Verbal abuse can be as bad as physical abuse!

United States
August 26, 2009 11:59am CST
I know a women who is married and her husband verbally abuses her alot! She is only just realizing how bad it is! (My friend is a naive!) She puts up with it! I have a feeling she always will! He husband is a jerk and is not supported of her anything she does! So when he comes up with an idea she refuses to stand up for herself and lets herself be verbally abused! It is a sad situation and I saw a lot of this when my parents were married! Words hurt and can be an everlasting pain! I wish people is relationships would get out when this happens! It isn't worth the pain and frustration! Be happy not sad!
2 people like this
14 responses
@mommyboo (13197)
• United States
27 Aug 09
It is WORSE in my opinion. Verbal abuse is insidious - it breaks down bonds and self esteem, confidence, in the end it causes a person to think EVERYBODY is better than they are and EVERYBODY is more deserving than they are, and in doing this, other people walk all over them and take advantage and control them with guilt. I wish people would get out of this too, it drives me nuts to see it go on because the truth of the matter is that ANYBODY in this situation CAN leave, they just DON'T. I don't see the point in believing that person is better than you when clearly to the rest of the world, they are the biggest immature insecure jerk ever. Anybody who is a bully lacks courage and security.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Hi Mommyboo, I agree with you that Verbal abuse is insidious and it breaks down bonds. Everything that you've said about it is 100 percent true. But it's not always easy for someone to leave a marriage, even when there is pain and abuse involved. Although one may want to leave and know that it's the right thing to do within themselves they must do what is the best thing for them. If leaving would cause them to be in a worst situation financially, they must give it some serious thought before walking out the door. Once a person decides to walk out, there's no looking back, so it's good to know that one can stand on their own b4 walking and must consider the cost.
• United States
29 Aug 09
I have felt the same way! Thanks to my fathers verbal abuse while growing up I felt everybody was better then and everyone is more deserving than they are! I also have been walked all over and taken advantage of! Things are alot better then they used to be but it has taken along time to get were I'm at! My father is a jerk,immature and insecure! Most bullies are!
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
The tongue is mightier than the sword. Thats why verbal abuse is much more worse than the physical abuse. The wounds or bruises that I will get in a physical abuse will fade away after a few days and I can forget about it. The verbal abuse can mean so much to a person which can lower one's self-esteem and confidence. I used to be maltreated by my mother when I was younger and I know it felts. I decided to run away from home when I was in college to have my own life and supprt myself. I am happy that I made the right move as I have a good life now. My mother is miserable and has no friends at all. My father left her and doesn't care about her anymore.
1 person likes this
@Citychic (4071)
• United States
27 Aug 09
Good for you that you decided to leave that miserable situation. I'm so proud of you. Hope you continue to have a happy life! No response necessary, I just wanted to applaud you for your courage because you need to know that somebody out here thinks that what you've done was a huge accomplishment, live well and stay safe!
• India
27 Aug 09
I think verbal abusement causes more pain than physical.. Physical pains can be forgotten after a period of time. But verbal abusement has a everlasting pain and moreover if we are too sensitive then verbal abusement is like hell. I still wonder how your friend keeps up with that husband actually she must have strong heart and patience.But i think it will have a bad effect on their children if they have any..
1 person likes this
@simonelee (2716)
• China
27 Aug 09
Hello, blue. Nowadays it is more rampant than before but, there's a lot of institutions who's helping woman like your friend who is verbaly abuse but most of them are afraid to admit or they didn't realy now that they are verbaly abuse. Verbal abuse is much worst than physical abuse because physical abuse can be healed and later forget the cause of the pain. While verbal abuse is a invisible scars that may lead to mood or anxiety disorder over their lifetime.
@vandana7 (73688)
• India
6 Sep 09
Exactly blue65packer. It is very very difficult to forget scars caused by verbal abuse. I really wonder why she continues to remain in such a relationship. May be she has not self esteem. May be it is children. May be she does not have confidence to stand up on her own in the big (bad) world. Hey but the small word is fully bad. Somebody needs to talk to her. Tell her that her unhappiness will multiply in other forms. Tell her that she has as much right to be happy as everybody else.
• United States
14 Sep 09
Thanks for the response! I think my friend has low self-esteem and could be staying for the children. She might be staying because she wouldn't know what to do on her own! I hope not! Thnaks again for the rely! Happy Mylotting!
