Can I get him back, and should I even try.

United States
April 5, 2009 11:38am CST
My boyfriend and I broke up. He is now with my friend! He said he loved me (and still does) but now he knows he loves her. I both hate him and love him right now. He has been sending me mixed messages like "I love her, she's the one" to "maybe you and I will be back someday" It's really annoying. But I still want him back. And there is so much more drama to this story. He's actually on parole and about to be evicted from his half way house. He said "she" (his new gf) was "totally ok with it" and it surprised him. I told him I was too and he already knew that. It's a really confusing story. But I still believe we can be together again. I want him back real badly. But in some ways I'm also not sure I ever want to see him again.
2 people like this
26 responses
@sunita64 (6470)
• India
6 Apr 09
Are you sure he is in love with other girl, may be he is simply making you jealous to see that how much you love him. If he is really in love with another person it is better to leave such a person, it will be difficult but constantly remaining miserable in life is something very devastating.
• United States
7 Apr 09
Ya, that would be worse.
• United States
5 Apr 09
Truthfully i can understand that you still love him, but the fact that he stooped so low as to date your friend is unforgiveable. I would never want a man back who dated my friend. That's wrong on so many levels. I hope your still not friends with this girl who was supposed to be your friend. She is not really a friend.
• United States
7 Apr 09
She has no idea he and I were ever going out.
• United States
5 Apr 09
Your emotions are getting the better of you. You need to take some me time to get to know yourself better. This man is with your friend you said. That is not your friend at all. he is not the man for you and never was. He was sleeping with you and she was your friend knowing how he made you feel. No woman who knows her worth would ever tolerate such behaviors. Your low self worth is going to get you in trouble real fast. he is heading down a road for you to end up supporting him. Please get out and stay out you can do bad by yourself.
• United States
7 Apr 09
Actually it is not her fault, she had no idea we were going out. We were together in secret so he never actually told her.
• United States
5 Apr 09
RUN...GIRL...RUN Any guy that would go out with your friend first of all is not worth going after. Even if the two of you get back together, will you ever be able not to wonder what he is thinking everytime he says hi to one of your girlfriends???? He says he has feelings for her and for you, he can't have it both ways. He's playing games as most (not all) men do. You have to be strong enough to listen to your head and not your heart. Do you really want to have a life with someone who can not give you a stable life and who really does not care about your feelings (telling you that he thinks he's in love with your friend - how would he feel if you told him that you thought you were in love with one of his friends). You are worth so much more, give yourself a chance to let that man who will treat you like you deserve to be treated come into your life. But that man will not come into your life if you are wasting time getting involved with a person whom clearly does not care about hurting your feelings. Hope it works well for you. Take Care and Blessings to All
• United States
7 Apr 09
It's really difficult right now, because both my head and my heart want him more than anything. And at the same time wish he would die, but not really.
@savypat (20245)
• United States
5 Apr 09
I know your emotions are involved, but have you really thought this thing through? Do you have so little regard for yourself that you are willing to stick around someone who threats you like this? If nothing else this guy doesn't seem to be able to make up his mind. If he can't do it now think of how bad it will be to be tied to him in the future.
@soulist (2986)
• United States
15 Apr 09
I agree with savy. I think you really need to step back and think this through. He keeps telling you he loves your friend, but then turns around and says he loves you. Sounds to me like he is playing both you and your friend and doesn't know what he wants. You do not want to be with a guy that acts like this. How can you trust him completely that he isn't saying the same thing to someone else?
• United States
21 Apr 09
Remember how powerful the mind is. We operate on feelings alot of the time instead of waiting to simmer down or clear our heads. There are natural possesive properties to alot of our personalities. Being in the middle of your situation is in not easy. All the red flags of trust start flying and you wonder if he thinks he can get the best of both worlds or is he playing it cool and respectful by holding faithful to his new endevour. Whatever the situation may have escalated to this point please remember to be honest with yourself. Absense makes the heart grow fonder true enough. But it only takes a short amount of time for us to forget what was the matter in the first place. Do something for yourself today that makes you feel pretty. Embrace the seperation by surrounding yourself around close friends and family and let this time be for you to reflect on what you need to work on. I hope this helps..
• United States
21 Apr 09
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@substance (588)
• India
6 Apr 09
I think its no use crying over spilled milk. Get over him and since you are still young, there are lots of other fishes in the sea.
