Noisy kids. Why do they do it?

@kevchua (1004)
Malaysia
July 27, 2009 9:30am CST
My wife and I were at the airport one day waiting for our flight home. We took out seat at an eating outlet. As we were waiting for our food, we heard a loud cry not far from our table. It was a family who was waiting for their flight too, and happily eating while ignoring the kid's cry which had become louder. Other passengers were annoyed and turned their heads toward that table. The family did not bother. The mother of the kid talked politely to the kid trying to calm him down, but that failed to keep him quiet. His grandfather then carried him and took him away from the table - it didn't stop him from yelling (yes, that's right yelling!) I wonder what made that kid yell? Is there a way to pacify him so that there's peace? What would you do if he were your kid? Oh by the way, they boarded on the same flight as us - thank God it was a peaceful flight!
5 people like this
23 responses
@schulzie (4061)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I have 4 kids and most of the time they are well behaved. I remember one time that we had 3 kids only and we took them on vacation on an airplane. Well, the youngest baby cried the entire flight. The reason was that her ears could not pop and the air pressure was hurting her ears. On top of that I didn't realize it at the time, but she had an ear infection too. That means she had mucus in her ears and the air pressure from the plane was causing her tremendous pain. The whole time I tried to comfort her and the whole time the other ignorant passengers stared at me and muttered under their breath. I wonder if these people had children of their own. Kevchua, do you have children of your own? If you don't and you plan on having them in the future then you will understand completely. If not then I don't think you can ever really understand. Have a nice day and happy myLotting!!!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I have a story to share with you about traveling with an infant on a plane. I traveled with my daughter when she was 6 months old and I know about the ear thing. I nursed her, COVERED on the plane on my flight out during take off. Some ignorant flight attendant made some type of comment about how I should put her in the seat and I explained that if I did that, she might scream and annoy the entire flight full of people. Well, I stood my ground and kept her on my lap and she did not scream, she didn't even whimper. On the flight home however, she was playing with a noisy toy and the comment from from a passenger who rolled her eyes at me and snipped that I shouldn't be carrying 'such a thing'. I informed the passenger that she had two choices, she could listen to the rattle for a bit or i could take it away from my daughter and she could CRY loudly instead. The woman hmphed and plugged her headphones into her laptop and that was the end of it. Honestly, when people are given a choice, they really need to realize that as parents, WE think through better and worse scenarios too. We aren't purposely trying to ruin your day, we are TRYING to pick the best scenario out of what we may be presented with. Sorry but we cannot just wiggle our noses and make our noisy kids go poof lol.
• United States
27 Jul 09
Who knows why the kid was crying, but i do comiserate with you and the other people who had to listen to it. I work in a grocery store, and often times where will be child in the store who just screams and cries the entirety of the time they are in there. It is quite an annoyance, but i just call it work provided birth control ~lol~ I don't have children, don't plan on having children, and so i have never had to be in the situation of the parent during a time like this either. I can imagine it is quite stressful for them as well. My brother and i were both well behaved children. I beleive this is the case because the few times we ever began to act out when we were younger, one of our parents immediatley removed us from the store (or at least took us to a less crowded area of the place we were, if we coudln't not leave) smacked us on the behind a few times (i am not talking abuse here...no bruises, i was not physicly or emtionaly damaged from this in the least) and explained to us that our behaviour was un acceptable and that we needed to fix it (but more in a way that a 4 year old would understand) As we did not like getting in trouble like this, we learned to behave properly in public. Unfortunately now, if a parent were to do this with their child, the likelyhood that someone would see it and go crying abuse to the authorities is quite high, so parents just don't dicipline thir children the way they probably really should. What i see more people doing is trying to pacify their kid by giving them something..food..toys..this isn't going to solve anything, this will just re-enforce in the child that if they scream and cry and make a big scene, they will get something!