How do you deal with people who do not like you?

@kalav56 (11464)
India
August 1, 2009 6:29am CST
Sometimes we can sense that for some reason or the other we have provoked some sort of dislike in another person. Now, how do you handle such a situation? First of all , are you able to sense it? If we do not like another person's manner or something then it is easily handled because we would be aware.But for the situation I mentioned, our antennae needs to be very very sensitive. This is more difficult with a close circle of people and with whom we do not suspect anything.Have you faced such a situation? For my part, if I sense something like that then I stay away from that person.That is all. Please do share your views.
7 people like this
66 responses
• United States
2 Aug 09
even if you do not like a person you should still be nice and respect them, because when you fight fire with fire it just makes a bigger fire.
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
4 Aug 09
ou should definitely not go fighting wiht them because you are not going to achieve anything.THere would only be unpleasantness and who needs it?
@balasri (26537)
• India
5 Aug 09
I could always sense the animosity in the air as someone looks at me like a alien from another world because of my no nonsense looks and stance.I have learned from my experience that people don't tht much like sophistication.To them it means honesty,dicipline and sincerity which they find very hard to be adepted with.Well I just go my own way whether I am liked or not.I am happy with the quality people who like me.
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@balasri (26537)
• India
5 Aug 09
I am very much in Chennai busy with my placement business.I got quite a few orders this month for which I have been interviewing candidates and formatting their profiles.Priorities kala.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
6 Aug 09
Very true; Work takes priority over anything else.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
5 Aug 09
Hullo Bala ! What happened to you? Only today I was wondering what had happened to you and whether you had gone to Kulu, Manali [ I vaguely recalled that you had mentioned something to this effect in a discussion of yours.]Hope all are fine at home. Yes ;I see what you mean. Sometimes people are not too comfortable with others who look a bit posh.Apart from honesty, sincerity and discipline they also find it difficult to approach them. So some spark of jealousy triggers this animosity I guess. Good to see you here after a long time.
@ishavasyam (1801)
• India
3 Aug 09
Hello kalav56 , my answer may sound rather stupid to u..but so far I have not been able to work out any strategy for dealing with people who I sense do not like me..I usually try to avoid such situations when I shall be confronting those people..or if at all we come across, I become very introspective & reseeerved in such person's presence so that interaction is avoided.have a nice day,....bye
• India
4 Aug 09
hello..thank u so much for the apprecciations..have a nice day..bye
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
4 Aug 09
Your answer sounds absolutely sensible to me and what you have said is a strategy by itself.I too try and avoid conversations and interactions with people who do not care for us.WHat is the point?
1 person likes this
@djoyce71 (2511)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
It sometimes happen in the workplace when there are conflict of ideas. Sometimes, I try to be diplomatic so as not to aggravate the situation. If I feel that someone doesn't like me or hate me, then the best way I think is I'll just stay away to avoid friction or treat them nicely.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
4 Aug 09
Don't worry about the typos ;I too tend to make many when in a hurry.It si tough in a work environment especially when you have to grin and bear it.Thanks a lot for the participation.
@djoyce71 (2511)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
sorry it should have been "happens" and "conflicts"
@jpso138 (7851)
• Philippines
3 Aug 09
I do feel it on some people. In such cases, I do the same as what you do. I do not really mind such person or people. If they do not like me even without reasons, then it is up to them. After all, I have done nothing to harm them. I am a friendly person. But of course, I do not force myself to someone that does not like me.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
4 Aug 09
I agree wholeheartedly with you.Why force ourselves on people who do not care for us? Thanks a lot for sharing your views on the subject.
• Jamaica
1 Aug 09
I basically ignore them and tell myself that they are not supporting me or anything so who cares. I feel that people dislike other people because, they grudge them for something they wish they had.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
4 Aug 09
yes.It is either that or an inherent jealousy for the other person.Sometimes there might be something wthin us thta has put off another person too.In thta case we can sense it and try and recticy if we care.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
4 Aug 09
read 'rectify' and sorry for the typos.
3 Aug 09
When I am able to sense that a person has a dislike for me I would try to the maximum to avoid coming into his way .The best is to keep awy from such a person rather earning his displeasure and then brooding over the entire situation and thus making the atmosphere a hell for ourselves as well as for our family.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
3 Aug 09
Sensible as usual. I can definitely expect that wise behaviour from you.THat is wy i said that you are great in interpersonal relationships.
