enough
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
United States
September 4, 2009 8:42am CST
When the darkness becomes all consuming
when things you used to enjoy become painful to endure
when you feel all alone
when you feel as if you can't stand it for another minute
when all you can't top crying
when the end begins to look like a viable option
when there is nowhere left to turn
when you have simply had enough
what do you do?
if you spend a lot of time talking people down from the ledge, what happens when you find yourself on it and ready to jump?
4 people like this
16 responses
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Kitty-
This is a beautiful poem reflecting depression!! You have quite a talent, and I am so happy you shared this today. I have been struggling myself since my brother was put in prison a year ago, and this is how I feel from time to time. There are days where I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. There are days when I wish for the company of good friends! And there are days that go by as if nothing ever occured.
If you ever need to talk friend, I am here. Be well and have a wonderful Friday.
Namaste-Anora
2 people like this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
4 Sep 09
I'm having one of those bad days! And I don't want the kids to see me so upset, but it's HARD. I am just so tired...
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Sweetie-
You can email me anytime to vent. DJ knows who I am on Facebook so feel free to pm me and I will give you that information ok? That way if you want to talk in real time you can. -hugs tightly- It will be ok, though I know it doesn't feel like that right now. Trust me, I've been where you are at today many times. You can cry on my shoulder and I will listen.
Namaste dear friend, Anora
2 people like this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Thank you, your kindness means the world to me.
I have been unable to work for years due to horrible nerve pain. I recently allowed them to do injections into my spine an give me powerful pain killers that seemed to help a bit. We are dirt poor here, and my hubby said I needed to find a job, so I did. After caring for my children all day long, I now go to work for a few hours at night, and then come home and have to do about 2 hours of house chores before I can go to bed and still wake up early every morning to care for my family. I am in horrible physical pain all the time now, obviously I shouldn't be working, but I have to. Now my housework isn't up to my husband's standards and he tells me if the house isn't up to snuff when he comes home he will go out at night and I'll be unable to go to work at the job HE made me get! My two year old and my almost five year old seem to have become much more demanding and when one screams they both scream and I'm all alone with screaming little children until a man who seems to think I'm the worst person in the world comes home to give me the silent treatment until I go to work. I am isolated where I live, my family is far away as are my closest friends. Normally his seeming contempt of me doesn't phase me, normally he isn't a bad guy, but lately I dread every new day. Mylot was a way for me to escape the isolation but it isn't fun for me anymore, things that normally don't bother me at all here, like getting trolled, are bothering me a lot more than it should.
EVERYTHING that does not usually bother me is bothering me now. I'm generally pretty tough, but I guess somewhere in the past few days the "last straw" has landed on my busted up back and now it ALL just sucks.
I struggled with severe depression for years in my youth, but I experienced a reprieve for the last five years or so. I'm hoping today is just a little bump and I am terrified that the all encompassing darkness will take over again.
Do you know that in 1998 I basically stopped speaking at all? I think it was a social anxiety thing, but it lasted a year and NOTHING helped. I do not ever want to find myself find that place again.
I am actually stating to feel a bit better now that I have let it out to you and Lamb. Thank you. Maybe it WAS just a panic attack.
2 people like this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
5 Sep 09
Hey Hon, from one kitty to another, I'm here for you too if you would like to talk. I know where you are coming from as I've been there myself recently, and it's a horrible place to be. I don't talk about it to anyone and if my kids ever knew they'd strap me down. Whether you believe in anything or not, someone is watching out for you and knows your despair, as you have a small reprieve from you work.
Is there any way you can work from home? I know a couple of good sites that have legitimate work at home jobs, that do pay. You can do them at night if you'd like. AND, you are a fantastic writer...what about that? At least you wouldn't have to leave the house in all that pain. Is this a possibility?
I want to see the little spitfire back to normal as soon as possible...please. I will PM you my email address, and if you feel like it, we'll talk. xxx...Bobbie
@KrazyKlingon (5005)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Uh - Want to try singing it? Is your voice powerful enough?
Ear plugs are forbidden. Anyone caught wearing them will have them shot off their ears on sight, & pray that those sharp-shooters don't miss.