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Kids personalities are all different. Some kids unfortunately do need a swat on the butt - when nothing else works. I don't think ALL kids benefit from this though. My parents spanked us and I can say that we aren't necessarily emotionally nor physically damaged, but my personal feelings about it are that there are other disciplinary measures in a good parent's arsenal that don't include physical punishment. Besides, it really goes backwards to teach your child 'we don't hit people' and then turn around and there goes mommy, HITTING her. I mean what else is she supposed to think? I'm sure that at some point I even yelled that at MY parents, here they were saying that 'decent people do not ever hit each other to get what they want' but then they just spanked my brother in front of me to stop him from doing something? Hmmmm. Yeah, my little mind at the time was all in an uproar about double standards and 'do as I say, not as I do' LOL! Anyway, I also agree that the environment now is different than it was when we were growing up. I am big on prevention rather than punishment. Guide your kids toward the correct behavior by either denying privelages or rewarding and if you start young, they will figure it out and learn quickly. Screaming and crying or giving an attitude here gets you NOTHING. My daughter is five and I will give her a warning - that if she stops immediately and apologizes to me for the tantrum or whining that she may have a second chance at whatever it was she was going to get or ask for, but if continued, I'd finish what I was doing and we'd simply leave. If it escalates from there, then it continues at home - that means at home where it's safe, she gets to play by herself and mommy isn't going to do anything for her - until she apologizes. This works on her rather well as she hates to be ignored and it seems to break her little heart if mommy doesn't look at or talk to her lol. This doesn't however seem to work on my son, who gets an attitude all the time whenever he's asked to do something he doesn't 'feel' like doing. Pardon me, sometimes I don't 'feel' like taking care of his lazy butt lol.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
27 Jul 09
Kids will be Kids, and sometimes no matter what you do, you will not be able to calm a child, specially when travelling, as the Child is not sure why it's Life has been turned upside down, this is nothing to do with Discipline, it is like us adults we get cranky and we get moody and no matter what we will not snap out of it, well a Childs way to show this is crying, it is even possible that the Child might have been in Pain, all you can do is soothe the Child There could have been many reasons but I am afraid that is how Children express themselves
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (12967)
27 Jul 09
Children get very bored as they are waiting for anything as well as they get over excited.Some children can not help their behaviour as there are children out there that have reasons for the way they are as in they may have a form of adhd that is unpredictable and there for it do not matter how or what you try it will not calm that child down.As you saw the parent stayed calm as that usually helps,i should know as my son has adhd and it is not nice for the child or the parent.Happy Mylotting.
1 person likes this
@cwong77 (2010)
• Malaysia
27 Jul 09
kevchua, kids wail is either they wanted the attention or there is some stuff that they might wanted however being rejected. However, we can't give in to child too often, and it will be come a "spoilt" child. Sometimes, materialistic is danger to a child instead... I would say, reasoning with a child from young.. and of course if it's in a crowded place, we just have to send them off the place to avoid the stare from the public.. but sometimes, make me wonder, why is public staring in? This will actually give the child more "face" to make noise as the one feeling embarrass is the parents.. I normally don't look if I hear any child crying in the public... but lucky you can have a peaceful flight..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jul 09
They're kids, they are energetic and lively. the mom and dad should have stop them from yelling because it's their stop to maintain their discipline.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I always get irritated about discussions like this. WHY are kids noisy? WHY do they yell? Why do they cry? Oh gee, I don't know. Kids are NOT miniature adults. They don't think like us, they don't function like us. Children don't understand a lot of things and the things they do understand are not understood under layers of experience and time like WE have. They also are not able to express or explain things and they get frustrated, which is probably why they yell, cry, or scream. If you couldn't verbally express yourself to be understood, wouldn't you yell or cry too? I bet I would. I am a parent and at one point, I WAS a child. When parents IGNORE a yelling, crying, or screaming child, there is probably a reason. There are times when I ignore my yelling or crying daughter. You know why? That means she is not accomplishing her goal - to get attention with the yelling or crying. There is no point in yelling or crying in public too, just because your kid is doing it. Yes it makes sense to try and maybe remove them from the situation but sometimes that isn't possible. For those of you without kids, you always think the solution is just to 'go away'. Well, sometimes the solution is letting the kid know that THEY don't run things. If mom is hungry and waiting in line to buy something and the kid throws a tantrum, you know what? *I* deserve my cheeseburger or whatever, the kid doesn't get to determine whether I eat or not! Same thing about boring errands. I have a friend whose kids always seem to 'stop' her from doing things she wants or needs to do because they whine, throw a fit, don't want to go anywhere, etc. I always tell her that I'd go anyway. If you allow a 7 year old or a 5 year old or god forbid an INFANT from 'letting' you leave the house or doing something you need to do, like taking in your dry cleaning or grocery shopping or mailing a package or getting to your spin class, then shame on you. You're the adult, YOU make the decisions about your life. If you are letting your or someone else's kid control you, you've got it all backwards and you deserve whatever comes of it.
