Should you BREAK A FRIENDSHIP because your spouse says so?

United States
May 30, 2009 1:46pm CST
This is a hard one for me, because there are so many ifs. Generally though, I tend to think that the marriage relationship is the most important and that there should be no question of who's most important the friend or the spouse.
6 people like this
17 responses
@meyows (438)
• India
16 Jul 09
No I can not do that. I can not just imagine breaking my friendships.
@Porcospino (24448)
• Denmark
2 Jul 09
I used to think that I would never break a friendship because my boyfriend or spouse told me to, and I used to think that he ought to respect the people that I have chosen to have in my life just like I respect his friendships. But that was before, the truth is I have done it, I have given up a friend because my husband asked me to. I had male friend who flirted with me all the time, and he didn't hide the fact that he was interested in being more than just friends. My husband was jealous, and I understood his feelings, because my friend kept flirting with me and he started talking about my husband in a bad way. It was my husband who asked me to end the friendship, but I don't regret it. I didn't like my friend's behavoir and I especially didn't like the bad things he said about my husband.
@mimpi1911 (25475)
• India
8 Jun 09
This is a tough one. I think it would be tough for me because both are very important. I just cannot see my spouse unhappy and also I cannot let go a beautiful friendship. I think, if my spouse really understands me he would not object to a true friendship. I would try to involve him in the friendship as well. It would be great if we three become good friends, isn't it!?
@sid556 (30998)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I also think that the marriage is very important. Friendships are important also...very important. I would not end a friendship simply because my spouse says to. I would, however, listen to my spouse and try to understand just why he did not want me to be friends with this person. I might make compromises but I would not end a friendship just because my husband wanted me to. I'm pretty sure if my husband had just cause for me to end my friendship...i'd have already seen it and ended it on my own.
@katsmeow1213 (29039)
• United States
7 Jun 09
I think ultimatly you need to do what's in the best interest of your marriage, but personally I would try to get to the root of the problem. If your spouse wants you to end a friendship for no reason at all, I don't think that's such a good idea. Some people are controlling and they want you to break off relationships with others so that those people don't point out to you how controlling and needy your spouse is. In a healthy relationship, your spouse will tell you why they have a problem with that person, and it will be a legitimate reason. Most of the time they'll try to come to an agreement. For instance I have a friend my husband didn't like. He thought she was a bad influence, and he felt very threatened by her. But he didn't tell me to stop seeing her. He did request that I not bring my children over to her house, because this friend didn't control her kids well enough and they were wild. He also told me he wouldn't want to hang out with this friend. But I was more than welcome to go see her if I wanted to. That's a healthy relationship, not controlling, not telling me what to do. In the end I chose to break off the friendship myself because I knew how uncomfortable he was over it, and he did have very good reason to be. She was trying to break us up since before he and I got together. I think she felt threatened about the fact that I'd found such a good husband and she was being cheated on.
@glesil_00 (1145)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
In my case, it is not really breaking my friendship to my online friend when i have my romantic pair. I do that because i want him to think that i am not looking for someone else aside from him. I am thinking that i prefer to be losing friendship than to lose him. It is important for me than a friend.
• Kottayam, India
3 Jun 09
look for the better relations with everybody.
• United States
3 Jun 09
With me , marriage would be a prison so of course he would Want me to end all friendships but I would just lie and say it was broken up but I would keep my friends. But the best thing to do for others all depends. IOf you knew your friend way before your spouse , then lie and say it is broken but keep the friendship. but if you knew your spouse way before your friend, then break the friendship.
• India
1 Jun 09
Not at all! Friends are with me for years. I can't loose them just them just because my new relation don't likes it. They are in equal to my parents. Initially, I will make her understand the importance of my friend. If she don't then I'll just ignore her hatred and continue my friendship. But if she has a proper reason, then the decision will be different!
@CHORES (230)
• China
1 Jun 09
No I won't.It is hard for a person to find a friend,why should I give up it?If I am under such circumstances I will talk to himand find out what makes him to say so.It is important to solve the promblem not obeying waht he tell you to do, isn't it ? Happy today
@la_chique (1499)
31 May 09
I have on several occasions. But not because he's said so. One or two things happened on several occasions and we made a joint decision to let those friends go. Certain people just trying to purposefully drive a wedge between us. I thought those people were my friends, but if you're someone's friend you shouldnt try to stop that person from being happy when they're finally in a loving relationship. I think it was mainly down to jelousy on their part. The main thing was that I couldnt see it because we'd been friends for so long but my spouse told me about what had been happening and it made me angry so I asked what I should do. I was glad I broke off those friendships becuase I am still in a happy relationship now yrs later and wouldnt be if I'd have stayed friends with those people.
• Philippines
31 May 09
No... friends is a treasure that is more valuable than anything else. make your friend or your spouse befriend each other.
@winman (235)
• United States
31 May 09
I believe if its for a legit reason like if she is kind of flirty with you and your spouse ask you to leave her, do it if you truly love your spouse shes the only one you really need. Hince you did marry her, Also sometimes certain friends can just make your marriage/life a hell and its a good idea to leave them if they cant grow up.
• Philippines
30 May 09
Good day... I think that before making a decision in breaking any relationship with other people specially when initiated by your spouse should have a valid reason rather than her whim. I mean if in your mind there is no absolute reason in breaking it then why would you. because she just say so? It would not be beneficial for you in the long run in your relationship if you would do just what she'll say without justification.
@Sandra1952 (6052)
• Spain
30 May 09
My first husband was insanely jealous of everyone I met. If I smiled at a man, I was having an affair. If I spent too long at a girlfriend's house (this is really sick) I must be having a lesbian relationship with her, because I preferred being there than with him. He drove all my friends away with this attitude, except my best friend, who refused to be bullied into giving up on our friendship. I was grateful for her support when I finally found the courage to end the relationship. I then found out that he'd made passes at her and several other female friends, so he was projecting his own behaviour onto me. No matter how much you love each other, you both need other people in your lives. My husband Tony and I have lots of mutual friends and also separate friends. We may not like some of each other's friends, but we would never expect one another to break those friendships. The only reason to part with a friend is if the friend has irreparably damaged your relationship. A husband who wants to control your friends is a husband who wants to control every aspect of your life. I know. I've been there.
@spalladino (17923)
• United States
30 May 09
It depends on why your spouse wants you to end the friendship. If your friend did something to your spouse or is rude or disrespectful, then I would agree that the friend has to go but, if your spouse simply dislikes your friend, why should you have to lose a friend over it? My husband has a couple of friends who I just don't like so I avoid them if we're out someplace and they're there.
@angelsmummy (1700)
30 May 09
If they are friends that have been there for you through everything then no you shouldnt stop being friends with them because your spouse says so. Ypour spouse should love you for who you are it doesnt matter who your friends are! I thik thats controlling behaviour when you are getting pressurised into not talking to friends because of your relationship. No way would that happen to me!!