@vandana7 (73688)
• India
14 Sep 09
Thank u blue65packer, for the BR. I feel confident u will be able to guide her out of it. :)
@Philbo (579)
• Canada
27 Aug 09
Verbal and mental abuse is worse than physical abuse. The "scars" take a lot longer to heal if the heal at all. Worse it usually goes on a lot longer because the victim is more likely to blame themselves or excuse it because it is a lot harder to prove to others and themselves. Taking away someones dignity and confidence is a horrible thing to do to another person.
• United States
29 Aug 09
I was verbally abused by my father while I was growing up. Those "scars" have taken me years to heal! My father had given my bad self-confidence and I was to blame for other peoples mistakes! Luckily I have come along way since then for the better! thanks for the response!
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
26 Aug 09
it's not nice, yes people put up with it cause there's more at stake, than just being able to up and leave. like kids, payments etc. my partner you can tell him something and then he'll bring it up later during a disagreement, just p .... ing you off even more. throw it back at him and gets worse. but he does love to call me selfish, if i think about doing something else not involving him. now he's wondering why if/when he gets a real job i don't want to go with him, i feel we've grown apart and it's a way out with more ease for me. all i can suggest is just be there for your friend, avoid being round when here husband is there (i know it's not nice to say) but there is a line on what you can take as a friend to, especially if your friend talks to you about the situation a lot, you can only give her your suggestions.
• United States
29 Aug 09
Thanks for the advice and the response! Happy Mylotting!
@smart44 (510)
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
yes you are right with it it can be very worst since you damaged the persons emotions, and all, a person who is verbally abused cannot cope up immediately and those words that have been said will not be back again nor removed to the ones emotions, its always in the heart of the person and always remember what the words its
@alharra (507)
• United States
27 Aug 09
I can't be sure that what is going on in my relationship is verbal abuse or not because he doesn't call me names or put me down at all. However I feel like he never hears what I say and if he doesn't agree with what I am saying he just runs right over me. I do know that if a stranger heard him talk to my son they could think it was abusive. And to be honest with you if I had a job and could take care of myself and the kids I would leave him. Now we are having an arguement about taking all the kids shopping when only one needs something. He thinks we should take them all and deal with the fit the other 2 are going to throw in public. He seems to think the kid throwing the fit in the store is okay cause they have to learn how to behave in public but what he doesn't understand is that I don't want to look bad and he will react in a way that could get the cops called if someone thought that it was a bit much and I know someone is going to think he has gone to far. SO all I can do is try and minimize the screw ups that all kids make so he won't react badly. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time and I hate that. Trust me this is not how I pictured my life and if any of my friends from high school could see me now they wouldn't recognize me. I think I am the most sad about that- I don't feel like me anymore. So who am I?
@pupupd (1516)
• India
27 Aug 09
Yes, this is very true. Sometimes words can hurt much more than physical torture. That is because it hurts directly the Heart and there is no healing measure for one's broken heart. That person will remember it throughout his/her life if he/she is really hurt and partner has used some really bad words. No one can ever forget and forgive for such things, they might say that "Yes I forgive you" in order to continue the relationship but at the back of his/her mind he/she will always remember it. Words once said can't be taken back just by saying sorry. So, remember before you speak anything bad to anyone in anger!
@dodo19 (40132)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
27 Aug 09
Verbal abuse definitely can be as bad as physical abuse! Abuse is bad to begin with. Any form of abuse is bad. I worked in a shelter for women, who are victim of abuse, last summer. And you really can't blame them for not being able to see what's going on. It's really not their fault that this happens to them.
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
You are right, staying in one relationship is not worth it if you only get verbally abused. The effect of physical pain shall I say is the same as one getting verbal abuse. You get to think so little of yourself and you stopped believing in yourself. The earlier you get out of the relationship, the better it would be for you.
@wlyatshu (18)
• China
27 Aug 09
Marriage depend on the mutual understand of each other! I can imagine will the marriage gonna to be if the both sides can not understand,forgive or edure the other side! Verbal abuse is the last way to sovle the problems occur to a marriage!
@tintukm (1083)
• India
26 Aug 09
Verbally abused makes one remember that for a for along time in his life.The physical abuse taken by a person gets resolved even when the pain vanishes ,physical abuses are not acceptable still they are not as painful as the foul and disturbing words that are said during a conflict.