Tubal Ligation: my ultimate regret! What's yours?!

@Sissygrl (10914)
Canada
August 29, 2009 1:03pm CST
Well.. I had a tubal with my last baby, who's now almost 18 months old now. And i regret having it done.. so much.. my husband and decided to not have more children because we couldnt afford to, and now our situation may be changing, and i have been wanting to have another baby for a while now.. Maybe its just my biological clock ticking, but i so badly want to have another one, its almost an urge, instead of a want! Have you ever done anything in your life you thought you thought through and regretted/regret doing it ? If you could go back what would you do differently ?
3 people like this
16 responses
@jdyrj777 (6543)
• United States
30 Aug 09
I never did anything like that. I always wanted many kids and grandkids. But that didnt happen either. But thats the way life goes. The thing i did that i regret is having tatoos. I wishe dfrom the day after i done it that i didnt do it. I went many years not wearong sleeveless tops. Finally last summer i said well everyone makes mistakes.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
1 Sep 09
what did you get tattood ? and couldnt you get it removed ? or covered up with another tattoo that is better suited to you ? or you just dont want the ink on your body at all ? it is more painful to get them removed, but you can do it.. or try getting them to tattoo flesh coloured ink over the tattoo.. i dunno.. i have a few tattoo's i've put on my hand when i was 14 and 15, i guess i regret putting them there, but i did it, and it doesn't bother me too much.. but then again i dont mind walking around in my jammies all day either, i dont care what people think :P
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
2 Sep 09
You would be amazed at what a really reputable and experienced tattoo artist can do jdyrj, Try just walking into a really good shop and showing them the tattoo and asking them if they could cover it.. sounds like your cousin wasn't a very good tat artist!
@jdyrj777 (6543)
• United States
2 Sep 09
I do not want them covered i want them gone!
1 person likes this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
29 Aug 09
Sissy darling, if your financial situation changes, you can get your tubal reversed. Really. So your biggest regret may not be your biggest regret, in the end. I'm happy to hear that things might be looking up for you. I'll keep my fingers crossed. And now, coffeeeeeeeeee, I need coffee.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
29 Aug 09
Hi Nova! its not that simple though!! i think i read its between 4 and 64% of reversals are sucessful! thats bad odds for at least 3k$!! i think the best bet for us will be invitro.. and that costs even more! and possiblility of miltiples! EEP! hehe. i'll take whatever i get!!
• United States
30 Aug 09
You're so right, Irish. There is ALWAYS adoption. And Sissy? I know that I didn't tell you my own greatest regret, and I hope you don't mind, but I don't really wanna get into all of that, ya know? Kisses, baby.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
1 Sep 09
its okay nova, I understand.. just glad you popped into the discussion!! I think that adoption is even more expensive then invitro isn't it ? and i know i would love an adopted child just as much as my own children, cause it would really be my child, but somehow i dont think that's what my body is telling me.. my clocks are a tickin and wanna be poppin out babies! haha.
@Humbug25 (12551)
29 Aug 09
Hey there Sissygrl I am sure your tubal ligation can be reversed, can't it? I go through life trying not to regret anything but I think it is hard. I think the thing I mostly regret is marrying my ex husband but then I wouldn't have the three beautiful children I have now so I can't really regret marrying him. I guess if I hadn't married him then I would have had beautiful children with someone else!! Please don't dwell on the decission you and your husband made as it was the right decission at the time and you will beat yourself up and get depressed if you. Take care and do talk to people about it if you need to!
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
29 Aug 09
Thanks hummy! i dont beat myself up over it.. i do think i was stupid to do it, but i know that i cannot change it, and it is what it is. There may be ways to work around it, and i am a little dwelly, but not on the fact that i got my tubes tied, its more that i cant have more kids unless i pay money! haha. we will see what the future holds i guess!
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
29 Aug 09
Aww well I wish you all the best anyway!! X
1 person likes this
@AKMEDIA2 (328)
• United States
8 Sep 09
We've all got regrets but I try not to. I try to deal with what comes in life and never regret anything I do. Everything I think happens for a reason anyway and things have a way of working themselves out.
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
9 Sep 09
well.. the reason things happen is because we make decisions, and other peoples decisions effect us.. I dont believe things just HAPPEN.. but sometimes, they do have a way of working out.. not always without any help along though!
