Can you let it go?

@dawnald (85129)
Shingle Springs, California
April 21, 2009 4:01pm CST
Can't find a link to the article, but in today's or yesterday's paper, in one of the advice columns, there was a letter from a man who had great relationships with all of his ex-girlfriends. All but one, that is. She had good relationships with her exes too, just not him. It was a hard breakup. They talked some years after the breakup and made their peace, but now he wants to be friends. They are both in stable, happy relationships with other people. He keeps calling and leaving messages, trying to "patch things up" or whatever. She doesn't call back. Is this healthy? Why can't he just let it go? Some obsessive desire for everybody to like him perhaps? Can you let go?
4 people like this
17 responses
@ElicBxn (63187)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I would be with her, leaving him behind. However, I'm still in touch with the guy I broke up with, but I decided I didn't love him, but I liked him. Not enough to get married.
3 people like this
@ElicBxn (63187)
• United States
21 Apr 09
we weren't in touch right after the break up, I got in touch with him years later
3 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
You have to be on the same page to be able to be friends after a break up. And even then, if it was hurtful it might not work...
3 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
OH I didn't mean you personally, just in general.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 09
Some people cannot stand to know that anyone dislikes them. They work very hard to have universal popularity. This of course is not possible. No matter how appealing you try to make yourself be, you will be incompatible with someone. I think this man is worried about being friends because of this. As long as he knows that someone dislikes him, he will feel bad about himself. Hopefully he will realize that it is okay for some people to dislike him. What is important is that the people you admire and depend on enjoy your company.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
That would be me. lol
1 person likes this
@wangll (12)
• China
22 Apr 09
SO that their own better! This is my idea! However~the performance of your identity can not bi all! They think
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Apr 09
I don't just let go, I throw them back and cover them with concrete. The last thing I need is somebody from my past getting up my nose and disturbing the life I've made for myself..........but then, I remain friends with everyone so it's no problem! LOL
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Apr 09
Yep. The hubs is the reno biz..........
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
rofl Do you get your concrete wholesale?
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
reno? as in vation? cus I was thinking Nevada, myself...
2 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 09
What am I letting go of?
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
your inhibitions? dance, dance, I hope you dance...
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Apr 09
Don't have to many inhibitions, obviously, from the discussions I get involved in. I dance all the time. Dance around in the bathroom, trying to get my pants down, dance around in the kitchen, when hot oil pops out of the pan onto my arm, dance around in the bedroom, again trying to get my pants down..............
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Apr 09
Ooops, that should have been too many, not to many.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
21 Apr 09
It just doens't sound healthy to me. Maybe because she is not griends with him that he now wants her to be a friend. Why does it mean so much to him? That is the problem. Would you call back? I don't think that I would. It does sound obsessive and he should a) get a life B) seek help with this problem. Wants to be friends my foot!
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
Yeah pretty obsessive, I think. Probably for harmless reasons, but still...
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
21 Apr 09
i could easily let go of most of my exs.lol.i know my brother can not let go of his ex.my brother use to use the excuse of he wanted to see his daughter,but he used to hound his ex even when his daughter wasnt at home.he likes to think all his exs still want him.i personally think its the male ego or their pride.where as us women just pick ourselves up and try to move on.i know this is not healthy as it led to depression for my brother and he has tried to kill himself.it also turned him into an alcholic.
3 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
some women have the problem too (maybe for different reasons idk)...
2 people like this
• United States
22 Apr 09
some people aren't content with other people just walking away no matter the cause. it's some kind of weird closure they feel they need. they get in trouble sometimes not being able to drop it too.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Apr 09
yea,that could be.but if she's not willing,he needs to move on. can't be helped sometimes.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Apr 09
He absolutely does need to move on! I'm just speculating on his motivaions...
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
Or maybe this guy just is convinced that being friends with your ex is 'normal'...
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28719)
• United States
22 Apr 09
That does seem odd. I am not friends with any of my exes. I couldn't be. I had to cut them out completely in order to move past them. I'm not the type of person who can find peace in it and be okay with that... I need them out of my life completely. With my last boyfriend, all he had to do was call me or pass me on the street and suddenly I'd take him back, even though I really didn't want to.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
Well maybe not a friendship but I could see running into one or finding him on the internet and just occasionally exchanging "how are things" type information.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
So did I actually although I think in some cases I could manage a (very) casual friendship years and years later...
