A weird request from a new friend
By doryvien
@doryvien (2284)
United States
July 31, 2009 10:07am CST
I am always happy when members send me a friend request, and I immediately accept without even checking their profiles. One time I received a friend request which I accepted at once. Then a few minutes later I got a private message from the same person asking me to sign up at another site, explaining that she really needs people to sign up there so she can win the contest prize, a laptop if I remember it right. I didn't know how to react. For one I would credit the girl for her honesty, at least she didn't pretend to sweet talk me. Still the gesture didn't sit well with me, and I was annoyed to a certain degree. But tact got the better of me and, after collecting myself together, I politely declined stating that I'm not interested in joining any other social networking site except myLot (which is true anyway). After I sent my reply I felt a little guilty for not granting the favor asked by a new friend.
Was I rude? Have you encountered the same situation? What would you do if you were in my place? Would you ask a favor from a friend whom you met the first time?
5 people like this
16 responses
@olydove (1209)
• United States
1 Aug 09
No need to feel guilty doryvien,
I myself received a similar request but I can't remember if it was here or in another site, I think it was here. I just delete it and do not respond. You were polite enough to respond so she should respect that. It is against mylot TOS to spam people and in my opinion that is what she did. Just because we accept a members friend request does not mean we are accepting to be spammed with their referral links. People should have more respect/tact then that, but sadly whenever there is "making money" involved they automatically assume it's ok to behave this way.
Even new members that join their first discussion is usually promoting some site with a referral link. It's like they don't even bother to read the rules.
Anyhow I don't think you were rude at all I think you handled it very well, and you should not feel bad at all.
Good luck and happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Hi olydove,
Exactly my point. Since it was our first time to communicate with each other, at the very least she should have asked me if I was interested in the site. What happened to manners, then? There is such a thing as "proper decorum" even with online friends. While I know that one of the reasons we're all here is the money, there are rules to follow and they should observe that. This is such a good site and spamming could make the site look ugly. These people should instead contribute to making this a better place to hang out.
@olydove (1209)
• United States
13 Aug 09
First I want to thank you for the BR, and second I couldn't agree with you more. That's one of the reasons I left Yuwie because it became nothing more than a spam bucket and I was so tired of it. It was also to impersonal for me as almost all comments were the html ones. It's not that I don't appreciate the fact they took the time to send me a comment, but I much prefer the personalized connections like we have here at mylot. It does ruin a sites reputation when new people come in and see that kind of behavior they normally think one of a few things..
a) Oh no, not another spam bucket. or
b) Oh great I can promote my referral link too I guess since they are.
Well what can we do? Nothing except inform the new members in a polite way that this kind of behavior is not ok here, or report them. But if we add them and they then spam via the pm I don't know really if that qualifies as a violation I'll have to double check in the TOS and guidelines. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that feels this way about spamming via the pm.:)
@ChrysanTflower (1607)
• Indonesia
1 Aug 09
Waw,, If I were you I'll feel a little annoyed but it's okay.. Hmm, I think nothing wrong if you refuse to sign up, because you don't want. Whether it's new friends or not if I'm not interested in their offer I usually refuse it politely.. If she ask for a favor I guess she must be ready too if the favor is rejected..
I won't ask favor from a friend I met the first time but i must admit I ask for help in mylot since i'm a new member and having a little problem with editing my profile or upload pics.. so I ask senior member
1 person likes this
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hi Chrysan,
Well asking for help to learn about myLot is okay, I did this several times when I was new here, and I'd still do it if necessary - ask help from those who know better. One of the best things about myLot is that members generally extend help whenever somebody needs them, and it could be just about anything.
I guess the girl who asked the favor was prepared to accept rejection, she accepted mine graciously. It's more of how I felt after, I was like, did I do the right thing? I think, with all your responses, I did. Cheers!
@anetteh (3590)
• Sweden
1 Aug 09
Well, if a person ask to be a friend, I do not think it is god to have sent a request of you to sign up to something els. I think you did the right thing. And You should not feel guilty at all. Yes, I have had friends request I accepted and directly they have given me links to this and that...I politely just say no, or I will look into it...then I do that and if I like what I see, then I sign up but If I do not, I politely send a messages about I have no faith in the site and will not waste my time with it...I have bad feelings doing so...I did not request for the information in the first place so....