@nehaagra (848)
• Singapore
29 Jul 09
I totally agree with you, i too get irritated with such discussions. Kids are kids, and that's their way of getting things done. But parents can't always surrender at their yelling, they do sometimes like this, as they feel that in public their demands will be done, but sometimes its not possible and not good for them too.. Also when we do go out, kids to get tired ,and cranky sometimes,due to hunger or tierdness, or new enviornment, and even when we expect them to behave alllll the time. My kids are well behaved in the public, but i can understand the plight of other parents too, when kids yell or scream...Obviously those parents too do not love listening their own kids cry....
@ShellyB (5241)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Who knows why kids scream and yell, but it is basically better to start discipline at home, because once outside, the kid pretty much knows what she/he can get away with. I will say sometimes it is the personality of the kid to be like that, but it is all a theory, I do know what was going on.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
While I agree about starting discipline early, there are just situations which may be too much for even the most well behaved kid. It also depends on age, I cannot believe how many people expect a 2 year old to have the ability to SIT STILL or have the attention span of a teenager! Hello, a 2 year old is a little toddler. Most of them are not going to behave that well because they don't have the mental nor physical capacity to do that. All I can say to adults who are increasingly hard on kids and expect too much of them is that you should be grateful that YOUR parents allowed you to grow up and turn into such a crabby disgruntled adult lol.
@ShellyB (5241)
• United States
28 Jul 09
Well, I agree with you, but I do think there are things that 2 year olds can do and that if there is no one teaching them at home, they will be behaving worse than teens-lol-but seriously, if one lets a kid do whatever they want, because we are assuming they are too little, they are not going to do what we want them to do in public. I used to take my kid when she was 2 to restaurants and I did not have a problem, there are five year old kids that can't even sit down for five minutes, so yes, each kid is different, I do not believe the problem is with parents that demand too much but parents who do not demand at all. On parents that demand too much, the problems show when the kids turn teens.lol
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I think at two that you can teach and have the expectation that your child can use an inside voice, know how to ask you for what they want to eat (considering you have taken them to places like mcdonalds before) and sit in a booth or chair and eat their lunch - and not pull out the toy, etc until after they are done eating. I did teach my daughter this when she was little - by taking her to kid friendly places and exposing her to situations etc. However, at age two, her attention span was only so long. Adults can sit somewhere and gab and drink coffee for hours. Kids cannot deal with something like that. My daughter also learned early that you wipe your spot at the table and throw away your trash, that you don't put your shoes on the table, that you don't throw your jacket on the floor. Yes, some parents totally neglect teaching their kids the proper way to behave at restaurants, in public, etc but you still have to remember even if a child knows how to behave, they are not going to 100% every single time. I don't even know any ADULTS who behave correctly 100% of the time. If I'm having a bad day, I'll SECOND that comment. However, I get irritated at parents who 'never take their kids anywhere' who then go somewhere inappropriate, like a fancy steakhouse - with 3 children who therefore do not actually know how to behave because remember, their parents never take them anywhere - and then the parents freak out because the kids are acting atrocious, and other diners get angry because the kids are acting atrocious. Practice makes perfect, if you are unwilling to use normal situations to teach your children how to act correctly, then it's your fault when the kids freak out because they don't know any better! How is it fair to expect proper behavior from a child who has never been exposed to a situation before? It's not fair, and it's entirely the parent or guardian's fault.
