At 50 am I too old to become a Mother again?

Baby - A day old baby
@zandi458 (28124)
Malaysia
July 13, 2009 9:25am CST
Children are gifts from God. I am an adoptive mother to two girls and would probably be an adoptive mother to my unwed daughter's unborn child. She is still considered a kid and I can't trust a kid to look after a kid. My daughter still needs my care and needs to continue her schooling. But looking at my age, don't you think I am old to become a mother again? I am drowning myself in a sea of emotions as I feel anxious, depressed and confused, not to mention the thought of disrupting my life by becoming a mother again at this age. Though I have many offers to adopt the baby but I am undecided whether to give the unborn baby up for adoption. What would you do if you are in my shoes?
24 people like this
77 responses
@dpk262006 (56737)
• Delhi, India
13 Jul 09
HI Zandi! First of all I cannot be in your shoes, even if I wish. I cannot be a mother due to my gender.......LOL! Jokes apart, I think it will be a difficult decision for you to be an adoptive mother of the kid of your unwed adoptive daughter. I think it is an uphill task to look after little kid at the age of 50. I think it is upto you, how much you can cope with your situation. If you cannot, think twice, before finally taking a decision. Please be led by your brain/mind rather than your emotions. Your healthy is equally important to you.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
13 Jul 09
Definitely you can't but your views are most welcomed. I agree with you that my decision should not be influenced by emotions. I am thinking deeply now and I have two more months to come up with a decision. This decision is crucial as it will change my life drastically. Presently I am almost free with my time and having to care for a baby may not see me in my present state.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56737)
• Delhi, India
13 Jul 09
It is entirely up to you whether you want to adopt the role of a mother for the infant and whether you would be able to cope with the pressure of bringing that baby. You may be 'free' at present, but bringing up a baby will be a full time job 24 x7. All the best to you!!!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
7 Aug 09
I have thought of that deeply dpk. As a woman I have this strong compassion for children and that is the reason why I adopted two girls to add up to my two sons. But that was years back. After careful thought I have decided enough is enough and need to have my 'me' time to spend and not babysitting and rewinding the things I have done before. It is not easy as I can foresee lots of unavoidable things happening to an aged body like sickness and lack of rest which might hinder the proper upbringing of a child to maturity. I will be placing the baby in good hands with a childless couple.
• India
13 Jul 09
Congrats, god blessed you with a sweet child, its very nice to hear the news. Life begins at 50, 60 or too old but always God is great...
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
13 Jul 09
Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
13 Jul 09
well I don't think that you are too old. wasn't there just a woman that was like 65 and gave birth to twins? As far as your age I don't think you are too old. But I get what you are saying about disrupting your life to becoming a mother again. I think it is a choice you have to make that is right for you and your daughter. Is your daughter willing to give the baby up for adoption? I think it would be hard and if you think the baby would have a better life being adopted then that would be the right choice for the baby.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
13 Jul 09
Thanks for the nice words. I really don't feel the age I am now. My daughter doesn't mind the baby is given away as the person who wishes to adopt the baby is barren and is a well to do family. My daughter is full of regrets as her studies is disrupted and wishes to fulfill her ambition. That is what she told me. I met her today and to my assessment she has what it takes to be a loving mother. She has one adopted daughter now.
1 person likes this
@kayedanda (1850)
• Philippines
13 Jul 09
you know zandi. the love you have reserved for your daughter's child does NOT age. 50 years is not OLD old, in my opinion. i know sixty-ish people who are happily taking care of babies and not thinking of their age as a hindrance. and for what its worth, i think you ARE and will be the most wonderful mom to any child that you wish to take care of. as for your daughter, i think she ought to learn how to take care of her kid. you are wise in this aspect, teach her how she could become as great a mom as you are. after all, we have to face the fact that you cannot be there for them forever, right? but that's just my two cents. no matter what decision you make, i will always admire you for what you are.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
13 Jul 09
You have the points there. Yes, looking at myself now, I don't even feel like a fifty year old woman. But caring for a child from birth to maturity is no easy task and it is almost a lifetime commitment. If I decide to adopt the baby I have to forgo a lot of luxuries in life, like traveling, mylotting and late nights. Will I want to sacrifice all these for a lifetime commitment? I need to think twice as my years are numbered on earth.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jul 09
I dont think youre too old at all. If you think you can do it, and youre still in good health, then i think it should be okay. I wouldnt be able to give up my child for adoption, because once you see them, youre so overcome with love you couldnt imagine giving them away. A friend of mines monther had her when she was 47, and my friend turned out just fine. If you think that you can do it, and youre not too tired, then i would go for it. Im sure you'll do just fine.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
13 Jul 09
I am strong mentally and physically but the thought of having sleepless nights and no time for surfing the net puts me off. I have not been in touch with babies for a long time and going back to doing it all over again doesn't strike the right code with me.
