Is it right to return a gift or a present?
By kiran8
@kiran8 (15348)
Mangalore, India
May 7, 2009 3:57am CST
I had a very strange and unpleasant experience with one of my neighbors the other day. She has been very nice and initially when she moved into our building, i gave her all the necessary info regarding the city and services since she was new to the place. She and her little daughter showed an interest in my plants and wanted some rare plants which i put in planters and gave her. She has had them for 2 years now, and since 2 of the plants died i replaced them and in all i gave her about 5 plants.
Just the other day she moved to another place and at that time she just brought the planters and kept it down and said ' I dont want them any more, i am leaving them back' - I felt a little hurt, am i right in feeling so or am i over reacting? or was she right in doing it, because of her own constrictions? I personally would never have done it though, because I would treasure anything given by others to me esp when i have asked for it...
Plz friends let me know your views regarding this, is it right to give back a gift or a present for any reason?
3 people like this
7 responses
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
8 May 09
Hi Kiran,
It is not at all good to give back a present; it will definitely hurt the giver. Is she given any reason for her return, whether she is not having enough space in new home like that? If yes, her act is justifiable but then also she is responsible to convince you properly the reason for return and I think it can avoid your hurt feelings. I am really sorry to know about your trauma, forget about it in future please take care while dealing with these kinds of people. In my opinion, if somebody gives some gift it is shows the ‘love and concern’ of them irrespective of the cost and quality. If I am in a situation I prefer to keep the gift as a symbol of love. Whether we using the gift or not, that is upto us but definitely we can avoid the hurts feeling of others.
2 people like this
@Fleura (29218)
• United Kingdom
26 Nov 15
That's a bit awkward and it's hard to say without knowing everything, but perhaps she couldn't take them with her for some reason so instead of giving them away to someone else (or even throwing them out) she decided to return them to you. That would not be so bad but perhaps she didn't choose her words very wisely or explain the situation properly.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
7 May 09
Hi there!
I find it kinda rude to return what has been given to me as a gift. Giving a gift back is just like expressing you don't like the gift or you're not appreciating it. I would also be hurt if the same happens to me. Even if we don't like the gift we shouldn't return it.
Did you asked your neighbor why she gave it back? Maybe you too had a misunderstanding and she felt she has to end your friendship that's why she's giving the plant back.
I find it kinda rude to return what has been given to me as a gift. Giving a gift back is just like expressing you don't like the gift or you're not appreciating it. I would also be hurt if the same happens to me. Even if we don't like the gift we shouldn't return it.
Did you asked your neighbor why she gave it back? Maybe you too had a misunderstanding and she felt she has to end your friendship that's why she's giving the plant back.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
7 May 09
Hi iskayz, thanks a lot for your response, I agree,I too would never think of returning a gift even if i fell out with the person. As far as my neighbor is concerned, in fact we were on good terms right until she returned the plants, the day she was leaving, that's what is so strange about her behavior...In fact the previous day she left her daughter with me as she wanted her to study undisturbed while they were moving stuff into their new house..
1 person likes this
@agrim94 (3805)
• India
12 May 09
Hi kiran,
I know it hurts when someone returns your gift. And your gift was i can see which took lot of effort to make. it take lots and lots of effort to grow plants and it takes lot of money to grow rare plants. I know because i got few pots and my gardener comes less than once a week and would always take 150 to 200 rupees from me on one pretax or another. But coming to your case, did she mention where she is going and may be she is moving in a flat in some city where she can not keep the plants in the Flat. May be it is not ground floor so it is impossible to keep plants in flats which are not ground floors so it is better to give it back to you so the plants have life otherwise she would have to throw them but if she could have kept them where she is moving then it is very rude to return the gift given with such love and care.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
14 May 09
Hi agrim thanks a lot for your response, first of all the lady in question and I are both resideded on the second floor of an apartment block, and now she is moving closeby here to a larger flat and there is no problem of space from what i can see, it is just that she dint want to take them , which is o;k, but there is way of saying it..
@parthu28 (498)
• India
11 May 09
hey kiran......
even i love to grow plants and i would say that you are very right in feeling the way you r right now......
i mean when she had asked for it and took the plants from you .i can understand how lovingly you would have gave her those plants and how bad it would have felt when she left them back for you......
i would have felt the same way you are feeling if someone would have done that to me
......
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
7 May 09
The times have changed our views ,although I would think just how did,, it is not a matter to WORRY about,, she has a reason that she could not mention,,just take it easy,, I believe she does not have place for the plants or something like that,, also I believe she does not have a bad mind,Please do not feel hurt,,time will tell ,, she might mention about it one day,,
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
7 May 09
Hi kawalnarang, you may be right, either she is hesitating to tell her reason or she is ill mannered. I am not expecting her to take something by force, but i feel there is a better mode of communication which would have made me happier..thanks for responding
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
7 May 09
For courtesy sake a few words should have done the job,, but as i say ,one day she might open her mouth and spill the beans,( she might explain)although it will be too late,, Keep smiling Dear and do not spoil ur day ,,please
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
7 May 09
If there are restrictions to where she is moving, then it is just right that she would give back the plant to you. Imagine if she will take the plants then dumped it after all in the garbage. But maybe some better words could have taken away your hurt. Your neighbor could have said she wanted to bring them but she just can't so it's better that she will give it back to you.
But that is just for the plants though or anything that is hard to keep (such as pets). Otherwise, giving back gifts is not good at all.
