Im thinking about leaving my boyfriend

United States
June 6, 2009 12:00am CST
I just don't know what to do anymore, we have had many good times and i do love him, but we also have many problems, he can be a very cold and rude person, im sick but he still proceeds to be rude to me,,,,and tonight i try to talk to him about an issue that yeah maybe i don't know everything about, and he says "well maybe you should do some research on it before you talk to me about it"...it just made me feel like an idiot, so now im sitting here crying (which i have been doing a lot of lately) and i just don't know what to do...what should I do???
13 people like this
42 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
7 Jun 09
Maybe you should leave him. My daughter is in the same spot actually and as much as I like her boyfriend, I don't like how he talks to my daughter all the time. He is very sarcastic and sometimes kind of mean with his words. He also has a hot temper. To his credit, he did quit drinking which as helped a bit but a lot of it is his nature. If your're sad more than happy and if your ego is taking a beating then I think it is time to move on or at least take a break.....maybe it will open his eyes.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 09
All of the things that you said about your daughters boyfriend, are things that my mom has said in disapproval of my boyfriend,,,he never drinks but i mean about his words and sarcasm, i sometimes just kind of dismiss her thoughts because its like "shes just like this because shes mom" but you saying the same thing about your daughter makes me realize that I should listen to her more......thank you for your support and response :)
1 person likes this
@magoo22x (13)
• United States
7 Jun 09
i'll tell you what my girlfriend did to me, she threatened to leave me and was screaming and yelling at me at the top of her lungs and told me everything i was doing wrong and started crying and left all day for 2 days and didn't return my phone calls at all and after the 2 days she came back and asked me if i was going to change and if not she was going to leave right there and never come back. within the 2 days she was gone i sat back and thought of all the things i did wrong and what made her upset and i decided i didnt want to lose her and she made me realize that i had to change quickly in order for her to stay around. and ever since we have been doing great and i have been doing everything I can to make her happy. so i think you should do something similar to what my girlfriend did and maybe it might help or it may not depending on how stubborn your boyfriend is. hope this post helps, hope you feel better soon.
• United States
7 Jun 09
That response gives me hope that maybe he will react the same as you, and not want to lose me,,,,,but on the other hand, if he doesn't, its just going to hurt more because one thing i keep feeling is that im not worth his time....thank you so much for your support and response :)
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
9 Jun 09
Hello spicysweetie21, If he is that type of person who is cold, rude and does not respect you, it is better for you to live separate ways. I don't think it is a good choice to love someone like this and ends up feeling more guilty and hurt. It is hard to forget someone that you think you love so much but time will heal the pain. I remember my own experience a few years back. I came to know this guy and was quite close to him but after awhile, I kept asking myself why I need him in my life as he kept doing all the wrong things and kept hurting me emotionally. Finally, I realized that I needed him because I just broke up with my long time boyfriend and I felt worried to face the loneliness and since he was good to me, I thought it's best to have him around. I am lucky that I made the right decision as I don't know what will happen to us if we go further and further in our relationship.
1 person likes this
@glesil_00 (1142)
• Philippines
18 Jun 09
Sometimes i do considering of leaving someone too. In this case i am careful and slow to decide because once i say i will leave i really do it. Considering of some good times spend, i will not think of it anymore but the fact he is rude, i won't consider of continuing the relationship. If there is problem in the behavior i can not tolerate it.
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
9 Jun 09
Ask yourself this question... "Do I deserve better than this?" If the answer is yes, then leave him. Never settle and you will find someone who treats you like you should be treated.
