed your advice from my previous discussion but still, I wanted to explain more so you get a better idea of what happened. Before hubby retired and was still in Arkansas in the Army, I was in North Carolina living in our new house waiting for hubby to retire and come home so I was here alone till hubby got here. He still had 6 months to go before he retired. My brothers knew this but yet, one of them, the low life one came down and helped his step son and his new wife to move into their apartment during one weekend. He KNEW I was here alone but did he come and see me? NO. I was just an hour to an hour and a half away and he couldn't come and see his only sister? NO he could not. Here I've been gone for 15 years, coming home in spurts of maybe once or twice every 3, 4, 5 years so now that I'm closer to our home town, my dear brother was able to help his step son and his new wife to move, we're all in the same state and yet he couldn't come and see me knowing full well that I'm all alone. Mom and dad hadn't moved down here yet, that happened the following summer. How do I know this? DAD TOLD ME! I was up at their place for some reason, I can't remember and he took me aside and told me that he's going to tell me something that he thought I should know and told me that my brother was just down there helping his step son move and didn't come and see me. Now if dad can't handle an argument then why the hell did he tell me about that? I honestly don't get it. It's like one side is white and the other is black. Sorry but it's not washing so yeah, I'm getting conflicting information here, you know? So how do I decipher it all? Granted, it happened two years ago but still, it happened and now he wants to "ride" this argument out till it dies out. Well I can ride it but it's NOT going to die out but I won't bother my parents about it anymore but at the same time, dad needs to keep some things to himself or expect what happens or take care of the problem himself. I don't mean to sound harsh but deg gone it, what did he expect?
3 people like this
6 responses
• United States
27 Mar 09
As you are aware of family problems I had I think the best advice I got and which I took to heart so I am passing it on to you are as it really works...Let Go and Let God!
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
27 Mar 09
AMEN to that!! You're so right on that whiteheather!! That's what I'm going to do too. Another thing, if you see my newest discussion, please disregard the bold nonsense at the bottom. Something went wrong with it that it bolded that part instead of the parts I wanted bolded. ARG!! lol It looks weird but I didn't do it. The discussion itself is fine but how it got bolded I don't know. Too weird.
2 people like this
• China
28 Mar 09
now I know the reason why you are mad at your brother. how was the relationship between you and your brother before? had anything happened between you and your brother? if the two of you were in a good relationship, there is no way he did not come to visit you when you were living alone! have you found out the reason? however, I don't think you you should take it for granted that he should visit you because you were alone. the levels of closeness are different. child is closer than siblings. anyway, get it off your chest would make you happier.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
28 Mar 09
Trust me on this, that is NOT the only reason I'm upset with my brother!! Besides, it's his STEP son, no relation what so ever. I'm his sister in every relation possible. Same mother and same father so yeah, I take it for granted that he should come and see me! I've been gone for most of 15 years!! Another thing, my brother has done some very hurtful things to me that I cannot forget. I've kept quiet to keep the peace but NO MORE! I'm tired of being treated like I'm no better than the dirt on his shoe!! And I refuse to be treated in such a way any longer! Now if you want to know more about my low life brother, check out some of my discussions about his dirty deeds and then tell me I shouldn't feel the way I do. No pun intended but damn, I'm tired of being treated like sh!t!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
28 Mar 09
Hey Cats - I am so pleased that you have decided to ignore the situation and make the best of things for now - I do think that it i for the best even though I can understand why you feel the way you do! It takes a lot of strength to be the bigger person and consider everyone around them rather than letting their anger and resentment out and upsetting lots of people around them. I know you have that strength and am pretty sure that your brother doesn't so good for you! No need to thank people here - we are here to let you vent and to try and support you as well as giving our take on the situation - you do the very same for your friends after all! WEll done you - I am proud of you (know that sounds patronising but is not meant in that way) Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
28 Mar 09
Hey Cats I just had to add something here and I do hope that you do not take it in the wrong way but it means a lot to me. I saw some response where someone made a big deal of this being his stepson and you his real sister and that really upset me. My other half and I got together days after my sons 4th birthday and he has helped me raise him ever since, my son and I came as a package and he was my first priority - I would never have got together with anyone if they could not have accepted my son and made him as much a part of their lives as our own child is, My other half does treat my son and our daughter differently but only because there is a big age gap and they are different children - our daughter has no preferential treatment because of who her father is! I have a sister who has fostered kids for almost 30 years too (she has 3 grown children of her own and 2 of her adopted children are now also adults) and still does today. I was very upset a few years ago when I discovered that other family members didn't treat these foster children as much a part of the family as my sisters own children - I always have and to do otherwise to me is wrong! Sorry I get pretty fired up on this subject and had to put my feelings down! Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
28 Mar 09
