Has Your Partner Ever Read Your Personal Diary?
By Brian
@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
June 17, 2009 5:40am CST
For most of my life I had religiously every day wrote a diary! All my thoughts, feelings, what happened in that, silly stuff really, right from a child, through to a teenager and certainly into my twenties and thirties, for me it would be something to look back on when I get old and grey, memories, both good and bad to be treasured or learnt from
I loved writing and I would always make time in my day to write something every single day. That is until my ex decided to take it upon themselves to read my diary what they read they didn't like in fact they went totally ballistic, they found out a few home truths
I was so angry, I felt my privacy had been violated, how dare they! I always kept my diaries in my bedroom, we had our own separate bedrooms and that is where they were kept, not left around for anyone to see but in my space
Well since then I stopped writing a diary, I even burnt every single diary I had because I was so frightened that someone would get hold of them like my ex did. Ok sounds kind of drastic but the diaries were tainted and if they fell into wrong hands well.....
So has your partner ever read your personal diary with or without consent?
Have you ever found out or caught your partner reading your diary how did it make you feel, did you get angry or what was your reaction?
Have you, yourself ever read or wanted to read your partners diaries, have you ever been tempted, especially when your partner is acting strangely or suspiciously or you think that something untoward is going on behind your back?
Do you think writing personal diaries is a good idea, knowing that they could be found and your life could be violated by someone close to you or even a stranger?
5 people like this
25 responses
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
17 Jun 09
How awful for you,Idon't write a diary.Don't let your ex completely destroy all your trust in the human race a descent partner would have respected your privacy.Any body that goes snooping deserves to get a shock,like I say to mine becareful where you put your nose as it might be bad news,and no I don't keep a diary tried once but could never really get into it.I would feel really awful and angry for you that is a violation of your privacy and you are better off without them.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
18 Jun 09
Hello my dear friend, my ex certainly got a shock alright having read the bit that I was leaving, considering my ex is an angry person I think I outdid him in the anger stakes that day. I always used to be so placid and calm well even I didn't recognize me. I have started do a bit of writing again because I find it therapeutic, I wish I knew another language then I could write in it!!!! Always nice to hear from you ;0)
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
18 Jun 09
You don't want to be treated like that by anyone.I felt so sorry for you as I went through something more or less the same with my first husband,horrible types of people we get hooked up with ,second husband has been sent from above to serve my every desire from cooking and cleaning when I am ill to rubbing my back he is wonderful and you will meet someone who will really appreciate a kind person. Instead of seeing kindness as a weakness and taking advantage of you,much love suzzy, take care and write loads it is theraputic.
@ddhawkins63 (682)
• United States
18 Jun 09
No one should read your diary without your permission. I had an ex that did that, but I'm not with him anymore. I also don't keep one anymore for that reason. I love writing down my thoughts but not for everyone to read. If I am writing for my own personal stuff, I want it for my eyes only. I want to feel safe in saying what I want to without worrying about what anyone else thinks about it. I don't know, I think it's ridiculous that a person can't leave other peoples stuff alone.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
23 Jun 09
I wish I knew another language then I could write my diary in another language or even in code that would be the solution. But hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it. I guess it's some people's deep insecurities but I am not making excuses, interfering with other people's private possessions is totally out of order.
1 person likes this
@ddhawkins63 (682)
• United States
24 Jun 09
That's a great idea, wish I did too. I think I would be safe now to write one, but I still would worry about it anyway. People shouldn't have to worry about that kind of stuff.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
18 Jun 09
I know what you mean. I would always write a diary...and I think my mother once read my diary.
But after I was married, I continued writing a diary especially when I was upset and frustrated and wanted an outlet without being confrontational to another person. But my husband once read my diary and I was very angry. I stopped writing since then. Like you, I burnt up all my diaries too.
I have not read anyone's diary or wanted to. I don't bother too much about other people's personal lives.
