Do not Take Sides?
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
September 3, 2009 3:31am CST
One of the most uncomfortable, and untenable situations is being caught in a battle of words between friends. Many have witnessed savage and consistent arguments between mylotters and hard words are being thrown without considering the pain that inflicts on the others. Bad blood was seen flowing in mylot playground, creating a bad image for others to witness. A civil war is brewing in mylot involving non other then the largest population in mylot. Has admin kept one eye close and allow this sort of ugliness to perpetuate in this good site? The tone of the argument is getting out of hands. Sticking up for one or the other will only put you in awkward place. You may also lose the trust and alienate the party you are not siding with at the moment. This is a no win situation. Being another mylotter I will not meddle in cases that doesn't give me the benefit in being a middleman in their drama. I have enough of my innocent discussions thrown to the fire of hell and wouldn't want to get my fingers burned again by being busybody getting involved in squabbles between mylotters. Do you jump in when you see one of your friends involved in a heated argument here?
11 people like this
29 responses
@mrshughes (352)
• Philippines
3 Sep 09
Hi Miss Zandi. As u know im just a new member here and at the moment i am only seeing the good sides of mylot but having read this discussion i see the bad sides of it... which is a pity really coz this site is the best site ive come across so far. What i could not understand is why people cant just be nice to each other and make good friends instead of making enemies. Sharing good informations is very good to all the members.
I know we can not please everybody but isnt it nice to have someone to say hello to and share good informations and have a laugh with? I hope people will see and value good informations we getting from each other on this site.
Back to ur discussions i think taking sides is not good...but if i have to take sides...i will support the one that is closer to my heart right or wrong. But I would still prefer to be friends to everyone.
God bless and have a good day to u Miss Zandi!
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
3 Sep 09
Sometimes you cannot help it when any one of your friends are being tossed around by a group that is closely linked. But that is not supposed to happen here as sharing and friendship is the order of the day. We unit under the umbrella of mylot and there should be some kind of tolerance prevailing here. Why should we harbor ill feelings towards others when it doesn't derive any good?
1 person likes this
@mrshughes (352)
• Philippines
7 Sep 09
Some people just love to caused troubles for others because they are sad people. Anyway im missing u miss zandi...i miss mylot a lot. i have to fix my laptop a.s.a.p so i can online again longer. take care.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I dont usually see them as I respond form emails and once responded dont go in to read what others have said.
SO now if anything is going on I dont know it!! I hear sometimes there are wrong doings but when I read what ever the only thing I will say would be against teh trolls!
2 people like this
@hotsummer (13835)
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
i guess it is okay to take sides. but usually i don't cause i don't know who is the correct and i don't know who should i go with . anyways, i just stay away from that kind of discussions. i do read them and see what is the trouble all about but i won't in it.
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
3 Sep 09
I have been in a situation where I felt I was somehow ‘stuck in the middle’ and since then I have vowed not to put myself in that position again. I was in such a confused state after a while and I did not know who to believe anymore. I made the decision not to take sides and kept both friendships; after all I don’t have a problem with either party, the problem was with each other!
I would jump in and defend a friend if he or she was clearly being unfairly treated but I would not involve myself in arguments between individuals.
I feel the same way as you zandi, I don’t have the time for being ‘piggy in the middle’. I love being here and I can honestly say that I don’t have any issues with anybody here and I can say that with total sincerity.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
3 Sep 09
Hi Paula, it is not giving us any benefit to response to discussions that is highly charged. I really don't get what they are up to. And admin allows such kind of discussion to stay which is only inviting more people to chip in adding more salt to the wound or throwing patrol to the fire. We are no firemen and can't put the fire out. It needs someone in authority to bring two parties into a peaceful settlement. Even if I itch to join in the fray I have not learned what words to say. I can't tally their powerful vocabs to tally their intelligence when it comes to battle of words. When I read what they wrote, it frightens me. Their words are sharper then swords. 
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
3 Sep 09
I know what you mean, I cannot think of one single appropriate thing to say that won't get me mixed up in all the trouble! I figure if I am unable to make a comment that will help I would rather stay away.
2 people like this
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
3 Sep 09
The most dangerous call for a policeman to answer is a domestic dispute. When a family is fighting among themselves, even when they are seriously hurting each other, the person who tries to intervene will not be appreciated. More often than not both sides will turn on the one who tried to stand up for one or the other.
It is wise not to get in the middle of any argument. Even if you are trying to play peacemaker or are trying to support the one who is being attacked unfairly you will only cause problems for yourself. We do care about our friends but sometimes we must be wise enough to know when our help is not wanted otherwise we could alienate both sides.