Oh mummymo, I didn't take any of what you said as patronizing at all but please let me explain a little more then maybe you'll understand a little better. I do understand why you'd get fired up about that comment however, my mother has taken in 60 some foster kids herself, not all at once but over a course of 30 years or so. Some were babies and some were grown kids and I accepted each and every one of them as a sister or brother. In fact, my parents raised two boys but didn't adopt them because they wanted to keep their family's name which was very understandable. They did adopt a girl however, she's no longer in our lives anymore - HER choice so I don't consider her as my sister as I once did. My grandmother never accepted her as my sister and we got into it about it and I told her just because she's not blood related doesn't make her any less my sister. Besides, family isn't always about blood kin. Also I do understand about having a son and not being with the child's father so you were free to date or marry another man as you wish however, your son does come first and that you two are a package deal and that the man in your life would have to accept that and treat any future children and the present all as his own. I do totally agree with that. One other thing, I dated a guy who had two boys however, one was severely mentally retarded. He didn't even see his children unless there was a get together with the family. His ex was so unbearable to deal with but I initiated his son to start coming over if he wanted to so he could spend some time with his dad and of course his brother too. That didn't happen until about a month or two later then he came every weekend and spent time with us or just his dad. I told my boyfriend that his kids come before me no matter what EXCEPT for one thing and that's if they wanted to go fishing but I was so sick and needed to see a doctor, then I come first but only then do I come first. So please don't misunderstand me in this issue for I'm with you all the way!! It just didn't come out right is all.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
29 Mar 09
Sorry I got it wrong cats sweety - I should have known better! Guess it is just after being shocked at the way some of my family members treated both my adopted and fostered nieces and nephews I am very sensitive on this subject! Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@academic2 (7005)
• Uganda
28 Mar 09
I have a brother whose wife is tearing our family into little pieces because she came with a son, and my brother against all counsel, is being forced to take an unecessary responsibility over this step son of his. The boy is almost a criminal, stealing, beating up folks, selling off home property etc, but everytime we talk about this notorious boy, my brother under the influence of his wife, never just listens and like your case,we see him closer to his step son than to his own children from another marriage, let alone us who are his real siblings. This case scenario is probably the same reason your brother is detached from you, his real blood sister. He is being influenced by someone, if he is living with his wife who is the mother of this step son, then you probably know who is influencing him already. I want to reiterrate the already advanced pieces of advice, dont let the behavior of your brother stress you-you need a happy space my friend, get on with life and connect with other family members who care and just move on with your life.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
29 Mar 09
EXACTLY! My oldest brother used to say that our brother would think with the wrong head! LMBO!! But it's true!! Let me tell you one of MANY ways he's hurt me. You won't believe this one. This same brother owns a band and my oldest brother plays in it with him. Long story but it could've been both of theirs but my oldest brother didn't want it so dad gave it to the other one. They've made a few CD's.... good for them BUT the last one really takes the cake! It's called "A lifetime together" and it has our parents on the front back when they were dating and then on the inside left there's a picture of both of my brothers as kids in cowboy gear then on the right side is their keyboard player as a kid. On the back is HIS WIFE as a kid goofing off with a piano!! I'm the only one left out!! I AM his sister through and through but yet, my picture isn't in it anywhere!! Oh but the reason is because 1) She's playing the piano and 2) she put 5 thousand dollars towards getting the CD made!! Well EXCUUUUUUUSE me!! Blood kin doesn't matter one bit but money sure counts for something!! Talking about hurt?! Damn am I ever so hurt!! My friends have seen it and ask, where I'm at so I quit showing it around because it's quite embarrassing as hell!! Does he know about this? No because I don't want to draw the spot light on me because it'll make me look vain and I'm so faaaar from being vain and best reason is because he'll have an excuse because he has an excuse for everything damn thing he's ever done and frankly, I don't want to hear it! If you want to see the band, it's called Southern Winds Band and it's on the web.
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12646)
• United States
28 Mar 09
Ahhh Cats, what are friends for. I feel we can and have become friends with lots of us here. If you a friend sometimes you need to tell your friend your honest opinion. you can do it in a friendly way, friends do not always have to agree on everything. We know how hurt you have been by all the crap, we also know that you have a big heart and you bend over backwards for your parents. We are on the outside looking in, we can be objective about it, your heart and emotions are involved, its harder for you to be objective. Your brothers just aren't worth you getting upset about them or taking a chance with your health or your parents health. Am I making any sense, I hope so. Take care hun, its going to get better.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
28 Mar 09
I try to do the right thing no matter what it is because what if the shoe were on my foot? I'd want to be treated fairly and right too. I'm not looking for praise or anything of the sort but dang, some recognition or some defense would help a great deal. Gee, I called my brother up a few months ago and told him that I had bought a couple of outfits for mom and that dad needs t-shirts and socks and what did he do? He called them up and asked mom about it! As if I'd lie about something like that!! So of course mom would say "oh no, we're fine" so did he buy him any of that? Hell no! So we did! My brother is an a-hole to the letter! Gee, I'm down here with them so I think I know what they need and not need!! I will not, I refuse to tell him anything more. If they need something then I'll get it. Some how some way, they'll get it. To hell with my brother!! ARG!!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (125592)
• United States
28 Mar 09
Your question about your dad's motives is justified, but you still have to be willing to let it go. It is immature behavior for him to run tattle to you and probably to your brother as well. He is playing one end against the other, possibly wanting to guarantee that you both will love him and be loyal. It is not right, but that is how some people operate. I hope writing this discussion helps you turn it loose.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
28 Mar 09
I'm going to let it go, for now anyways but the pain will always be there because he is my brother and siblings are suppose to care for each other but not all do obviously and dad's are suppose to set an example and sometimes they make mistakes too and I realize that but he knew what the consequences would be by telling me so why did he and now expects me to let it all go? But being his health is so bad and so is mom's, I'll let it go. Now if I can get hubby to go along with me is another thing.....
1 person likes this