2 people like this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Feeling a little better now, thanks.
2 people like this
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
4 Sep 09
My husband usually jumps for me. I think today is just a depressing day. My "baby" starts kindergaten on Tuesday and it's sorta sad for me but, then my husband was like there will be days where I can go in late and we can be alone while the children are in school. Sometimes if you know what is making you sad and are able to find at least one positive it really helps and when you can't find the positive, LEXAPRO works just as well :)
1 person likes this
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
4 Sep 09
A nap sounds so good but, it's normally farm animals that keep me from sleeping not the children LOL
1 person likes this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Next year when my little girl starts school I'll probably be a trainwreck. LOL
I think what I need more than anything else is a NAP, but that ain't gonna happen. Mommy doesn't get a day off or a vacation or a sick day or a break.
@Eisenherz (2908)
• Portugal
5 Sep 09
Well, I'm not familiarized with your ways of writting so I can hope it's nothing else than a poem. Otherwise it could be worrying. Good writing anyway, do you happen to write on other subjects as well?
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
5 Sep 09
Aww-Kitty I don't know what to say..I was reading some of your responses to others and am sending prayers that you lift out of your depression...I've been there myself, especially when my mother was alive and all the problems she created for us that nearly got us evicted...twice. There were days I wanted to pick myself up, pack up and leave but just plain couldn't, so I was stuck. Since you don't have to work until Tuesday, take some good quality time for YOURSELF!!! Hope you feel better Kitty
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Sep 09
angrykittymsv hi thats a very beautiful poem. i have been'there and i have felt like jumping but then I knew I would be a coward that let other people suffer so I didnt do it. I had lost my husband and life seemed no good any more but still I had my adult son, no I could not hurt him like that. life this past year has been rugged but hey I did survive. So if you are on a ledge, get hold of a rope tie a knot in that and hang on. life will get better, thats what I tell myself as I am here where I do not really want to be but have to. or sleep in the street. life will get better so hang onto the rope. Good luck kitty
1 person likes this
@coolcoder (2018)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Thanks for sharing this poem. I've been down that road before, and it's not any fun at all. I truly hope things get better for you soon.
1 person likes this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
4 Sep 09
Thank you, I didn't even know it was a poem when I wrote it, I was just having a monumentally bad day.
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
4 Sep 09
The pressure can be intense. Your friends are the comforting bandaid that will help soothe the hurt. ((hugs))
1 person likes this
@MuncheeLee (132)
• United States
5 Sep 09
I'm glad you feel a little better, and your husband got you pizza.
Does talking to him about how you feel help? If you break, THEN what would he do? Being a jerk about things isn't going to help.
I was where you are. I had one foot hanging over the ledge and was teetering.
I wish you lived closer. I could help. Even just take the kids for awhile. Granted, they would NEVER want to come see me again afterwards...LOL.
The pain things stinks. I can relate. And the no sleep thing...GAWD! Do I remember THAT!
You will feel so much better after you catch up on some much-needed rest.
I'm here for you! ((HUGS!))
1 person likes this
@EnglishTeaDuck (862)
• United States
5 Sep 09
Hi
I have felt the same way and I thought you expressed itperfectly. I know it may feel like it but you are not alone.
I'll hop up on the ledge with you and wait til it passes and then we can get down, k?
xx Hope you feel better by the time youreadthis.
1 person likes this
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
5 Sep 09
Poetry and music are good cures...
1 person likes this
@skaterx (530)
• Finland
12 Sep 09
I think you really have to sit through or ride out the tough times, or do whatever is possible to keep yourself sane or safe. I try to numb myself from the pain, its just a survival measure. In the long run, that doesnt work, but its enough to survive and then get urself to a better situation.
I think depression happens alot to people who really care about others and the world, and its this sense of unfairness also, that other people can hurt you and be unfair to you even if you try to do good. I always had some kinda of statements that kept me alive somehow, when I was small, that you know, evil wins if you die. I mean you're a great person, you have a lot to give to the world, and that was the reason for protecting myself. The pain is immense but I want to defend a greater sense of justice, in that our life is precious, there's no need to bow down to ppl who make it a misery.
