How is this different?

@dawnald (84078)
Shingle Springs, California
April 21, 2009 1:02am CST
The boy forgets to zip up his pants. The dad, after telling him quite a few times to remember to do that, loses his patience and punishes him. The girl doesn't like to brush her hair and won't do it unless her parents push her. No punishment. How is the one worthy of punishment and the other not?
2 people like this
16 responses
@ElicBxn (61149)
• United States
21 Apr 09
hair is a vanity, zipping the pants can be seen as a "invitation"
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
Maybe so, but probably not from an 8 year old boy with autism (don't you love how I fill in the facts after you reply lol)...
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@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Yes, but... you don't want any stranger to view it as an invitation and take advantage of the "open door."
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
Sure, I just think there are other ways to reinforce the point with the child.
1 person likes this
@sanuanu (11235)
• India
21 Apr 09
Oh come one! Unziped pants are shameful but un-brushed hairs aren't shameful but it looks bad. So, the earlier should deserve a punishment while the later requires only a word or two!
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
What if I told you that the boy was 8 years old, has autism and just doesn't remember things like that without a lot of reinforcement?
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
Yep, I do that (sneak stuff in later)...
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@sanuanu (11235)
• India
22 Apr 09
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• United States
21 Apr 09
I would have to agree with what my mom (libby2009) said. I went through an "i dont want to brush my hair" phase. One major reason was because I had NO self esteem. I didnt even care because I figured "no one really cares about me anyways, so what is the point?" I remember when i started complaining about knots and my mom was like "well, what do you expect?" She helped me out and explained to me that that was why i needed to brush it. She explained the best way to get the knots out and was like "oh see how pretty you look brushed?" so i was like.. aww ok. :] Punishment for either one of those things is kind of dumb. I mean, it doesnt get you anywhere. Plus, after a while I wanted to look all pretty cuz i was TOTALLY boy crazy :]
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
Oh I know she's going to outgrow it as soon as one of her friends mentions it or a boy says something. Meanwhile I'll work on complimenting her more and also offering to help brush it for her. Some days she likes that....
• United States
21 Apr 09
yeah, definately let her know how proud you are when she DOES do it by herself though. They like knowing that their efforts are being noticed. I just thought of another way. Try to give her a bit of a challenge. Try to get her to maybe try a new hairdo every day for the week. Lets see how many she can come up with! Something like that. Get a reward system going at the end of the week. Make it fun for her to do her hair :)
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
Hm, hair is just not something we're too talented with in my family, but it's a thought.
@Humbug25 (12551)
21 Apr 09
Hi dawny! I don't think there should be any difference. I think that if you personally decide it is a wrong doing then the child, no matter which one, should be punished if you find that their behaviour is not acceptable. I have a constant battle with my kids as they always say things about what their friends are allowed to do but I don't find it acceptable, so I don't allow my kids to do it or say it. I would not allow any of my kids to get away with anything I don't accept, be it the youngest, the eldest, a girl or a boy!
@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
I think both of them need reminders and patience, not punishment.
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@Humbug25 (12551)
21 Apr 09
Oh I agree with you there, I was just genalizing about bad behaviour though forgetting to zip your trousers/pants I don't think is a punishable offence!! It is to constantly remind them to do it until one day the penny drops which does take time and certainly patience!!
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
And believe me they come up with plenty of real reasons to need to be disciplined!!!
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
21 Apr 09
If these where my kids I would buy them clothes that didn't zip up and cut the hair short so it never needs brushed. Now when the kids got older and wanted zipped pants an long hair then they would have to agree to take care of them if they failed then off goes the hair and back to unzipped pants.
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@Amberina (1541)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I meant to say unzippable pants not unzipped pants.
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
Hmmmmm...... Now there's a thought.
