What do you think of people who take other folks in?

@dawnald (84202)
Shingle Springs, California
September 3, 2009 1:48pm CST
Not just family in trouble, but friends. Somebody who has cancer, lost a job, got a divorce, etc. Are they setting themselves up for possible trouble, being taken advantage of, theft, etc.? Or are they good souls who believe in reaching out to people in trouble? Or both?
5 people like this
21 responses
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Sep 09
Hey dawny I think it depends on the people who are need of a roof over their head. My mum took her brother in last year and it was a huge mistake. He ate everything in her cupboards, ran up her phone bill, used her electric all hours and did nothing to contribute financially or physically. She did it through the goodness of her own heart and because he was her brother, I too would have done the same for mine. She managed to get him moved on but he later came back still having no where else to go but she got him moved on again and she hasn't heard from him since. I actually think that if he did come back she would actually tell him to go away!
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37377)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I think it would be a very good idea on your mum's part if she told him to go away again!
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
3 Sep 09
Hello jillhill, oh I think she would definatly next time but I do hope there isn't a next time, darn leech!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Sep 09
It's bad enough being taken advantage of, but it really sucks when it's family!
1 person likes this
@sanuanu (11235)
• India
4 Sep 09
Ask me and my answer would be NO! The thing is that if I think that I can help myself then only I would search others to help out. The day, I would think that I can feed me and my family, I would go out to help others who are in trouble!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
Here, would you like a brownie?
1 person likes this
@sanuanu (11235)
• India
16 Oct 09
What is brownie!?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Oct 09
A chewy, chocolate, cake-like baked item...
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61147)
• United States
3 Sep 09
that would be me - I take in "strays"
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Sep 09
I hope none of them have peed on your carpet...
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61147)
• United States
3 Sep 09
ooo, must be a reason I don't HAVE any carpet....
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
oooh that's sneaky!
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28897)
• United States
7 Sep 09
A friend of mine has done it at least twice, and you'd think she would have learned her lesson after the first time. First she took in her mother in law, and the mil's boyfriend. She complained about it a bit. I know she and her mil get along great, but neither the mil or the bf were making any attempts to move out. My friend and her hubby and kids ended up being the ones to move out. So she gets herself a nice, big house and what does she do? Let's another woman move in with her 2 teenage kids.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Sep 09
Oh gosh, I hope they didn't take advantage of her too badly...
• United States
8 Sep 09
I just spoke to her last night, and apparently the situation is pretty bad. The houseguest won't leave, and won't pay for anything, and it's getting pretty nasty over there, to the point where they're throwing threats around and my friend is looking into hiring a lawyer to get the girl out, or else the landlord is going to evict them all.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Sep 09
grreat....
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
3 Sep 09
They are very charitable and christianlike but they leave themselves wide open, sometimes trusting too much can be your downfall, people do take advantage, admittedly there are a lot of genuine, hardluck cases out there whether they are family, relations or friends, but if you become a prop to them you might never get rid of them, you have your own problems and sometimes you don't need any added problems or stress in life. It is a great shame that some spoil it for others in that they abuse the generosity of others. I like to think that if I was down on my luck or homeless someone would feel sorry for Wolfie, I am the perfect houseguest and I would definitely muck in and help out, I wouldn't be lazy and I certainly wouldn't steal, you never steal from your own and you certainly never bites the hand that feeds you!
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Sep 09
and of course daytime tv is just full of court shows where somebody tried to help somebody out and the other person just walked all over the, so I guess it's amazing that anybody trusts anybody...
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
3 Sep 09
It's probably worst in today's society my friend, but if you go back to the 50s and 60s then the story would be much much different, sad to say it's true!
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
21 Oct 09
I think most are just trying to help. I do think they should be held up to help out whether it be financially, or with things in the house. Rules need to be set and some time frame made.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Oct 09
Yep it's good to set limits so you don't get taken advantage of.
• United States
7 Sep 09
in most cases,i'd say it's having a good heart.if you know them well enough to know they won't take advange,it's a nice thing to do. i took in a friend once where 1 week became several months.but when she started instigating with my family,time to go.she tried to get my mom to stop taking a med she needs and i warned her don't even go there. i did want to help her,but there's a line sometimes.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Sep 09
Yep there is definitely a line...
1 person likes this
@suesan35 (478)
• Sri Lanka
6 Sep 09
Are you talking about known people or unknown people? Taking unknown people is a complete "No, No". As for people known to you, without trying to sound too selfish, I should think its rather a risk these days because most people have ulterior motives and would try to take advantage of even a sickness to get what they want. We hear of so many horror stories of outsiders moving in and the legal owners of the house having to move out. There is also the question of privacy. Some people are not at all sensitive to others likes and dislikes and before you know what's happening, you might find they have taken over the running of the house itself and you have been relegated to playing the role of guest. So you have to be extremely careful whom you invite into the house for whatever reason, unless they are family or very much trusted and close friends.
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Sep 09
i wasn't really talking about one or the other, but obviously your risk is much higher if you don't know somebody.
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
5 Sep 09
I have a hard time taking care of myself & things i need to do here but would really have a hard time turning away family or friends if they needed me.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Sep 09
Yeah me too...