2 people like this
@MrZenic (81)
• Singapore
4 Sep 09
I am usually the transgressor starting up the fight. Although I mean well to inform or to correct others, I am kind of hot headed I guess. Personally, when I see my friends involved in a heated argument, what I would do is think of something to say. Not to add oil to the fire but to calm them down. This can be done by making jokes or just simply distracting them. Battle of words can lead to many unwanted circumstances.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I do not have friends to have to deal with that kind of thing anymore. I have jumped in before and became the villain in the end on both sides. I just stay out of it now and let them fend for themselves. They would not step up for me anyway.
2 people like this
@hora_fugit (5862)
• India
3 Sep 09
When I joined mylot, its top attraction for me was the debates. They sometimes gave insightful knowledge. I don't know about recent time due to my absence, but at those times people gave evidences as well and I benefited from that.
I did participate in those discussions, but once they turned to mere attacks, it was always better to bow away. But now a days, I never join such things; and if my friends are involved, NEVER!
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Sep 09
hi zandi458 I hear you and you make a lot of sense but it'
seemed to me yesterday like this one person had started the'whole thing and every person she dissed was one of my oldest friends
and she went much too far in putting into a public discussion for'all mylot community to see some very personal stuff several friends had sent to her via private and I underline the word private messages.
'I should not have put in my two cents worth but to me it was like'
seeing a bully beating up on a defenseless mylotter whose only offense
was to be on mylot. I regretted joining in yet felt I owed my old friends a lot. but what I kept hoping for was for mylot admins to step in and squash the whole thing. It kept growing last night like a forest fire, and someone will get hurt. I am so surprised that some of those discussions were not simply deleted. I do feel for my friends but what can any one person do? I dont want my friends to think I do not care for them for I do but I feel this has to stop. good discussion here Zandi and you are right.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
4 Sep 09
It seems there is not much difference between life in the real world and virtual world. One bullet in the real war is fatal but the sharp words used in the virtual world war is no better then the real war, it can instantly shoot up our BP. A silent killer.
1 person likes this
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
5 Sep 09
I think arguments here is no way. Because when we comments in a discussion we make sure that we can write our views on the topics about.
If those people acted with an angry reaction on what I say. I'll make sure that I only in defensive situation to justify what I say...
Have a great day!
1 person likes this
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
6 Sep 09
I agree with you zandi458. Make sure that the respond is not heating up the argument. If you feel that his/her reaction is going blow up, stop. If you feel that the person reply is really right, just agree. If you feel you right with your arguments but someone don't accept it, stop. They have the right to says it even do they are wrong.
Just stop for the sake of arguments not for fighting words...have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@bloodcakelover (420)
• Malaysia
3 Sep 09
I feel bad about it because this is a great site for me and also for other my lotters i believe.All i do is avoiding to get into any conflict.I hope everybody here should be nice to each other..
2 people like this
@shibham (16977)
• India
3 Sep 09
hi zandi, i think we have no need to stand in middle between a word war. yes there are some aggresive mylotter who never consider other presence and totaly show a neglegency to others mind and heart. i think that we should be more conscious than mylot authority bcoz this is our platform to expose our personality. for that cause mylot pay us. so we have some loyality. its a family and we all are responsible for any fault of our family. thanks.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
3 Sep 09
Agree to your views. Don't stand on ceremony. Be forgiving. At some point, everyone in a friendship will have some type of disagreement or misunderstanding. A good friend, especially one who we have been interacting everyday here, who has supported your discussions many times, is worth considering holding on to, but you need to be willing to let some things go. We should try to work through the bigger clashes. Learn to agree to disagree. Don't ever keep score.
1 person likes this
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
3 Sep 09
All i can say when ever such barrage war or battle ever noticed int eh bargings "Here we go again" . It took me while too to realize that you won't gain anything for simply just fighting a co-mylotter that got insulted or mad upon. I think am going on my way now and avoid these kind of people. i agree, this asian war hero doesn't have to die...i can be a hero in my own way..
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
9 Nov 09
Hmm... that really depends on the situation that the friend got involved in.
I cannot say for sure if I will stand up for one or the other until I know what the situation is.
Most of the time, it is best to steer clear of discussions that involves a heated argument. If both parties are your friends, it is going to be tough to have to take sides.
Like I said, it really depends on the situation.
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
3 Sep 09
It seems that squabbles, battles and tiffs are the order of the day here of late 
I hope that common sense will win over all the evil that is being sown here. Certainly the backbone here knows where common sense stands in all this and that is the side that I shall continue to be on if it is again necessary to take sides.
