Be Fair......
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
June 15, 2009 3:43pm CST
I don't understand why some mylotters are bias when they give their comments to their responders. When I response I expect to get an acknowledgment from the starter of the discussion like the rest of the responders but to my disappointment they don't seem to appreciate my response to their discussions. It is understood if I was the last few responders which might not give them anymore interest to read my response but I was only the fourth responder and the fifth and subsequent responders get commented while mine was left to fate without being commented. Why does this have to happen when I took my time to response and expect you to be fair to all your responders.
You have an interesting topic which draw me to your discussion even though you are not in my friends list but in the spirit of mylotting I play fair game and response to everyone's discussion if the topic can relate to me well and that I have something to say. How would you feel if your response has been bypassed? Would you come to that person's discussion in future?
8 people like this
34 responses
@savypat (20216)
• United States
15 Jun 09
I often only comment on a response if I have something more to say. When I first started here I was advised not to comment just to say thanks. Lately I have been trying to do even that. I don't want my responders to think I don't read what they have to say and don't appreciate their effort. But I run out of time often.
5 people like this
@Sweetchariot (1718)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Yes, I had read from other discussions, that we were not supposed to repond with just a thank you!...and after talking all day (or typing all day), you kind of run out of things to say in a response.
4 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
Hi savy, I am more flexible though with people on my friend's list. When I don't get their comments I seems to understand them better cos my friends are regulars and knows their style well. But what I mean is those that I response for the first time who doesn't even care to comment on my response but not to the rest of her responders.
3 people like this
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
15 Jun 09
Miss I will keep on doing my part of the duty,, not worrying about the results,, everybody has their reasons,,Sometimes people might not understand what my response means,, there might be more than one meaning,, its just perception,Lady u keep writing for those who wish to read,,One must not let others keep u back ,, U all agree?
@mastredawn (95)
• Trinidad And Tobago
15 Jun 09
I understand the point you're making. Fairness is all well, cause that's the way to succeed in mylot. And just so you guys would know, you don't necessarily hav to comment on my discussions, I don't get too particular with it, itd be nice if you did, but honestly I don't really comment on others, I probably just respond to your discussions, but in terms of adding comments to it if u respond, I'm not too fancy about it. But if u say the person comments on all others except yours, maybe they forgot you or well I doh know, anyways, keep up the good work, you surely know how to discuss somthing clearly and make your point
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
Even if you say 'don't' I will still comment on all my responders and that include yours if you have responded. I feel the discussion is incomplete without having to comment. It has become habitual for me to comment even though I might not be able to come too soon to every responders. A discussion only become a discussion of substance if the flow of traffic is active and gets varied views from the floor.
1 person likes this
@doormouse (4599)
•
15 Jun 09
I don't think it's coz they don't appreciate your reply,maybe they don't know what to say or don't think they need to reply.I can understand what you're saying,i'm one of those people that don't always reply,i'm sorry if i haven't replied to yours.I'll start trying to reply to all my answers xx
4 people like this
@Sweetchariot (1718)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Zandi...I hardly ever respond, because I guess I didn't think the responder expected it. But I guess if everyone feels that way, I will just have to do better, and respond to you after you've responded to me, and then you can respond to my response, and then I can thank you for responding to me again...lol
@GardenGerty (157546)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I did not always comment on responses when I was new. I thought it did not help our earnings. It seems to, and if more people realized that they would at least comment for that reason. I find it fun to carry on a discussion, so I will often make a comment on a response. There are some, once in awhile, that leave me with nothing to say.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
Hi Sweetchariot, I hope you know now that anyone who has put an effort to response to your posts needs to be acknowledged. Don't pick and choose some and leave some in the cold. ALL wished to be given a fair attention from you. It might as well not comment at all if you think you can't come to each and everyone of your responders.
1 person likes this
@Sweetchariot (1718)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Will do..however newcomers need to learn these things, and we can only be taught by gentle and kind souls who are also patient with newcomers to this site. Additionally, if I get a response from someone who is nasty and negative, I don't believe that person deserves a response. We are all trying to get to know each other, and a sour grape in the bunch does not help anyone of us. It ruins the fun for all.