1 person likes this
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Hi Anetteh,
I find it weird because it's the first time I received such request, now it appears that it happens to others too.
Yes, one should be careful in signing up with any site as there are so many scams on the web waiting for the next victim. Thanks for dropping by 
.
.1 person likes this
. Maybe it's intended for another topic.
I can see you're new here. Please try to read the discussion first before dropping a post. Welcome to myLot 
@phillip_shiny (2330)
• India
1 Aug 09
Thank God, I didn't get any of these issues till now. Every friends of mine are seems to be good. I'll simply reject it if I were in your place. I would never ask any favour from thr friend I first met. Cheers. Happy Mylotting.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hi Phillip,
Agree, its kind of pompous for someone to do that, barging in with a favor from someone you don't know. You're lucky you weren't bothered by this kind of "pests"(forgive the word, I just mimicked a friend, it's how he calls them and I find it apt). Maybe not as of yet, but since others have them too, I won't be surprised if you get your share one of these days. I think that's the best way to approach it, ignore!!!
@susanchang (12)
• China
1 Aug 09
I think what you did is correct. If i were you, i also will do that.I would say i donnot like that social network site.Donnot need to feel guilty.
1 person likes this
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Thanks Susan, I feel better with most of the responses saying they will do the same when faced with similar situation. Spamming is just out of place here. I don't mean to be self-righteous, but personally this site will be a much better place if we all stick to the rules.
.
@jwfarrimond (4473)
•
1 Aug 09
She obviously only made the friends request so that she could send you the message - that's a misuse of the system. I'd have just ignored the message and probably deleted her from my friends list as well.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
1 Aug 09
doryvien,
It is your sole right to decide whether to join a referral membership or subscription even if the other party could be someone whom you have known for sometime. It doesn't matter and the other party have no right to push you into his/her favor.
It is my opinion that you will always look into these request carefully before deciding and proceed. I feel that most of the time, people thought that it would be "wise" to be the first few to jump onto the bandwagon - yet they end up frustrated and most of all have their email accounts flooded with numerous SPAM mails. These scams are sometimes used to collect email addresses and then before you know it - you will see your spam folders or email account extensively active for all the wrong reasons.
So, your non participation here is really doing you a great lot of good and saving you from the many inconveniences. Just don't let these peer pressures get the better of you. Logic precedes the heart here.
Have a nice weekend.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hi sky,
Points well taken. I definitely don't want my email account to be flooded with spam messages, as it is, my inbox is occasionally frequented by unwanted emails.
As advised by those who responded here, I'll make it a point to check on the profile of the member sending a friend request, that would help me decide whether to approve or just leave it untouched.
This is a beautiful site and people who inject spamming activities make it look ugly. Hopefully, everyone will do their share in making this a clean fun spam-free site.
@MNRFOLEY (435)
• Brisbane, Australia
1 Aug 09
NO I dont think you're rude, firstly she shouldnt have asked you to join any sites at all in the first place, unless of course you had requested to be referred or if you did ask a referrral link. What she had done is spamming.And it is really not a good practice to blatantly asked recently added friends to join any sites just like that. If this happens to me I guess I will probably decline her request too and if she do it again I'll just delete her.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Agree! I would have expected her to ask me first if I'm interested in the site she wanted me to sign up with. I did request some referral links from others who posted a discussion about a certain paying site, but that's the point, I requested to be referred. This one is different, kind of assuming that since we're friends it's okay to make me sign up. And worse, since she mentioned about the prize she'll get, I felt guilty thinking that she might not get it coz I didn't comply. It's so tricky.
Thanks for your reply and have a good day.
@thedaddym (1731)
• United States
1 Aug 09
She was out of line. It is like she only sent the freind request to gte your vote. I can see if it is someone you have been friends with for a while, but not someone who is a new friend you don't even know. That is not a great way to start a friendship, here or anywhere.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Hy thedaddym,
You hit the point big time: it's not a great way to start friendship. It's very obvious that the friendship she initiated was designed get something else, and it leaves a bad taste. She should have approached those who've been her friends for a while, that way she could have gotten a positive response. Have a good day.
