Lose It or Else...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
August 1, 2009 7:23am CST
I was watching a program yesterday and there was this part in it that got me thinking. This girl was found dead and when they started investigating it turns out she was in a dieting group. Now the girl was a decent weight…not too skinny and not too fluffy. Yet her b/f dumped her b/c she gained a little weight since they had met. However she had gotten a chance at winning a trip for 2 to, I think it was Hawaii and he graciously let her know that if she lost more weight he’d go with her on the trip. The whole thing stunned me. First, that he’d dump her over gaining a little weight, second that he’d have the guts to tell her that he’d go with her if she lost more weight and third, that she’d even want a jerk like that.
I’ve known someone in real life that is in a situation like that. Her b/f controls every bit of food she eats. She has to stay a certain weight and size or he locks up all the food and makes her workout to lose the extra few pounds. I really don’t know why she stays with him but it’s her choice. She’s had numerous opportunities to leave him and yet she’ll stay saying that he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t really love her.
I’m not the same size and weight I was when Hubby and I left but then neither is he. I’ve gotten older too just like he has. For us I don’t think it’s really an issue. I really think that these ppl that are so hung up on keeping their partner a certain size and weight, that are so worried about appearances, are going to dump them anyways when they start getting older.
Have you ever been dumped b/c of your weight? Would you go back to someone that dumped you when you gained a few pounds? Would you lose weight to keep your partner? Would you stay with someone that controlled your weight and size? Does weight matter to you and your partner?
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
15 people like this
48 responses
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
1 Aug 09
My husband is medium boned and I am large boned and I have been trying to tell him that I cannot get down that much. I did lose a bit but with my bone structure it does not look as if I lost anything. I hate that, and I have told him so. But he would not leave me because of weight. Now my weight is an advantage because if I was medium or small boned, I could not lift him or help him stand up. Before he grasps the walker and puts his hands around, I am holding up the whole 180 lbs of him and I also found I have lost a bit more.
I would not lose my weight for anyone, just for myself. Oh and once I reached 30, I gained just like the rest of my family. Trying to lose some, but it is hard.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157598)
• United States
1 Aug 09
You will find yourself very fit from having to help him. I am sorry it is having to be this way. No one who is so hard headed ever listens, but you know the truth, and you can ask the doctor if HE really thinks you need to lose weight.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
•
1 Aug 09
As me and Mr Croc have been together for over 30 years now there have been a lot of changes in both of us. If you genuinely love someone, you accept the changes. Girls like the one you describe must have very low levels of self esteem. I have suggested Mr Croc should lose weight but that was because of a health problem. The man who, effectively, killed this girl sounds like a control freak and needs help befpre he destroys other lives.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
2 Aug 09
I wouldn't stay with someone so controlling. My husband is trying to lose weight right now and I am being supportive by making healthier snacks (he cooks our meals), suggesting we go swimming or for walks, etc. We don't need to lock up all of the food and he still eats a bit of junk food because his workplace buys snacks for the workers.
1 person likes this
@sandjelin (13)
• Canada
2 Aug 09
I think I have found I'd rather support them instead of trying to change their eating habits. I know I have a food senitivity and I can't eat alot of stuff as I swell and not because the food is unhealthy. Any kind of grains except for brown rice is unhealth for me. So I guess what I mean to say is we have to understand why someone gains weight and be there to help them if they need it.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I think I've read something else you've posted on this situation. It's sad that anyone would let their spouses control them and their weight. It's really unhealthy as well. If the bf keeps the food locked up and they can't eat any, when they do get a chance to eat, however little they may eat, can still make them fatter. To my understanding, if you deny yourself food, you'll be hungrier and want to eat more. I can't really say that my earlier statement about even a little bit of food making a person fatter regardless is true, but I guess I can only assume it would be.
In any case, my fiance and I have gained weight. We're both on the same diet. When he had to go on a liquid diet because of gas, I got on that too! We both know we could lose some weight, but in the past, besides a "honey you don't need that!" my fiance has never locked up food, or denied it to me in anyway.
2 people like this
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I wouldn't stay with someone that wanted to control me. I don't let my parents control me and didn't even let them do it when I was underage LOL I had a boyfriend a long time ago that was concerned that I was too underweight. He said that being able to count my rib bones concerned him but, at the time I was working a job where I was constantly moving and I didn't think about eating more because I worked so much. He didn't leave me over it he just thought that my health could suffer if I continued to lose weight.
1 person likes this
@tanna2 (3)
• United States
4 Aug 09
I must agree.. I dated a guy that told me that I wasn't the average size girl he would date but yet he was still going with me but he knew that hurt me and so he tried to keep me in the relationship by buying me things and different other things to where he found my weak spot and soon as he found it he would abuse me mentally then he went to abusing me physically it wasn't worthy it and I'm glad to say today that I'm freed from that relationship.. I was hurt and scarred behind it but now I look back it and see where I have grown from that situation and take life in a better view now of myself. Either you like what you see and appreciate me for who I am and what I am or you don't get a chance to come in my life because I look at myself as someone valuable. I can encourage all young ladies all over the world and say LOVE YOURSELF and don't let anyone come in a mess with your mind nor your physical body to harm you in any way. Know what you are worth and don't let no one kill you out!!! PEACE, LOVE & HAPPINESS!!
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
10 Aug 09
tanna2, it's good that you found the strength to get out of that bad relationship. Many girls and women don't ever find that courage. And some lose their lives because of it.
I feel if a man will abuse you verbally and mentally it is only a matter of time before it turns physical. Some men like to always be in control of all situations and it turns abusive when they lose that control.
