Is it natural or a personal whim ?

@krajibg (11934)
Guwahati, India
July 20, 2009 8:37am CST
Listening carefully is a difficult job. I could say in my case that I often go out of my mind even though I am listening to somebody. Now I am wondering - is it natural tendency or my lack of concentration. Do you hear a lot of other sounds or people talking when you are listening to some one supposedly intensely? How long you go listening just the speakers words and nothing entering into your ear? I am a terrible man in this act. Rajib. 20.07.09
7 people like this
15 responses
@Canellita (12052)
• United States
20 Jul 09
Hmmmm, Rajib, I hope that you discover the answer is that you are not paying atttention or else you might have a greater problem hearing these things in your head.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
21 Jul 09
Hmnnn I can guess your tilt canellitta, thank a lot any way.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12052)
• United States
31 Jul 09
Are you suggesting that I am not a good listener capable of concentrating?
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
No Canellita, never. I rather wanted to say that you are a patient listener. You read me wrong it seems. cheers.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (123950)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jul 09
I think it is natural for people to be busy thinking of what they are going to say and wanting to interupt the other person so they can impart their attitudes and opions. Just happens that I wrote an article on this very subject. I think listening is a very good lesson in concentrating. I will give you the link to my article. Has some very good info in it. http://www.ehow.com/how_4697056_listen.html
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@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Hi celticeagle, Yes even I feel that should be natural as many people like me are not patient enough to concentrate long enough. Of course meditation should help it out. Thanks for the link.
@celticeagle (123950)
• Boise, Idaho
31 Jul 09
Good information. Your welcome.
@wyvern501 (166)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
I guess it all natural... we cant force our ears not to listen to others... this happens to every time... when there is someone talking, i tend to listen, but when another tries to speak, i couldn't bare not to listen to her/him also... that is the time that i lost my concentration on what i am listening leading me no to understand what i am listening.... but if what i am listening got my interest, any terms of nuisance get me angry all of a sudden... i don't to lose my consentration to what i am listening especially if it got my interest...
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Yes pal, I to feel this must be my personal whim. Listening is a processed way and hence this is not possible for all to concentrate on the speaker's words and as a result it loses interest and loss of interest means segmentation in the comprehension and no totality.
@abanerji (1026)
• India
21 Jul 09
hi dada i can think of three reasons of losing concentration. one- i am not interested in the converastion and it seems boring to me. two- i am planning my own point to present it before others three- there is somethig else bothering me while i am communicating something else. these three things are almost applicable to most people. the perfect way to concentrate is by not lending the ear or heart or mind to anything else. this is difficult to achieve but not impossible. when there is something very interesting we tend to concentrate in to best manner but eveytime we are unable to achieve such high level of concentration.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Hi sis, All your three points are justified and hence validated. As I can not listen to people for a long time whatsoever might be the topic is my problem and I am to fix it. Now as you have said listening is really a hard task. Unless you are mentally prepared to listen all the mission would go in vein.
@sunnew (68)
• China
21 Jul 09
yeS i have this problem.its terrible.iam not very serious,occasionally,i cant corcerntrate speaker'swords instead there r some words is in my ears.dont worry my friend .maybe u a not very intersted in some topic .another u can discline this anxiety by take some exercises,such as jog run.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Hi sunnew, So you too are with the same boat with me. This is not a permanent problem I guess. With a little of practice with meditation and concentration we would come over this problem. Thanks for sharing.
@Opal26 (17686)
• United States
20 Jul 09
Hi krajib! Listening is something alot of us find to be very difficult at times. It tests out patience and concentration and sometimes our manners too! It is an art some people say! If you can't listen to someone and what they are actually saying you might be missing something very important one day! What if people didn't listen to the scholars of the world the many things that we have today wouldn't exist! So you should slow down and take the time to listen because it is something that could be very important to all of us one day and we never know what we might me missing!
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
21 Jul 09
Hi Opal, I appreciate your suggestions. Yes I too feel this is what one should do when one realities that he/she is no more able to concentrate on anything else for a long time.
@silvercoin (2101)
• Lithuania
20 Jul 09
Hi,Rajib.I think I often hear too much,because I listen to everything around me.I hear voices and noises I shouldn't hear at all.Sometimes my friends say things they really don't mean to say during the conversation, and they want me to forget their words, but it's too late.I have all the information written in my head.It helps sometimes, you can compare the words with their actions.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
21 Jul 09
Hi silvercoin, You too have been running the same race that I am now at this moment. All the best.
• Guyana
20 Jul 09
Hi Krajibg, This is natural that most people can not hold back the concentration and fall flat to the ground reality. Listening fore a long time is not an easy matter.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
20 Jul 09
Hi hilar thanks that you have known the fAct AND THEREFORE HAVE COMMENTED. thank YOU VERY MUCH DEAR.
