What do I do?

what should you do? throw that guy out of your and your kids' life. that is the right way to go about. you had expectations from him - he should love you, he should take care of the kids etc. he did not do any of these as both husband and father. many get into these kind of trouble. the reason being blind love. in love one should always keep one's eyes wide open and never trust anyone blindly. to cove the bills, think you should take up a job as soon as possible. there is no other way.

there is nothing you can be do, but i feel so sad for you, its terrible, how can you cope all this alone, i wish this incident makes you stronger than before

That is so sad and I am very sorry to hear it. I had my daughter 17 years ago and her father was never kind to me either or to her. He still does not acknowledge either one of us, especially her. I loved him also but forced myself to move on because I knew he would never change. He did not help us with bills or anything either but now he has to pay child support. I told my child the truth about him and she has tried to call him a few times. He brushes her off and she now sees for herself the kind of person he really is also.

You need to concentrate on yourself and your children. As I told a friend of mine that is having problems with her husband, you are in love with what he was, not with what he is now. Your love is for a memory. If he was worthy of your love he would be beside you and helping with the children and he wouldn't be leaving you alone without money. It is something that you don't overcome, you need it to strengthen your resolve to give you the strength to write him off. You can't be with someone who you can't depend on...besides the fact that it appears that the man has never grown up. You think about it, there isn't love for anyone if he would come to you and try to pick a fight. Also, he knew that you were close to your due date, yet his sleep was more important??? UHHH can you spell don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out? You deserve better lady! And, your daughter already has her daddy pegged as someone who doesn't give a fig. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. When the time is right you simply need to explain to them that their daddy hadn't grown up enough to handle a family, so you needed the space to give them both the love and caring that they deserve. It isn't putting their daddy down, but it is telling them the truth. Now, you really need to take care of you, and don't let the man back into your life. You need to see that you are happier without him, and life is much quieter and happier when he is away. I send you tons of bear hugs and hugs for your children. Give them each a kiss for me.

Pray to God to guide you on what to do but first ask Him blessings of strength and good health plus a sound mind for you to handle this. Pray to Him to touch your husband's heart and mind for him to take good care of his family and do his responsibility being a husband and a father. Have faith and you'll feel better and things will go in their right places. God bless you with financial assitance and hope, a renewed, responsible, loving husband.

He walked out on you so you need to get a lawyer and get child support from him. If he real loved you I would think he would love your children too. It seem he does not want to be with you or his children. Get the lawyer and get on with your life it will be hard because you still love him but you and the children have to come first.

I am so sorry to hear about your son. Do you have family where you are living? If so, let them help. If not, get them to come to you. You need all the support you can get.As for the " father", try to forget him. He isn't there for you or the children and it is his loss.All you can do is tell your 9 year old the truth that dad left.If you have friends , they are good too.Have them over just to talk.In other words lean on loved ones and build up your strength. Take Care.

Hello barbiegirl13, I don't know what kind of husband and father he is. I know that love is blind but I don't think he deserves to be loved. You should think of yourself and your children. What kind of father who doesn't care about his children. I don't believe he doesn't have the heart to be a responsible father. Why don't you just forget about him though you love him so much and move on with your life? Your kids need your love and attention and they deserve that far more than their irresponsible father.

I know you are going through a lot with your son. However, trying to hold on to a loser that their father is just a way to keep your mind occupied with other things. You need to let it go, you are much better without him in your life. You will find that you can survive and thrive much better without him around. Tell your children the truth when they ask, but they will already know what a jerk he is. Trust in yourself. I hope you have family or friends to help also. I will keep you in prayers. Good Luck. I hope you can move on to a wonderful life.

I've read some of your answers here but not all. What I'm going to suggest may have been suggested so I apologize ahead of time if they have. Aside from the emotional part of what you're going through, you need a good income so you don't worry about that. You have enough on your plate without worrying about money. Get yourself to the Bureau of Support Enforcement and file for an Order making him pay child support. Even if you don't know where he is, just give them any and all information you can about him. They'll find him. That may take some time so, in the meantime, you need to contact Social Security because your sick son most definitely qualifies for SSI (Supplemental Security Income) because of his illness. Also, you may qualify for some assistance yourself, like food stamps or something like that. It's not shameful to be getting help from the government... it's part of what you're working for! It's help when help is needed. Your son's father sounds pretty worthless to me... a waste of human life. I know you say you love him and hate him, but you need to sit yourself down and ask yourself why you love him. What is it about him that you love? Anyone who can create a life, then abandon that life, is a worthless piece of crap. He abandoned you, too. He certainly does not love you. If he did, he never would have left you and the two lives he helped to create. You need to realize that whatever part of him you think you love is not worth the price of him abandoning you or your children. My first husband was one I could say I loved and also hated. He could be so very kind and loving but then turn in a second and be mean; I mean physically and emotionally abusive. I had to kick his butt out the door, but cried the entire time he was leaving. I knew that living without him would be much healthier for me and our son than going through the kind of pain he put me through.

