Do mama's boys make good husband material

@scheng1 (24715)
Singapore
May 22, 2009 10:05am CST
I come across this question while rating articles in Helium. There are 16 writers expressing their opinions on this question. My friend dated a guy from her church. After a few dates, he told my friend "if my mother does not like you, I will break up with you." When my friend told me this, I was horrified, and asked her to reconsider dating this guy. He is really an extreme example of mama's boy. I have not a chance to meet him, and have no desire to meet him. I do not think that he will make a good husband to my friend. I hope my friend can come to her senses. What do you think? Do you think that mama's boys make good husband material?
5 people like this
21 responses
@dragon54u (31646)
• United States
22 May 09
Mama's boys are the product of a sick person, one who has to hold onto her child and smother them, control their lives. They don't really love their children, they just depend on them to make them feel powerful. Mama's boys are bad, bad news and marriages rarely flourish with those peoples. I've known of mama's girls, too, who won't leave their mothers. My nephew lost his job recently and I invited him, his wife and child up here to stay rent free while they get on their feet but she won't leave her mother no matter how much her family suffers. My nephew and his boy may be coming up here on their own!
3 people like this
@russso (1699)
• Philippines
23 May 09
I so want to cry after reading your post. My mom, brother, and I have to deal with a control-freak grandmother who just want to manipulate her sons. I learned something from you, thanks for sharing.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Dragon, I hope your nephew can find a job too. And I hope that his marriage to this mama's girl will not suffer. Hopefully she is still a good wife and a good mother despite being a mama's girl. Unless her mother is weak and sickly, otherwise I can't see the logic of sticking to her mother. I doubt those mama's boys and mama's girls can make a success out of life. They live too much in the shadow of their mothers.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 09
As a mother of a son, and a wife of a man that I had to earn his family to like me No I do not think that a mamas boy would make a good husband. Yes, as a mom, I want my son to meet a nice woman when he gets older, not one that would take advantage of him, but how would he if the mom is always going to meddle in the relationship, and have to come first for everything? I wouldn't consider my husband as a mamas boy but if he was we would never have gotten married, his mom/family, didn't (half of them still don't) like me. He came back and told me that his family was whispering not nice things about me in his ears, so I could imagine if he was a mamas boy I don't think we would have made it past the first date.
3 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Imajerseygirl, your husband and son are fortunate to have you around. Fortunately your husband knows how to think, otherwise he has to marry a woman that he doesn't like (which his mum loves). I dont think this kind of marriage can last. Look like you are staying near to your husband's family. If you are not, it really doesn't matter much whether his family loves you or not. The impact isn't that great if you are living in other part of the world, and see them only once a year.
1 person likes this
@cannibal (650)
• India
23 May 09
That's a real interesting one! Well, I'm quite a mama's boy myself. Everyone knowing me personally says this. And I also feel the same personally. But I don't much agree with you that we aren't hubby material. What I feel is, people like us are always on the lookout for an emotional support, specifically from ladies. So first it's mom, and later the wife! But there's a pitfall: Two are too hot to handle. Mamas' boys tend to sideline their mums later and get inclined towards the newly found fe-support. I ain't into the wedding locks yet, but I've seen many such cases. I just hope I go the same wy. I simply luv mum!
2 people like this
@cannibal (650)
• India
23 May 09
Whoop, a horrendous goof-up. I wanted to say, "..... many such cases. I just hope I DON'T go the same way. I simply....."
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Cannibal, you do offer a very interesting point of view. Most of the ladies who responded to this thread suffer a failed marriage or relationship with mama's boys. Since you know that you are emotionally weak and need support, I hope you can take steps to get emotionally stronger. Learn to make decision independently of your parents, and dont always let your mama make decision for you. Most ladies expect their husbands to make a stand against interfering in-laws. After all, once marriage, husbands do need to make decisions, they can't always turn to their mamas to make decision for them.
1 person likes this
@cannibal (650)
• India
26 May 09
Scheng You could be right on most fronts, but I reckon I have a few differences of opinion. I guess I didn't clarify it all that well before. As for me per se, I don't quite feel I'm that averse to taking decisions because of mum.(I might be wrong but still.. ) I just have a constant feeling hovering over my mind that my mum has done a great deal of stuff and sacrifices for me. (That was my version of emotional support from both; may be we're also striving for appreciation from them.) So I generally at least pretend sometimes that I'm completely at her command. This gives a sense of satisfaction to her and I find no harm in continuing it even after marriage, indeed because I owe a lot to her. And anyway, mum's are not going to stay alive with you all your life, to be very practical (Pardon me if I'm rude here) So the last few days, they have all the right in this world to own their beloved sons, for whom she has done what not throughout her life. Isn't that fair? Again as far as I'm concerned, I do take most decisions (at least regarding those outside the four walls of my house) myself. Mum does not try much to interfere; and whenver she does, either I convince her or else pretend that I'm going according to her norms. I know this can be fatal in the future once my better half steps in; but I'm sure I now have acquired the knack of handling such situations. I don't say I'll deceive my wife, but I'd be able to strike a right chord between them two by explaining the real picure to her; the way I've done here. As for the cases I mentioned to have observed, like I'd said there was a transition. I just hope I don't end up hurting even any one of them any way. In any case I know my plans aren't foolproof and I'll definitely keep your advices in mind before making any decisions. Thanks for those! They were certainly quite valuable. Please let me know if you think I'm doing wrong currently (Someway deceiving mum); because this certainly is a crucial decision.