1 person likes this
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
14 Jul 09
Though i have not been here in some time, I feel compelled to comment here. Sweet lady, thoughn you may be 50, and yes, there will be times when it is very hard to care for that new baby, that baby is blood of your blood and life from the life that you gave. I have a dear friend who is in a hard way. She has two little babies and I care for them many many times when she has to work at night all night. Though I do find it takes a lot of my time away from what a Widowed{single} man could be or would be doing, the very love that i feel from those babies takes away any doubts and even causes me to wish i had a little one to care for again. My daughters are grown and my grandchildren taken care of by their mother and father. I take the chance to watch them and care for them every single chance that i get. Does it take away the chance that I might be dating or doing other things? I suppose it does but I am content and I watch the little ones as many times as 4 days in a week and have watched them 6 or 7 when their mother needs the extra cash and takes more hours at work. If my daughters have a baby and they can not care for it for any reason, I would take the baby and raise the precious gift without even a second thought. They are blood and they are gifts and they didntr do anything wrong to be put in the position of a mother that simply can't care for them even if she loves them with all of her heart. I tell you this too, sweet lady and know it to be true. If you do allow the baby to be adopted out, you will pine for that baby and wish a Million imes over that it was YOU that were comforting that precious child when it cries in the night. You will wish it were your face that it looked up at and smiled at for the first time. 1000 more Firsts that you will wish you had been the one to see them first. Hugssssssssssssss to you for this very hard descision and I pray for you daily for the strength and wisdom to know what to do. That baby could not be luckier than to have such a sweet lady with a beautiful heart teaching it all there is to know about life. God Bless you sweetheart and I will say prayers for your daughter and her baby to be. HUgssssssss Always, D...
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
Your strong words have really pierced through the core of my heart. It is a decision that I am struggling to decide. Even before the child could breath the first air outside, his/her position has already been argued many times over. Will I be able or will I not be able to provide her/him the best place and future under my loving care. With my present troubled life, I myself is unsure what tomorrow will be like. My heart cries out to have this unborn child, to watch him/her grow while I shuttle with my busy life . It is unfair to force myself to care for this baby if I can't give my 100% attention. I have been through it and know what it takes to bring up a child from a day old to maturity. It is not like caring for my newborn puppies, a human life is so precious that I have to be on standby 24/7 until he/she is independent. And you must remember that I am not always in the pink of health considering illnesses love to lick on aging bodies. Who will look after him/her when I am on my sick bed? These eventualities need to be considered thoroughly. It is not that I am selfish and not wanting to care for my grandchild/child but a more able and younger mother should fit in the bill well and I have in fact met a lady who approached me saying she is looking for another child to adopt. I think this lady is God send as she is the most qualified to adopt because she can't have her own and it strikes me that not only is she a successful lady in her own rights but a pious christian. That qualities should not make me too worried or regret as I know the baby will be in safe hands and a bright future is in the pipeline which I am doubtful I can provide. Thank you for caring and sharing with me during my most difficult moments. All responses are carefully vetted and considered.
• United States
14 Jul 09
I am always right here. Been watching for you but have not seen you. Hope you are well. Always, X Miss seeing you. Darrel
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
15 Jul 09
• United States
13 Jul 09
I am an biological mother, an adoptive mother, and a foster mother. I am 55 years old. Fifteen years ago, my seventeen year old daughter became pregnant. Giving the baby up for adoption was never an option for us. I helped my daughter parent her child until she was able to move out on her own. I homeschooled her, babysat while she worked, supported her in any way I could. She turned out to be a wonderful young woman, and married the baby's father later on. They went on to have three more children. But even if she hadn't, I'm still glad I helped her keep her child. As a foster mother, we have adopted three children from the foster care system in the last three and a half years. I was 51 when we adopted the first one. A year later, we adopted a second older child (she was four when we finalized) and six weeks after her adoption was final, her one day less than six month old baby brother came to live with us, and we finalized his adoption a year later. Life has been very good to us. We now have seven biological children, and three adopted children, for a total of ten children, from ages 33 to two years old next month!
