Loaning money to a friend....
By chadandtia
@chadandtia (21)
United States
May 15, 2009 3:18pm CST
So I have this couple that I am friends with and have been for a few years. They were going through some hard times and needed to pay some bills so I loaned them money. He tells me that he is going to pay me back and then he doesn't. I let it go for a while and he tells me he's going to pay me back after taxes since they get a big refund. And again he doesn't.
It wouldn't bother me so much but then I see the way they spend money on things that they don't need or even use. Sometimes it is just wasteful. For example a gym membership for the whole family to a high priced gym. Not saying a gym membership isn't great but they could have gotten a cheaper membership at another gym that I know is great, and why did they get memberships for the kids who never use it and have no way to go to the gym (younger not driving age kids). Plus now they hardly ever use the gym at all. So instead of wasting money they could have paid me back.
This is only one example of many that they spend and spend and don't pay their debts. So what do I do? I like the couple but this is frustrating me and making me resent them and my decision to help them.
2 people like this
8 responses
@keatondrunk (259)
• Philippines
16 May 09
You're such a good friend indeed, a person who can lean on to during hardtimes, but I think lending money to a friend is associated with the thought that they will never give it back as I've experienced, well others do. Maybe the thing is you can lend them money for a certain amount lower than they're asking for and take it as a help.
1 person likes this
@jalapenos789 (47)
• United States
16 May 09
Hey,
I really think you should take this up to your friend. I think your friend sort of wants you to take this to him, so he/she could have a reason to start this conversation.
Not sure if you said anything when they spent all their money on gym membership, but next time you loan someone money and they do something like this, make sure you get to the bottom of it. It's your money.
1 person likes this
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
16 May 09
Hi there... Just how much money did you lend them??... In my opinnion whenever you lend a friend money it should always be out of the kindness of your heart. no paybacks.BECAUSE when things like this happen it ruins friendsships...
And to me friends are more important then money..If when u say theres no need to pay me back this is a gift. and they STILL proceed to pay you back then great that is awesome really good friends but not everyone has a mind like that...That doesnt mean that they are not likable people or are not worthy to be someones friends. everyone has flaws.. But now you have to think wich is more important you friendship or the money.......Mabey if you stop waiting for them to pay you back they actuslly will pay u back... you know how people say dont stare at the pot the water will take longer to boil.....lol
Goodluck to you and your friends..
@chadandtia (21)
• United States
18 May 09
I loaned $800 to my friend. And times were tough when they had to borrow. But since then he has gotten a decent job and is working full time so....
I don't know. Maybe I should forget about it and then if they do pay me back, suprise extra cash!
@galileo2008 (1141)
• Philippines
16 May 09
My co-worker told me that she needed the money because one of her kids got sick. I lent her 1000 pesos. Everytime I ask her to pay me back, she made excuses and some other alibis. Until now I never got the chance to have my money back.
@luckyangel78 (487)
•
15 May 09
Hi, I can see why you must be frustrated! I can't understand people like that, I make sure if I borrow any money that the minute I have any money I pay it back first before spending any money. I have loaned friends in the past and had no trouble but when I did loan money to my partners friend he used to not answer the phone to us and avoid us! This taught me a lesson never to loan money to him again!
I suggest you be honest with your friend and say what you think in a nice polite way and if they take it bad then they wasn't real friends in the first place. It is only right to pay your friends first before spending any money. If you don't get the money back see it as a positive and be glad you got the chance to really see that persons true colours!
@prinzcy (32322)
• Malaysia
16 May 09
I know how your feel. I have a friend who I can't refuse to give loans (she's good with persuasion power~~~) and I hate to ask back the money. It make me feel like begging to do that. But if I don't, she'll tend to forget and said nothing. She also went shopping with me and buy more stuff than I was! So, I spontaneously pop up the question when we met for dinner. She was shocked and gave me another reason. Then I did that again when we shop together. I even asked her to pay the bills on my behalf. In the end, it work. She's not really close to me anymore but at least I am satisfied.
@anday0108 (628)
• Philippines
16 May 09
I have also a friend who owed me a huge amount of money. Her debts are over her head, so I do not really have the heart to ask her to pay me. Maybe I just pity her with her financial problems and she is a very close friend. She doesn't spend her money for shopping or any unnecessary spending so its ok for me if she haven't paid me yet. I think she will not be able to pay me at all. However, If in a situation like yours, when you friend owes you money but spend on shopping more than you do, well its a different story and you really need to ask her to pay you.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
16 May 09
Hi chadandtia, I feel that your friends are taking plain advantage of you. Anybody who borrows money should first think of returning the money and then only spend on other luxuries. I would advise you to ask them for your money in a firm manner without hurting them - afterall you have your needs and you can tell them ..
@candramawa (114)
• Indonesia
16 May 09
I got almost similar experience in the past. I know it's really hard to ask the money back. It felt like facing two options. Friends or money. At last I changed the way I think. If it's a good friend we lend our money to, he will be such a responsible person who will do all he can to return our money back. No matter what. I started asking them to return my money back in a good manner. I told them that I was badly in need of the money and they told me why the couldn't return the money as promised. We then renegotiated and by doing so... you can guess... Yeah, I got the money back. From this experience I learned that telling the truth is the best way. We should not think about the inconvenience that might appear. Just think it this way. A good friend won't let us down because we wont, either, right?
