What do you prefer having a baby before or after getting married?

@n30wing (4768)
Philippines
June 4, 2009 4:55am CST
Some friends of mine they get married when their girlfriends are already on the way. But for me I rather get married first and have a baby. I want as first to enjoy each other,I want us to baby each other for a while. Now a day life also is kind a hard. So we rather save the money and get ready first having a baby. Anyway how about you guys? Have a nice day to all of you!
4 people like this
32 responses
@becnh83 (806)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
i agree with you...i also want to have a baby after marriage....i just wanna feel the thing that i am the baby of my boyfriend hehehehehe......
2 people like this
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
Hi becnh83, well I just want me and my fiancee to have time more for each other, babying each other, and enjoying time together, before we have a baby. But if it comes well it's just fine for both of us. Still I wanna save for our baby first also. Life now a days is not that easy, so I rather save for that first. Have a nice day to you!
@HelloMickey (1656)
• Hong Kong
4 Jun 09
Hello n30wing I prefer getting married first before. As my family is very traditionally, my parents don't accept my hubby and I live together before marriage, then I think as couples we still need time to figure out if we match each other or at least we can live with each other for a life. If yes, then we can have a baby, as I think childern would grow up happily only if their parents are good couples with good relationship, so I prefer getting married first and then decide if we can have a baby. I don't like to have a baby so fast after marriage too, I don't want my baby has a broken family and want to a responisble mother if I can. Have a nice day~
1 person likes this
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
Hi HelloMickey, same here with us me and my fiancee, well we been together 2 years and 4 months, we really decided to get married,and we want to go on with the next level, I know the knowing you will not stop within us. But we tried everything to work out straight now. There are no relationship that is perfect, it's how strong your love with each other that counts a lot. It's deciding what's the best for both of us. It's always like a team, two heads are better then one, still respecting each other,and accepting each other for who we are, standing for each other no matter what comes. It's better and for worst. But we still think that it should be step by step, so we still want time being together for another 1 or two years, before we have our baby. We just want maybe everything organize, and prepared always what comes for both of us. Have a nice day to you!
• Hong Kong
9 Jun 09
Glad to know that you have decided to get married. ^.^
@ip5217 (1655)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
I want to have a baby after marriage. That is my ideal order of events. At times though, things happen fast; that's why others are forced to switch the order.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
4 Jun 09
Yes, that is my ideal order of events as well. Personally, many friends of mine who had babies before marriage were only accidents, they didn't mean to have babies that early, but it happened, so that's what they could do, gave the birth before their marriage. So I don't think they actually like that order but it was the only choice they had at that moment, they didn't even have a chance to choose to get married before they had babies.
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
Hi ip5217, I think we all have different choices in our life. But I rather want it step by step, if ever will have a baby soon, it's still fine with me and my fiancee. But if ever we want to save money first so when the baby comes we just want to give our baby the best in everything. Anyway have a great day to you!
• Germany
4 Jun 09
Hi there. I agree with you, having baby after getting married is much better for me. However, i do have a baby before getting married. I could say that the wedding is not what i want, i was having a big tummy on my wedding day. It's not a good thing for my family. Although my parents did not say anything about it, but i know in their heart, they don't like the wedding was presented at this way. For me, it's senseless to imagine how the things can be restart again. However, in my point of view, i think it's better to have a baby when we have the financial foundation especially under this economic situation. Once we have the baby, most of the time, we could not find some times for ourselves, it's all about the baby. We only could do somethings (especially the house chores) when the baby is sleeping. So, i do think after marriage, enjoy ourselves first for some years then just have a baby. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
Hi lulumartin, well to tell you frankly, my fiancee is a single mother. But she survive, she was telling me it wasn't easy for her to do things at both ends.Working at the same time for giving them a good life. But she did, and amaze with her, how she handles her life, and her will. Until now she is still working, and never stop! Sometimes I get worried. I just want her to be a housewife when we say I do. I just want her to handle the children and me work and provide for her. I fell in love with her toughness, and strong will. I already accepted her daughters like my own children. Our youngest is already first year high school. I just want her and me first after we get married to enjoy each other more. I wanna baby her, cause she deserves it. It will be step by step for both of us. She was even telling me for sure she will cry on that day of the wedding. It will be a new day to start a new beginning for her. Have a nice day to you!