• United States
22 Apr 09
I don't see myself ever having any sort of friendship with any of my exes. I think it would be awkward to run into them again as I haven't seen them since our relationship ended. I'm not sure, but I hope I never have to find out.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I'm gone and I never look back nor do I want to know that person again. If it's over it's in the past and I am not going to look at it again. I don't go for Lovers no more can't we be friends as the song says.
2 people like this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
I used to be able to do that, but there are some things I have a problem letting go of. Blame myself too much, I guess, want the person to tell me I'm OK or whatever. Stupid...
@sanuanu (11235)
• India
22 Apr 09
Obsession may be a good definition for that guy. It is sometime that people don't get what they want and then repent on what they have lost! So, he isn't doing anything but trying to get happy by using wrong paths. Well, i don't know how I would react on it but let's hope that I do'nt mess up with such situaions in my life.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
It could be that. Or it could be that he thinks that unless they are friends, something is unresolved and he can't handle that. Stupid thinking, whatever.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
Butter lol...
1 person likes this
@sanuanu (11235)
• India
22 Apr 09
There is a song here in bollywood, Dance pe chance mar le! it means that take a chance of flirting with the woman while dancing! So, he wants to do exactly the same. My suggestion: Go get some butter so that the guy would slip on the floor!
1 person likes this
@ds6413 (2070)
• United States
22 Apr 09
Hello, for the sake of an ex's relationship to remain stable I would let go. But then again how stable is the ex's relationship that she can't have her "own" friends. This can get in to a sticky situation. This guy should think of how complicated his presence is making her life or maybe would make her life if he continues to try to pursue a friendship.He wouldn't be a very good friend if his presence is making her life unbearable.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
If she isn't returning his calls, that's a pretty good clue, I'd think.
@harmonee (1228)
• United States
19 May 09
I think it's disrespectful. I'm not sure about unhealthy. If she is in a stable relationship and doesn't call back, then take the hint. Just because they patched things up and are amicable, doesn't mean that they need to be best buds. Some boyfriends or husbands wouldn't be comfortable with a new found relationship with an ex.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 May 09
That's for certain!
@bebem75 (13)
• Philippines
23 Apr 09
maybe the reason why he wants to talk its because the guilt is still there. its a good thing the girl moved on. it seems the guy did not. good for you girl. girl power!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Apr 09
Yes, it does seem that way!
@maxbest (97)
• China
22 Apr 09
it seems weird,I think.Why not let it go? what's the benifits brought for him and his exs.Also,it's harmful for them to maintain their stable family life.It must be over.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
for some reason he can't let it go...
@coolchai (753)
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
maybe its his ego that he cant let go. like he feels that people just cant let him go for some reason he becomes obessessed when he a person can let him go. so its an issue of the natural self esteem going off. =)
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
that could very well be... if she doesn't want to be friends it's some kind of personal attack on his self esteem...
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
21 Apr 09
He sounds like an obsessive control freak to me. He doesn't really want her, he just wants her to want him (atleast in his mind). My brother was married to a woman who left him & their young child to run off with her Gynecologist. The doc had left his wife & young child too. My brother's ex called him from her honeymoon to ask him if he'd take her back. She didn't really want to come home, she just wanted to hear him say he needed her!!! Fortunately he still hated her enough to just say NO!!! She's still married to the Gyno & he's got a new girlfriend
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 09
It doesn't sound like romantic obsession, it sounds like somebody who can't stand not being on friendly terms with anybody.
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
This guy is rally nuts.If he is happy with his current partner why bother his ex?I think the guy can't accept the fact that his ex is much happier now and he is just pretending to be happy.If I'm the girl I will not answer his calls,why waste my time over a person who is part of my past?This will not be healthy for me and besides I let him go,why make an effort in letting him in again in my life if I know that he is not worth it.LOL!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 09
I think he can't handle that she doesn't think well enough of him to be friends. Which is stupid thinking, really...