Personally for me, writing diaries is a good idea...because it's an outlet for my negative emotions. And since I've stopped writing them, I've changed as a person (a person I don't like very much)
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
18 Jun 09
Definitely sounds like me, I need an outlet for my negativity, for my depression and anger I use the gym to burn off the frustration etc, but for the mental activity that is putting me down I need to get out, I have started a diary albeit not a daily diary again which I enjoy doing as I like writing, always have done. I don't regret burning my diaries as sometimes it's best to move forwards rather than look backwards because you start regretting, getting depressed and before you know it you are forgetting what is happening in the here and now and yes I've changed into a person I don't like, I blame my ex for that, the bully that they were!
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Jun 09
Tell me about bullying! You are lucky they are your 'ex'!
Now sometimes, when I really really want to vent and write my negative emotions, I write it down on a piece of paper and then tear it up after. And you are also right about the looking forward and not backward bit.
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
19 Jun 09
Yes, he has. I had given him permission though. As I didn't have anything to hide from him I didn't mind sharing it with him. To this day he teases me about one of the things he read about. But I don't mind as he thought it was cute. LOL
I'm sorry that you felt violated. But at the same time I can see why your ex got angry. It may not have been right for them to have read it, but if you had negative thoughts about them a diary wouldn't be the best place for it, unless you were to have put the diary in a safe that has a lock. But even then I wouldn't want to take the chance, as you just never know who might read it.
Nowadays I don't write in a diary. I was never really into it when I did, so it's no great loss. LOL
1 person likes this
@mama_bear (1118)
• Canada
18 Jun 09
i sent my ex the link to my livejournal after we broke up so that he could see our relationship from my perspective and so that he could see how much of a d*ckhead he could be sometimes, because he did have his moments. i sent it after the relationship was over because then i had nothing to lose, the worst had already happened. it gave him great insight, he was not happy about it. but hey truth hurts.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
18 Jun 09
Forgive me for laughing! Sorry but that is a great idea, good for you! And yes that is so true! The truth really does hurt and whenever I told my ex a few truths they would respond in anger, pure anger, brings out the worst in people because they don't like what they hear, if it wasn't so true you wouldn't get the same reaction!
@mama_bear (1118)
• Canada
18 Jun 09
ha ha i am glad that it gave you cause for mirth, it was pretty funny because i gave him the option of reading it, and he could not help himself. but now he knows the truth of what i had to put up with, and well yeah he is trying to change his ways now. and he tried getting mad at me i told him that he was entitled to his anger but that did not change the past or the facts and that his being angry made no difference and there was nothing that he could do to me. boy was it liberating!!
@ivana980 (156)
• Italy
17 Jun 09
When I was youg I wrote many secret things in my personal diary, or sometimes i had a exercise book and, after i wrote it, i hid it in a secret place, a personal place... I wrote about the important things that happened in my life, about the boys that i loved etc.... and many months or years after i read them again. But i realized that sometimes to read about past things, about things that i don't had anymore it was sad and it was a pain for me... to remember happy moments or old moments that i don't had longer.... so i ended to write in a diary and now i live my live day to day because sometimes the memories hurt....
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
17 Jun 09
I would not like to read anybody's personal diary. I do not want to invade somebody's privacy. Likewise, if I maintain a diary, I would not like it to be read by anyone, leave apart my partner. I do not write diary because I fear that if somebody gets hold of it, he/she may look at it for the sake of couriousity and may come to know my 'secrets', which I would not like to share with anybody.
It is really bad on your ex-friend's part that she read your Diary, without your explicit permission.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
17 Jun 09
I buy your argument that it is 'trust' that matters. However, such is the human nature and tendency that sometimes s/he is led by his/her emotions and out of couriousity s/he just peeps in the diaries of others. It is said tha 'curiousity kills the cat'.
@chenxiaoyue_713 (2165)
• China
18 Jun 09
Hi, wolfie.
Personally, I don't think it a big deal if my partner read my diary. As you mentioned, we write down our thoughts, feelings which are all things we don't want other people to know in a diary. So it's quite normal that when our diary is read by someone else, we feel like our privacy being invaded. As to me, if my diary happen to be read by someone else, not my partner, I may get very angry and no longer trust the person. But if it happens to be my partner, I won't take it serious. Since we are partners, we should understand each other, including each other's thoughts and feelings. I consider diary as a way of promoting mutual understanding and clearing away misunderstanding between partners. If I have some thoughts unknown to my partner and I feel it inconvenient to tell him directly, then I do think it good to transfer my feelings to him through my diary. After he read it, he'll be able to know what I'm thinking about and understand me more.