@mermaidivy (15395)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I think kids are kids... they like to play around and play loud; it is more the parents' responsibilties than anything; the parents could have better control and strict so that their won't be like that in public. I hate seeing those types of kids in the public but I don't blame them, I would wonder how their parents can stand it and let them play on the floor, climb on the floor... everywhere... I think being irresponbible is what the parents are.
• United States
28 Jul 09
If the parents hadn't tried to calm him down, I can see how annoying that could be to the others in the restaurant. However, they did try, which gives me much respect for them. Kids are not perfect, and they do act out in public every so often. Maybe the parents thought if they ignored him at the beginning that he would've stop when he realized he wasn't getting the attention that he wanted. Sometimes you just have to ignore their behavior for things to get better. When my grandson becomes perfect, and doesn't misbehave in public, ever, then I wil be able to look at other parents and judge them for not doing their job. Until then, I will shut my mouth and not criticize their parenthood. How sadm though, that the grandfather had to sacrifice his meal in order to carry the child out, so the rest of the people in restaurant could enjoy their meal.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
That makes me sad too. The least that other people could have done was to be a little bit understanding. Crying or yelling kids are a TEMPORARY thing, just like the short period of time (that feels long) when your baby doesn't 'sleep like a baby' and is up every few hours so therefore you don't get any unbroken sleep for weeks lol. I've been in places where someone's baby is crying or their toddler is crying or restless and wants to get down and run around. It doesn't bother MY meal but I've been through that because I have a child. I UNDERSTAND how it just... IS. But it passes. I have never been somewhere where the kid screams for all of my meal. If a kid is screaming nonstop for an hour, then I admit there's a problem, but hmm, that has never happened!
• United States
28 Jul 09
My parish is a big church, over 1800 families, and every so often you get a screaming child just at the time when the priest is preaching...lol...sometimes the parents would take their child outside so as not disturb the priest or the other people..and I will always remember what the priest used to say to those who were walking out because of their children crying...He would stop what he was saying, and tell them over the microphone, "You don't have to leave, children are our gift from God, a cry is a welcoming sign that you child is healthy. Do not leave, because it does not bother me." I had much respect for this man because of that.
@kcoregon (302)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I can understand the frustrations of those without kids to have to hear the cries and yells of someone else's kid in a public place. But then you must think of the parent and how it feels for them to hear their child crying and screaming in public and not able to do much about it. What was the lady to do? Pick her child up and swat their bottom? Social services would be there in a heartbeat. IMO people shouldn't use violence towards their own kids and it doesn't do much good except to hurt the child and make them scream or cry harder. Or perhaps she should have given in and let the child have whatever the child wanted to teach them that if you cry and scream in public you can have whatever you want. Sounds counterproductive to me. Then there is yelling at your child. That one never works. It makes the parent more upset, the child more upset, and can be upsetting to watch. There is no point to get this way. If the child was young-say 4 and under-you cannot expect them to be on their best behavior in public and while you can try to discipline them saying that they won't get such and such toy at home or something to that effect they might not care or understand fully what you are telling them-esp. the even younger group. And sometimes these things makes the child scream louder. You can threaten with a time out at home but by the time they get home and put into time out they are likely to forget why they are even going into time out. Even if you explain it to them the younger ones like 2 and young 3 year olds won't remember or understand why you are putting them in a time out. Honestly I wish childless people and parents of calm kids could be put in a situation like this so that they can see how fun it is to be the parent of the child that everyone is staring at. See if you think you can do a better job. Don't go judging people until you take a walk in their shoes...that's all I'm saying.