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
4 Jun 09
Weddings don't have to be fancy or expensive. Its the meaning BEHIND the wedding thats important. Though personally myself, i would rather have been married to the person for around maybe 2 years before i consider having a child with them. I'd want to know we'd bring a child into an un-hostile and steady environment. I'd hate to think I'd put my child through years of arguments etc - Where i / my partner may not have had a steady relationship. That's just me though. ^^
1 person likes this
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
Hi crywolf, well yes what you've sid is true, that weddings don't have to be fancy or expensive. What is important is it's meaning behind the wedding. Well I just want us first to have time first to each other, enjoying each other company, and save money first for our baby. We just want to give our baby a good life. She/he is our angel that will be our shining star to look at everyday. Well there is no such thing as a perfect relationship still I believe if you want it to last forever, you have to put a lot of love, and work things straight, accept each other fault, and grow together at the same time. Have a nice day to you!
@kissie34 (2295)
• Philippines
5 Jun 09
Of course, I prefer after getting married. I don't want to hear any bad comment from other people. Here in our country, I know that there are so many young mother who got pregnant before married or even single mother. Honestly, I don't want to belong to their community. It's not that I'm ashamed of them, I just don't like to be a mother in a very young age and no assurance that I can give a father to my child. There is a possibility that he will run away or live us and I don't have the right to stop him since he don't have a responsibility to me but only to my child. Well, the truth is I'm just afraid of what other people will think of me and most of all I don't know how to live my child on my own.
1 person likes this
@hellcowboy (7378)
• United States
4 Jun 09
This is a really good discussion and I am sure that different people have different opinions when it comes to having children before or after marriage,I am sure that some people prefer to have kids before marriage,and then I am sure that some people prefer to have kids after marriage,and I can understand that different people have different preferences,and different ideas,and I know that there are not usually two people who think the same way,when it comes to children,me and my fiance want to have kids after we get married,and our wedding is set for September of this year, because we think it would be better for our children if we are married before we have them,and plus we think that God would want us to get married before we have children,and plus since we will be married,we can save up money so we can get our own place,since right now we are living with my parents,and we can save up so we can start our family,and we do not want to have kids until we are financially ready so that way we can provide for them everything they need,even though we know our families would help us if we needed it,have a great day,good luck with your life,and all of your mylotting goals,and Happy Posting.
1 person likes this
• India
4 Jun 09
I would prefer to get married first then have children or child. In the society in which I live it is not proper to have children before one gets married. Such thing in consider a taboo in our society. Never seen any myself.
1 person likes this
@glesil_00 (1143)
• Philippines
4 Jun 09
Yes, i love that too, having a baby after marriage, but in some circumstances it doesn't happen all the time. It is nice to feel that you have both time in each other before you will giving time to another person, the child.
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
4 Jun 09
I had my children after I was married. It was hard enough getting use to living with my husband and his quirks. We waited until we were settled a bit before starting our family.
1 person likes this
@mye_drew (182)
• Israel
5 Jun 09
surely,..wedding first b4 baby
@mye_drew (182)
• Israel
6 Jun 09
i have a relationship with long distance,.he told me that when i get home for my vacation he want make baby with me just to be sure that I'll marry him..thats why sometimes im thinking with his favor,.its hard to decide coz its really complicated the situation,we cant get marriage unless he will convert with my religion,.he told me that if i luv him i will do his favor to have baby wth him even not yet married.. ..............his favor makes me crazy...its hard to decide.....i love him and i want to give him a baby even not yet married but i love also my religion...