Anyway, this is just what I'm thinking of. You may hold your own views.
Good luck and happy mylotting!
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
18 Jun 09
I did try writing personal diaries many times, but then my past life was quite unsavory and writing about it in a diary would be a blunder. I tore up those black pages before anyone got their hands on them and decided to emotionally blackmail me. I am all for burying the past and forgetting about it. So, I would not keep a personal journal in which I wrote thoughts, feelings, events, and so on. However, I am keeping a sort of baby diary right now. The idea is to record the way I am taking care of the infant so that I won't have to struggle to learn things anew should another infant come along. In fact, the more Moms who read this diary, the better. It is an informative piece that contains what I did when the baby gave me tough times, what I fed him, and how and so on and so forth. I think writing journals like this is a great idea. They would benefit someone else beside me. I would, however, avoid baring my soul in a book. Someone might read it and make life miserable for me.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
23 Jun 09
What a wonderful idea my friend, have you not considered doing a blog with your baby diary? So that everyone else could read it and learn from it? You are right whatever you write about yourself can be used against you as it's in black and white rather than hearsay.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Jun 09
Neither of us have diaries. The closest think to it that I have are my blogs and my discussions here. He's welcome to read the blogs, but he knows that there are things I have discussed here that I don't want him to see and he has respected that. But I would feel violated too. I don't think I would have destroyed them myself, but I would have locked them up. After giving him all kinds of hell...
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
17 Jun 09
I am glad I did burn them my friend, sometimes the past is not always a good thing and with two abysmal abusive relationships in my past I don't want to read about them, I need to move on, the future is all that matters, you can't change the past and continually reading about it will do me no good at all. So a blessing really!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Jun 09
You can't change it, but you can learn from it. But you're right, obsessing about it is not healthy at all!
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
27 Jun 09
Like you, I kept diaries all through my childhood - but I destroyed them before I left home to get married. They were pretty silly and melodramatic for the most part - and actually made me cringe to read them. Since then, I've kept diaries for appointments, lists, etc., but I don't write my personal thoughts anymore. My husband did once find a poem I'd written for a colleague's birthday - it was about women turning 40 - and he jumped to completely the wrong conclusions about it and thought I was talking about myself. It caused quite a bit of trouble - so I don't even write poetry anymore. And no - I've never been tempted to pry into my husband's email, wallet or anything else. I think if we go looking, we deserve what we find.
@siewching_0908 (257)
• Malaysia
18 Jun 09
Me too has the habit of writing diary every day, just to jot down what happen every day and as mentioned, as a good memory when we're getting older. Sometimes, I even write something that i dare not to spell out in there (eg. my dissatisfaction towards somebody etc).
My partner has not tried to read my diary. I think he's quite considerate and know the importance of privacy. Somehow, sometimes I will be tempted to read his diary just to know how was his day, but in the end I didn't knowing he respect my privacy and I should respect his privacy too.
Personally I think it is totally ok to write dairy. There might be some cons of it, but main purpose is for us to store our memories at old days, cause for sure we will not be able to remember what happen today after 20 years.
@Ammudoll (549)
• India
17 Jun 09
I have the habit of writing diary and even i have the same problem that some one may read it, so I started writing in the word doc and saved with a passowrd in my computer. I don't bother if my parner reads because I don't hide anything and have no secrets between us. Anyways he is not verymuch interested to read others diary ;) he don't even answer my cell phone calls.
@lwilliams1981 (14)
• United States
18 Jun 09
I had wrote in a diary most of my life. When my husband and I got together I just had notebooks. He would search for them to read. He never really liked what he read and always got mad. I switched to using my laptop since he is not very smart when it comes to computers. He saw me typing on it and decided to go searching through it oneday. So, I switched back to paper and just tried to fond better hiding spots. Still, he always found it somehow so I just quit keeping a diary altogether. The funny thing about it is, even though he read all the things I put in there that he always did wrong and that aggravated or hurt me, he still never bothered to change any of it.
