I have a big Task this week
By Gabs
@gabs8513 (48686)
United Kingdom
June 29, 2009 1:09am CST
As my Friends here know, my Children are my World, well my Daughter has been badly hurt by a Friend of hers on Friday, my Girl is very outspoken and quite confident, not at the moment she isn't
This Friend, she has been Friends with for 2 Years, she works where Mel works, she is my Age. She has let my Daughter become very close to her, all of a sudden on Friday she turned awful towards my Daughter, now I am fuming, she told my Daughter out of the Blue, that she is needy, time consuming and seems to think she is the only one with Problems,This Lady has Probs with her hubby at home, which yes is fair do but she seemed to think that it is not a big Problem that a 22 year old Girl was panicking because she might not have somewhere to live, it is not problem that my Girl had a bit of a medical scare, and lots of other things, she has thrown in my Daughters face, by Text, that she is needy, time consuming and that she is to leave this Friend alone, she will talk to Mel at work but that is it. Saturday was awkward as she was strange with my Girl. What hurt me is when my Girl was talking to me on the Phone and then after an hour said "Mum I must be getting on your Nerves, crying and moaning" I told her straight out to never say that again, I am her Mum and I will talk to her for hours and let it all out. My Girl has never said that to me
Her best Friend (they have been Friends since the age of 9) went to see her yesterday and she told me that my Girl was holding back and talking like she always does, she was very closed in, well this is worrying V as she has known Mel all those years and never seen her like that.
As you can imagine I am so mad at this Person, but for my Daughters Sake I am not saying anything
She is coming to stay with me today for a week, I know I am going to have my work cut out to get my Daughter to stop thinking that all her Friends think the same of her, that her brother thinks so to, my Son is trying everything to show her that he loves her and is doing his best to let her know that we all love her
I know everyone gets hit Life like that by Friends at times, but if you would have heard my Girl crying and sobbing, as a Mother you would be mad to at the Person.
When they where little and got hurt, it was so much easier, I would put them on my lap, give them big Hugs, tell them I love them and hold them tight, the hurt would go away, now it is much harder
She is worried about going back to work next week, as this so called Friend has not even had the nerve to tell my Girl Face to Face what the Problem is and why after having a Joke and a Laugh did she turn like that,
Has anyone ever hurt one of your Children like that, how did you feel
5 people like this
18 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
29 Jun 09
My fiance and I don't have any children yet, lol we're waiting till we're on our feet to do that. In any case, I can say from my own perspective that I have been hurt by friends and cried for so long, wondering what I did wrong, etc. I'm so glad my fiance was there to help me figure things out, and I was even told by his mom that it wasn't my fault. Lol, well I've since gotten over the hurt of those friends, and now they aren't my friends. I think that your daughter just needs to cry it all out and then maybe she'll get angry at her so called friend, and then eventually heal. Of course, no one knows better then you how your daughter will heal from this so called friend's behavior. Good Luck!
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
I am sorry but glad you got over it that you had love and care to get through it
I have been through it myself a few times, but now I just think ok fine if that is how you want it
A Friendship of 22 years has broken because I decided to move away to be with the Man I love well fine if that is how they felt
My Girl is doing fine, she cried a bit yesterday when I held her but she is doing ok now
Thank you Cowgirl
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
1 Jul 09
Actually, it's funny you mentioned that you lost a friend because you moved to be with your husband. Lol, I lost my friends I think for the most part because I moved to be with my fiance. I only moved 20 minutes away into a different county, but I guess they didn't like that I had done that. Oh well, it's fine and dandy now that I am no longer hurt by it. I hope that your daughter can get over this fast though, Crying is the first and best step to healing.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
29 Jun 09
I don't think that their age matters; if someone hurts your baby you can't help but hurt right along with them. Why did she turn on her like that? You are doing the right thing by having her to stay. A little TLC will help her no end - and you too. But I think that when she goes back to work she should sit down with the person and ask her, gently, why she said what she did. She should make it clear that she doesn't mind constructive criticism, but a full frontal assault really wasn't helpful and now she would like to know what it is that she has done wrong and why the woman is so upset about it. Good luck to her and love to you. XXXX
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
29 Jun 09
She has tried that P1ke and this Person just does not want to know
She just has not got the face to sit down and talk to the Girl what is going on, the Good news is that before Mel got on the Train, her boss rang her to tell her that she is being promoted to Duty Manager when she gets back so that has boosted her a bit, she has been there since the Hotel opened and worked hard
Now I think Mel should just wait to see if A will say anything when she gets back, because everytime the Girl asks her she will not talk xxx
1 person likes this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Aww, that's awful!