2 people like this
@russso (1699)
• Philippines
22 May 09
I think not. My dad's a certified mama's boy and our life with him just sucked because of this. He still lives with his mom until now.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
22 May 09
Oh dear, so sorry to hear that. I guess he should not even get married and have a family. I feel so sorry for your mother, she must have a hard time with your dad. It's impossible for your mum to copy the kind of love shown by his mother. Nothing that your mum did is ever good enough for your dad. Too bad your dad never grow up.
1 person likes this
@russso (1699)
• Philippines
23 May 09
My parents have been married on paper for almost 29 years. In all these years of "being married", they only spent time together under one roof for a total of 1 year and that isn't even one entire year. It's broken down into weeks that sum up to one year. It's really lousy and my dad's always been a difficult person. I can't really remember him being a father to my brother and I, much more a husband to mom. His life is controlled by his mother. What you said was true, that he should not have gotten married and should not have had kids. Mom told him that. I told him that too. I'm sorry I'm ranting. I'm just really frustrated with him.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Russso, your dad is really an extreme example of a mama's boy. He sounds even worse than those boys in diapers. Even those little boys know when to stand up for their rights. Wonder why your mother remains married to him for so many years. Guess she must be those very kind and gentle lady
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (123076)
• Boise, Idaho
23 May 09
I think sometimes being a moma's boy teaching them some things but in this case and most I have heard of it just means the guy is demented. I would hope she is smart enough and has enough self respect to move away from the situation. It means mom has full control and she will live in hell every day. There will be no compromise of privacy. All to the mothers whims. What a simply ugly way to live. If you even call that living.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Celticeagle, at least that guy already informed my friend right from the beginning that he will listen to his mother. My friend still wanted to go ahead with the relationship, so she got to put on a pretense every time she's with the family. I agree that life is a hell, with the mother-in-law interfering in every aspect of marriage life, and the mama's boy keep listening to his mother.
1 person likes this
@tundeemma (896)
• South Africa
23 May 09
there is nothing wrong with being a mama's boy and i do thing mama's boys can even performed better in their marriages because they are close to their mothers and are used to how to treat women better , they are caruing and are compassionate but unfortunately many women think they are weak
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Tundee, being filial is different from being a mama's boys. Some guys are very extreme, they listened to their mothers even though they knew that their mamas were wrong. Sometimes it's difficult to keep a marriage if the husband always let his mother interfere in his marriage. I mean, no wife likes to have the mother-in-law complaining about her cooking skill, family finance management skill, house keeping skills and whatever. If the mother-in-law stays away, or let her son make independent decision, then the marriage could work. Most mama's boys let their mothers make all decision, and want their wives to follow everythings that their mothers say, that's why mama's boys are perceived as weak.
1 person likes this
@angemac23 (2005)
• Canada
23 May 09
Mama's boys do not make good partners a lot of the times because they have become so dependent on their mothers and went through life with her doing everything for him that he expects every woman who comes into his life to be his surrogate mother. If you date one of these guys, be prepared to be more of a mother to him than a partner! At least that is my experiences with guys like this!
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Angemac, agree with your observations. Mama's boys are forever immature, they are not fit to be a family head. It's a pity that those mothers do not know the harm that they are causing to their sons. Instead of helping their sons to grow into an independent and mature guys who can make wise decisions, they are controlling every aspect of their sons' lives, making marriage and family life miserable for their sons.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 May 09
that's too overboard, that friend of yours should rethink her options.. The guy has no backbone..he can't decide for himself The guy would always look the qualities of his mother to your friend.. and if your friend fails to the comparison..then she's definitely out... so it's better to get out now before it becomes harder to go...
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Jackie, at least the guy is wise enough to inform my friend right from the start that he is a mama's boy. I hope my friend comes to her senses. She is not the kind of gal that his mother likes. Her mother wants quiet gal who aims to get a master degree, yet gentle enough to listen to her son (or rather listen to her). My friend is very noisy, the worst gossip in the company. She has created a lot of unhappiness in the company due to her unbridle tongue, even though she has a very kind heart.
