What is it about me that makes people jump to conclusions about my questions??

@miamilady (4924)
United States
April 26, 2009 2:19pm CST
I'm may not be that "well spoken", but I think I have a pretty good grasp of the English language, and I thought I was an "okay" communicator. So why is it that when I ask truly genuine question about a topic like "How do atheists know right from wrong" and "Tell me about the Tea Parties" people ASSUME that I am speaking out against atheists or I disagreed with the tea parties? I don't KNOW enough about the tea parties to be AGAINST them! I don't have a PROBLEM with atheists! We all have a right to believe what we believe! I feel strongly about that. These are just simple questions that I ask in order to get someone else's perspective on a certain topic. And then when I acknowledge another person's point of view that I might not COMPLETELY agree with, I get called PATRONIZING!. geeezzz I never thought that my being open minded and my attempts at trying to communicate in a calm and diplomatic way would get me called patronizing and condescending! Am I really that full of it?? I thought I was being genuine here!
3 people like this
19 responses
@Destiny007 (5820)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Maybe the problem is in the way you word your questions. They tend to have a tendency to come off as being aggressive and combative...or condescending. Maybe it would be a good idea to do a search on the topics you want to discuss before positing the questions so that you would have at least a basic understanding of the subject matter.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44032)
• United States
27 Apr 09
I have found no problem in how miamilady's starts discussions. I don't see her being aggressive, combative or condescending. And as far as researching on a topic before she starts a discussion. Why should she? If the discussion is posted basically as a question to fellow mylotters about a subject, perhaps it's because she wants to get info and feedback about the subject FROM mylotters first hand
• United States
27 Apr 09
She asked, I answered. If anyone don't like the answer they bloody well don't have to read it.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 09
ORyansBelt2012... If you didn't read the reply, then you have nothing to comment on. As to the 0bamunist... History shows that his plans are destined to fail, that they will not work. FDR proved that as did Hoover.... and as did any number of socialist countries past and present. Those who do not learn from history are bound to repeat it. You cannot spend yourself out of a recession, and you cannot spur the economy by raising taxes. Reagan took a much worse economy left him by Carter and turned it around, giving us 26 years of prosperity in the process. Clinton owes his economy to Reagan. The 0bamunist knows all of this, yet is deliberately setting us up for a fall. His supporters actually think that this is a good thing. As you say... Stupid is as stupid does.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
29 Apr 09
because they are controversial subjects and you will always get people who will be upset with any question about a controversial subject, what you can do is what other people do with those kinds of questions say for example tell me about atheists because I don't know anything about them and would like to learn any atheists out there I would love to hear your views, and people remember this is only a questions, I don't want to know if you are for or against them, I don't want to know what the bible says, I want to know what atheists feel and think, please keep all discussions friendly
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 09
You go girl. How do we get different perspectives if we don't ask the questions. I quess we could read books (books are good), but; personally I like to get feedback from the horses mouth. When you get answeres like your talking about, consider the source, and move on. There "should" be enough honest and open people out there to give you decent perspectives. You sound open and honest enough ,able to decern good info, and have the ability to come to your own decision. I appreciate an inquisitive mind,openness, and the ability to discuss something without judgement.
1 person likes this
@sandymay48 (2031)
• Canada
26 Apr 09
Hi miamilady..Dont pay any attention to those responses. I find I have the same problem. If I start a genuine discussion, to get different points of views, there are some that get really serious and ASSume that it is my viewpoint if its negative. Not so, I am just looking for opinions, it doesnt mean that thats what I think at all. I have had this happen to me as well. That is why I started making so many of my discussions out of hypothetical situations. That way there is no right or wrong, but only opinions, but do you know, some still think they have the answer! I never thought I was a bad communicator either but there are some that dont fully read or understand the question and jump to conclusions.
@bayernfan (1430)
• Canada
27 Apr 09
People rely on more than just speech when communicating with others. Volume, intonation, facial expressions, hand gestures, and other body language are also used. We may not even be conscious of how much we use these tools until we attempt to communicate in different ways and incur difficulties. Body language and modification of the voice/tone can't be applied in text, so much can be lost in translation. Also, the other people we communicate with may not have the same grasp of the written language as we do, or vice versa. When emotions run high, people don't always think clearly and they can say things that they might later regret. There are many reasons for misinterpretation of one's comments. Sometimes you just have to respond to clarify your comments. One must also come to expect a certain degree of mistreatment when conversing about certain topics in particular forums. Not everyone is willing to play nice.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
28 Apr 09
That was a great reply. Thanks. But I also think that there are some people that just get it in their heads to find the cynicism and the flaws in everything they read regardless of how "clear" someone manages to be with every one else.
@bayernfan (1430)
• Canada
28 Apr 09
You are welcome. It was nice of you to say so. I agree. Some people will act that way. They see and hear only what they want to. There isn't much that can be done about that. One can just present their side in the hopes to reach open minds.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Some people are just like that, miamilady. No matter what you say or how you say it, they will take it the wrong way. I read that discussion of yours and I saw absolutely nothing that would even remotely suggest that you were being patronizing or condescending, except maybe in that one VERY opinionated (and angry) response of someone else's. I think some folks are just plain paranoid. They're usually called 'fanatics'. They have a very strong opinion about something and concentrate so heavily on it that they hear words never spoken or see words never written. There will always be idiots in the world and they are usually the ones you hear the loudest. They get loud from people being turned off by what they have to say and not listening to them anymore. Apparently, the louder they talk, the more they think people will listen. Sadly (for them), just the opposite is true. I thought your post was an excellent discussion and not once did I think you were for or against the tea parties; you were simply looking for others opinions. One thing I've learned in life is, you can't argue with a drunk or an idiot. Their ears are plugged and they never hear a word anyone else says. So, go right ahead and post away! There are plenty of us who enjoy reading your discussions.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Thank you! I've always had to be the 'diplomat' in our family. I've always been the one to try and make others see reason, to end stupid arguments. Also, I LOVE watching the REAL opinionated and condescending person walk away, scratching their head and saying, "Huh???"