2 Aug 09
smile to them .never let them you hate them.never let them know that they can make you anger.
1 person likes this
@kawalnarang (1095)
• Trinidad And Tobago
1 Aug 09
None of us is perfect,we all make mistakes,, I would rather find faults in myself,,before coming to any coclusion,, staying far is a good choice,, another formula I like is to find out what the problem is,and find a solution to it,,and this only comes out after a DICUSSION,,If I can't change the other person,I know I CAN change myself,,
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
1 Aug 09
Thanks a lot kawalnaramg for the partcipation and your response shows that you are a very sensitive and large-hearted person.however, I disagree with the statement that we have to change if a person does not like us.We need our peace of mind ultimately and if doing what you said gives you the best state of mind then of course I agree.
@larish (2191)
• Philippines
2 Aug 09
It is really very awkward to be on this kind of situation but as human we cannot do anything abou it but face the fact that at one point in our life, we will meet someone who dislike us. I usually handle this kind of situation as calmly as possible. If I have to work hand in hand with a person who don't like me, I often do the best that I can to do my part. I just hope he/she won't pissed me off meaning he/she won't make things harder on me and would expect that he/she be fair in treating me. I don't want us to be friends but I want us to do what is expected of us to accomplish. When it comes to people who I don't work hand in hand and I feel that he/she doesn't like me then I think I will also do the same as you do - that is to avoid this person.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
2 Aug 09
THat was a wonderful response.THanks for sharing your views. 'I don't want us to be friends but I want us to do what is expected of us to accomplish. '-- you have put this very sensibly.
@jayrene (2708)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
i have experienced something like that before. well, what i did was, said something nice and then after that never talk to the person again. well, if they ask me something then i would answer but that's all. i never really want to get close to people who dislike me even in little ways. i stay away from them too, there are still more people that i can become friends with.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
1 Aug 09
That was a wonderful response and with thsi I agree wholeheartedly.Why inflict ourselves on people who do not like us?We can choose our friends who like us.Thanks a lot for the particpation and the response.
@devmitra (274)
• India
1 Aug 09
hello kalav i think that first if i have provoked dislike in another person and if the person is a good person than i will try to sort out all problems to restore things to normal.and if the person who dislikes me has his own set of reasons for disliking me than i will stay away if that person if insignificant for me.if you are confused that the other one dislikes you or not than leave it to your heart as it always speaks the truth.if you dont like that person stay away and stop worrying that he likes you or dislikes you.now i request you to keep smiling as it will remove away all dislikes from anyones heart.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
1 Aug 09
Thanks for sharing your views on the subject. We can only make efforts where we feel they are really needed and as far as outsiders are concerned the question does not arise. If it si is a close circle then it would be better to define relationships right in the beginning so that we wont be hurt ultimately.
@lheng18 (93)
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
show you doesn't like her/him. being plastic towards person you do not like is a crime, be true to your self this is the real thing. you doesn't like her/him. then be prank.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Aug 09
you cant avoid people to do things which you dont like.. bcoz all of us have different personality.. at first it maybe hard to sense their personality but as the days goes by you will find out.. you dont have to judge once personality as every people are unique... what matter is they dont hurt you or hurt other people... its on the matter of acceptance and understanding...
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
1 Aug 09
it is not a case of judging others ;it is only a case of avoiding unpleasantness or a genuine desire not to inflict our unwanted company on others.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
13 Mar 10
Like you, I stay away too unless that person was a very close friend earlier. If that's the case, then I will try to talk and see what the problem is and if it can be rectified. Otherwise, I'm fine with people not liking me. Sometimes, it's mutual...both of us don't like each other and we stay away. Sometimes, it's only one way...I don't like them or they don't like me. Either ways, I stay away. If I don't like them, I make it clear that I do not want to spend time with them....I might be cordial...but that's the extent to which I will go. If they don't like me, I'd expect the same from them...to stay away and not pretend to like me and then turn around and talk nonsense...or worse...stab me from behind!As long as they make it clear to me that they don't like me (I don't even need to know the reason), I'm fine and not at all sensitive in that matter. The way I see it..you like some, you don't like some! Simple as that!