I say if you want to have a diary, have one. If they are hurt by what they read they should not have been snooping in the first place. Also, if you have something that annoys you about a person, just tell them. Then it is up to them to fix it. That way if they do snoop, they can't get mad over something you have already made them aware of. My husband just never paid attention to anything then. I don't even know why he bothered to read my diary unless he really cared about what I had to say and it was obvious that he didn't. It was just one of those cruel things he enjoyed doing back then.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
18 Jun 09
Welcome to Mylot! My ex used to get very very angry when I told him a few truths, sometimes even I was frightened by the force of his anger and temper tantrums, sometimes I wondered if I had a teenager on my hands instead of someone who was supposed to be adult in their forties, so I felt it was safer to put it down on paper instead, mind you the day my ex read it I think my anger even outdid his which is extremely usual considering I am calm and placid but boy did I go ballistic and my ex didnt know what hit them, literally!
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
29 Mar 10
Years and years ago, I had an incident where an uncle read a private and personal letter of mine...it was horrible, humiliating and it taught me a valuable lesson: Never, ever put anything down on paper that you don't mind someone else reading. Since then, I don't keep journals, I've tried but I don't like to. I prefer to just keep my thoughts my own. Besides what good would it do for ppl to know what I think about my family, outer space or whether or not I think I'm pretty.
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
17 Jun 09
Hello wolfie. I used to write diaries in my teens and my middle twenties when I was single. Later when my ex-girl friend left me, I did not keep them, but burned them all, including those photos. Not a single photo was left when I started to be in love with my current wife because I wanted to break away from the past without letting her know those photos and diaries that would cause some troubles. I have not written a diary any more. I think that it is safer not to write the diaries if we don't want others to read them. Take care, wolfie.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
9 Jun 10
Hello wolfie. I used to keep diaries every day before I got married. Later I burned all of them as I did not want my diaries to cause any inharmonious relationship between my wife and me because of my diary. Quite a few of the contents were related to my ex-girlfriend. So out of this reason, I did not keep them any longer. I even burned all the pictures of my ex-girlfriend and me. We have never had any trouble so far. I think that I was wise not to keep any track of them.
I am sorry that your ex read your diary without your consent, which left such a wound with you. Now I don't write any diaries. Have a good day and enjoy your life, wolfie.
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
3 Jul 09
About 6 years ago my ex-boyfriend and I were moving in together. My ex and his mother helped me move my things. I had to leave early, because I had to work. When I got back from work, my ex had started unpacking my things and he told me: "By the way I found your diaries". He admitted that he had read part of my diaries (I had about 10 diaries) and I got very angry at him. My diaries are private, and I don't want other people to read about my thoughts, feelings and experiences. I didn't stop writing a diary after the experience, but I always hid them. My ex and I broke up some time ago, and I am married to someone else now. I told my husband to stay away from my diaries, he respects my wish, and I don't have to hide my diaries anymore.
I have never read someelse's diary. It could to tempting to read a diary that belong to another person, but I wouldn't do it. I don't want to violate the person's privacy, and I don't want to do the same thing that my ex did to me.
@bamrahkirti (1821)
• India
17 Jun 09
I started writing diary after my marriage because my partner is not very comfortable to talk about my problems,tensions,queries,anxieties etc.I used to write in my dairy about my feelings and it was my best friend,my silent listener.
One day when i was away to work,my husband read my diary and came heavily upon it because in the diary i had written about the things which were troubling me and one thing was my in laws.
Since then i have stopped writing the diary.I felt very bad but could not gather the courage to write again.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
17 Jun 09
That is a great shame, maybe if your husband was able to listen to you and understand what was troubling you, you could work through it together, that is what relationships are all about, communication is the key and when you can't communicate with your partner then it's causes a lot of problems.
@my_name_is_coco (4334)
• Philippines
17 Jun 09
an ex-bf of mine used to read my journal.he can't bear to have anything hidden from him.we argue about it a lot because I don't really have anything to hide from him.yet he insists he should be fully into my life.I found it really annoying.he is not fully trusting me and invades my privacy.my journal was a part of my individuality.I found it annoying that he is not letting me be 'me' anymore.good thing we broke up already.
