I've lost my nerve
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
September 9, 2009 7:17am CST
My mother is the type of person that doesn't take crap from anyone. She'll tell you off for the slightest thing. Sometimes I think she goes a bit overboard, she's yelled at people for things that I don't think they should have been yelled at for.
When I was younger I was quite the same way. I once came close to getting into a fight with a woman at the mall. She'd tried to look at my baby twins, but got too close. When I politely asked her to back off, she got an attitude with me and called me the B word. I flew off the handle and went to attack her, hubby held me back!!
I'm noticing now I don't have the same nerve anymore.
Last weekend we went to a Jeff Dunham concert. It was raining. The people in front of us opened up their umbrella, so my friend couldn't see. She said loudly enough for them to hear that she could not see, so they lowered the umbrella, and it ended up resting on her knees, dripping water onto her. The old me would have snatched that umbrella and told them off. But none of us said a word, just sat there in misery with my friend getting soaked!
Yesterday was the kid's first day of school, and the bus stop is in front of my house. There are dozens of kids, their parents, and their younger siblings all standing out there waiting for the bus, both in the morning and in the afternoon. Yesterday there were a couple younger kids playing around on my porch, with their parents standing just off my property yapping at each other. I came out of my house, slamming my door loudly to get their attention. They looked at me, looked at their kids, and went back to yapping!! I stood there, appalled, trying really hard to yell at them "Get your damn kids off my porch!!" but I kept my mouth shut!! Instead I called hubby and said if it happens again I'll tell the property manager (who happens to be the gramma of one of the kids that was on my porch, so I think I'm just scr*wed!!)
The old me would not have stood for that, but apparently I've lost my nerve as I've grown up.
Have you noticed yourself not doing things you would have 5-10 years ago? Have you kept your mouth shut when you should have spoken up?
8 people like this
16 responses
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
9 Sep 09
The thing at the concert I understand, but why so upset about kids playing on your porch. Then someone might hold you responsible if the get hurt on your property, but you never gave them permission to be there, so they can't. Too many worries.
Have I kept my mouth shut when I should have spoken up, yeah, I only think of the good responses an hour or so later after I have calmed down. I think it is best this way, because of the old saying. Say sweet things today because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
I am trying lately to stay in an overly positive frame of mind, it makes everything seem less of a big deal.
Back to the kids. Maybe you are concerned they will wreck something either accidentally or not. You could put up a sign(I know that people won't read the sign) Premises monitored by video surveillance trespassers will be prosecuted. Just the sign should dissuade most people. You could also put on a disclaimer like software developers do. By using this property you agree to the following...and put in whatever you like, and if ever there is a fuss just direct the authorities attention to your sign that is clearly posted.
Just some thoughts, I myself just wouldn't get worked up about it.
Cheers.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
10 Sep 09
It just bothers me that the parents are standing right there and allowing their children to play on someone else's property. I'm not worried about my property or the kids getting hurt or anything like that, it's just rude and disrespectful for these parents to not care that their children are on my porch. So it's the parents that bother me, not the kids. Know what I mean?
2 people like this
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
10 Sep 09
Well I am afraid I only kind of understand. It is not a value that I hold. Kids are very hard to control in such a manner, and I suppose that I am constantly chasing my kid back into our back yard(it is currently not fenced) and he loves all the dirt in the big shared garden.
But it is because I am worried he will wreck the neighbors harvest. So that is where I was coming from, as I parent I would be worried about my children wrecking something, and then the owner holding me responsible for damages. But, if Luca is occupied it is a peaceful time. So I can understand why the parents wouldn't care, so long as their children are happily occupied. Then they are free to converse freely with one another.
Not that it makes it any better in your eyes mind you, just different values...isn't that how the Crusades started?
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
10 Sep 09
Hi katsmeow. It's just the opposite for me. The older I get the more b*tchy I become. I hate to admit it, but lately I have no nerves left. I used to never be this way. I'd just shut up and be quiet. But now I'd let it be known, which tends to get me in trouble. I usually back away before anything serious happens, but at the rate I'm going I'm gonna have more enemies than I do friends. I really need to learn to keep my cool before something bad happens.
Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
10 Sep 09
Actually maybe you could make a sign that tells them to keep out of your yard and off your porch..At least that is what I would try. I am not someone who confronts others really unless it is family, now them I will tell if I don't like something. But usually I will hold it in and take it. But the thing with the twins I think I would have spoken up since I do think that people shouldn't invade the space ou babies are in and when my mom does it I call her down on it by saying people don't like others touching or getting to close to their kids I know I didn't like it when my sister was a baby(she is eight now) to many bad germs out there now and you can't be sure if the next person has even washed their hands. So can't be to careful.
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10909)
• Canada
9 Sep 09
I was a mouthy lil one when i was a teenager, but like you.. i have lost my nerve, now i'm a little sissy!! haha mostly i think i dont want to teach my kids that its okay to behave that way, because i'm a firm believer in actions speak louder then words! they will do as you do instead of do as you say in almost any instance!