1 person likes this
@loisvite (47)
• Philippines
23 May 09
Well, my husband is mama's boy, but not the extreme one.. Good thing also that his mother listen and respects his decision in what situation or things he is up to.. Me and his mom already had lots of misunderstanding, sometimes ends up in argument, but my husband always been neutral to us, he sorts things out for the better relationship.
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Loisvite, glad that your husband did learn to make decision on his own. He sounds like a very peaceable guy. I think he loves his mother, but not always seek advice from his mother. That's why his mother still listens and respects his decision. Fortunately your husband does not take side. Otherwise his relationship with his mum or you will suffer. Hopefully the misunderstanding or argument you have with his mom does not blow out of proportion.
1 person likes this
@agv0419 (3027)
• Philippines
22 May 09
No they are not husband material. Mama's boy always obey what his mother says and never listen to other's opinion. He has no disposition in life and controls by her mother. I think if you going to have a relationship with that guy your relationship is not going to work and he is not an ideal husband.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Agv, agree that most mama's boys never learnt to stand on their feet. If they had, they will not be mama's boys. I wonder why those mothers want to control their children to such an extent. Most mothers want their children to succeed in life, and have a great career and great family. Fortunately, none of my friends are products of such parents. I dont know why my friend wanted to continue relationship with this guy. He already mentioned that he will listen to his mother, yet my friend rather pretend to be the kind of gals that his mother likes.
1 person likes this
@jayrene (2712)
• Philippines
22 May 09
nope, i dont think so... the mom will always have the say in everything, even minor decisions, the guy will always do what mom says... and this will end up in arguments, and mom is always the best and always right in the guy's mind. but if the mom is an understanding mom, like she would also take into consideration the girl's feelings and situation, the relationship may work out.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Jayrene, if the mama is an understanding mom, then she will make sure that her son has the right qualities to make a good husband. She will not encourage her son to diverge all the family problems and will not want to control the son's marriage. I believe that wise mother will encourge their children to make decision, and be willing to suffer the consequence of bad judgement. Most parents are wise enough to let the younger generation works thing out, and perhaps to learn things the hard way.
1 person likes this
@biman_s (1060)
• India
22 May 09
I really don't think that mamma's boys can prove to be a good husband primarily because its obvious that they lack a lot of things which are necessary to be a good husband. They don't listen to their partner, they lack good judgement, confidence, etc. Mamma's boys should always stay mamma's boys.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Biman, agree that most mama's boys are very soft, and lack good judgement and confidence. If they always have to ask their mama for advices, they should not get married. I pity those women married mama's boys, especially those women who married for money. They are going to suffer a great deal under the rule of the great mama-in-law.
1 person likes this
@Rayray13 (24)
• United States
22 May 09
it depends how much a mamas boy he is. but I know some firends that wont date others if their mother or father dont like them. they just want to be with a person who they can take to their family with worrying about the a possible serious argument. or he/she family might be like 4 christmass that movie was jacked up.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Rayray, most people are not so extreme. They do respect their parents, and are very close to their families, but that doesn't mean that they listen to everything their parents told them. My colleague son is very close to her, since he's the only son. He will share his thoughts and happenings with my colleague, but not always listening to her. He does know how to make his decision. I think those people who choose their soul mates based on family liking is really stupid. They are not ready to start a family, and bear the responsibility of a parent.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 09
Some do and some don't. If the mother is a good person, she probably raised a good son and their closeness is more likely than not a good thing. On the other hand, if the mother is a overbearing nut job and her son is a snivelling ninny, I'd steer clear of Junior.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Lambchoper, if the mother is good, she will not want her son to listen to her in everything. She will want her son to make wise and independent decision. Most people are close to their mum, but that doesn't make them mama's boy. They know how to seek advice, and can decide to take the advice or not, they wont listen to everything that their mums say. It's those overbearing mums that always produce weak children, who can't make a decision on their own.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 May 09
I always heard that they way a man treats his mom is the way he will treat his wife. I beg to differ. I was in a relationship for 4yrs with a complete mama's boy. I mean if we went to the mall he always bought her something or if he bought something he made sure he always showed her. Well, anwyay he use to abuse me and I use to be so dumb-founded because his dad treated his mom like crap. So now my views are different on that subject. I have a new guy friend who is kind of a bad butt and sometimes talks back to his mom but he seems to be good. As your friend's situation I don't think he should break up with a girl just because his mom doesn't approve. That is why everyone is different. Our parents shows us right and wrong and then it is our choice to lead the life we were meant to go.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Flirtykumquat, glad that your current guy friend is a much better person than that mama's boy. I do not agree that the way a man treats his mom is the same way he will treat his wife. The relationship is completely different. It is akin to saying that the way a man treats his boss is the same as he treats his parents. Some guys are "yes, sir" man to their bosses, but became abusive to his family. Actually to be fair, my friend's boyfriend already informed her right from the start that he is a mama's boy. Since my friend decided to continue the relationship, she can't blame him if anything goes wrong.