Friendships outlive all the squabbles in the long run and that's how it will always be. Hold on tight when the ride gets bumpy and together we'll be there once again when the dust settles
I hope that common sense will win over all the evil that is being sown here. Certainly the backbone here knows where common sense stands in all this and that is the side that I shall continue to be on if it is again necessary to take sides.
Friendships outlive all the squabbles in the long run and that's how it will always be. Hold on tight when the ride gets bumpy and together we'll be there once again when the dust settles 1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
3 Sep 09
Maybe the squabbles are just a way of expressing their inner feelings. A debate that can sometimes turn ugly when too much pressure is exerted on words said. There should be some kind of censorship on certain words coming out from individual mouth so as not to cause more friction. We should wait to say what we are going to say until we are not at risk of being rude, insulting, or insensitive. Yes, I notice that people are easily offended of late. I don't know from which direction of the monsoon wind is stirring the bad fengshui here. I hope there won't be permanent enemies here. 
I hope there won't be permanent enemies here. 1 person likes this
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
3 Sep 09
Too many negative sentiments are being aired and maybe is a direct consequence of the state of things offline? Seems it's too easy to vent and let off steam but this is not what myLot should be for and it is sad to see some getting caught up in it. Hopefully the tide, the wind, the air or whatever will soon change direction...
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
14 Sep 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji,
First of all I would like to wish you thanks for bringing out such a centimental discussion. I too really feel for such members, who try and beat around the bush and fish in troubled waters for some of their small benifits. In my case, I would not be able to help my friend by unjustified support. I will keep off from the scene. I will just move out un-noticed.
May God bless You and have a great time.
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
13 Dec 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji,
I have seen results taking wrong sides. So I would keep aloof and never mngle with . May God bless You and have great time.
@suesan35 (478)
• Sri Lanka
6 Sep 09
Hi zandi: I am very sad to hear there is conflict among readers of myLot. I am quite new, not even one month and so far I have not come across any unpleasant or agressive posts or discussions. But obviously there must be some since you seem to be caught in it.
I normally do take a side; but that is only if I know fully and completely what the issue is about, and I'm not afraid to say what I believe in and I also very strongly feel that everyone has the right to agree to disagree. We all do not think alike and what is right for one person may not be right for the other person, but that does not mean anyone should insult or demean the other person or his/her ideas. He has a right to believe in what he thinks, even though I might not agree with him. I have absolutely no idea about what's going on, but I do hope things will be sorted out soon, coz myLot should be a place of fun, friendship and laughter and and its OUR place. So let's all be cool and keep things nice and easy.
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Hello zandi458
When I first started reading this I was all ready with my response till I saw mylot then I said what 
I figured this was about people in my day to day life because this happens and no its not a good idea to get in the middle because eventually they will work it out and this way no one can say you took sides.
As far as mylot is concerned I have a good number of friends that I feel connected with and for the life of me I can't see anyone of them having a squabble with someone on the computer let alone a sight where we all here to exchange thoughts I just don't see it, if you say it happens then I believe it, but I still can't see it if this were to happen with anyone I am connected with I will send them a private message voicing my feelings toward the issue then ask can you please just let this go if not I would just stay away from there discussions no one can make me enter into a discussion so I will not comment unless it is something that is positive and will mentally stimulate me just my opinion.
When I first started reading this I was all ready with my response till I saw mylot then I said what I figured this was about people in my day to day life because this happens and no its not a good idea to get in the middle because eventually they will work it out and this way no one can say you took sides.
As far as mylot is concerned I have a good number of friends that I feel connected with and for the life of me I can't see anyone of them having a squabble with someone on the computer let alone a sight where we all here to exchange thoughts I just don't see it, if you say it happens then I believe it, but I still can't see it if this were to happen with anyone I am connected with I will send them a private message voicing my feelings toward the issue then ask can you please just let this go if not I would just stay away from there discussions no one can make me enter into a discussion so I will not comment unless it is something that is positive and will mentally stimulate me just my opinion.1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
5 Sep 09
Hello zandi458
Yes this is my take on things but I handle things this way all the time, some people are well equipped to get it there and calm the situation me I rather not see it at all most of the times if they are really friends things will calm down and all will be forgiven
Yes this is my take on things but I handle things this way all the time, some people are well equipped to get it there and calm the situation me I rather not see it at all most of the times if they are really friends things will calm down and all will be forgiven 1 person likes this