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
5 Sep 09
I do believe that the majority if people who take other folks in are good souls and they have the best of intentions but some allow their hearts to rule their head and can unfortunately be taken advantage of. If it is a case of once bitten twice they may just continue to help others while taking a certain amount of care and caution. I think that it would be a real shame to shut ourselves off from helping others; it is about balancing our hearts with our common sense, I think.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
7 Sep 09
I like the way you said that! :-)
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (75818)
• India
4 Sep 09
Well, I did invite one of my friends to come and stay over with me for a couple of days. She was getting her divorce. I had her best interests in my heart. But for some reason best known to god, the relationship soured almost as soon as she got her divorce. I tried my level best to understand her. But I guess the state of mind is too fragile at such times, and it is a tight rope walk for others as well. Bad luck. I didnt make it to the other end. Dont worry, she was not somebody who took advantage of me, or was looking at stealing something from me. She comes from a good family. I guess I got too zealous in seeing her get back on track. Lost a good friend in process.
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
Good for you for doing that and I'm glad she didn't take advantage of you. Sad, but sometimes friends move on or you find that the friendship goes in a direction that you don't want to go...
@miamilady (4923)
• United States
4 Sep 09
That's why I don't have many friends. Is that horrible? I just have enough to deal with in my family. Not just my immediate family, but my extended family too. I understand the value of friendship, but with two sisters, a brother, two kids, an aging father, etc. I have enough drama in my life. Both of my sisters are big on having tons of friends. I hear them tell stories of their drama with their friends and some of the things they go through. One of my sisters just lost a friend to cancer. I am proud of her for being there for this women through her struggle, but she went through a lot of pain during the process. I'm sure there was a lot of value in their friendship. To answer your question (finally). I admire most people who can take others in and help them. I do think that sometimes they put themselves at risk of being taken advantage of, but every situation is different. If we are in a position to help another human being who genuinely needs help, then why not? There are those who genuinely need help and then there are those who just choose to rely on others and don't want to take care of themselves. Sometimes it may be tough to tell the difference between the two, but that's up to each individual to figure out, I suppose.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
Nope, it's not horrible, it's a choice and if you're comfortable with it, good for you! Yep it's up to each person to figure out and to decide how much they are risking and how much they are willing to risk. Judging from all the court TV, some people aren't too good at it though!
@dorannmwin (36653)
• United States
4 Sep 09
I did this before for a friend of mine with the best of intentions and to a certain extent it worked. She found a job while she was staying with us and really seemed to be getting her life back on track. However, as soon as she'd saved enough money to go out on her own, she screwed everything up again. She eventually ended up in jail for selling pills and had all three of her sons taken away from her. I know that she would never steal anything from us, but it wasn't beyond her when she was on her own.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
Sounds like she made some stupid choices, but I'm glad it didn't rebound back on you. I feel bad for her kids though.
@laglen (19778)
• United States
4 Sep 09
I think both. God Bless people who reach out. I take precautions. I will help with almost anything but won't bring people into my home. I have a teen aged daughter and can not take a chance. But I will help with food, jobs, etc.
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
that's right, your daughter comes first...
• United States
4 Sep 09
A little of both i think.... I couldnt do it these days it is just too dangerous... But i certainly commend those that are brave enough because lord knows the world needs more kindness! But these days there are just too many things that can happen and people dont care for each other or feel a sense of brotherhood of man the way they used to....you bring someone home your liable to end up under the house while they take over the house....
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
I wouldn't do it unless I knew the person pretty well. Even then you're taking a risk...
@neildc (17250)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
4 Sep 09
hi dawn. my wife is a very helpful person to other people. and if we only have a free rooms for them, they are always welcome. right now, one of her sister is with us. she is a former nun and is not into schooling. she had been with us about two years now after she went out of the convent.
1 person likes this
@Ruby722 (797)
• China
3 Sep 09
Well Apparently I never encounter this kind of questions.I mean it's a little hard to chooice Your friend or your family's advantage.If i accept help my friend.She/he must be a good person.Have they own job NO theft No scams.then i will help them throug the hard time.I think it's necessary .That's a friend be.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
4 Sep 09
I think you will only find out for sure if they're really a good person when you help them out.
• Australia
3 Sep 09
My first thought was Les Miserables I have not been one to take people into my home, but I do try to help in other ways. I know people who have taken others in and they have all been hurt at least once. I admire people who put themselves at risk in that way.
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Sep 09
My parents had a pretty good track record but they did get burnt once or twice...
@JenInTN (27545)
• United States
3 Sep 09
I think it is both. I once got robbed blind by a friend I let stay with me while going through a divorce. She decided to go back to her husband, which had no place to go either, and figured my things might help them along. How do you say no to someone you care about though? I haven't been so quick to do it again but I can't say that I haven't.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Sep 09
OH now that totally sucks. Geez...
• United States
3 Sep 09
I think that there is a possibility of both. I have a friend who was so trusting that she would take in people just to help out a friend. She was taken so many times by these so called friends of hers that I don't know how she retained her faith in human beings, frankly.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84202)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Sep 09
My parents were lucky, I guess. They did have people who stayed a long time, but very few that really took advantage of them...