• United States
21 Apr 09
Dawn- We've never punished our children for either, and won't. I'm not sure why a parent would make a huge deal out of this, especially if it is during the learning phase. And if a girl doesn't like long hair a parent shouldn't force her to keep it. If she wants short hair, she should have the freedom to choose. It seems a bit harsh to me to punish a boy for forgetting to zip his pants. It's kind of cumbersome job for little guys who are learning to try to keep it all together. Namaste-Anora
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
He just forgets sometimes and it's not as if it's every time he puts his pants on. I think it's a shame things with dad, but still I wouldn't punish it either. Any more than I would have punished the older daughter when she was still wetting the bed.
@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
The bed wetting is because she was a really deep sleeper. So was I...
@harmonee (1236)
• United States
19 May 09
I think that is up to the parent's. I personally wouldn't punish my son for forgetting to zip up his pants. He'll learn eventually. All it will take is one embarassing moment and he'll figure it out. I can think of other more applicable, life altering things to focus my energies on rather than hair care and wardrobe malfunctions.
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 May 09
Yeah no kidding...
@rakesh284 (1472)
• India
22 Apr 09
Well I think this is because they both are doing mistakes. But boys can easily zip up their pants. Well some small girls find it difficult to brush their hairs. So they may require someone to do that. Well boys can easily zip up their pants and they don't require any help to do that. So punishments are different for these people.
@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
In this case, additional piece of information, the boy has autism and he just forgets. I think he needs reinforcement, not punishment.
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
21 Apr 09
That's a good one, you got me stunted on this one?
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
haha getting people stunted is what Dawns do best....
• United States
21 Apr 09
Oh, I forgot to mention about the whole equal punishment. I REALLY want to emphasize this: DONT do the favoritism thing. You think kids do not notice? We notice everything. EVERYTHING. Even the subtle looks you give eachother because you want alone time. Even the smallest sigh when we know you are going to give in to what we want. I'm violating total childhood code here by telling you guys, but we know way more than you all think.. and when we start realizing a sort of favoritism, it just starts sibling (or cousin) rivalry. You probably will not notice it until WAY later. We start an internal jealousy and then try to be the favored one. Not to mention, it hurts knowing your parent likes someone else more.
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
Oh yeah, they notice. Definitely...
@cynthiann (18613)
• Jamaica
21 Apr 09
I'm having a 'duh' moment as I am not really understanding it. Sometimes my mind cannot take info in when I am stressed and I am stressed today. I wouldn't punish for either of these things. But if you are saying that children should be punished equally and not le the girl get away with murder then I agree with you. Blessings
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
I wouldn't punish either of them, just keep reminding and reminding. But I do think things aren't equal when it comes to punishing the girls vs the boy.
• United States
21 Apr 09
probably because the of region involved. but yea,if they punish one they should punish the other.favortism never flies well with kids.
@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
No favoritism just breeds a lot of resentment...
@TLChimes (4838)
• United States
21 Apr 09
If we are talking just from dad's point of view.... it's a daughter/daddy issue. Some daddys (not all) favor one over the other. And it's easier for them to punish a boy over a girl... or one girl over another. In my house of girls (the boy is young and different so out of this line for now) it's the "normal" girl should do better then the autistic one. Dad is being re-trained on that one.... I'm a mean wife and expect him to remember that if your autistic kid is a brat at 4, they will be a brat at 14. It's a balance thing. But I'm a mom.
@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
If we're talking from Dad's view, it's probably a matter of the open zipper being shameful and the messy hair being merely embarrassing.
@katsmeow1213 (28902)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Maybe it's based on age. If the boy is older you'd expect him to know better and not need reminders anymore. Maybe the boy has been reminded more times than the girl has been pushed.
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
They are the same age and I'd say she's been reminded more than he has. Plus he has autism (not that that's automatically an excuse for everything)...
@savypat (20245)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Well it's a matter of degree and social custom. Let's face it boys are treated differently than girls, in certain things stricter and in others more lax. I remember always having many more rules to follow than my brother did.
@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
I think perhaps dads are stricter with boys also.
• United States
21 Apr 09
Well I think that the girl refusing to brush her hair does deserve some discipline, having a fly unzipped is different because thats an important thing for boys to learn how to do because they don't want to accidently expose themselves
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@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
I could make the point that the boy simply forgot, whereas the girl deliberately doesn't brush her hair because she doesn't like it.