2 people like this
@clutterbug (1051)
• United States
15 Jun 09
Hi zandi, There are so many interesting things to read at mylot that I feel pulled in different directions. I've only been here a week, and with my new Email account too, I'm a bit overwhelmed. Sometimes it's hard to comment on something other than thank you. But I have experienced someone starting a discussion and then they've disappeared, like they took a flight to another country.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
You're right. Mylot has become a magnetic force to many people even if they are no longer active participating in the discussions here but I know they still come back to read the discussions. This is what I gathered from a friend who find no time to be here but do still read what has been posted around here and bookmarked few discussions. Those who starts discussion and fly away are cowards who dare not face challenges.
1 person likes this
@littleowl (7157)
•
16 Jun 09
Hi Zandi, I can understand your disappointment too often it happens to me too, but I still respond to the same persons discussions as they are my friend and to me it is only courteous and nice to let them know I am around, wether or not they respond...so try and let it ride above you my friend, dont feel hurt or dismayed if you get left out..you do still have freinds that do, hugs LoLo
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
Hi Lolo, it dawn on me that some mylotters only attend to people whose response appeal to them and forgetting that others have taken time to come with a response. Being sidelined makes me feel unworthy. Who wouldn't and it takes others to instead took pity on me and pen few words to fill the missing link. I don't feel neglected if others are not commented, that is fair. But 'pick and choose' is not right to me.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
15 Jun 09
NO, I probably would just ignore their next discussion. Time about is fair play in anything, i think. Ican't imagine anyone ignoring your discussions or responses because i see how much thought u put into both of them. I have always told u how much i enjoy always what u have to say . I know u don't have to be reminded how selfish people are but i'm reminding u anyway. 
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
You are a special LADY! Experienced in all matters of life which I am very honored and grateful to have you in my list. I learn a lot from your responses and you are always there to support my discussions regardless of how I write them out. You seems to have penetrated my mind now and knows exactly what I am trying to say in every posts I make. Thank you Lady, I gain a great friend in you. 
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
Oh..that farmers' market is still vivid in your mind. It is a common weekly sight here in my country. We call it 'TAMU' in our lingo. The most interesting one is the city farmers' market. It is held every sunday in the centre of the city. They close both ends of the road and hold the market there. This is the best place tourists get to see and buy whatever they want. They have many things on sale there from souviners to local vegies and fruits. One day if you have the chance to visit my country you will surely enjoy this place. I wish you can and I'll be glad to be your guide.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
16 Jun 09
THANK YOU ZANDI, for all the kind words. I to have gained a good friend in u. U are one of my special friends. I'M still thinking of your farmer's market. I KNOW I WOULD JUST LOVE IT.SOOOOOOO GLAD U TOLD ME ABOUT IT. HAVE a good tomorrow.
2 people like this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
15 Jun 09
I don't get too upset if my responses get skipped once in a while, Sometimes, other than thanking me, there realy isn't anything to say and just thanking some one is against MyLot terms of service..People who skip them all the time are rude. If that happens to me, if they're on my friends list, I shut off the notify. If they can't be bothered to reply, I have no problem finding others who will.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
Hi cat, not those on my friends list who are regulars but what I am disappointed are those that I response for the first time. I expect to get a fair deal as a newcomer to their discussions instead am ignored in preference maybe for their friends responses.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Since you are a new responder to their discussions, it certainly does sound like either bad manners, ignorance or even a time issue. I've seen some people start 20 or more discussions per day. How can they possible respond and reply to that many? Regardless, you are a great person and it's their loss not to establish the beginnings of a friendship.
1 person likes this
@mastredawn (95)
• Trinidad And Tobago
15 Jun 09
I understand the point you're making. Fairness is all well, cause that's the way to succeed in mylot. And just so you guys would know, you don't necessarily hav to comment on my discussions, I don't get too particular with it, itd be nice if you did, but honestly I don't really comment on others, I probably just respond to your discussions, but in terms of adding comments to it if u respond, I'm not too fancy about it. But if u say the person comments on all others except yours, maybe they forgot you or well I doh know, anyways, keep up the good work, you surely know how to discuss somthing clearly and make your point
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
24 Jun 09
The newbies must try to make it a habit to reply to all their responders even it is not obligatory to do so but for the sake of goodwill and in the spirit of mylotting, it is highly appreciated that you attend to each and every responses regardless how long it takes you to go through all the pages of responses. That is one way of thanking those who have taken their time to come to your post and this little gesture will have great impact for your future posts.