@mye_drew (182)
• Israel
6 Jun 09
francheskie,.i mean wedding first b4 baby but my bf want baby first b4 wedding..its hard to decide and u know already the reason why
@mods196621 (3656)
• Philippines
8 Jun 09
Yes, it is better to have a baby after getting married to enjoy first being with my husband. In my case before I've got pregnant we spent almost one year and then right after our first year wedding anniversary I became pregnant. Not only to enjoy the partnership while not having a baby but to prepare also ourselves for being a responsible parents. It's hard nowadays to be a perfect parents because of many things around us like economic problem and so on.. So better to have a baby after marriage.. Have a nice day friend!
@dismalgrin (2606)
• United States
8 Jun 09
I have 3 children and I'm not married. I don't think that I will ever actually get married because I don't think that marriage is about the things that people have made it out to be. It's more about 2 people that are making the commitment to love each other and be there for each other for the rest of their lives. Why muck things up with a legal piece of paper?
• Philippines
7 Jun 09
Having a baby after getting married is a proper way. I don't want the reason of getting married because of being pregnant and the pressure of the people around us.
• United States
6 Jun 09
YOu ar right life is not very easy and getting tougher all the time. For us it was best to wait til after we were married to have kids. Plus, it's just the right way to do it in my opinion. I don't shun anyone who has had a child before marriage but it depends on that persons life and age. As my friend from highschool she's 34 and she's a GRANDMOTHER! Her then 15yo (now almost 17) had a baby last June & now her youngest who just turned 15 last month is now expecting! Their mom wasn't ready to be a mom when she had her oldest @ 18, nonetheless are her girls as teenagers. I just shake my head when I think about it, how awful for her girls to throw their education away so they can be the latest fashion statement by pushing a stroller around. Either way I hope I instill in my kids to wait to have kids til after they are done with college, maybe have a house of their own & definatly married. It's too hard to be a parent on your own & there's no guarantee when you are not married if dad will stick around. *sigh*
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Personally I would rather have kids and NOT the marriage at all. I am not a fan of marriage. Don't see the need these days! I don't think it really matters before or after though, to follow your line of thinking. Just when you both feel you want to start a family you should go for it.
@smartie0317 (1612)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I want to have kids after I get married. Maybe even adopt instead of having kids of my own. I would never have a child before marriage, because I think you always have to wonder did the person marry you for you or did they marry you because they love the child and/or feel obligated.
@angelsmummy (1700)
5 Jun 09
Im not married and I have a daughter and another on the way. Peopel can judge me by this but I dont care at the end of the day me and my partner are very much in love and we dont need a piece of paper to show that. Marriage these days is so expensive and I cannot imagine spending £20,000 on one day just to get a piece of paper out of it.
• United States
5 Jun 09
Both my mother and I were married first and then we got pregnant and had a baby. I consider that to be the appropriate way to do things. Now, my daughter who is my only child, is a single parent of a 3 and a half little girl. She has no intentions of finding the baby's father or getting married, that is unless Mr. Right comes along unexpected. She doesn't date and is looking for a nursing assistant job since she is now licensed by the state. Happy MyLotting. have a great weekend
@patgalca (16671)
• Orangeville, Ontario
5 Jun 09
I would like to have had my children after I got married but, alas, I had them both before. I tried to conceive for the whole six years of my first marriage. Then my marriage ended and six months later I found myself pregnant. A pleasant surprise, yes. But I was pretty much alone and my parents were less than enthusiastic. Don't get me wrong, they embraced me and my child but they did let me know they were a little disappointed. With the second child I was at least living with my boyfriend. We are both from strong Catholic upbringings and I feel we would have gotten a lot more happy, congratulatory reactions if we were married. Even to us there was not as much happiness initially. Whether we know it or not, I think there is a certain mindset that says it's not right. When married couples announce their pregnancy the whole world cheers. When unmarried couples announce their pregnancy, at least with us, I felt like some people were happy for us, others were talking behind our backs, etc... initially. I think even me, myself, I would have been more excited about the pregnancies had I been married. Perhaps that's just me. *shrug*