@syankee525 (6293)
• United States
6 Apr 09
ok here is my thing, he and your friend are wrong for hooking up. to me friends just do that its wrong. but he to me seem like he's playing both of you ladies and its wrong too
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Well, the aspects of whether you still love him, he still loves you, his current situation and all that aside there's a very important thing you need to look at. He has cheated on you. He's broken the trust the two of you had. Now some ppl can move past that and give a second chance. However most men follow the rule that "once a cheater, always a cheater", not all men but most men. Also some men, once they know you'll let the cheating slide, will continue to cheat b/c they know they can get away with it. You need to decide if this is really the type of man you want. Also if he is saying he loves her but that maybe the two of you will get back together one day, that tells me that he is trying to hold on to you as a backup...in case it doesn't work out with her. Personally my ex b/f was a cheater, I decided that I deserved someone better and we broke up. He married a girl he was cheating on me with, had a kid with her and still cheats on her. I met my Hubby, got married and we have a very good marriage where neither of us cheats. It's always hard to break up with someone but sometimes you have to do what is best for you. [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
@PinkyPosh (226)
• Canada
6 Apr 09
Hey..what I feel is, either he is confused and is confusing you... or.. He is sure not to leave both.. i.e, have a string on both of you. I would suggest you to just let go this. You will definitely find a nice person than him. It will be difficult fore you in the begining and in the times when ui are lonely... So make sure you are engaged in some work or always have companions around. But I would prefer you to stay off from him. Don't be dancing to his tunes.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
6 Apr 09
I think it may sound rude, but it seems he was not never your. He exploited your feelings. he took advantage of you. time will heal the pain.
@axibal (63)
• Philippines
6 Apr 09
hey,there are many guys out there who deserves you and your love. your ex-boyfriend doesn't deserve you. find another guy who would truly loves you. get up and move on.
• India
6 Apr 09
Am amused, to find someone in a similar situation like mine own. Haha. My gf left me an year ago, is with another guy, but still keeps in touch, sometimes like she needs me and other times just for no reason. I am totally confused about what to do, whether to get back with her and if yes how to get back. Things a real confusing, but there's one thing that I have found out in my struggle with my heart, there had been my mistakes along with her own that lead to this drift. May be I may never get back with her, but all I now want to do is to not to fall for another relationship unless I correct my mistakes and fulfill all my promises. Only then can I be sure of what to do next. I am currently trying hard to keep in mind the past and improve myself on every scale. Only after this transformation can I ever see my life clear enough and if she is in my fate then we will cross lines again. Hope you find some help Take Care God Bless YOU
@flyrock (58)
• China
6 Apr 09
Love story is blue always.to tell the truth you bf is not good enough for you,a man cannot make his lover cry even once,in some words, he may be just kidding.the best way to solve your problem is leave him far away,maybe you will in sorrow a few days,but time can heal everything ,everything will be alright in the future.
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
6 Apr 09
Keep yourself busy first while she's with your friend. Time for you to meditate. If you're really meant for each other, no matter what had happen you'll end up with each other. Think about it, should he comes back, if you really do love him then take him but the move must come from him. With the present situation where she's in a relationship with your friend is no way for a reconciliation even if he said he still loves you. Find good reasons first of taking him back. Falling with your friend definitely is a reason for you to forget him and move on.
• Canada
6 Apr 09
OMG girl are you crazy? He is with her, sleeping with her and telling you he still loves you? He does not love you otherwise he would be with you and only you. Kick him to the curb before he hurts you again.
• Philippines
5 Apr 09
My advice, you move on. There is no such thing like loving two person. Somebody love someone more that the other. Leaving you and having a relationship with your friend is a no no. I can accept him again if its other girl who is involved but my friend. Second reason, you dont have future with him, as you said he will be evicted. If she's ok with it then its her decision, but to you, your out of the realtionship already so move on. He is not the right guy for you. Somebody will come your way that will love you more.
@buggles64 (2713)
• United States
5 Apr 09
Let him go. You deserve so much better than what you are getting. In the future you will happy that you did, and you will find someone that's truly deserving of your character.
@maia0129 (91)
• Philippines
5 Apr 09
I really agree with Bird123. I think you should give some thoughts to her comment. I really think her comment explains it well. Because for me, I guess your ex-boyfriend is just like playing games with you. Why would he treat you like that if he really loves you? Come to think of it! I know it's hard to move on and it's hard to forget all the memories with your ex. But once you are determined to do it, I know that you can. You might just need the help of a friend or your friends to divert your attention to other things and soon you will get used to not having him in your life and soon you will get used to the other things that you and your friends do just like getting involve in sports, where you might meet somebody else better than your ex who doesn't care of your feelings. Hope you can get over this trial in your life Girl...