@krupesh (2608)
• India
16 Jun 09
Hello zandi !
All know that you are one of the most regulars here.I dont think they ever want to skip a comment to your response.Its just that its like running out of ideas.Usually I also wont comment on all the responses I get to my discussions.It doesn't mean that I target a particular mylotter's responses not to comment to it , it just happens.It might be the same case for you.So dont worry & dont think of not responding to those who dont comment to your response.There might be several reasons to it.Cheers!
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
Hi krupesh, you have been here for quite sometime and I have accepted the reasons why you can't comment if I don't get one from you but for those that I response for the first time, I am quite disappointed when my response just doesn't seems to ring a bell in their ears. I feel I am being viewed as a step-mylotter when they don't even bother to come up with a short acknowledgment but the rest get a favorable comments. In one case I was saved from further embarrassment when someone else barged in to give her comments instead, maybe seeing that my response was the only one not commented. 
@jayrene (2708)
• Philippines
15 Jun 09
i know i have discussions where i have not replied to some of the responders... its not because i bypassed them, i swear i read all the responses in my discussions, the reason i cant reply to some of them is because i cant say anything to their response, and i have read in the faq that posting just thank you is a not allowed, or is not good... although i have read in some discussions here that it is ok, it will not only earn anything. i have also read in another discussion where the user was upset because all she got as a reply to her response was 'thanks for your response' which i dont want to happen to me if i ever reply something like that and upsets the one who posted the response.
i try to go back to my discussions in other days and read all the responses again especially when i find nothing interesting for me to post responses and think really hard enough to say something and reply to the responses posted that i havent replied before.
for me personally, i am not bothered if my response is not replied by the one who started the discussion, all i think is maybe because they have nothing else to say to what i have posted.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
Hi jayrene, somehow every responses is unique and when you go back to their responses you'll be able to find clues and words to comment. I used to scratch my head as to how to come up with my comments but after being here for a long time I become more seasoned and can fill the gaps where I used to fail.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
20 Jun 09
Probably you can write that 'thank you for your comments' sparingly so as not to be too obvious that you are lost in your own discussion. Inject some words, short and sweet, in your comments to give the responders the feeling that their response did not go to waste. That is if their response is lengthy with good views.
@jayrene (2708)
• Philippines
18 Jun 09
yeah, i agree, as it is what i am doing now, going back to my discussions and reading all those responses that i have not yet commented on. there are still others though that i havent replied... i could if i'll give them a short four words "thanks for your response", but i really dont feel like putting it just to make a reply to the response.
1 person likes this
@x_Jo_x (1040)
•
15 Jun 09
Yep, i always try to be fair in my responses. Giving my oppinion, but making sure i point out that it is just my oppinion. I also try to offer some helpful advice and actually comment on some of the stuff that the person has said. Id never just critisize someone, think its not fair to lie to them, youve got to be honest but at the same time youve got to think that they are just human and will get upset and annoyied if you just insult them or say bad things. Maybe its just me but i like to treat people how i would like to be treated. What do you think?
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jun 09
In my opinion you are fair to all your responders. People like you are much needed here but I don't think I have seen any of your discussions before. It is unlikely that our path have crossed before. Hopefully I'll be able to notice your posts in future.
1 person likes this
awwwww thanks and your welocme!
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
17 Jun 09
I agree with you Zandi that whenever we write a quality response or a response with our heart, we expect that the host of the discussion should post his/her comments on our response. However, when we find no comments, we feel little bit disappointed (including me). I have experienced that in 5 out of 10 cases, I do not get comments on my responses, despite the fact I always try to write quality or say meaningful responses. If my response is one liner, then it is another matter. Similarly, I try my best to post my comments/counter-comments on the responses received. I sometimes skip one-liners, which I do not find worthy of comments.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
18 Jun 09
Yes, I fully buy your arguments and I fully support you that to whose discussions, we respond, we spend our precious time and brain juices to frame a quality response and that response should be commented upon and the person should consider herself/himself lucky that we replied to his/her post.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
17 Jun 09
Like you I do not encourage one liners as there is no way to extract a decent reply to it. Even so I will just put mylot code to show that I have read through the response. You do understand exactly what I am implying here. Yes, we are not always able to response to many discussions in a day and if those who get our responses are considered lucky as we have squeezed our brain juices to reply and the time taken is another factor. The poster should consider these factors and not just ignore the responses received or only pick those she/he favors to comments.
