how to measure a real friend for you?

@mymaria (379)
Philippines
May 6, 2009 4:04am CST
I have my friend, for 3 years. shes my classmate since first year college. i am the type of person who give everything just to make them happy. for 3 years weve share our experiences and bonding each other. One night i ask her to help me getting my shoes at repair house then she suddenly stop and said; oh i have something to do right now, sorry i cannot get it right now. many excuses i really heard with her. maybe i think also she do that because she dont like to follow whatever i ask to her. a simple thing rather. is it right to think that this is not a real friend for you?what do you think?..but if ever she aproach me if she needs my help i always her to help her. financial, emotional. to comfort her and everything.
17 responses
• Philippines
6 May 09
She might have a reason for refusing you. Is that happen all the time or just now. Dont just easily with that simple thing. She might be a very good friend but that time was maybe just complicated thats why she cant help you. But if you find that she always refuses you maybe you can think then if she is a friend or not. Try to ask her for some serious help. That one you asked her is just a simple thing which you can do alone.
@mymaria (379)
• Philippines
8 May 09
...yes i understand what you are pointing all about, i also encountered in that situation that when i ask her to help me. just like: that time i don't have money, i ask her to barrow me for 6 pesos only. fare to go to our house. she refuse me!.now it that a real friend for you?just only 6 pesos. i know she have a money that time because i see her buying soft drinks in the store. and that time i decided to barrow so that i can go home already!..i lost my wallet i have nothing to do just to ask her help. i really disappointed to her..one time i also approach her to get my shoes in repair house. that's a simple thing right?because i always put in my mind one time she refuse me, i will not ask her help in terms of money..she knows how is the important of my shoes for me!i use it so that i have my shoes already going to school. thank you for the post!
• Philippines
6 May 09
Perhaps your friend may have some reasons to refuse your request. It is better that you ask her the reason or reasons. But if your friend won't tell you for the moment, don't judge at once that she is not a good friend anymore or that she has betrayed your friendship. There may be some good explanation for her actuations. As a good friend to her, you have to have more patience and understanding of situations which you may not understand at the moment. So, keep on communicating, because this is the best remedy or best way to deepen your relationship and unselfish friendship.
@mymaria (379)
• Philippines
7 May 09
yes, i admit that sometimes we cannot judge a person through their reasons. but in my situation. it is a simple request that never granted. how many times she approach me when she needed my help but, when i need her help just like that. there is a situation also that would measure our relationship as real to each other. one day when i have nothing, i mean i don't have money, i just want to buy a project and not so really expensive. i want to borrow from her because i know that her allowance is bigger. but she always denied and nothing to help.
@haiershen (1082)
• China
8 May 09
hi,i beliver feel and time. i have a feel that she will become my real friend when we meet,no more talking.only for feeling.six years pasted,still now, we understand each other, we share each other for our happiness and sadness.during those years, of course we have some problem, but it doesn't matter,every thing will passed, in our life,we are very important.good luck!
@Emceeric (70)
• United States
8 May 09
We have to accept the fact that each and everyone have their own life and not only just because she can't help you that moment that she's not a real friend maybe she has some important matters to do.It depends the situation.But you yourself must know how things going on.If you felt something different and more excuses even simple favor to ask,I think she's not your real friend.
• China
8 May 09
I recognize sb. as my real friend when he/she can respect my emotion. In my mind the most specific thing between real friend and un-real friend is whether you can share your feelings with he/she. If you can tell him/her private things comfortablely you can trust him/her else you must keep one eye open when you have to do things with him/her.
@prathna (175)
• Canada
7 May 09
maybe she isnt able to help you even though she wants to, because she might have become too dependant on you. you help her whenever she wants, which is a good thing, but she depends too much then, she wont be able to help others
• Philippines
7 May 09
A real friend for me is someone who stand with you always whatever problems come to you. He/she must be a good listener, understanding and honest. Actually, I don't have a bestfriend but I have plenty of real/true friends. i tried to avoid not to keep them close or make them as my bestfriend because I believe friends are only temporary in your life. They come, stay and later on...they may stay away from you! So I set also my limitations to them but I can be a real and true friend also to them.
@samdeb (82)
• Muzaffarpur, India
7 May 09
hey god has made every one with different feeling and behaviour you may not find someone exactly the way u like.so uyou may be showing your intret and your freind is not showing this does not means taht she doen not love as a freind.and try not to mind small and stupid, thimgs she must have realy very important work to that time.so dont mindand try to live comfortly
@paolo412 (41)
• Philippines
7 May 09
For me length of time isn't really a good indicator weather he or she is a real friend. willingness to sacrifice i s for me the best factor to tell weather a friend is a real friend or not. plus consider the fact that he or she will alwasy be therefore through thick and thin.
• Philippines
7 May 09
Well, measuring a friendship is not easy,. Maybe, she has a reason why she didn't follow you.. Maybe, her excuses is really excused.. Look., don't be so selfish if sometimes she did not follow you for what you want for her.. It's not right to think that she's not your real friend.. that is so very simple thing to measure your relationship with her.. I'm sure sometimes if you have problem she also help you and she's always beside you and help you..
@cmy1004f (381)
• China
6 May 09
There is different for everyone to define how to measure a real friend for self, everyone have the character himself. Not everyone can paid all for friends, private space also necessary between friends. Even face the best friend of you, sometime and something also cannot share together. The same to your case, everything say yes to you not equal he or she is your real friend. Real friends should be excuse together, maybe she just think about something should do suddenly, so cannot help you. If you can think like this, you can have a good mind at least.
@mermaidivy (15404)
• United States
6 May 09
I think to measure a real friend for us takes quite a long time. It needs time to observe the people's real personality and everything, sometimes he/she acts nice but maybe it is not true, I have experienced with a female friend, I thought she was my best friend after getting along with her for couple months at school, she ended me got me into a real huge trouble that could never made up for anything, I was regret for anything that I have done with her and I told myself I cannot trust people that easy anymore, need to keep any eye open all the time when meeting a new freiend.
• China
6 May 09
It is a great fortune to own a real friend. When you can help your friend, you feel happy, then he/she is a real friend for you. Treasure your friend, follow your heart, and a real friend will come to you at the end.
@sonusd (1547)
• India
6 May 09
I think you want to disclose what you have done with your friends as friendship is the best relation in this world you should not discuss your friends wrong things in front of others and she may be have done wrong with you but in other hand she may be really busy at that time so she would not be able to doyour work properly but that does not mean she dont care for you ,and you have spent 3 year with her and this is just an example of one day so from these things one unknown person can not measure the level of friendship
• Philippines
6 May 09
at times i use a measuring stick or if i can have them dissolved maybe a beaker would do or a cylinder i also use tape measures and other methods like my hand to measure my friends but i dont measure them much anymore as they find it offensive but i do have a friend who measures people so they can find a perfect casket for you.
• United States
6 May 09
i think that she is not a very good freind, even though she may be there for you from time to time it dosnt sound like she would drop everything for you, whereas you would do anything to help her out. i think that you should try to look for better freinds becasue to me it seems like she is just mooching off you.
• China
6 May 09
hi, mymaria, you know, there are many different kinds of people in the world, sometimes the nice people in a bad mood would do sth you can't imagine, that doesn't mean your friend doesn't care about you, just take you as example, taking the shoes out for reparing isn't an emergent thing to do, it is not a big deal, but if you are in emergency and your friend won't help you, you can get to an conclusion that this guy is not your real friend