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
18 Oct 09
Yeah I am the same as you, I have commented on this a few times recently how 10 years ago I would not have thought twice about having someone over their behaviour. I have kept my mouth shut way too much over the last four years when I should have opened my mouth a lot!
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Sep 09
Oh I keep my mouth shut all the time when I should have spoken up. And then I kick myself in the butt afterwards...
Maybe you should put a sign on your porch?
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
9 Sep 09
I've thoguht of that, but I don't think it would stop them. People with no common sense or regard for other people sure as heck aren't going to care about what a sign says.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
13 Sep 09
Nope, not a damn chance!! My nerve grows every day, because my nerve is what protects me from being screwed by society. My husband and I were talking about that just today, and we have concluded that to put up with crap is to submit one's self to said crap, and I am not the submissive type.
If someone had called me names for me wanting them to back away from MY CHIlDREN I'd have given them crap!!! I wouldn't physically do things to people, but I would tell them right off. My husband didn't used to have a lot of nerve, but he's getting his nerve on since he's met me, and seen the way I've been able to deal with things, and get what I want with logic. We are assertive without being agressive.
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Well, I've never been one for telling people off. Actually, I'm quite the opposite from you. I"ve become more outspoken over the years. The hardest to learn is how to voice your opposition in a way that is effective and without losing your cool....not an easy thing to do. Saying what you need to say in a soft, calm but very firm voice is so much more effective. Beyond that....ya...there are tons of things that I did in my youth that I would never dare to do now.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
9 Sep 09
I have the opposite problem somewhat THough I'm still not too apparent about it but I'll tell any perfect stranger off. I don't give a rat's patootie, they tick me off they are going to hear about it. Weather or not I say it directly to their face. I've been stepped on as a kid and decided especially during the time I've been home with my kids that unless you are my employer I'm going to speak my mind if I feel it. Like when the kids act up in the store, I always tell them keep it up... your showing all the people in the store how naughty you are to your mom.
But if it's family or friends have upset me I just avoid them.
Are those kids literally on your porch? I would maybe in a round about way ask the bus company or school if the stop can be moved that the kids are on your property and disrupting your household. Let the property manager be the bus stop! *LOL*
@SomeCowgirl (32189)
• United States
20 Sep 09
It is better to be kind and not lose your temper, but it's easier said then done. I try not to lose my temper but find I do over the smallest things. I've mellowed out a little bit, I moved to a small town... and it's really done good for my mood... I think that your children have changed you, atleast that's the way it seems.
@cynthiann (18612)
• Jamaica
9 Sep 09
Hi Kat. I do not think it is that you have lost your nerve. I think it is because (unlike many people) you have matured and see life differently now that you are a bit older and a mother. You do not want to teach your children that yelling and screaming is the only way to resolve an issue. Because now you know that it isn't. So you are setting good example for your children as they are watching you on how you solve conflicts that we meet in life.
Your behaviour was learned from your mother but now you have started to go on to a new and better path. I think that you are fantastic and a great mother to your children. Your chilkdren are learning from you now.Blessings
@stephwrites (275)
• United States
9 Sep 09
My mother was the same way when I was a kid. And for that reason, I havae always hated any kind of confrontation, until now. lol. I'm actually more verbal now, not in a rude way, or yelling about it. But with the kids especially, I am no pushover.
I don't usually confront people I don't know but I might say something if I know them. Earlier this summer, I had to go to the neighbor's house because their daughter said some mean things to my daughter. Thankfully, she agreed and the other mother grounded her but it wouldn't have been pretty if she did nothing.
anyway, just goes to show that circumstances and our past lives form our personalities, for the good and the bad!
@killersss (638)
• India
9 Sep 09
i think i speak and i too lose my nerve when i see something is going wrong around me. i think my actions speak louder than my words, many people would think that we should stop speaking while your angry on something but there are something's in life that you cannot be polite and you have to take actions.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
9 Sep 09
Actually I don't think I've ever had that kind of nerve lol. My parents are really laid back so that is how I became. If it is something that I really need to stand up for then I usually can, but for the most part I avoid confrontation. If it is with someone I know then I will speak up. I only remember flipping on one person. It was my exboyfriend's mother. She was a nasty drunk and she must have been bi-polar because at one minute she was sweet, the next she was screaming at you. She called me after we had broke up and told me to leave her son alone, he had moved out to california to start a new life. I flipped because he was calling me, not me calling him. I swore and yelled and boy did it feel good. I was raised to not talk back to adults so while we were together I basically put up with all her bull. It felt so good to unload on her. She was shocked but I never heard from her again lol.
@prinzcy (32299)
• Malaysia
9 Sep 09
I think it's because we're growing up (more than we used to be) that we learn to be patient and hold back our anger. Time also teach us to think first instead of jumping and shouting with fury. I used to punch a boy for calling me names but now, I do hold back and take a deep breath.
Since you mention it, I noticed that I learn to keep my mouth shut too. I guess we're getting wiser right? (actually I meant to say older but...
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