1 person likes this
9 Jun 09
Hi I feel for you. Being with somebody who either doesn't care for you or possibly doesn't know how to show you that he does actually care, is difficult. The fact that you are posting this blog could be indicative that your mind is alraedy mind made up. However the more people that you listen to, the more you are possibly likely to talk yourself out of taking positive action. Of course, that would include trying to makle your boyfriend understand what you are feeling, so that he can and you can work things out A difficult decision, but surely your own happiness is paramount. Good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jun 09
It sounds like he may love you but he doesn't respect your views and that is bad. You shouldn't have to put up with rudeness especially from someone who suppose to love you.I don't know what his problem is but before you do anything rash, try one more time to sit him down and talk. tell him how you feel and he needs to stop being rude . and then if he still is rude, it is time to leave.good Luck.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Jun 09
Well,this thread of yours came to my notice just now and though it is a day old, but still I couldn't resisted myself in responding, even though I know it might not be read anymore by you. Well,let me tell you,though I know on what magnitude the differences between you and him have grown,but whatever it may be, it's not wise to take such decisions in a haste. Before anything,you have to make sure that you have tried all means to fix things,and that still all have gone in vain. For that purpose,the only thing you can do to is to engage him in a frendly discussion,without generating violence, and try to make him realize the consequences of all these,and also at the same time do let him know your true feelings for him,with all these it would be better to wipe away any misunderstandings that might be arising between you two,because that is what damages the most in a relationship! Please try not to cry,and smile a little, because smiles can work wonder even under these circumstances. A smile for you :) If you still want, you can indeed send me a PM,I would be glad to talk to you over this, since I know the pain when such a situation arise. Wishing you all the best,hope everything ends in a sweet note for you!
1 person likes this
@mlh8087 (368)
• United States
8 Jun 09
What you do is go the other way. This man is only belittling you to make himself feel like he's the smart one. It's called emotional and psychological abuse. He will continue to do that to you until you are so broken down you won't fight back anymore. He's not worth the tears and there are always more men out there. If you're with a man and he's not treating you like you are the only woman on this planet then he ain't no man and he sure isn't worth it.
1 person likes this
@mlh8087 (368)
• United States
8 Jun 09
What this man is doing to you is called emotional and/or psychological abuse. Get away from him as fast as you can. Any man that has to belittle you and make you feel strong is not worth the effort or time. Unless of course you want him to belittle you down to where you don't fight back anymore. No relationship is worth that many tears.
1 person likes this
@kometer (151)
• China
6 Jun 09
If your boyfriend can't make you happy,leave him.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
7 Jun 09
Getting you to do research before talking to him seems like what we would tell our subordinates to do, not our spouse. You need to highlight that to him and the areas you want him to pay attention to. An eye for an eye, though it is not a good to retaliate in such ways but sometimes i do think it helps. If you were theone saying his same words to him, that may set him thinking of how hurt you had been when he passed such comments. Some people are just not sensitive to how others feel and enjoys saying nasty thinga as and when they like.
@khayshenz (1384)
• United States
7 Jun 09
I'm sure it's not easy - relationships are NEVER easy. Everything that have been said here are just input of people looking from outside in. We all don't know if you should stay or go, because we only know your side of the story and not the other. Think about this - does the good outweigh the bad? Could it be that you're "too emotional" because you're not feeling well, thus making you cry more? Good luck. I hope you feel better and also resolve your issue with your man, whether that be to stay or go.
• United States
7 Jun 09
No, this sort of thing happens all the time, no matter if im well or not....we have been together for 2 and a half years, and I have had him yell at me and scream "i don't need this S*** its F-ing over!!!" like 8 times throughout the course of our relationship, after i bring up an issue that i have and he cannot be mature enough to work through a problem, i just brought up that i was sick because i thought i deserve a break from the bs when im sick
@khayshenz (1384)
• United States
9 Jun 09
I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe you should CALMLY tell him that you're leaving - for your sanity. And tell him why you're leaving - and why he should let you go. Of course that is if you decide to leave. Good luck!
@anislhr (70)
• Oman
8 Jun 09
Dear friend when i was in 10th standard. I get a friend in my class he is also from my colony. But till i never know him. So as we friend we go to school and come back together. Once i told him that i love him but he angry with me so at that time i disconnected with him and till now when i am in 24years old. I never talk him we see u daily when he passing from my street but never talk. So i know that how about difficulties to leaving a good friend. Its too difficult. Still when i remember that movement i think it was golden movements. Which i can forget anytime
• United States
7 Jun 09
Well, honestly if you're not happy and you've been completely upset, as in upset enough to do nothing but sit and cry for periods of time then maybe you should consider leaving him. You may have good times but are the good times outweighing all the bad times that you have with him? It seems that you're having a lot of bad times and few good times. If they don't outweigh each other in your favor then maybe leaving the relationship should be something you'll want to consider.