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
You are blessed. Not everybody can be like you relay. It takes a lot of hard work to raise a big family like yours and hope you will be rewarded in kind for your good deeds. I have two biological sons and two adopted daughters. They are a lot of challenges while parenting them but I am grateful that life has not been too harsh to me.
• United States
14 Jul 09
It took a lot of work for our family to become what it has. I had a vision many years ago when I became a Christian. When I look back to what we were about the time she became pregnant, the change is amazing!!
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
13 Jul 09
You are Grandma! not mother altho you take over the job I would have her help with the tending to the baby give her alot of responciblity of taking care. I was 65 when my grand daughter was born adn as they lived in our house and Daughter worked so does SIL I got her to tend to when she was about 6 weeks old. But to I would have daddy tend for a couple of hours when he got home and daughter when she got home took over but still when Daughter not working I do alot of the tending to her and now she is 4 1/2 years old. And now I am trying to teach her to swim. we have good times together I take her on my trips with me. And I get the best hugs and kisses when she gets up and before bed time1
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
Reading your experience of being a grandma at 65 and taking care of the baby is very encouraging. I hope I can be strong like you when I reach that age.
@Lakota12 (42678)
• United States
14 Jul 09
NOthing to it but to do it! put fears aside all will come back to you and you will do just fine!
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
13 Jul 09
Hi Zandi! Climb out of that sea of emotions. You are NOT too old to be a mother to your daughter's unborn child. A girlfriend of mine did that, as well as the property manager in the community I live in. Both have found it so rewarding, the children are growing up happy and well adjusted. My dad's mother had her last two children at 52 and 54 (my dad was the one at 52). I think that women become BETTER at being mothers as they get older. We have more confidence, we are calmer, and since many of the other areas in our lives are settled, we are better able to concentrate on loving and rearing that child. I can't make the choice between keeping the baby and putting it up for adoption, but please don't be too concerned about your age. After all, we (women) don't get older, we get BETTER!
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
13 Jul 09
I seldom hear of matured women getting pregnant at 52. Your grandma must be a very fertile woman as it is too risky to get pregnant at that age. Yes as women advance in age they become more seasoned and better. They are of 'high quality'. Only if they have taken care of themselves physically and mentally. I think men who go for younger women did not discover the real beauty of women in their twilight years.
2 people like this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
13 Jul 09
My dad was born in 1933. Back then, I would imagine more women (if they were able) had children later, as birth control was not much of an option like it is today. She was also affluent enough to have hired help to assist. I think that while she was still living, she was closest to her last 2 children. With maturity, confidence and experience, she was able to relax and enjoy them more.
2 people like this
@natnickeep (2338)
• United States
7 Aug 09
Age is just a number. There is no age limit on loving a child or being a mother. I think you may some day regret if you give the baby up for adoption. As long as you are financially stable and mentally of coarse, then I would give it another go. If your unwed daughter is living with you also it will give her some lessons in responsibility to have her help take care of her own child. It is nice of you to care that she finishes school and what not and that she is a kid having a kid. That happens all the time anymore though. If I was in your shoes I would let her make the decision really. But be there for support in all ways. She has to grow up sometime and if she is grown enough to do the duty she should be grown enough to take on the consequences.
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
8 Aug 09
I have a heart to heart talk with her the other day and she told me to give her child for adoption as she is still eager to continue her studies and seeing me constantly on the go she think it is better to ask someone to care for the baby.
• United States
13 Jul 09
I don't think you're to old at all. My mother was 44 years old and had my baby sister She thought she couldn't get pregnant at that age but she did. And everything went perfectly normal my sister came out perfectly fine. So yeah i don't think you're to old to be 50 and having a baby.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
It maybe possible but that leaves me with no time for other commitments that I am presently pursuing. Taking care of a newborn is a full time job and it doesn't ends there as the parenting part will not end until the child is independently on his own.