You would think that a woman that age would be a little more wiser in her choice of words to such a young girl. And after being friends with her for so long? That's really strange.
Maybe the woman herself is having a breakdown of some sorts seeing she is having problems with her hubby. Or, out of curiosity, do you think she found out somehow before your daughter did, that she was getting promoted and is a bit jealous?
I'm sure your daughter will be fine after a while, she's surrounded by love and that will break the barrier eventually. She just has been hurt to the core deep down and it probably was quite a shock to hear. I'm glad to hear she's coming to stay with you for a week, that will strengthen her I'm sure, and hopefully you will be able to have some fun to take her mind off it. There's nothing better than going home to a loving family full of support. Take care.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
Hi there Kash
Yes you would think so
But after I did this Discussion my Daughter rang me to tell me that she had a call from her Boss to tell her that she has been promoted to a Manager at her work, so that has really cheered her up as such as she has waited for this for 2 years
She has been at the Hotel for 3 Years now, she joined there when it first opened so that has strengthened her a bit, I gave her a big Hug when she arrived and she cried a bit, but this promotion came at the right time
Thank you Kash for caring
1 person likes this
@Wizzywig (7847)
•
29 Jun 09
I feel for your daughter and, as a mum, I feel for you too. I hate to see my sons upset over anything but, sadly, life and "friends" are often cruel and, no matter how we try, we cannot protect our children from these knocks.Every parent knows that it DOESN'T get easier as your children get older because you cannot ease their problems with a hug and a bandaid anymore. I know its a bit of a cliche but all we can do is 'be there'. Your daughter is fortunate that she has a loving, caring, supportive family who will help her through this vulnerable time and I hope her self-esteem will grow stronger so that, next time someone she trusts hurts her, she will be less affected.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
29 Jun 09
Wizz thank you for your response and yes Parents know it does not get easier you still want to protect them from the bad world but you can't
We are very close my son Daughter and me and we know that we will always be there for one another no matter what the Situation
Thank you for understanding
1 person likes this
@berrys (864)
• Singapore
29 Jun 09
im so sorry for you. hopefully your daughter is happy by now. i can tell you that i know how you feel. see i am a divorcee and my husband was Jamaican whereas im white. my daughter has dark skin and i don't and because the kids in her school only ever saw me they would tell my daughter that she was adopted and all sorts of nasty things. of course this wasn't a problem in the UK because there were lots of mixed-heritage kids but here in Malaysia its quite a problem, she's only in the 3rd grade but there are kids calling her fat and all sorts of mean things and she really isn't even overweight its just the Asian kids are quite tiny. but they shouldn't even be worrying about things like this now. anyways i wish you luck with your daughter. cheers.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
29 Jun 09
I am so sorry about that, it is awful that Kids are like that, your poor little Girl must be going through a bad time it is just awful that they have to suffer like this
Here in the UK I guess it is not as bad as you say but they are still cruel here to but I guess not to that extend
I am sorry you are going through this and I hope that somewhere it will stop
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
30 Jun 09
Thankfully, my kids are still pretty much at the age where I can hold them and make it all better with my love. My oldest has been hurt pretty bad before, and there are times when he stills has issues with it. My exhusbnad came into our lives when my oldest was only a few months old. He was the only real Daddy that my son knew. Well, when it went South in our relationship for good, my son ran to him, crying and said, "sassy, why do you have to leave?" that idiotic soory excuse for a man looked at my son after being his "Daddy" for 6 years and told him, "Boy, don't call me Daddy, I am NOT your Daddy!" What a JERK!! My son has a lot of trust issues even now with my current husband because of that. In his short almost 12 years of life, that is the second hurt that I was not able to take away and the only one ever inflicted by the harsh words of someone else.
