Why being "good"is bad?

Philippines
May 3, 2009 6:09am CST
Do you ever comes out in your mind that you're so good to your friends, family, your boyfriend or gilfriends and to other people that you forget to be good to yourself? I wonder if you have ever experiences it that despite of all the efforts and too good to be true. You find yourself being sad and abuse. You feel that you are not being compensated and only few makes an effort to thank you. However, despite of this, you don't focus on it and decides to go on with your life. But, despite of this, their were times you asked yourself you felt being left behind. They only recognize your goodness when you have something to give. When is goodness becomes bad? Have you ever comes out with this realization?
1 person likes this
20 responses
@anetteh (3591)
• Sweden
8 May 09
Hi neelianoscet, I am that person. I alwasy think about all the others, never for my self. I know that is stupid. But I feel that is who I am, if I did not it would not be me. But of course...I am thinking more and more about it and try to change it a little bit...if I do not feel for doing something then I do not do it. There is a point when you have to change your way and start rewarding your self for who you are.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 May 09
You're deeply kind and you cannot remove it as easy as others do. Quite as realistic as you are and concern more to others welfare. But, it's your choice and nobody could influence you to change who you are..Your attitude is already what you uses to be and I cannot see something bad with that. You do not feel any grudge or resentment, for as long as you uphold to what is right and what you deeply feel and concern. You will feel nothing is lose, but you gain something that will inspire others to emulate you. You live by examples and others soon will look upon you. But, if others cannot directly praise you or give a simple thanks. Then just leave it behind and stay the same as you are..
@anetteh (3591)
• Sweden
8 May 09
You know, My profession is a assistance nurse for geriatric care, and that might say a lot of who I am and how I treat people around me. I am a nice person, and I always hear them tell me that I am to god ot others and to bad on my self. But some how, If I could not do what I do , it would not be me, and not fair to my self either. Lucky I always get a thanks and that is so rewarding and keep me ongoing.....
@flower21 (766)
• Philippines
22 Sep 09
being good is bad when extreme goodness is abuse and the giver is often the victim of his goodness. it then becomes bad when you let other tolerate your kindness abusing you every now and then.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Sep 09
Yeah, that is true if you are always say yes to every request or agree to any favor from a friend or any person you are going to be abuse over your extreme kindnesses. i think all the things which one's should do in life should be measured by balancing all things to arrive at a right choice or decision which benefit yourself rather than the other person who ask for a favor in return. I think the best adage to maintain is the saying it is best to gives than to receive.
@Cannonball (3634)
• France
3 May 09
I felt like that few years ago, when I was 20 something. I was full of good will and intentions toward people around and I quickly became aware that when you are like this there will always have some rats who are going to make profit of it in a bad way. I became a selfish person but I'm still able to cherish people who deserve this, the thing now is that I try to feel what should I do or not but I became much more selfish and it's just fine this way for the moment.
• Philippines
5 May 09
All of us have experience and undergone the same things once, few or many times in our life. I even felt like a martyr, that in order to retain good reputation and not to hurt others. I almost live like a saint life, a person who is patient and prayerful. But, all things have it's own limit. Selfishness have it's own reason, maybe you've been hurt and you only rest your good natures for a while. But, when it's all over with the ill-feeling toward the person who hurt you. And, you feel tired with that feelings you have now. All things bad, somewhat will end goods at the end..
• France
6 May 09
What do you mean by that?
• France
13 May 09
You're not being so good to ignore my question
@Fahrad (22)
• Brazil
7 May 09
Some times, be bad is be good ^^ It is the tao, no one can be only one thing all the time
• Philippines
8 May 09
Maybe, wen you feel that you were being abuse too that extent that you no longer feel happy and comfortable with your life. Too be good to others, we need to feel good about what we feel inside that matters and not to pretend that we enjoy being with other people. But, inside we worry with problems which we cannot hardly escape and create our own world. For the sake of pretending happy but crying inside.
@Fahrad (22)
• Brazil
8 May 09
You can not control everything, you can not control all the feelings of all the people that you know, you can not control all your fears, then... There are people who enjoy to be ruler, scary and be rough. For they , it is be good, be cool. In Opposite , there are people that do not like it and feel pain about domination,scary,etc . When this people do that things they feel shame. But you don't need feel disgraced if you have a valid motive.
@Fahrad (22)
• Brazil
8 May 09
The nature versus nurture
• Trinidad And Tobago
5 May 09
It happens to me all the time. But I can say no and pretend I am not aware. By nature some of us are giving but other are just parasites. I go on doing my duty and will look to God for my reward.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Well, definitely, some are simply craps and as you mention', parasites. They only comes to recognize you when you have something to give and to offer. And, when the times come that you are in dire need of their attention You have no one to turn to and they disappear as quickly as they empty your wallet or the other ways too.