That is so sad and I'm sorry to hear you are going through that. It seems like writing him off would be the best thing for you and your children even though it may hurt at first but the pain he is causing is far greater. In letting him go you can free yourself up to be more present for your children and also poen yourself up to meeting someone who will love you and your children and treat you much better than this. You and the children deserve a better life than what this gy has to offer. Let him stay gone. he is doing you a great favor.

I would tell my kids that there's all different people that choose to live their lives differently in this world and that unfortunately, their father is one that is not very kind. Just take care your kids and write him off to you and your family. Forget him changing, I don't believe that will happen.

It seems to me that he was unsupported mentally, physically and financially when he was there so I would say good riddance to bad rubbish. I would though have DNA tests done, prove they are his children and take him to court for support of those children, (if he is named as the father on their birth certificates then DNA tests in some places is not needed), and help in paying medical bills, I would never let him get out of that one. And even if he has a low paying job or monthly income, with a child that is so sick, the court will force him to pay something. Might not be a lot but at least you will have a bit of financial relief and the satisfaction of knowing that he has to pay for at least something he has created.

I struggle with a man like this too. Only mine left and then wants to come back. My issue is weather or not I should let him. If he just left and left me alone it would be easier to move on. But, this one comes and goes. Grrr. So, take it as a blessing that he has just left you. It will be hard, but it would be easier than questioning weather he will return or now. There should be many places in your community to help you pay the bills. Don't be ashamed to try and get this help. It does not make you like the so called 'welfare losers' that do this just sit on their butt all day. This makes you a mom struggling to make ends meet. My thoughts go out to you. I really do feel some of your pain. Just don't do what I did and fall into such a state of grief that your children get taken from you by the state. Because then you will have a whole knew set of worries to deal with. Okay?

If it was me I'd go straight to the nearest citizens advice centre (or whatever the equivalent in your country is)and ask what the laws are about child maintenance. I'd then make sure that he was made to pay support for his children. I'd write him off as a partner or father. He's one selfish B! I know you say you love him but he obviously doesn't care about you or your children so isn't worthy of your love anyway. Harden your heart and make him live up to his responsibilities. As a care-worker I know how hard it is for you to work and look after such a sick child so also ask for any benefits you may be entitled too. Here in the UK I know you'd be given financial and practical help so I hope where you are you can get the same! Also as a care-worker I've heard far too many similar stories and sometimes I wonder just how selfish can humans be! I wish you well and hope you can find the help you need.

Hugs to you dear. You have been with this man for 10 years and given him 2 children, yet he has not married you. What does this say about him? Also, where do you suppose he goes when he is gone for days at a time? I can tell you he isn't hanging out with the boys. This man is abusive and he is using you for when he has nothing better going on. I understand that you love him, but love isn't enough to sustain a healthy relationship. There are many social service agencies out there that would help you. You may have to move to a cheaper place, find ways to cut back on expenses, but it can be done. You are strong enough to have tolerated this treatment for so many years, you are certainly strong enough to make it on your own and take care care of your kids, you simply need to realize it. You deserve much better than anything he has to offer. Good luck to you. Oh, and as far as child support, they will take his income tax refund if he is self employed and won't pay.

You tell your children that some times people just can't deal with life and that anything he does has nothing to do with them, they are not to blame. Try to get all the social help you can, I don't know what is available. Get on the internet about your child's problems and find out if there is a support group, they can be helpful in so many ways. Your husband must work out his own problems, he has run away because he can't handle life's stress, you need to look to your self and your kids. Blessings.

I see that you live in the US. Apply for assistance with the department of family services. Your son surely will qualify for medicaid do to his catastrophic health health problems. He may also qualify for a check from social security. You need a social worker to help you find the aid that is available for you. But by all means cut your losses with that self centered man. You don't need that kind around you or your children. And when they start asking questions tell them the truth as kindly as you can. Don't let them think it was any way their fault that their Father is the kind of person he is.

I think it's best to write him off, or just not have any expectations or ask anything of him. I also think it is important however, not to forbid him to see his children should he ever want to. Tell the kids the truth, but without any of your personal opinion. "Dad is busy doing other things right now." Something like that so that you aren't tainting their view of them and they can make their own opinion. I know it's hard to have a sick child, especially so when you don't have the support of the father. Best of luck to you.

I am not married,but I also have my own opinion.In china,there are also many things happened like you.Most of them choose to leave their husband.Because when we are in love,we have to consider our life at first.yet he didnt give you the happiness,what other choices do you have?just being a strong person,I believe you.