1 person likes this
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
13 Jul 09
I guess the right decision will be taken at the right time,, so please have patience,, It's hard but life has to go on,, no fault of the new arrival ,,
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
I agree with you, every problem has a solution. I'll solve it when I cross the bridge.
• United States
13 Jul 09
My mom is 55 and you sister is 12 so my gave birth when she was 43 or 44. She is going true menopaus and she is a little cucu some times but she loves us all and has never left my sister alone they have always been together. Also my mom has been a single mother ever since I was about 10 yes she whent back to see my dad but they never lived is the same house. My point is that my mom had the option to give my sister to my oldest brother for aduption but she never did and I know that she is glad she never did because she has had good and bad times rasing my sister and there is nothing better as to have those moments with some one you love. The only reason that I think I would not do it if I was in you shoes was if I was sick and I needed other to take care of me. Just think about is are you capable of taking care of the baby? Do you want to be a mother again? Remember a baby is fragil and need love and care but also when we become mother for the first time or the tenth time we become a stronger person. I have no idea why but we do become stonger I guess we have to be since there is some one that needs from us. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision for you and the baby.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
Thanks for sharing your family story. It is very inspiring to know that your mom at 55 is still able to become a new mom again to your sister.
• India
13 Jul 09
Hi friend If i were you,i will take care of the child at that age too.Really speaking children are gifts from God.They don't know what is wrong and what is right at that age.That is the time when one should guide them as what to do.I think as a mother you are successful and again God has given you a chance,just utilise them.Everything would work happily. Have a nice day
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
Maybe God has given His assessment and see that I am not fit to adopt as He send someone, a capable lady who really wants a child to see me and I have no doubt that this lady is fit to adopt the child.
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
13 Jul 09
I guess you are in a really hard spot? You will have to take a long hard look at this. Does this child want to keep the baby? Does she want to be responsible for a child. Will you have to keep the child after she is able to be on her feet? I would have to sit and weigh up all the options and do what I feel is best for the baby and for you.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
My daughter said she want to give away her unborn child for adoption as she is eager to go back to school. She is quite good with children but I feel she still needs to grow up and socialize as having a baby now will see an end to her freedom. I wouldn't want to see her in that situation, young, single mother and financially handicap.
@youless (104247)
• Guangzhou, China
13 Jul 09
I must say that it is very kind of you. Although I am 34 years old now, but sometimes I still feel so tired to take care of my child. Children are always full of energy. So I know it may be harder to bring up a child when you are 50 years old. As it needs patience, energy and time. 50 years old is not old, but sometimes it may be difficult to look after a child, especially baby. It depends on your health. If I were you, it seemed that there were no more choice. I would help my daughter to take care of her baby. Because the baby is my grand child. Being a mom, I think my responsibility is endless, unless one day I am gone. I love China
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 09
Thanks youless for a very positive views. As a mother you have a strong motherly instinct, I'll take your views into consideration.
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
17 Jul 09
I was 44 when my 17 yr old daughter had her first son. I love just being grandma. my daughter was still at home and in her last year at school. I was there for her and the baby. I might also mention the day my grandson was born i started believing in love at first sight. She is now married and has 3 beautiful children. Her baby is not your responsibility. She needs to have the major care of the baby. Just be there for the two of them. Enjoy being the grandma. Because that is what you are.
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
18 Jul 09
I have to consider all options before making any decisions.
@jdyrj777 (6541)
• United States
18 Jul 09
What options? Have your grandchild and let the parents raise him or her or talk the mother into kill your grandchild?
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
7 Aug 09
My option is I let a childless couple adopt the child.
@Sreekala (32821)
• India
14 Jul 09
Hi zandi, First I wanted to share a story. In fact is not a story but a real incident happened in my native place which was about a 65 years old lady who delivered a baby boy. Of course you may wonder how she could at this age, it was her own decision to become a mother and she single handedly made efforts to become a mother. The doctors first tried to discourage her decision, but her decision was strong enough and finally doctors agreed to go with her decision. There were many formalities before her pregnancy. Doctors prepared her body artificially to become a mother by hormone treatment and everything was done by artificial. Finally she got pregnant and delivered a baby boy. I am not sure whether she had children earlier but the 65 years old ladies pregnancy and delivery got attention of media. I am trying to say that the age is not a bar for anything in the present world. I agree the point, to take care of a baby is not an easy task and it depends upon you only. Hope you will take a wise decision.
