When you do a favor for someone, do you expect a favor in return?
By Stephanie5
@Stephanie5 (2946)
United States
September 3, 2009 11:23pm CST
Hello Everyone. I hope you all are doing well. It's midnight and I'm still up and so is my 4 year old. She's taken over my tv and my bed, so I'm at the kitchen table... with my mind going 100mph., as usual.
Anyways, I was thinkin' (ha) about something that was said earlier about annoying things. She said that her peeve was when someone apologized too much (that was a good one!). And my answer was someone who always expects something in return for doing a favor.
So, to elaborate on that... When I help someone, I help them because I want to. When I say help, I mean... run you to the store, grab something for you on the way home, help you paint, or move something...stuff like that. I will do lots of stuff without even being asked. I'm probably too giving, if there is such a thing.
Now, if you call me up at 2 in the morning to ask me for a ride to the party store, you'd better be buying me some AND putting some gas in my car!! ;-)
Seriously though, it annoys me when someone 'pushes' something on you because you've helped them. And it annoys me when I ask for help for them to hound me about 'what am I gonna do for them?'. If you have something in mind, then say it from the start!! I don't like games...and that's annoying!
What are your thoughts?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
4 Sep 09
I just love helping people, and don't like asking for favors. I will go out of my way to help a friend. I'm in a situation at the moment when I have to ask for some help, but hate asking friends for assistance.
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Sep 09
That's how I am too. If I ask you for one, you know it's because I really need it, because I will exhaust all other means first! Maybe that's why my life is so hard...maybe I need to ask for help more! ha
2 people like this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
4 Sep 09
I think you're right there Stephanie. I really need a big one now, big for me, but not so big for a friend, but I'm not sure how to ask.
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
8 Oct 09
Sorry it's taken me so long to respond....long story on that one, but anyways. I had to ask my best friend in the whole world to borrow money, and it about killed me. And then to actually take it from her hands, ugh. I know that is probably odd, but I really don't like to ask for help. And honestly, I'd rather ask a stranger than someone I know.
As far as your problem, if you haven't already asked, I will help you come up with a solution if you'd like to private message me about it :)
1 person likes this
@Dorafa (6)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 09
Hi Stephanie,
I guess this one we have to see who we are helping at. If the person is someone like old, small kid, handicapped or those need emergency help, I'll never expect a favor in return of course. On the other hand, if a monetary form is offering to a friend then it's fair enough to expect something like a small gift hamper on festive season as a token of appreciation. This is what I think...
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
8 Oct 09
Good Point. But I wasn't really talking about money. If I am asked for money, I expect it to be returned, except in 'special' circumstances. But rides, babysitting, stuff like that, I don't keep track or count and don't expect the favor returned unless it is offered.
Thanks for taking the time to respond. Have a great day =)
@jayrene (2708)
• Philippines
5 Sep 09
i like helping out. but i dont expect anything in return from people who asked favor from me.
but i just noticed that there are some out there who tends to abuse your being helpful. whenever i realized that the one i am doing a favor is just a 'user', the next time he or she asked for one, i think twice.
personally i dont ask for help, i try to do everything on my own.
2 people like this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
4 Sep 09
That's true. My family does me like that. And I'm going to add that to my list of annoying things! Thanks! :-P
1 person likes this
@Hanhaishui (1)
• China
5 Sep 09
Actually every time when we help someone , he is week and needing someone just come and give him a hand , we just made it from our heart ,from our emotion.But on the other hand we really need something from him ,but it's his smile in his heart .From his smile we know that our help really make a big difference for him and get him out from the despair.apart from that we'd better not ask anything else .
@moneymakingtoday (4061)
• Philippines
5 Sep 09
helping others has never been a problem to me, especially to close relatives and friends. it is a compliment that they sought ur help, they know u are someone to lean upon and someone who is even better than them in doing certain tasks. i am happy of the idea that my person is appreciated as someone who can be called upon to help.
i don't expect a return for the favor. He is always watching us and He is surely happy with every good deed that u do to ur fellowman. He will justly reward u for this.
2 people like this
@mrsjumppuppy03 (3301)
• United States
13 Nov 09
I do obtain instant gratification from doing a favor for someone, the feeling of self worth for doing a kind deed. I believe it to be an unspoken expectation that down the road, when you are in need that they inkind will do something equally as nice to help you out. With that said, sometimes, it is the completely unexpected kind deed that means the most. Like making dinner for a neighbot that you know is sick, or when someone has company in from out of town, swinging by to drop off a dozen bagels to assist with breakfast, stopping to help a stranded motorist or just waiting with them until help arrives.
Motto to live by: Pay if Forward
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
4 Sep 09
I love helping people, when I can, and no, I don't expect a thing in return. Now here's where it gets odd, though... LOL... I'm really NOT good at accepting favors or having people do things for me. For example, my brother in law recently did a job at my house that I just wasn't able to do myself. I had spoken to my sister about what I could give him (money, a gift card, whatever) for doing the work. She adamantly refused to let me give him anything. She said, "If he can't help you out once in awhile, after all the times you've babysat for us for free and stuff, then that's NOT right." OK, I see her point. Yes, I help them whenever they call about watching my niece. But, the job he did was physical labor and it wasn't easy and he spent at least half the day doing it. I felt really cheap about not paying him. My sister says he wouldn't have accepted payment anyway -- but I KNOW my brother in law LOL He likes to spend money on golf and stuff and I'm sure he would have taken it. I even thought about getting him a gift but I know my sister would have made him send it back 
So, all in all, I felt lousy because he did me a "favor" that I didn't pay for. Maybe I just need to learn to accept help when people are offering it to me... but I'm just not good at it.
So, all in all, I felt lousy because he did me a "favor" that I didn't pay for. Maybe I just need to learn to accept help when people are offering it to me... but I'm just not good at it.1 person likes this
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
8 Oct 09
Well, when you figure it out, let me know cause that's the way I am too. You know I REALLY need help if I ask you for something becuase I will exhaust all other options first. But that's the way it's supposed to be right? Or should we be more 'recieving', lol. Not sure how to say what I want to say.
Maybe it's just an 'always having to feel guilty about something' problem for me (see other discussions, ha ha)
@thinkingoutloud (6127)
• Canada
9 Oct 09
You know... I understand exactly what you mean about needing to be more "receiving" LOL I know people that can certainly use a bit of a hand because they have fallen on difficult times... yet, in spite of me really wanting to help and expecting absolutely nothing in return, they don't want to accept. I don't know if we feel guilt about receiving help or if we just feel like, if we say yes, those people are then doing things because they pity us somehow? I dunno LOL
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
8 Sep 09
I do nopt mind helping people and do not expect anything in return from them at the time. However, if there comes a time when I need their assistance in something and I know they can help me, it makes me so mad if they do not jump to the occasion like I did for them.
1 person likes this
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
4 Sep 09
I don't specifically expect a favor for a favor. If I decide to the favor at all, there are no strings attached. What I don't like is the people who always come to me when they need something knowing I am more than likely to do it if I can, but when I need help (and I hardly ever ask for help) these same people have no time for me. I have really learned that the hard way recently but the good thing is in the process I have had the opportunity to meet and spend time with more mutually supportive people.