• Trinidad And Tobago
6 May 09
I guess it is a consensus that being good is bad. Well that's the way the cookie crumbles.
• United States
4 May 09
I have always been good to my friends. But sometimes you have to watch who your true friends are. Your true friends will be thankful for what you do for them and they will return the favor back even if you don,t ask for it.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Everyone I think have encounter and experience the same thing with you. We becomes sad to know the truth and in fact the real reason why many befriend and us. And,on the long run that their friendship is unreal and full of pretention. When they are needy, we almost run on their sides and do whatever we can do or share our help. But, when trouble comes on your side. You cannot really depend or rely on them.
• United States
6 May 09
I agree with you on that. When I need my friends they are never there for me. But I am for them.
@sang2k2 (1833)
• India
3 May 09
yeh many a times and i feel bad that inspite of the fact that i am being good its not just being appreciated as its not noticeable maybe bcz ppl feel that i am made like tht to be good to evryone always. i also feel being good makes ppl take advantage of you and also take you granted so that hurts me to very great extent and cant really digest that than at tht moment i decide to stop being good but tht somehow doesnt really works and i always end up being the way i am....btw good discusson and welcome to mylot...
• Philippines
5 May 09
We're only humans and we're not a saint and it is only proper for us to feel impatient and angry. Especially, when the other people befriend us, because she have something to get. And, we've comes out with many questions, like this"why is my friends never visit or invites me to attend a parties and never introduce to her/his other friends?", when I am miserable situation I feel being alone and nobody bothers to ask?..Maybe, because, many of your friends assume that you,re always in comforts amd you will never seek their help? But, deep inside you always long them to care for you even when you're down and not on top.But, the most important at all, don't despise being goodness is already their in our hearts and nobody can throw it away!
@sang2k2 (1833)
• India
6 May 09
yeh deep inside evrybody needs caring but generally human being shows attitude when it comes to be showing that you care for a particular person..thats my experience.
@Emceeric (70)
• United States
8 May 09
Those type of people are called fair weather friends.They are only around when you're doing well (good weather).When you are not doing well they are not around(bad weather).
• Philippines
8 May 09
lol..you're right.We can easily identify them as good and bad eggs, some stay as true friends, others stick with us, because they have hidden agenda. Like a an octopus who will suck all our blood until we are left with nothing to hold. While, others quit us as fast as they come and go and you cannot hardly notice them..That's in fact the reality of life. But, then, the experience taught as a lesson, never trust somebody intentions as true, they may be deceiving sometimes.
• United States
6 May 09
this happens to a lot of women. we are always taking care of everyone elses needs and put ourselves last. you become resentful (silently) and allow neglect of yourself. For me, I had to learn that being selfish is not a bad thing and I had to learn how to say no to people. I am still working on it. You need to be good to yourself and then it is easier to do for others because you are satisfied.
• Philippines
8 May 09
That a mark of a woman who is all loving and all ready to serve others and not to be served. In order to potray a happy family or a happy self, many fall to take good care of their self interest and own personal growth. Such, as in terms of their careers improvement and become independence and not relying on others to help them succeed.
@genlone (26)
• China
5 May 09
yeah,being too good is being bad,I am certain about that.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Especially, when you are abuse, you're only good to them when you have something to give. But, when time you need their help they are nowwhere to be found. You feel hopeless and with regret feelings. You can then, realize that beig good is bad sometimes..
• Philippines
4 May 09
Yes :(,reading it makes me feel sad really. When you're being too good, most people abuse and disregard it at the end. It's really sad that you're probably trying your best and nobody seems to appreciate it. But maybe, God alone appreciates it but when living in this World socially, it's a bit frustrating. I've come to this realization quite a number of times already but still continue to live normally and act out like nothing seems to happen. Being too good is "bad" not because you don't get appreciated but you attract people to abuse your kindness and in the end, it's you who failed.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Frustration is not ordinary for people like you. We're just human s with feeling, capable of helping, loving and caring. But, somewhat in our mind, when it comes to our emotions. We're feel deprives of experiencing some feedback that is quite positive. That is we're longing to be appreciated and we're hungry for it, just like food to boost our self esteem.
@samdeb (82)
• Muzaffarpur, India
4 May 09
being good always is not very good .so we should alwas not be so good that even get bluffed.as thos world is full of the evil things only so try to jolly and move on there is a lot of bad deeds increasing tha t ione could not cope up with that being good.
• Philippines
5 May 09
All goodness comes out with an end. Especially, when we feel, we cannot hardly breath and feel like our efforts of helping is not compensated. All we have to do now, slowly down , take a rest for being good for a while. And, when sulken feelings is over. Let just continue being good is healthy for us and thinking bad is not good for us entirelly.