@maezee (39815)
• United States
26 Apr 09
People probably just misinterpreted your question or just wanted to blow everything out of proportion & stir up controversy with you by causing unnecessary drama & arguments. Just ignore 'em. And seriously? What on earth are "tea parties"? I couldn't imagine how anything like that has to do with hating atheists, but.. OK.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
26 Apr 09
lol the two topics are not connected. they just happen to both be discussion that I started where at least one person took it the wrong way. "what on earth are the tea parties" is pretty much what I was TRYING to find out!
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
1 Aug 09
MiAMILADY, I never have felt anything amiss in the discussions of yours.And regarding beliefs it si only a case of'each to one's own; to be honest I am not at all aware of your strong belief or non-belief in anything.You just go ahead and post your discussions without bothering about what other people would think.
@DavidReedy (2411)
• United States
31 Jul 09
To be fair I'm not sure there is such a thing as being truly "open-minded", but in my not so humble opinion I think you are pretty genuine and sincere person. Look, we all misunderstand and are misunderstood at times--complicate that with the fact that mood and disposition can bring about a whole different collection of thoughts when compared to its opposite mood, etc. You and I have butted heads a time or 8,793, but I can't speak for you, but for me you remain one of those people whom I gladly read and communicate with. The fact is, though, no matter how tactful we may be, there are always those who are truly insecure who read into things looking for attacks when their are none. (intended, or conscious-level anyway). All we can do is apologize (even if we meant no harm and think they're as whacked as they come) and move right on along--maybe even feeling some sympathy for their insecurity. Pax tecum, David A. Reedy...
• United States
17 May 09
How did that song go? Don't change you hair for me , not if you care for me. Don't you dare change . and never stop asking the questions! It is the person who assumes all this crap. I read your posts and I Never, never think you are being patronizing or you are against anything. You are just asking a question. And don't stop, It is those who are closed minded that assume.Whenever there is a question I can answer , I will respond, promise.
@MsTickle (25050)
• Australia
28 Apr 09
What would you know?? Sorry mate......couldn't resist. Obviously, in spite of your best endeavours, other members here interpret your posts better than you do. Somehow you are attracting the type of responder who is usually on the attack...you are simply confusing the cretins. Enjoy.
• Malta
27 Apr 09
Like it happens everywhere else, on my lot there are people who like either to create friction or misunderstand each other. Moreover, they are seeing writing on a site and not speaking directly to you. Maybe, if they faced you and talked and heard the tone of your voice, they would realize that you are genuine about your questions. I have noticed the same too and it has led me also to the conclusion that there are people who are ready to write anything just to get credits for a post. Oh and there are also those who don't understand English very well and maybe don't understand the question. So don't worry too much about it. It's a pity that some people act that way, but I would simply forget it. On the other hand, it has allowed you to create a cool discussion
@roberten (3131)
• United States
27 Apr 09
miamilady, don't take such comments to heart; this is a forum that attracts a wide range of opinions. Not every discussion will be received in the manner in which it is intended. All we can do is do the best we can to stimulate a healthy discussion; how it is received depends upon the reader. I do say, I rather enjoy your discussions, I find them very thought provoking. Write on!
@pyewacket (44032)
• United States
27 Apr 09
I'll back you up all the way miamilady. I see nothing wrong in your discussions or how you word them. Since I know the discussion you're talking about, to my mind you were asking a harmless question and wanted to get feedback about something from MyLotters who may have had participated in the tea parties....I see NOTHING wrong by that. Just let it slide and forget about any negative criticism you get. Believe me I've had my share of crap too....LOL
@nana1944 (1367)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Hey at least you care enough about things to try to find out about them. To me that is the mylot way. Personally if someone ever says that is a stupid question I tell them what my Daddy used to say. "There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers." And then there is another one. A stupid question is an unasked one. Do ya think I may get flack for this post? Some people are so negatory they see it in everyone. Except of course the only one whose opinion means anything to them...THEMSELVES.. Keep on starting discussions. I like to see a genuine discussion and you have them.. YYIIPPPPIE YYAAYY for you.
@celticeagle (123933)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Apr 09
People are all on the defensive now days. And people just don't think about what the underlying reason for a question might be. They do jump to conclusions alot. Think they know it all too. It is just the way they are. There is always going to be those people that are apposed to anything you have to say. Patronizing and condescending huh? I haven't felt that way about your discussions at all!
• United States
26 Apr 09
Lol! I have seen this happen to many people's seemingly innocent discussions! I have personally never seen one of your discussions being condescending or patronizing. I think that it is just the many interpretations of the written word that we are seeing. I know that alot of my points rely on voice infliction and such to be made! (Not to say that I don't still tend to ramble, lol) I would have to agree with the 'let it roll' answer! No use in trying to persuade anyone that you weren't being those things....once people make up their minds, it probably won't be too effective anyways! So don't let it get you down, and keep posting! That's what this site is all about anyhow, isn't it??!
• United States
26 Apr 09
I think sometimes there's a communication gap going on around mylot. Something that might mean something to you might mean something totally different to them. By the way is Tea Parties when people sit around drinking tea together?
@savypat (20245)
• United States
26 Apr 09
This happens to me also. I often have to go back and read my discussion to know what the responses are about. Then I still can't figure out how they got from my discussion to their response. I guess we all just have to remember that there are many different people reading our stuff and they come from different countries and cultures. These are some of the things that make this site so interesting. I don't take it personally.