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
17 Jun 09
Sure I would, if I can relate to their discussions.
I feel that just because the person doesn't comment to your response, doesn't mean you've been passed up. There could be a number of reasons why this happened. And if there wasn't a question involved in the response, or even if there was, it doesn't always mean it will get commented on. I myself have been guilty of doing this. I'm certainly not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. However, to make up for it I try to respond to a discussion of theirs, if I can. I don't always get to though as I'm on a slow connection and I have a life outside of mylot.(Who doesn't?)
Please don't take it the wrong when this happens. I'm sure it's happened to the best of us from time to time.
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
18 Jun 09
Well thank you zandi, I'm glad you think so.
To be honest, I may go through the process of responding to most of respondents, but I didn't always. As it is there is a current discussion that I haven't keep up with...mainly because I would rather it be forgotten about. It's bad of me, I know. Since it took longer than expected to get the situation resolved I don't want to bother bumping it back up at the risk of getting more responses.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
19 Jun 09
Noway can we stop responses from coming in, we should be thankful of getting good responses when others are complaining of getting no response or poor response. Just go slow with the commenting so the responses will not come in hordes to drown us.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
17 Jun 09
Thank you for that pacifying words. Sure I will not take that to heart but wish to highlight it here as not many realize the need to comment on responses. But you have done very well yourself as I've noticed you painfully goes to all your responders without fail and your discussions always receive record breaking responses. I don't know how you managed it but you are a good example for others to emulate.
1 person likes this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
17 Jun 09
Hi zandi,
You know this is the reason why I hardly create new disussion because I can't find enough time to respond back to all my responders. That is why I only respond to my friends disussion as of the moment.
But you have a point with this as I see some discussions and the starter only choose among responders to comment back which I think is offensive.
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Mar 10
I see this a lot on here. Ppl say "I'm not starting discussions b/c I don't have time to respond back to all of posters". By having that mindset they are actually depriving fellow MyLotters. Let's say 10 ppl usually start 2 discussions each day, that's 20 discussions. Now that's 20 discussions that other MyLotters can post to and participate in. Now lets say that those same 10 ppl decide not to start anymore discussions b/c they don't have time to respond back to all of them. Now there are 20 less discussions for ppl to participate in. This means that the very thing that keeps MyLot going, discussions, are being taken away. Just a thought...
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11923)
• Guwahati, India
1 Jul 09
Exactly. I too have been noticing the same trend of late. I have responded to many discussion but not even 25% comment I have reachieved from them. Why this attitude? If you are not interested to discuss why initiate a discussion and leave it like that as if our response had no value at all. this is too bad. I have the instance of answering or commenting back even after 4 months after the response was posted.
1 person likes this
@phyrre (2317)
• United States
16 Jun 09
-sheepish grin- I'm guilty of doing this on occasion. Sometimes I get responses to my discussions that I'm not sure exactly what to say to. It isn't that I don't appreciate the response any less than others, but that I simply don't have anything to say that would contribute to the discussion. I could say something like "thanks for responding", but I always feel like it detracts from the discussion rather than adds to it.
Though I do understand what you're saying about you taking time to comment and expecting the poster to respond. To be honest, I don't even pay attention if my comment is overlooked. If someone responds to a comment of mine, then that's great and I'll carry on the discussion if I can respond to the comment, but if not then I just leave it at that. :)
Though I do understand what you're saying about you taking time to comment and expecting the poster to respond. To be honest, I don't even pay attention if my comment is overlooked. If someone responds to a comment of mine, then that's great and I'll carry on the discussion if I can respond to the comment, but if not then I just leave it at that. :)1 person likes this
@phyrre (2317)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Nah, I can take everything in stride. I'm pretty laid back, so I don't mind criticism. :P
And I definitely agree with you that if someone puts in the effort to making a comment then they deserve something in return. I'll keep that in mind for future discussions and I'll try to make more of an effort to comment on everyone's. I'll find something to say. :)
1 person likes this