@sugarplum9084 (1771)
• United States
31 Jul 09
I would have been kind of angry as well, she was just spamming to you and wanted things to work in her benefit, not for anyone else really. You were not rude at all, if anyone was rude, it was her. I would have been a bit more "rude" by telling them that I know of their intentions and then deleting them as a friend because I do not have interest in being friends with selfish spammers. I really can't stand people like that, and I often run into them trying to add me on mylot, so I try my best to investigate them before I actually add them.
1 person likes this
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Thanks for supporting my decision, Sugarplum. Spamming is a no-no in this community and everyone should follow that rule. In this particular case, maybe I would have done what she requested from me if it was under a different circumstance. While I appreciate her honesty, I frown on the way she did it.
1 person likes this
@agrim94 (3805)
• India
21 Sep 09
hi doryvein,
Ever since i came to mylot i have been getting this kind of requests and if it is not a laptop then some tour to another country or I pod or a cell phone which he or she needs very badly. I always read what they say and also do check the site too. And if i want to join the site and only then i join otherwise not. Yes initially i joined many sites because all they said was i have to just join and never log in ever again ..but then i realized more sites i joined more requests started coming and the very same persons would then give another story to join me in another site. Do if you didnt want to join the site then you were not rude in politely saying no and anyways she only added a potential referral and not someone whom she would like to discuss here. So you had no moral obligation to listen to request from new friend as she didnt make you a friend but someone who can be a referral to her.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
22 Sep 09
Hi agrim,
That's exactly how I felt when I got the request, it's not because she wanted me to be her myLot friend, it's because she needed a referral on another site so she can get the contest prize. I wouldn't mind though if the site recommended was something I was interested in. I've become a referral of 3 myLot members because they recommended a site that appealed to me. So maybe it was just unfortunate that when she did it I was still new in this site and she kind of surprised me and the site was not to my liking that I didn't see it positively. Thanks for dropping your thoughts here.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Hi Meapas,
Awww, you're making me feel guilty 
... I agree with you, we should help each other here. I actually thought I should have been more considerate, but at the same time I was thinking she should at have at least made an effort to "establish" our friendship first before asking such a favor. Anyway, I checked her profile and found that she has so many friends here, and if she asked all of them, I believe some would have obliged and who knows, she might have won that laptop. Thanks for sharing. Peace!
... I agree with you, we should help each other here. I actually thought I should have been more considerate, but at the same time I was thinking she should at have at least made an effort to "establish" our friendship first before asking such a favor. Anyway, I checked her profile and found that she has so many friends here, and if she asked all of them, I believe some would have obliged and who knows, she might have won that laptop. Thanks for sharing. Peace!1 person likes this
@vzerocool (76)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
If i were in your place i probably give the girl a little help.Maybe in a few actions i'll make .It will make her happy.we'll never know really.But atleast we've done our part.
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
1 Aug 09
Hi vzerocool,
I think that's the reason why I felt guilty, because of the thought that my rejection might have prevented her from getting that prize. But the way she did it was something I didn't approve, sending me a friend request and right after asking me to sign up for some other motive. Thanks for your response though, and welcome to myLot. Peace!
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
1 Aug 09
To be honest I'm the opposite and rather wary of accepting a friend request unless I check their profile first and see that they at least responded to one of my discussions..the sad truth is that many people are "friend collectors" for the purpose of spamming with their referral links. Don't feel guilty about turning down the offer from this person..I would have done the same thing
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
1 Aug 09
True, I've seen some of them opening a discussion just for the purpose of getting referrals for other sites. There's no doubt myLot is one good source of potential referrals - I have nothing against those who do this. But this one just didn't seem right, at least to me, maybe it's how she did it.
On the friend request, maybe I should do it too - check on the profile first before accepting the request, just so I'll have an idea about the member's personality.
Thanks pye, the guilty feeling is gradually easing out .
.1 person likes this