I think that you are doing the right thing by trying to reassure your daughter that she is not like that at all. I don't think I could allow that person into my home after something like that, you are a bigger person than I am there.
I think that your daughter will get through this okay in time. It will take a lot of kind words from you and your family and friends to help get her through this, but I am certain you will do it.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
Lynn, that is so terrible, how can anyone say something like that to a child and yes he will have problems with this, of course he will the poor boy, he has been put through a very emotional time there, feeling insecure and that sticks even from a young age I am so sorry this has been done to the poor Boy
It will also cause him problems later in Life as it is insecurity
I feel so sorry for him, I know what it is like to live with something that has been done to you at a very young age
My Girl I know will get through this and I will certainly be there all the way and her Friends and Brother will be to
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
•
29 Jun 09
At least your daughter has a loving family. How could this woman behave so badly, it's her that has a problem, not your daughter.
My middle daughter has a partner who often hurts her emotionally, I could quite happily kill him. It sounds like we feel the same aout our children, Mr Croc often describes me as a 'lioness', where my girls are concerned.
Take care, gabs and just love her and reassure her, I know I don't need to tell you that, it will come naturally.
@nannacroc (4049)
•
30 Jun 09
Congraulations to your daughter. I hope that helps to make up for the spite of the woman that upset her.
I hope she wakes up soon. All we can do is boost her confidence so she knows she doesn't need him.
Take care.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
Hi Nannacroc yes it does sound like we are the same
I know it is part of Life I mean I have been hurt most of my Life and my Ex Husband hurt me emotionally, verbally abused me, mentally abused me, it does not mean that People can do it to my Children and knock them back like that
She has had some good news before she got on the Train which has actually boosted her a bit, she has been promoted to Manager so when she goes back to work she will be Manager lol and it is well deserved
I hope your Daughter does not let this go on for as long as I did, it took me 7 years to start believing in myself again, with the Love of my wonderful Man now and my Children, I managed it but do still have set backs, when I do all of them are there to pick me up again and of course little Gissi who is happy that he has his Mel here for a bit another Person to annoy and play mischief with lol
@GardenGerty (169452)
• United States
1 Jul 09
I am so sorry that Mel has this person in her life. She probably expected someone reasonable and kind like you, and instead gets this kind of hatefulness. Maybe this friend is just in too much trouble of her own and is lashing out. I am glad that Mel has you, and vacation to look forward to. Your son is an excellent brother and you can be proud of him.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
1 Jul 09
Oh Gerty I am proud of both of my Children they are wonderful and they have always been close
They might have their moments lol but when one needs the other they are there and always have been, even as little ones
Mike is more protective now to her because I live 3 hours away
Last Year Mel had to be there for Mike if you remember rightly with what he went through
They are always there for the other and do not hurt one of them lol as you will have to deal with the other
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
29 Jun 09
No I dont think anyone has done that to my girl or boys that I know of they might have not told me back then.
TEll Mel not to worry to much about it as the woman just might come around again never can tell.
JUst take it in stride and when she goes back to work act like nothing happend and go on and do her work as always.
Ya know how it is sometimes people get cranky and it could blow over if nothing more is said about it.
HUgs and loves to yll
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Jul 09
Awww... poor Mel. She's a big, sensitive softie underneath, like you said, huh? I think I know which friend you're talking about and I can imagine why she's so upset about it all. They seemed to get on so well, and she promised you she'd make sure Mel was ok. Oh well... what with one thing and another, I suppose she's got a moody on, and might come out of it later, but best Mel moves on and tries to forget about what she said. Somebody that can hurt her so badly and not even flinch is not a true friend.