@sandjelin (13)
• Canada
2 Aug 09
I was dumped because of weight gain and it took a long time to realize that it wasn't worth it. it's funny after all these day s my ex huband that did dump me because of that now wants me back. we;re friends but I told him thats the only thing I could be now...That weight issue was hard to deal with for a long time . It still comes up from time to time. My new partner is about 30 pounds lighter than me and that doesn't sem to bother him. I do believe you should be a healthy weight if you can. It's about health more than anything.
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
2 Aug 09
My husband and I have been together since I was only 15. At that age I did everything I could to stay thin because I had been heavier in my younger years and had starved myself to lose the weight. When we met I was thin and after giving birth to our first child I began to put on weight. Of course over the years I put on a lot of weight and not once did my husband ever say a word about it. of course he is no longer the size he was when we first got together either. However it isn't an issue for either one of us. I did however begin to experience health problems brought on by my excess weight. A little over three years ago I had gastric bypass and have lost all of the excess weight and still struggle to maintain a healthy weight. Although I look much better and I am much healthier than I was when I was heavy my husband has never said one word about me being heavy. He has loved me through both thick and thin.
1 person likes this
@tjades (3591)
• Jamaica
1 Aug 09
I think thas what happens when you look to someone to supply you with love instead of loving yourself first. I have found this to be a common occurrence among people who just cant seem to let go of a partner who doesnt really love them.
She should have been strong enough and have that level of self esteem to tell the guy where to go with his ideals. If he'sgonna leave her he'sgonna leave her any ways. Same for your friend. They can maybe please the men and hang on for a few years but the fact that the man is discontented with his woman means that he has his out for another ideal.
She should have let the guy go for heavens sake and take a friend or family member on her trip. If I find I cant enjoy myself without a man it means things are really desperate and i need to get help.
1 person likes this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
1 Aug 09
Hi twoey68,
I think this guy is a control freak to to that to his girlfriend and don't love her as its just what she look like, and why this poor girl couldn't leave him is because she was scared of him and has no self esteem left and belives him too, he had brain washed her, so she had no hope, men like that should get their medicine.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@psycospaz (320)
• United States
2 Aug 09
Me, myself and I am very proud of my body. I am a bit over weight, however it is because of medical issue. But my finance gets mad at me when ever I think about trying any other diet than what I am already doing, (which is what my doctor put me on). However my ex-husband left me for just that reason, after trying to get me "off my lazy a$$ and work out with him" I did, but when I wasn't loosing he fought with me about it, saying I was not taking care of myself and if I couldn't do that then how could we be a family and take care of each other. I told him, literally, to go 'suck off'. and I kicked him out.
I will never have another person tell me that I have to look or act a certain way for them. We all have our own personallities and free wills. And they are free for a reason. However I think I would be more open with my ex if he would have said that he was concerned about my health and helped me instead of insulting me and forcing me to do anything.
1 person likes this
@pointlessneedles (38)
• United States
2 Aug 09
i have never actually been in a relationship because of my weight not sure if that's better or worse but at any rate if a guy doesnt like my fat a$$ he aint gettin it lol
@Jennicole222 (13)
• United States
2 Aug 09
I have never dated someone who controlled my weight. I would never date the someone who acts like that in anyway. When you date someone that person should love you for who you are. It is crazy girls are allowing their boyfriends to control them especially want they eat. Now, if the girl wanted to lose weight her boyfriend can support her and tell her maybe she should eat certain foods. Boyfriends are suppose to be helful, loving and understanding. It a shame girls have boyfriends that are controll freaks. The girls who accepts this behavior from the boyfriends probably have low self-esteem or just in love.If someone is so worried about you gaining weight he needs to go be with a skinny girl that can eats whatevers she wants and never gain weight.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
2 Aug 09
I am not nearly the same size that I was when my husband and I got together. Having our daughter really did a number on my body. He doesn't care, though. In fact, I'm more worried about the weight issue than he is. I think we could both stand to lose a couple of pounds, but it's more of a health issue than a weight issue. I don't care what the number on the scale is as long as we both are healthy and energetic.
1 person likes this
@yelrihs (298)
• Australia
2 Aug 09
I don't have beautiful body, not skinny, more like a size 12 (Australia's size). I don't think I've been dumped before because of my body, although I ever had bf who complained about my excess fat here and there. It was not flattering, but I do feel the pressure too when he has got a really athletic figure. Weight does not matter to me, but I would like to be healthier and toned down. If my bf dumped me because I gained kilos, I would definitely not come back to him, he is way too superficial then. My partner now is very easy going, he is very athletic, but he never complains and he actually is my encouragement to be healthier, not skinnier :) Go for your life!
@reinydawn (11643)
• United States
1 Aug 09
That's totally disgusting! I hope she told him he can't go unless he gains 100 lbs! We are so obsessed with weight it's rediculous. Now, I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm like 50+ lbs over. And although it is a health detriment for me, if my hubby were to give me any such ultimatum about my weight he'd be history! I've been "owned" before and dictated to before and that wont happen to me again.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
1 Aug 09
All i can say about guys like this is they are not in love or they would not be so controlling...Women should lose these guys & find one that loves them for who they are...I would NEVER lose weight because of a man, I am not fat but if i were i would do it for me, not some man....Some women are just dumb when it comes to men...
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
1 Aug 09
If a person doesn't love me as I am, screw 'em! People who stay with others that control them have big issues themselves. I don't have a "partner" now and am perfectly happy being alone. Nobody controls me anymore. I think that someone who demands a person stay or be a certain size has big problems. However, there are people who are truly concerned about their loved ones' health and they are the exceptions. The ones who demand a certain size just for the sake of their own vanity or needs are really sick.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
1 Aug 09
I think a woman would be a moron to put up w/that kind of crap out of a man. I speak lock up the food. I would tell any man to go take a flying leap if they tried to trat me like that. Guess that's why i live alone.