1 person likes this
@mimimeow (295)
• Hong Kong
22 May 09
N.O.! I can respell the word. No, definitely not! I can hardly stand this kind of people, regardless of he is a male or female. It's actually worsen the case if he is a male. Not much woman can stand her husband to have another woman in his heart, especially she is in the second place! Which is your husband will say "Mom told me not to.....", "Oh no, mom will be displeased by.....", "Mommy wants that.....", "Mommy wants ths...."....... Well, I am starting to think he is a maid! While you are going to live with someone who listens to most of his mommy's words or choose to support his mama before reasoning, you life is going to be miserable! Suck, just to think of that make me want to hit those mommy boy already!!! I have friend who has just given birth to a baby girl and her mother-in-law went to "take care" of them in the first month. Which was my friend had to prepare lunch for everybody, feed & take care of the baby and train up the maid rather then lied down any rest. Her husband found out and "ordered" his mother to stop visiting in the last 2 weeks of her pregnancy leave. AND that's a good husband!
2 people like this
• Philippines
22 May 09
I can not make a sweeping conclusion about mama's boys but in this particular case, I agree with you, I also think that your friend should think again about this guy. It is simply not good that a man who is old enough to date should continue to let his mother make decisions and choices for him. On the other hand, if by mama's boy it just means that a man has stronger ties with his mom than his dad, it can be a good indicator that he will be a loving man to his wife.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Blungel, actually to be fair, this guy has informed my friend right from the beginning, where there isn't much feelings hurt if they do break up. In this case, my friend is really stupid to continue with him. She has to pretend to be the kind of person to gain approval of his mother. She has to act like a quiet and gentle lady, goes home right after work to study the Bible. Actually she's exactly the kind of person that this guy's mother hates. She's very lively and loves nightlife, and she's the worst gossiper in the company.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 May 09
I don't think so. Well, they will make good sons but not husbands. Although it really depends on the person, on the guy perhaps if he will let his i-love-mom attitude to affect his personal life. As for your friend, it's a WOAH! really? I don't know what to say either, and horrified as well.
2 people like this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
22 May 09
Hi Xroad, I agree that it depends on the person. Some guys are just filial, but they are just and fair. I do not know what to say to my friend too. She is really stupid. The guy already informed her, so that she could make a decision right from the start. She chose to pretend to be the kind of person that his mother loved. When in fact she was very wild, and loved to party whole night.
1 person likes this
• India
22 May 09
If the guy your friend is dating listens to his mother rather than to his own common sense then he have very little chance to be happy and successful in his life. To become self dependent is important in leading a fruitful life. Listening to one's parents is not wrong but depending solely upon them is never advisable. So your friend need to look into how her dates mother decides. If she is just and kind and intelligent then all will be well. Good luck.
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
22 May 09
Hi Surya, at least he's frank enough to inform my friend. Since my friend wants to continue the relationship with him, she has to bear the consequences if ever they get married. My friend is blinded by love. Right now she has to pretend to be innocent young lady in front of his family, especially his mother, even though she's really a wild gal with unbridle tongue.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12056)
• United States
24 May 09
Maybe he wants someone who can get along with his mother because things have not gone so well in the past. When I was young and someone came to my house and my grandmother was head over heels for him (especially when he was NOT my date) that was the end of it for me. Guys thought that if they scored points with your parents or guardians they were in. My other half's mother loves me but she has never had any ill relationship with anyone he brought around as far as I know.
1 person likes this
@scheng1 (24715)
• Singapore
26 May 09
Hi Canellita, I heard my friend say that her boyfriend had broken off with a few girls before, just because his mother didn't like those gals. Actually all from the same church. His brothers did not listen to his mother much, they did not care whether their mother liked those gals or not. His mother wanted them to get girlfriends who were degree-holder, from reputatable universities, and wanted them to gain master degree. His brother's girlfriend was studying for her doctorate, and his mother felt her over-qualified. His mother found fault with her nationality too. Personally I think my friend is very stupid to continue the relationship. She is not the kind of person his mother likes, so she has to pretend to be a studious and quiet gal.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12056)
• United States
26 May 09
That is such a crazy situation! Why would your friend even put herself through all of that? I am sure with her qualities she could easily find someone else who would be better suited for her.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12056)
• United States
29 May 09
Thanks for the best response!