Is it possible to love a parent that has never been a part of your life?

Hi kendriajohnson,this is hard quesition to say wrong or right.well,i don't understand why you said you hate him.also i couldn't understand why dad and kid act like stranger in the world.you are family relation why both of you don't want to try to break hard ice between you and smile always.it is easy to do and if you do first,he will understand and feel good and no pity when he really die one day.i lived in a warm family in my life.i have great parents they always give me warm feeling and i always moved from what they did to me.i wish you don't care too much what he did.i think he still loves you and just he didn't say .good luck

You gave a very wise and thoughtful answer to your daughter. I applaude you for that, many will give a mean, rude and unjust answer to a child. Anyhow, I have never known my father for 34 years, then just this March I found my real dad and brother. My mother or grandmother would never give me the answers I want and I was upset with them---not my dad. Yet, your situation is different and I would atleast try to mend a relationship with him. Keep the past the past and get on with the present IF he is willing to do the same. Your flesh and blood and nothing will ever take that away. Even though there are issues between my father and mother, I still want to have my own relationship with him and feel even though I never knew him, that I still love him all the same.

It sounds like we have similar stories. My biological father left my mom and me when I was about 2. He never came back. When I was 4 my mom married and her husband adopted me. So from 4 on grew up with Daddy. He never made any difference between me and the children they had together. I was simply his oldest. I was never called or treated as a step child. He is my daddy period. When I was 27 I was looking at my kids and realized that even though my biologial father moved on and had another child that he was going to miss knowing my wonderful kids. I contaced him for the first time. We met and have been talking ever since. He is very flakey. I have probably seen him about 10 times over the last 20+ years now. He will not make contact with my kids and that was my whole point. I regret he missed my kid's lives as well as mine. I actually feel vey sad for the man becuase it's a very sad case for someone to be so emotionally unstable he cannot care naturally for his own chldren. I feel much pity for him. He's never been a "father" ... he's just this nice old man who calls once in awhile. I feel more pity for him. I don't have room in my life to live a life of hate... it's not worth it because it will only hurt me in the end.I just forgive him and move on... he's just a "man" with a lot of baggage....

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. You may not feel the love for your father but your decision to support your family is very mature. You are setting a good example for your daughter.

Well,its actually kind of hard to do that because you have not established a relationship them.You can always have love for a person because they are your parents but it will be hard.It all depends on your level of love.

I think loving a parent is something that we cannot change regardless of whether or not they have had an active role in our lives. They are still our parent(s). We may not necessarily agree with the choices they make or have made as they do with our choices but family is family dispite all. I'm not saying that you should build a relationship with your biological father, but you should atleast love him because without him you wouldn't exist and have what you have today. Sometimes it also helps to sit down and speak with the absent parent(s) to find out why they were inactive in your life or what may have happened that kept them inactive. Try and get some answers to your many underlying questions. This may help you to resolve any issues that you have with this individual. I am not by any means, a counselor, but have been exposed to many issues of this nature and find that sometimes all we need is a little resolution to give us the closure that we so badly need. I hope that my input has in some way helped you.

I think you have given a very mature, sensible answer to your daughter.She must have been satisfied with what she heard.You are not wrong. You cannot love a person just because he is biologically your father.Any relationship needs constant maintenance and if it is not there then it goes beyond repair.You did have soft feelings towards your stepfather and you can also tell your little one that he was the true father you identified with [ once she reaches the stage of understanding.]

I understand your feeling bout your biological father. I think nothing who can blame here... It's very sensitive situation in your heart so make yourself calm down. How bad he is, he is still your real father. I just make my opinion here..pls dont hate your father, you may not close to him, but it's not make any sense if you hate him.

Hi kendrijohnson, I learn so much about other people out here that I feel my hardships were nothing. U r right about one thing - ur step-daddy. He genuinely loved u all. He must have been a really gem of a person otherwise u would not think of him so well. I also understand ur hard feelings for ur biological father. In ur shoes, I would also feel the same way. As to possible, however, I feel love is always possible. Somewhere in his heart might be his guilt - a realization that may be he didnt try hard enough to make the marriage work, that his pride prevented him from accepting his mistake, and that it was his immaturity for which u as a child suffered. May be he feels insecure that if he contacts u, the family he knows will also be lost to him for good. May be he is seeking some signs of forgiveness from u. And would u rather have grown up with parents constantly at each other's throats? U r now a grown up. U do realize that at times people do move apart. And we cant really expect that everybody is as mature as Johnny B. Otherwise Johnny B wouldnt be that special. :) Well, ur biological father is an ordinary man. Can u accept that? That doesnt mean u r being disloyal to Johnny B. U can always keep ur step father several notches above ur natural father in ur heart, and in the heart of ur children. If ur children do ever get to talk to him, and discuss ur step father in a fond sort of way, it will pinch him. That would be a revenge enough for ur hard feelings. At least I think so. I would give the man a chance, unless of course he abused me.

Hello kendriajohnson, For me it is impossible to love a parent like that. I experienced a simular timeline and it does hurt a lot. I can't say I hate him but I won't forgive him either. Cheers! Thok