@nehaagra (848)
• Singapore
29 Jul 09
Though i am a mother of 2 well behaved kids in public...., i totally second you.. So very well written. My kids behave very well outside(infact better, as they enjoy outings), but still there are times when i can't do much than finish my work, or leave the stuff and run away back home. As i know they are NOT unnecessarily getting cranky, or i didn't disclipned them , or taught them bad manners.......
• United States
27 Jul 09
I'm wondering what the age of the child was... While it is the parents responsibility to discipline their children, maybe the child was having a fit because he/she did not want to eat there and was doing all he/she could to make sure the parents left. It's hard to discuss a topic unless the entire story is known. Personally, when my kids were younger, if they threw a fit in public, we would go into the restroom with them until they calmed down. Outsiders staring and commenting are nothing more than fuel on the tantrum fire. We would then stay in the bathroom until they calmed down and was able to act correctly in public. Unfortunately, there were times, when due to scheduling, there was not time to take them into the bathroom to wait out their tantrums. In that case, I would go on with what I was doing, trying to do my best to calm and sooth the situation by talking in an almost whisper (the child cannot hear you while throwing a fit and has to be quiet in order to hear what you're saying), and calmly go about things. When the parents get stressed out and start yelling all that does is further stress out the child and fuel the tantrum more. Then again, there are parents out there who do not take responsibility for their kids actions. Unfortunately, there's not much that can be done about it...
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I agree with this too. I don't understand why some adults come UNGLUED and rant at YOU and express that instead of being calm and talking quietly to your child, that you SHOULD HAVE YELLED AT THEM OR SPANKED THEM IN PUBLIC! I hate it when people butt in with a comment like that! I don't spank my daughter, and if I did such a thing, I certainly would never do it in public, and I don't see a point really in screaming at her in public either, that would make ME even more wrong than she was lol. What I want more than anything is to see how people who make comments like that would actually parent a child (most of these people do not have kids, and it is my honest opinion that someone who claims they would parent this way shouldn't have kids because they'd be a failure and the kids would either be brats or abused severely) but I wouldn't wish that on any child, ugh! I actually have a few acquaintances who claim that they are heavy handed disciplinarians and they do spank and they do yell - ALL THE TIME. You know what? These kids are pretty good kids, BUT - they are constantly getting in trouble. They are constantly getting yelled at and spanked. I don't spank my daughter, I do yell sometimes when asking her nicely about something hasn't done the job after a few times, but she knows when my voice is raised, she better do it and quick. She knows the limits and she doesn't push them a lot unless she's really tired and hungry or sick or something. I have told these acquaintances that it's all well and good but I seem to have less trouble with my daughter than they do with their kids, and it COULD have something to do with our styles of discipline.
@grace118224 (1038)
• China
28 Jul 09
When i have a baby this year i get to know that why they make loud yelling . They just feel uncomfortable about the people , the enviroment . Or they are hungry . Or they want to get sth or they might catch your attention . If they can speak out clearly about themselves , sometimes they just are naughty by yelling .
@shhheila (1845)
• Philippines
28 Jul 09
kids yell because they dont like whats happening to them, or something's not right and they want attention. they want something and they just cant say it, they just yell and cry, parents must pay attention to the kid's needs.they should not ignore it or it might get worse.
@kevchua (1004)
• Malaysia
28 Jul 09
hi shhheila. That's a good point - brief and good. Yeah, both of us believed that when the scene occurred that day, the kid wasn't happy about something; I think it was the food because he kept saying "I don't want! I don't want" - the louder he cried, the more annoyed his mom looked but his grandparents were cool like nothing's happened - I guess they're more experienced people :) Yeah, what parents need is to pay attention to what the kids is saying but then, at times, we need to say NO to them, too.