Brightest Blessings, love and hugggggggs, and a big (((((HUGGGGG))))) for Mel. xxx
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
1 Jul 09
Yes that is the one. It is just so awful that someone can be that cruel to a young Girl
Mike has been brilliant with her to
But as you know she has been boosted by her Promotion and A did congratulate her and told her that it is well deserved so I am glad that she had the decency to do that and not ignore the Girl totally
She will be fine she cried when I picked her up and hugged her really hard to me but I think Mum's Hug felt good lol
xxxx
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
1 Jul 09
It's no excuse for treating your daughter that way, but my guess would be that your daughter was getting on her nerves and this person wasn't saying anything out of politeness and that eventually she just lost it. Which was totally wrong, if she had had a problem with your daughter she should have just said something, politely before it ever got to a blow up. But on the other hand, listening and helping out with problems is what a friend does. Doesn't sound like this person is much of a friend, more like an acquaintance who let things go farther than she was comfortable with. Your daughter didn't do anything wrong. How could she know the other person was bothered when she didn't even communicate it to her.
OK so much for my logical answer. Now for the emotional one. If it were my kid, I'd be wanting to go and give the witch a few pieces of my mind, after dispensing a LOT of hugs and ice cream and whatever it took to the daughter!
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
2 Jul 09
Well I wanted to do that lol but my Daughter said no please, Mum, don't and I had to respect that
Mel is a lot better as she also got good news on Monday before she got on the Train, she has been promoted to Manager at work, she worked so hard for it and it has now paid of so that has boosted her which I was so happy for her as I know how hard she has worked for this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
29 Jun 09
Hey gabs, I'm so sorry that your daughter is feeling so badly.
I have been hurt like that by someone before out of nowhere
too! People are sometimes so cruel and for no real reason!
They will be nice to you as long as it suits them and that's
it! This happened to me twice that I can remember, but I
don't actually remember the whole stories because it was a
very long time ago and I obviously put it out of my mind because
it was painful. I have learned as I go older that you have to
just not let people get to you and allow them to take up that
much space in your head or heart. I know that your daughter is
really hurt now, but hopefully you can convince her that this
person isn't worth the time or her feeling so bad about! If
she doesn't want to be her friend, then she doesn't need her
and she will find other people to make friends with who are
better then this person! No one should be allowed to hurt
someone and get away with it so your daughter needs to show
this person that she doesn't need her friendship. She has to
go back there and be strong and ignore this miserable beotch!
Hugs to you gabs, I know as a Mum you will make it all better!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
Hi there Opal
Like you I have been hurt badly a few times only last year from a Friendship of 22 years but also like you I have learned to let it go over my Head now
She is a tough Girl normally but when it comes to her Friends she is like Mum and gets hurt bad
But she has boosted a bit as she got some great News before getting on the Train
As soon as she got of the Train, I hugged her tight and she cried a bit, we have chatted
She will be fine I know she will, but it hurts so much to hear your Child being hurt so bad that she is sobbing down the Phone to you so bad
Hugs to you Opal
1 person likes this
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
30 Jun 09
I know how hard it is for you to see your daughter hurt. I get very upset when people try to hurt my daughter and the unfortunate thing is the main people who try to hurt her are her family, the ones I would expect to show love toward her. I have been very very surprised by my family when it comes to my daughter and now we just spend as little time with them as possible so as to keep down confusion. We have been meeting some very nice people lately and we spend our time with them and it is good. I don't want my daughter to stay in environment where she keeps getting her feelings hurt. I feel really bay for you and your daughter and i hope she is able to get over this very inconsiderate person.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
1 Jul 09
Oh no that is terrible I just do not understand that Family can hurt their own, why do they do that
I am glad you are keeping her away from them as the poor Girl must be really hurting when they do that
Why are they doing that to her, the poor Girl
My Daughter will be ok, she is realizing that all her other Friends and her Brother and me love her very much she also found out Monday that her hard work has been rewarded as she has been promoted to Manager at work, her Boss rang her and told her
Give your Daughter a hug and tell her you can always choose your Friends but not your Family and that it is not her, it is her Family that are in the wrong
@pxm204192 (160)
• China
30 Jun 09
