100% PINOY: Strong Family Ties, Bad or Good?
By dzeiel091383
@dzeiel091383 (49)
Philippines
July 23, 2009 1:42am CST
Filipinos have strong family ties. They want their family to be as close as the closest they can get. In other countries, one you reach 18 or so, it's kind of a shame if you still live with your parents, while here in a the Philippines, it is not unusual that a newly wed couple would live with the in-laws and the grandparents tend to take care of the grandchildren.
I have a cousin, who is very lazy by the way, and at the age of 23, he still live with his mother. He has a job, as a bagger in a department store, yet he still turn to his mom for allowances, his food, his clothes and even for money to sustain his vices! His earnings? I don't even know where he spends them. I'm just sure that he doesn't help his mom in the house expenses. I mean, hello!!! For crying out loud! He doesn't even care that his mom is often problematic about paying the bills! And to make things even worse, I've heard he plans to get married this year. Haha, the nerve, how can he support a family if he cannot even support himself? I will feel very bad for my aunt if she will be the one to support the couple. Yeash!
you know friends, for me, it's nice that Filipinos love their family so much, but it's another thing to abuse that. I mean, I love my family too! But my sisters and I don't live with our parents anymore and we support ourselves, not relying on our parents. Our parents are still young and they still have jobs, they are even far from retirement age, but my siblings and I prefer that they use their earnings to support themselves. For us, our parents have done more than enough in raising us and it's wrong to still rely on them financially when we have jobs to support our needs.
Care to comment on this?
4 people like this
10 responses
@emskoneko (805)
• United States
23 Jul 09
I'm 19 and I'm still living with my parents. I go to college and they want me to concentrate on my studies so they support me financially, but I am trying to find a job to help my parents out. I may be surviving off them but I try to do all I can to help them out because they do so much for me. Plus, if a child is living in their parents' house (no matter what age), they should always obey the parents' rules. If they won't, I say that the parents should kick them out whether they are a Filipino family or not. Strong family ties shouldn't allow disrepect under the parents' roof. They're not helping their kid if they don't set the rules down and show some boundaries.
@dzeiel091383 (49)
• Philippines
25 Jul 09
I'm glad that you have a mentality like that. sadly my cousin is a jerk. When his mom is not able to give him money, he curses and yells. He acts like the king of the house! I don't get along well with him because he's like that. I just keep an eye for my aunt. Her husband passed away last year and she became the bread winner of the house. Her two daughters were married now and are not depending on her anymore. I'm just sad that her only son (he's not even the youngest child because one of the daughters is the youngest) is the one big parasite. Sigh.
@treychi (121)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
well it depends on the situation right?~
For me I would love to stay with my mom and right now we're kind of what we called "extended" family.
My oldest brother already had a family and still living here together with us.
I don't see any problems with that~
I think Mom loves to be with his grandchildren so I think there's no problem here~
But of course when the time they need to look for their own house, I think not for now. My brother doesn't have a stable job so it is better to stay here~
I think the one major problem in an extended family is the Money~
Well, I am not surprise~
^_^
@dzeiel091383 (49)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
Glad you notice that the major problem in an extended family is the money. Of course we cannot question that. The bigger the family, the greater the financial challenge right? So in my opinion, it's better to be financially stable first before starting a family of your own. Here in the Philippines, after all, we believe in the term "utang na loob". Filipinos tend to care for their old/retired parents to compensate for all the love, caring and education given to them when they are still young. That is one of the good traits of Filipinos.
But money, is not the only problem in many cases. Most couples have difficulties with the in-laws. Some have difficulty in grabbing opportunities that may cause them to live far from home because they are not used to living apart from their family. Some have the tendency to be overly dependent (like my cousin for example).
Hey, if all of your family members get along with each other nicely, then that's good to know. I belong to a happy family too and we love each other deeply. We support each other even if we live apart. We cant get through the day without calling, texting or even chatting with each other. We get together every sunday, and I believe that we still have strong family ties. As I have said before, a home is not made up of the house you live in but of the family. it doesn't matter if you live apart as long as the bond is there, right?