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
27 Jul 09
Hello, I have two children also but my kids are very patient and calm. They never yell or cry in public. Whatever I say or tell them, they will do it and stop it right the way, I have 4 years old and 16months old. I can say they are a very good kids. I know some people just dont know how to control their children and let them yell or cry out loud. well, I will make sure they are not bother others at all. Last time, I went on a flight to texas, this kid kept my daughter awake all the time and cried and yelled (my daughter just kept quiet until we got in texas) not even that, he kept kicking my chair... I wondered if their mother ever tell them not to do that... I was so mad and then turned to them, and told them not to kick my chair again cuz my kids were sleeping. he stopped only a few minutes then he started again, until I changed my seat. I hate that but what I can do cuz they dont know how to behave
@shinymood (405)
• China
28 Jul 09
I think that has something to do with their early education,home education from the kid's parents. Nowadays we have so many people becoming parents without sufficient knowledge and "training" LOL. If the kid had been discouraged by crying out loud in public places by his parents, that wouldn't had happened, I'm sure. There's much to do about it. I do think that the way his parents dealt with this kid at the particular moment right. If parents react violently, kids mostly respond more so.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I have two kids and I must admit there are times when they become unmanageable particularly when we travel long distances. They get really restless and start complaining, and have thrown tantrums on some occasions. I know it annoys bystanders, I have actually apologized to some. There are so many reasons why a child would fret - could be hungry, bored, wants attention, wants something else, uncomfortable, feels ill, etc. Almost always, once the child's need has been addressed the whining and yelling stops, unless the kid is really feeling sick. To say though that a child is undisciplined based on this situation alone is I think unfounded and insensitive. It's difficult enough for the parents to deal with kids acting badly in a public place, and the thought that a lot of people look at them makes the situation even worse. Those who have kids will understand what I'm saying, those who don't have - should at least be empathetic rather than judgmental. Peace.
@Donna01 (42)
• United States
28 Jul 09
I want to say that as a child I did not get away with half the stuff kids of today do. We would never even dare to have an outburst in public. I see many children who can go in public quietly and are well bahaved and I see those that simply aren't. It is obvious that the well behaved children are trained to be that way. I see so many parents who simply do nothing when their children start screaming and yelling & running around. I will often go out to visit a store to RELAX & lo & behold there is a troup of loud raucous children of which NO ATTEMPT is made by the parents to quiet them or get them to stop running through the store. Often the parents will go to another part of the store to get away from them . So apparently they do not care that their children are annoying an entire store-full of people. One woman alowed her 3 kids to run through a store with gazoo's . Unbelievable ! I definitely blame the parent here. Hint: Leave the gazoo's in the car. I'm going to be honest here, it appears that some parents seem to think that everyone else just has to accept this and this is what makes people angry. Just to let those parents know... we don't. I can't say how many times I've had to zip my lips. I once considered going to the store managment, it was so bad. To go into public to do something that should be a peaceful & enjoyable experience, only to have it ruined is unexusable.
@submerryn (1304)
• Malaysia
28 Jul 09
Kids, they like to throw tantrum. They can be such an angel at home. But can suddenly turn 180 degrees opposite at the wrong place and the wrong time. Maybe the parents just ignore the kid as they know, if they fuss about it, the kid will yell louder. Kids are not robot, cant just switch off like that. There are many reasons why they are like that. You need to understand and know the family well before we can judge them why their kid behaves the way he did...
• United States
28 Jul 09
Well you also have to realize it is hard on some kids to fly just like it is hard on some adults. I have a 20 month old daughter and sence she was born I have flown with her 3 times and it is really hard on them to sit there quietly and just be good kids like to run and have fun. So you need to realize that the parents where trying to get him to calm down maybe the kid just didn't feel good.