my girl have a big challenge and have a bad experience on making a lover,i think such this thing like this is not put this thing on your soul, let the thing come and let the thing go,all thing should be done by your daughter herself to do. only thorough this process, your daughter can be dependence by her own power. whatever difficulties she meet with, she must solve out with her own ability, working problem or the emotion sides of her own, these sides of her rounds should be dealed with by her own, you can give some advice or some value suggestion on her idea or behavior, and please do not do instead of her doing, let she to make a clear idea that she should answer for her behavior and deeds or languages,later, i think these potential ideas make her into responsibility people.the people some time should face the difficult things and frustration on the emotional things, and the very difficult thing that she have met with ever before. these processdures can make her eyes open all world things,and become a growed-up man.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
I would never interfere she will sort it herself but at this moment she needs a lot of love and care and someone to talk to and that is what she is getting
My Daughter is actually a tough Girl and deals with a lot but this has knocked her badly and I have to be there to ease the Hurt as much as I can
Thank you PMX for your input
@lingli_78 (12821)
• Australia
29 Jun 09
i am so sorry to hear about what is happening to your daughter gabs... i think what the person does to your daughter can be considered as verbal abuse and she can report it to her superior in her workplace... i know how i will feel too if i am the mother even though i am not a mum yet... i wish you all the best... hope your daughter will feel better soon... i'm sure she will with the love she has around her... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
Hi there Lingli
She is not to bad, she had a cry when I held her yesterday when she arrived and hugged her but she had some good News before getting on the Train she has been promoted to Manager and well deserved
She can't report her as it happened out of work and is private
A is House Keeper Manager at the Hotel and work wise she is behaving in a proper Manner towards Mel
Mel would not do that as she is like me to soft at times and lets People hurt her
She is a very strong Girl, but because A is that much older Mel shows respect as that is how I brought them up but I think this promotion will her boost her again
Thank you lingli
Hugs
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
29 Jun 09
One thing I've learned about people, gabs, is that you should always expect the unexpected. Maybe this woman was having a particularly bad day, and that is why she took things out on your daughter. Who knows? I would simply tell my daughter to seek out other friends and stay away from the woman. After all, at 22 the world is her oyster. I have four daughters, and they have each been hurt at some point. When the need arises I try to give them love and support, and not worry too much about who has done the hurting. More often than not the hurtful person is someone they don't really need in their lives anyway, and they will eventually find that out.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
Yes you are right World but it just hurts to see her like that
She is with me now till Saturday she cried when I hugged her and held her for a bit but she is not to bad
She also had some good news before getting on the Train which certainly boosted her she has been promoted to Manager at work
Hugs to you
@jillhill (37353)
• United States
29 Jun 09
yes...and you do feel helpless....but sometimes it just takes time to get over something like that....I never get mad. I get even.....I know that's not nice but I am passive/aggressive....so I can come up with a few things that made my kids feel better but not the other person....today a lady came in that I have known for a while....her siblings have made her the outcast...and I know her siblings so I know that what she tells me is the truth.....I offered her a suggestion.....that she send them all a bottle of sunscreen......and not say a thing about why...but I told her if was for when they were burning in hell for what they have done to her...I know it's not nice but she loved the idea...and is going to send her siblings each a bottle of sunscreen.....they won't know why but she will and at least today she had a good laugh....it's really annoying what others can do to strike out and hurt someone that trusts them....hope you can soothe the aching heart!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
Lol Jill that is a good one I had to laugh at this
My Girl is not to bad, as she got some good news before getting on the Train, she is still hurting but she is not to bad, she has been promoted at work to Manager so that boosted her
She did cry a bit when I held her and hugged her tight to me but not to bad, we have chatted and I think she felt a bit better
Hugs to you and I will remember that about the Sun screen Cream lol
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
29 Jun 09
Hi Gabs,
To me that is not a friend who could do that to another friend, I am not the one to stay quiet and if anyone hurt someone I love as I have no children I give them what for, she shouldn't take it out on your daughter whatever her problems she is having, could it be jealousy?, you are a good mum and know that you will make your daughter feel better no matter what her age is, she can still sit your lap andd be hugged, I used to sit on my mum's lap and I was 48 then, your daughter should just ignore her when she goes back to work. Love and hugs.
Tamara.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Jun 09
Hi Sweetie she isn't to bad now as she was told before she got on the Train that she has been promoted to Manager which is well deserved she did cry a bit when she got of the Train and I held her but it has boosted her to get this promotion so I am so happy for her as I know she has worked hard for this
Hugs to you xxx