@dawnald (84078)
• Shingle Springs, California
31 Jul 09
Listening does require concentration, but also interest in the other person and what they are saying. But people can have sensory issues, like oversensitive hearing for example, that can distract their attention. They can also have conditions such as ADHD that makes it difficult to focus. They can also have other things on their mind and get lost in thought. There are a lot of reasons why you can't keep your concentration on what the other person is saying.
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
No Dawn, listening needs concentration, what does not need is hearing. Hearing is involuntary act while listening is voluntary. Yes I agree that other elements as you have mentioned could have impact on listening but if one is not able to listen for a long time he lacks concentration.
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
22 Jul 09
I responded to a discussion about listening not very long ago and in it, I stated how much I hate it when I sense the person I am talking to is not listening. I find it very rude and I take it very personally because my parents have done it and are still doing it to my sister and me all the time! I try very hard to be a good listener myself because I feel very hurt when I am deliberately not heard. It is a really sore point with me...
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Hi Paula, you have your point to get irritated if one is not listening you are taking to. This happens to most of us. If I am not in the mood to listen anyone or anything serious I avoid the scene and people as well. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@elmiko (6637)
• United States
21 Jul 09
another thing it could be is theirs so much information going around in the world today that its harder to focus. i think it can also be natural but improved with some work and also trying to slow the mind down. an example of that would be not drinking too much caffeine or just staying in a quieter place. these work for me.
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Hi there, Yes, what you have suggested seems to be working. Besides a plethora of external information is another factor that we lose our concentration so easily.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
21 Jul 09
Hi there! Unexpectedly, a lot of my friends say I'm a good listener. I don't know how I do it and yes maybe it's a natural thing but I believe it can learned. Maybe if you are really serious when talking to someone you can intently listen without trying hard. Concentration and eye contact is the key. When I am talking to someone I find myself looking at the person's eyes. My eyes doesn't seem to wander anywhere else but just looking straight to the person I'm talking to. Ciao!
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Hi there, Yes to get into the track while taking or listening to somebody the eye contact is important thing. As soon as we take away our eyes there is a chance of breach in the concentration.
• United States
21 Jul 09
Rajib- I think that we all must learn and work on listening skills daily. It's very easy for the mind to wander, or to be caught by the distractions around us. The interesting thing is that women and men listen very differently. Women will look at each other in the eyes, and most men will look elsewhere in order to concentrate. I heard a tale in a communications class I took of a man who so wanted to listen to his wife that he'd cover his head with a pillow in order to give her his full undivided attention. She felt strange the first few times and finally asked him why he did it, and when she found out he listened better this way, she continued with it. I would suggest working on this through meditation. I truly believe that when meditation is done daily it does help faciliate a better listener. I also try to make sure that when I'm listening to the person I don't try to plan out what I say. Some people are bothered a bit at first, but once they realize I'm listening fully and then taking the time to formulate a response they are much better about it. I know for me when my husband and I were first together it used to really bother me about him. Yet, he taught me through example that one listens better if one isn't formulating their response when the person is speaking. Namaste-Anora
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Hi Anora, You could be right as I too have observed that women are more patient and have greater concentration label than that of men. Women talk eye to eye and it lets the concentration fixed but as men look elsewhere they lose so easily. This problem, if at all we consider it to be a problem, can be solved through meditation.
@LittleMel (14033)
• Canada
20 Jul 09
I can listen intensely if I like the subject or the speaker other than that I usually don't even notice anything but minding my own business I'd rather go away than stay there making people think I am listening while I'm not so in my case it's personal whim
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
31 Jul 09
Hi LittleMel, Might be this too is is my personal whim and not a deviation.
• India
9 Aug 09
Listening - Sources of Difficulty by the Speaker 
 Voice volume too low to be heard. 
 Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many issues. 
 Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction. 
 Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed. 
 Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might react. 
 Using a very unique code or unconventional method for delivering the message.
Hello my friend krajibg Ji, I bring out very interesting response from web and you may persue some more:http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm[b]"Tips on Effective Listening "We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking." Brief Theory of Communication Expressing our wants, feelings, thoughts and opinions clearly and effectively is only half of the communication process needed for interpersonal effectiveness. The other half is listening and understanding what others communicate to us. When a person decides to communicate with another person, he/she does so to fulfill a need. The person wants something, feels discomfort, and/or has feelings or thoughts about something. In deciding to communicate, the person selects the method or code which he/she believes will effectively deliver the message to the other person. The code used to send the message can be either verbal or nonverbal. When the other person receives the coded message, they go through the process of decoding or interpreting it into understanding and meaning. Effective communication exists between two people when the receiver interprets and understands the sender’s message in the same way the sender intended it. Sources of Difficulty by the Speaker Voice volume too low to be heard. Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many issues. Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction. Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed. Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might react. Using a very unique code or unconventional method for delivering the message. Sources of Difficulty by the Listener Being preoccupied and not listening. Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor. Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying. Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said. Evaluating and making judgments about the speaker or the message. Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand. "[/b]May God bless You and have a great time.