@neknek (249)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
i hear a lot of stories like that one
strong family ties are good but i'm not really used to it. all my relatives live in cebu (or migrated to another country) so i'm just used to having my family around. i'm very uncomfortable when we take our annual vacation in cebu. some (okay, make that most) of my relatives can be really snoopy.... and are forever telling us to live in cebu.
i still study but i do freelance work here and there for my studies. i don't really ask money from my father anymore (i study in a state university, my tuition fee is low, never more than 700 php *yes! seven hundred, that isn't a typo* per sem). and my sister, she doesn't want to study in college so she can't get a formal job, but she's also freelancing and she pays the bills.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
24 Jul 09
Close family ties that's one of our best traitS I think. Although there are also disadvantages such as the children especially the married ones sometimes are getting much dependent to their parents. Though as much as possible the parents don't want their children to be away from them. The usual however, children who got married start living of their own. Caring for the elders that's one great thing, we live togeter with our parents and grandparents regardless of their age. We love to be besides them till their last breath. Good for those families who are lucky enough to have the best way of living, they can afford to give their children bright future that though they may live away from them their sure they're enjoying decent lives. For the not so rich parents, they may failed in giving the best lives for their children but they let them feel all their love for them for all the moral support and concern. Out of this love, when the children get jobs and earn, they return the favor of loving and supporting their parents as well.
@gelay07 (588)
• Philippines
24 Jul 09
being able to be self sufficient is a form of freedom. you are able to support yourself and by being such you are responsible on the look out of your life. It used to be the reason of our everyday fight with my siblings. I do believe when you get married and have a family of your own, it is but natural for the married sibling to live separately. It took some time and occasional rush to the hospitals my long time sickness was triggered due to stress. Anyway, everyone was adjusting on the new life we headed. now, there are times but not much as before that i fought with my siblings. I am the only one who lives with my mom now and a helper. My siblings live nearby and doing pretty good with their lives. Thanks God. but as they say, there is always a bad egg in every basket.our youngest brother is still continually asking from my mom even he has a job and and his wife. they have 2 kids and a yaya since they both work 5 days a week. although, we filipinos are admired of our close knit ties but there is also a bad side to it. We were not taught to be independent at early age, we tend to get lazy and mostly rely on our parents even we reach a certain age that we are capable of supporting ourselves. one more thing, parents, especially the mothers have a hard time letting go of their kid and they would even be the one who would not allow their kid to you know venture on their own because they want to see their kids everyday and the mom would forget or probably deny the fact that his kids already grown up and its time for them to spread their wings and be part of the outside world.
@checkmail (2039)
• India
24 Jul 09
Hello dzeiel091383 this is checkmail and here strong family ties are assumed to be good for everybody in our culture.Basically in our country there is also an tradition to maintain a strong family ties in order to respect and help each other.Yes but when grown up young teenagers don't like it, as their privacy is at stake.But all the members o family also gets protection because of family ties and most of the problems doesn't arises.According to me family ties are the one of th ebest thin in our culture and tradition.
@rainmark (4302)
•
23 Jul 09
For me, it has an advantages and disavantages. Because when you were close in your family, you can asks help from them anytime, like looking after your kids for free and clean your house for free, but i don't like to stay in my family or my in-law after the marriage, i like to have my own place. To avoid argument and figthing and from the big mouth in-laws.
The disadvantages is,the kids tend to be more dependent to the parents. Sometimes, your family is taking advantage of you, they just take your stuff, always asking money and they don't havea plan to work, always asks and asks lolz.
Happy posting.
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
23 Jul 09
I guess mind is exactly the opposite of your family. i don't have job so i let mom do the bill paying, but it's her house and am just living it. you gotta understand that not every one is as lucky as you are. but the differences is that i have no plans of getting married what so ever unless i get a real job. be nice. i just had a bad day..
@defcon505 (919)
• United States
23 Jul 09
It's bad and good kabayan. While keeping together you can watch the wife/husband if he/she is doing something wrong. The couple would also be ashamed because they agreed to wed and why are not on their own? Isn't marrying means making a family?