• India
4 May 09
Yes i felt the same thing, when i do good to my friend or family memeber some time that turne bad or some time it will turn bad for me and they will be in good.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Your experience is similar to everybody experiences. Their a point in your life when you felt being hurt and become victims of prententious friends or other people whom you help in the past or in your current situation. Instead of receiving praises you receive criticize and make you deeply hurt. Instead of receiving good comments, despises increases and arguments escalates. But, to end at all, maintain being good for times will come reward will comes to you.
@pickoy (733)
• Philippines
4 May 09
I used to be, but not anymore... I learned a lot from all my experience that there are user friends and there are really those who will drain you dry and suck your strength until you have nothing to give anymore. Until all that you have left is to feel sorry for yourself that you have fallen into that kind of trap. I don't know why some people are like that, maybe because at some part of our lives we let them use us as well. We've given them the opportunity to take advantage of us at some point. Which is why we must not let happen again once we learned. I choose to say yes when i only mean it, coz if you say yes to something when you really mean no, you're needlessly making an enemy. I say "yes" only when i mean yes and a firm "no" when i really don't want it.
• Philippines
5 May 09
It is really true when we like to help others or extend a helping hand. It's a wise decision to select only the receiver, and she have all the reasons that we beleive is deserving to be help upon by you. Their are many people who are hypocrite and only help to make her appeal generous. Like being a politician and a businessman. They're helping but also one way of publicizing their self and their products. In order to become popular, but in fact, they have their own hidden agenda.
@ShellyB (5242)
• United States
3 May 09
I do not think goodness becomes bad, how other people react to one's good actions can be bad, how one feels about it can become bad. We all have been there sometimes.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Too much goodness is bad, when you forget to set aside or reserve some respect within yourself. Especially,when we expect them to show their gratitude in any shapes and forms. Finally, goodness begets goodness, badness begets badness. And, goodness is rewarded, we may not receive thanks or favor in return, But, in God eyes we're all winners.
@ra1787 (501)
• Italy
3 May 09
I totally understand what you are saying here. I feel like this sometimes. Being good rarely is 'good' for you. But anyway most of the times doing something good makes you feel better despite the thanks or the hypothetical consequencies. Good has to be done for good's sake not for having something back. Sure one doesn't have to be exploited for this. If people take advantage on you for your goodness then they don't deserve it, so you stop helping those people, but it doesnt mean for me that you have to be selfish.
• Philippines
5 May 09
There are some points in our life that we comes with that kind of conclusion, but it is not pointed endlessly. Perhaps, we're only giving ourselves enough times to heal from the ill experiences that comes out with that realization. But, despite slowing down in giving, it's just starting to realize that giving is good and this kind of feeling is simply is amazing.
• Finland
3 May 09
Being "Good" I guess you never should expect anybody to return the favor in any shape or form. That in itself if selfish. ...That is a totally cynical way of viewing things
• Philippines
5 May 09
Goodness becomes cynical when you you are excessivelly distrustful of someones motives, especially when you feel you are being uses for her/his own glory. But, is is a normal feeling for every human beings to feel lacking in some aspects of their lives, especially in dealing with other people. Humans are not stone, and is a welcome sight, that we know how to say a simple "thanks" without expecting any materials favor in return. That is definitely a sign of uptight, moral and well breed men/women.
@anday0108 (632)
• Philippines
3 May 09
Sometimes it does! sometimes it also crosses my mind that being too good to a friend has some negative repercussions. However, helping a friend who is in need doesn't require a reward or even a thank you if you truly and honestly lend the helping hand without conditions. A THANK YOU is only a bonus to your good effort. If you help unconditionally, you will not feel bad when your efforts are not recognized nor will you feel left behind....however, this is the real world and I agree we sometimes feel bad when we give all our self to helping others and yet we only receive little or even no gratitude or recognition at all.
• Philippines
5 May 09
That's really apply to a person who is a true giver who never know how to complain. Like, if were involve in a good cause, like volunteering to help others or stand for an organization. It's really a rewarding feeling to know that in helping others, we lessen their pain and agony. Maybe, they cannot directly show or express their gratitude. But, deep inside their hearts, you are as a good person and it is recognize, and in exchange many blessing comes to us.
@eshaan (6192)
• India
3 May 09
i think being too good to others mostly comes out to be bad, becoz being good i this world is counted in the terms of material things, like money comforts etc and when u stop giving that it will turn to badness, so better when you do good ten times, stop for a moment and think and think for yourself and take a look at your life where it is taking you to.
• Philippines
5 May 09
Yeah, it is really true sometimes and sometimes not. When the people who surrounds you are user and only look upon you as something they can benefit most. Likely, you're only good to them because, they can borrow you money or associate you as VIP. But, as soon as you experience financial downfall, they are out and nowhere to be seen. They're only friends when you're at the peak and will slowly banish once you become poverish.
• Finland
3 May 09
That is so cynical infact that I canĀ“t see how you could live you day-to-day applying this "rule" to everything.