@SViswan (12051)
• India
23 Mar 10
I think the basic problem is that people cannot 'accept' people who are different from what they are.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
23 Mar 10
Very true.This happens more frequently in the case of relatives also.THey are used to accepting one kind of behaviour and set normative patterns too.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
13 Mar 10
Very true SANDHYA.It becomes difficult when a close person behaves this way. As far as third[arties are concerned then we just won't care.But how fragile relationships are ?SOemtimes, I wonder why there are so many complications in thsi area.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
4 Aug 09
Hi Kala! I find that you have already received so many responses to your post, because this discussion of yours figured in 'Mylot digest'dated 2-8-2009. Now back to your question, I try to be polite and humble with every one I meet, however, I've offended any one and I come to know about it, if possible, I try to clear my position, I would iron out the misunderstanding, if any. If it is not possible to clear him/her the exact position or my stand, I try to take the things easy. If other fellow's behavior towards me does not change, even after me not highlighting the issue, I start avoiding that person, as you have stated.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
4 Aug 09
Many people seem to sy that they would rather avoid the person Deepak.Of course there are some extra nice people who are more forgiving and tolerant of people who dislike them for no reason. I wholeheartedly agree with your views.I too always try to clear misunderstandings so that my conscience is clear.I know some others who never offer explanations even to close people .However, if there is no ground whatsoever for this dislike why should we bother?THanks a lot for the participation.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
4 Aug 09
Hi Kala! You are on the dot when our conscience is clear and we do no harm to others or nuture any ill-will against them, we should not feel afraid of them. It is always great pleasure for me to participate in your interesting and meaningful discussion, Kala. Deepak
1 Aug 09
Hi Kalav56, Many years ago my husband iinvited his friend and his girlfriend round to me place for dinner and from the word go she did not like me and yes I sensed it, I go with my gut feelings always, and she didn;t hide it either, and later we all went out for a drink, ther she just ignored and then when she went into the ladies room I followed her and asked her outright why she disliked me, and she just wouln't say so I told her the feeling was mutual and walked out, that was many years ago and yet eversince then up to today, she sends me Christmas cards she is married to y husband friend and has two children, I haven't seen her but she never forgets to send us cards, strange women. Tamara
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
4 Aug 09
Yes women are strange indeed to send cards to someone they don't like; but Tamara I cannnot understand why you had to ask her outright about her dislike.
4 Aug 09
Hi Kala56, I had to ask and get it out in the open as she was ignoring me all evening after eating the meal that I'd cooked without any notice from my husband who invited them in the first place, then she kept giving bad looks all evening, so just had to confront her, that was such a long time ago. Still can't understand why she kept in touch with me, its good of her and I have forgiven her. Tamara
@EliteUser (3964)
• Australia
27 Sep 09
Hey, Well if I know that someone doesn't actually like me, I just don't hang around them. Actually I don't really talk to them that much, because they don't talk to me. If they don't talk to me, I don't see why I should talk to them. Make sure you have a good day, God bless and Happy Lotting!!
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
27 Sep 09
Thanks for your participation and I think your strategy is a wise one.Why force ourselves on people who do not like us?We have better things to do.
@kiran8 (15348)
• Mangalore, India
16 Mar 10
Hi kala, it happens many a times when you dislike a person the very firt time you meet him/her. In my case this feeling has always proved right, when I have later , after many dealings and interactions with the person have felt that my initial feeling was right...I am not saying here that first impressions are right, just a few exceptions where the feeling has been strong. It may be the same for someone else about me...i am able to sense it and try to keep away or ignore the person....I feel that, that is the best thing to do...I have not had many such experiences but people do not show their feelings and pretend to like you- in certain ways and instances ,their dislike for you comes out openly, probably without their being aware of it...But again ,in some cases , because of my liking for certain people I have pretended not to have noticed this and carried on ...Happy Ugadi kala, have a great day
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
23 Mar 10
Hi Kiran You have given life to some old discussion of mine.Only thing is I was not here because I had gone down south to attend a wedding.THanks for the addition to the post.It is absolutely true that we feel this instinctively at times., but in my case it is slightly rare.Unless soem people are exceptionally snobbish, I do tend to take things at face value, but with age I am getting wiser.
@Ritchelle (3790)
• Philippines
22 Aug 09
i would stay away with people who don't like me. i know we cannot please everybody and i've never been someone not to like people but i do know this happens. if someone doesn't like you you can just doing what you had been doing all along as long as you know they're right and you are not hurting anybody. maybe the issue is not myself but that other person...
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
22 Aug 09
'maybe the issue is not myself but that other person... '--IT speaks a lot of your self confidence and I appreciate it.It is better that we maintain our dignity and self respect and stay away from people who do not like us.I agree.THanks for sharing your view point.
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