• Mexico
30 Aug 09
Hey!! Well, actually, i have... though it´s a little bit different... I fell in love with one of my teacher´s when i was 14..and i really think he fell for me too. The thing is that he had principles, which made me love him even more, and he never told me anything while we were teacher-student,so we kept being friends, and we have a friend on common who told me that when i were 18 he was gonna come for me, u know, to give us a chance, he is 14 years older than me, but i really didn´t care then, so we kept with our lifes and time did it´s thing,so when i turned 18 he came to find me, the problem was that i was already on a relationship and i got pregnant 3 months ago by then, so i was in a dilemma, to kiss him and love him and then tell him i was pregnant or just trying to keep the relationship we have the way it was...so i didn´t kiss him, because i felt it wasn´t just right, and he just never came back to me again,he had his child and he got married and well, that´s what i regret of... Now i´m 27 years old and i realize that maybe if i had kissed him by then and if i had told him i was pregnant the history might´ve changed or at least i would´ve known him as a couple and not just as a friend. Thanks for listening.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
1 Sep 09
I bet you could find him now a day, with the help of social sites like facebook.. you know just to say hi, see how eachother are doing, i'm sure since he came back for you after 4 years, he thought about you that whole time, he probably still thinks of you every now and then.. give it a shot!
@grace118224 (1040)
• China
30 Aug 09
Although in our country most families are allowed to have one baby we don't have a tubal ligation after we give a birth to a baby. Well i've just heard that even if you had the tubal ligation you still could have another operation to get rid of it, right ? That means you can still be pregnant , right ? I'm not sure. In your situation yes it's a pity . If i were you i would regret too because i like babies very much and i want more if everyting is allowed.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
30 Aug 09
In my country we are allowed to have as many babies as we want to have.. but the responsible thing to do, is not have more babies then you can afford to look after!! and there was the problem! but now we are better off and i want more babies! i too love babies. Yes it is reversible, but it depends on HOW they cut your tubes, and still if its successful procedure you still (so i've read) have only a 4-64% chance of getting pregnant. There is invitro fertilization, where they fertilize the egg outside of the uterus and then place them inside after.. it costs a lot of money.. but may be the route we go if we decide together to have more children.
@lilybug (21145)
• United States
30 Aug 09
I had a tubal after my second was born 2 1/2 years ago and so far I do not regret having it done. I don't regret anything that I have thought through, but I do regret a few things that I did not think through.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
30 Aug 09
I thought i thought it through.. i guess it turns out i'm a one sided thinking! its hard for me to look into the future.. i'm a sort of in the moment kind of person.. the last pregnancy was hard on my body, running after a not even two year old yet and being 9 months pregnant. i guess i couldnt get past that, and not wanting to put myself though that again. and we where not financially able to care for another (comfortably) at the time, and i was living away from family.. oh. now its all changing little by little, and oops.
@coffeebreak (17815)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I had one after my second one as my husband said he couldn't stand to see me in that much pain again. LIke the idiot I was back then, I did what my husband told me to do... he knew best. Finding out later that he just didn't want to be inconvenienced with pregnancy and child rearing issues that took the attention away from him. There are to many birth controls these days...no sense doing something permanent until you have to or are sure you are definately done with kids. I wish I hadn't done it, but after finding out why he wanted it done... I'd rather have done it than had babies he didn't want and the babies are the ones to suffer
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
30 Aug 09
wow. i'd have some serious trust issues with that one! I didn't think i'd want more then two. and hubby has one more then i do (from previous relationship) so he wasn't prepared for our last child! so we decided it was best together. but now i want another, and i ran it by him, and he doesn't seem apposed to it as long we are financially stable.. (he's joining the navy in the next few months).
@marctiu (830)
• Philippines
29 Aug 09
I really know how you feel. My mother undergone the same scenario. They had their last baby boy, my brother, We are 2 in the family and all of us are guys, and my mom did undergo the procedure. For a while everything went well. One day my dad ask my mom if they can have another baby. A last baby and try their luck to have a baby girl. Then everything was too late, because it's irreversible. Regret was already there and time is an element we are not in control of. Anyone out there who plans on having a tubal ligation, think twice before you enter to that stage. Unless, of course you have more children than expected then you can proceed with the procedure. And remember this is not a one man show, always include the both of you in every decisions you made in time.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
30 Aug 09
Very good advice marctiu, If anyone has ANY doubts even .9% is unsure if you maybe want another baby, please dont have a tubal!! i talked one of my friends out of it recently. she was thinking about doing it cause she is on her second child, but she wants more and her bf doesn't. i told her to wait! no need to be regretfull.. after all there are other kinds of birth control! There is one way your mom could have more babies, She could have invitro fertilization. but its very expensive, but i guess if you have the money and the desire! its worth it. I hope we can go this route..