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
15 Jul 09
This is a very inspiring story and a record of sort. I can't imagine myself getting pregnant at that age. I think she is being unfair to the child as she won't be able to live long to see the child grow up to maturity, depriving the child of a loving mother at a young age.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
17 Jul 09
What an unfortunate ending. I believe God do not want to see more sufferings for this child and He only allow a short happiness for the mother.
• India
5 Aug 09
Oldest Mother - 
Historical/Biblical references
A number of reference to aged mothers can be found in the Bible, where Sarah is described as having given birth to her husband Abraham's son, Isaac, at the age of 90. Samuel is born to the sterile Hannah after a lengthy period of infertility. The story of the birth of John the Baptist likewise features an older mother whom many thought would never conceive. An unverified record is that of Margaret Krasiowa (1655-1763) of Konin, Poland, who is said to have married her third husband in her 94th year of life and borne two sons and a daughter by him during their 14 years of marriage.[1]
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, First of all i wish to congretulate you. Next i bring out something, which will strenthen your mother-hood and be able to face little odd emerging out of your feelings. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oldest_mother[b]"Pregnancy over age 50 From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (Redirected from Oldest mother) Jump to: navigation, search Pregnancy over age 50 has become more possible for women, due to recent advances in assisted reproductive technology, such as egg donation.[1] Typically, a woman's fecundity ends with menopause, which by definition is 12 consecutive months without having had a period. Perimenopause usually begins between ages 40 and 51, this is when the periods become irregular & eventually stop altogether (men, in contrast, generally remain fertile throughout their lives,[2] although the risk of genetic defects is greatly increased due to the paternal age effect). Pregnancy over age 35 is associated with increased risks. In the United States, between 1997 and 1999, 539 births were reported among mothers over age 50.[1] According to statistics from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority, in Britain, more than 20 babies are born to women over age 50 per year through in-vitro fertilization.[3] The oldest known birth mother in the world currently is an Indian who delivered twins, baby boy and girl at the age of 70 in November 2008."[/b]May god bless You and have a great time.
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
7 Aug 09
wow....at 70 and still producing. This is incredible. But it is unfair for the children to be born from an old woman. She should be a grandmother instead of being a mother. How many more fruitful years can she spend with her children?
1 person likes this
• India
7 Aug 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, So nice of your comments. It is hrue that at the age of 50, women should enter to be grand mother, and I am sure you never wanter to be mother, but it is gift from Good's side, you have to accept it. So I wish and many more may join with me to strengthen your feelings to go ahead. May God bless You and have great time.
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
15 Jul 09
It is a decision only you can make zandi but I would consider very carefully before putting the child up for adoption. I am speaking for myself and the prospect of taking care of a baby at my age would overwhelm me but if I was in your situation I doubt that I would be able to see my grandchild being brought into the world and then cope with giving him or her away. I know it would haunt me forever. Having said that, the decision is a personal one and I would not place judgement on whatever you intend to do because I admire you too much for that and I am certain that you will choose the best outcome for you and your family. Keep in mind that your daughter should share the responsibility of taking care of the child. Good luck to you with all this zandi.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
17 Jul 09
There are always the pros and cons to consider in this case. In my culture, getting pregnant out of wedlock is still considered a taboo and that brings a lot of repercussion in having to bring up the child. This entails some kind of rituals to appease the locals. They belief that the child might bring bad luck and miseries to the local community as he/she is conceived in shame. This might be something not easily understood by other cultures but being a christian and an open minded person I don't conform to such superstitions. But living in a strong cultured community I have to pay a heavy price for the sins of my daughter.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
17 Jul 09
It seems to me that you are going to require a lot of strength to face what is ahead regardless of what you decide to do and I want you to know that my prayers are with you and I hope that you resolve this situation for the good of all, hang in there zandi.