• United States
7 Jun 09
Thank you for your response and support....you are right about weighing the good with the bad, the tough thing about us is that sometimes when he is a jerk, he will suck up for a week and then it goes bad again....it throws me off track...but when i make my final decision after i talk things over with him, i do need to look at it all logically at one point
@elghrasya (501)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
Oh yeah if you know in your heart that your relationship it's not worth it anymore then cut if off. Both of you need to take a break, a space for yourselves to think about everything and to figure out what's wrong in your relationship. Do you think you deserved all the cryings you have made lately? Think hard my friend...
• United States
6 Jun 09
That's another thing that has frustrated me time and time again in my relationship with him , i have asked him for a break, and he either refuses or does the childish rebuttal of "ok you do whatever you want, and ill do whatever i want"....which of course is going to put images of him with another woman in any girls mind...and that sets off another fight and in the end, there is never a break, i give in and let whatever the problem is go
• United States
6 Jun 09
p.s: thank you so much for being so nice and helpful:)
@Citychic (4067)
• United States
6 Jun 09
I'm thinking of leaving my boyfriend......... Do you know if you were my daughter, sister or friend, I would say leave the sob and you deserve so much better. But I understand how it can be when you've become attached to someone and you don't want to leave them because you don't want to have to start all over again. You wonder if it's something about you that he just doesn't like. All kinds of crazy questions can start to pop up in your head. Listen honey, I"m a grown woman ( I added this to let you know that I have no ulterior motives for giving you the facts as I see them.) and I have to say that no man is worth your tears. If you have to cry over him and he causes you to feel bad about yourself then you are probably better off without him. Most relationships go through ups and downs but as you mentioned you've been crying a lot lately. So it sounds to me like this is the kind of man that isn't doing anything to try to help pick you up. Even when you try to engage in meaningful conversation with him, he acts rude. This is a key indicator that something isn't right. In conclusion It's up to you if you will continue to put up with it but if I were you I would have to turn it a loose and maybe one day when he shows more maturity then you two can talk about getting back together. In the meantime, take care of yourself and let the SOB know that you are not going to take any more of his sh*t because you can do so much better by yourself...... Best wishes...............
• United States
7 Jun 09
thank you so much for your response and support, you are so right in so many of your points, i am going to have one last discussion with him, and if he refuses to try and grow up then i am going to have to leave or take a long break, because like you said, i don't want to take any more of his crap....thank you again :)
• United States
7 Jun 09
It is not supposed to hurt when you love someone. You are supposed to be happy when you are in love. I say kick him to the curb and find someone who loves you just as you are. It is hard trying to impress someone all the time. You sound like you are a better person than he is. Do not ever let someone bring you down!
• United States
7 Jun 09
Aww thank you so much for your support and kind words
• United States
7 Jun 09
I know how you feel. My husband has been that way for a long time too. In my situation if you mention a problem or try to discuss anything he refuses to admit that it's an issue. He's more content to stare into the tv for the rest of the night and pretend I don't exist. I'm still trying, but realistically it will eventually end. We're married and have kids so I'm doing what I can to make it work.
• United States
7 Jun 09
Im so sorry to hear that you are going through tough times too And i totally feel your pain and frustration, i hate to sound like a crazy anti-man person, but guys can be such insensitive jerks! im going to send you a friend request so if you ever want to send a rant pm about your husband just to get it out of your system, feel free to, because I know that can help, venting in this discussion has helped me
@zackn87 (345)
• United States
6 Jun 09
I had the same problem. me and this girl were dating for 2 years. we loved eachother dearly. But the fights were unbearable. she would slap me, hit me, and yell at me for no reason. But when we werent fighting, we were perfect. This was hard. I loved her, but i didnt want a relationship like this, but i didnt wanna be lonely. This was going on for 2 years until february, when she "did it" with another guy. I drew the line there and i broke up with her. i've been lonely ever since but i know theres a special girl for me out there. it hurts. its gunna hurt if u breakup, but it could be well worth it. Good luck and i hope everything world out :)
@zackn87 (345)
• United States
6 Jun 09
everything works out**. wow idk why i typed "world" lol
• United States
6 Jun 09
thank you for your support and input, theres no slapping or anything like that, but yeah when we fight, its like world war 3, he has never cheated but he still hurts me,,,i haven't decided yet but your words help me not be so scared of if i do decide to end things