@dragon54u (31644)
• United States
29 Aug 09
There's a lot I regret but looking back, I probably wouldn't change. Those things made me what I am today, the person my children love. I got a tubal ligation with my second baby. I have two sons, both in college now. I could not have dealt with any more babies! My sons are less than a year apart and I received next to no help from their dad because it was my job and his was to go out and work. The first few years were frazzled and a third child would have totally driven my insane. Be glad you stopped your family when you did. Now you can devote more time and attention to the children you have, especially the youngest. I know what that biological clock feels like, believe me! But I think you did a good thing for yourself and your family.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
29 Aug 09
Thanks dragon, less then a year apart ? wow.. you where busy! people tell me i'm busy! haah. mine are about 18 months apart. the youngest is 18 months now.. so my baby nest feels so very empty. lol. the 18 month old wants to use the POTTY ALREADY!! my babies are growing up. its sad. i think i could handle more though dragon. I couldnt had we stayed in ontario, but here, i am clos to my mom. and though i dont ask her to take the kids or anything, she helps in ways like, if i need milk she will bring it to me so i dont have to walk to the store.. little small things that make my life easier! god i love my mom! haha.
@Barbietre (1440)
• United States
29 Aug 09
I had the same when I was 26, but we already had two children. I do not regret it for one moment, it gave me a future. I was able to go back to school when the boys were in grade school, I completed graduate degrees and could add income myself. By the way, you can always adopt, what a better way to give love than to a child or baby that is in desperate need of love?
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
29 Aug 09
Thanks for sharing barb! your right, but i think its very longggggg and costly to adopt children.. i'd rather do the invitro if i have the option.. but i wouldnt be aposed to adopting a lovely little child.. but the having the baby and the euphoria around that is part of the urge i think.. seeing the baby you felt kicking inside your belly for so many months for the first time.. the miracle of creating a new life with your husband/wife.. ohh.. emotional
• United States
29 Aug 09
I wouldve never caused my parents so much trouble and worry. Wouldve studied more in school and behaved. Wouldve waited to get married..lol. The list can go on and on!! lol
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
29 Aug 09
I have very similar regrets to you, but the biggest one, the hardest one for me, is getting the tubal. I thought so very much that i wouldnt want another baby. That i was done with the sleepless nights and the little itty bitty babies.. but i dont feel done.. I want another one.
• United States
31 Aug 09
I had a tubal after my last child was born. I have to say I regreted having it done, after it was done. But at the time I did not want any more children. With the new baby that meant having 3 kids all in diaper's. I have to say some day's I wish it was not done. But then I look at my 3 children and realize, they are enough of a handful why would I want one more. I know I would love to have one more, one that belong's to R.D. but I can not. We both understand that and we have decided not to go with the reversal, because every operation can be deadly. So instead we are going tomorrow into court and having his last name put on my kid's BC's. This way he has 3 children.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164239)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Aug 09
hi sissy girl second try first one disppeared yes I had a hysterectomy after Ihad my second child.the doctors claimed my uterus was sagging'so badly that it would have beenalmost impossible to carry'a thirdchild to term. so I had it done.but we lost one child when 'she was eight. then I felt so bad. I dreamed about being pregnant and' would wake crying. I dont know if the doctors were right or not'but I wou ld have loved to have had another child. now it was too late.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164239)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Aug 09
hi sissygrl oh indeed Ihad a hysterectomy after my second child because the surgeon said my uterus was sagging too bAdly and I might'not be ablo to carrya third child to childbirth with losing the'baby and maybe my own life. well we lost our second chils when she was eight. and I then kept feeling like if only Ihadnt hAd that hysterectomy I might have been able to have a third child. but mydoctors kept telling me that it was too dangerous.but I used to dream about being pregnant and wake crying.
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@SViswan (12071)
• India
13 Mar 10
I've had my tubal done too..and now that my younger son is 3, I want to have another baby. I know we can't afford another baby right now even if I could. But we've also decided if things look up financially, we'll adopt a little girl. There are many things I could regret..but I don't. I believe everything that has happened in my life was meant to be...I wouldn't have been able to change it even if I wanted to. That's the way I feel...so no real regrets.