Love to sing but my husband says I do not have time now that he needs 24/7 care

I am still doing my writing and my singing. He can hear me when I practice singing so it is not as if I go away and leave him alone unless there is someone there to fill in for me. And usually there is. For instance, I have to go to the school for the singing practice as I do not have a piano, and on choir practice in the church, someone usually comes in, but at the time I started this discussion there was just three who could come. Now there are five, so there is always some help.

I'm glad you can balance the issues well now. I can understand how painful it would be if you have to give up your own interest. I made some giving up to my hobby. I want to write then make some money. however so far it can't support my life cost. So I have to go out to do some physical work. it's really frustrating, but for the money I have to go. I work 12 hours at night. really tired. glad to hear your voice again and best regards.

In feel it is bad that you had to give up so much because you had to work and believe that is why you gave the advice you did. I have not been able to do much until we retired, but then even before that, I still sang and practice writing stories for my own amusement. I am sort of against being a martyr unless it is dying for Christ, so there is always a way to get ahead. That means if one only has five minutes to sing or practice a scale or five minutes to write a few lines, that that counts for something. Of course, with painting you need more and it is expensive. and with singing, I can do it anytime, like when I am looking after my husband or taking a shower. Just that the songbook will get wet.

He is beginning to understand, but sometimes he just frustrates me because he feels that sometimes he is the king of the universe and that he is more important. I am continuing my singing and I will be able to sing solo at the concert so that is no problem. I think as long as he does not start to feel sorry for himself, things will work out all right.

I think he gets depressed. Our family doctor has proscribed some pills for him when he gets low. The trouble is that if he takes too many, he may be addicted to them. Now that I know that he has als, we are getting some medicine that will get rid of his depression that is not addictive, so I hope that will help. The trouble is that it is expensive and the only way to get it free is for our province to pay for it, so the als doctor has made an application to the province to get it.

What that means is that he cannot be alone. He has to have someone in the house with him. It does not mean in the same room or having in one's sight as some people think or having my eye on it. It just means that I or someone has to be around so if he calls or if he starts gasping for air (a possibility when his als gets near the end) they will be able to get to him lickity split. Oh and he is sort of bossy.

That sounds like a good idea. I cannot do everything my husband wants. For one thing, he wants me to buy stuff that is not healthy for me, and another thing is that if I stop singing, i will eventually lose my range or have it shortened considerably as I am at the age where I have to practice every day. So I am not giving up my singing.

I will have to find some big strong men to move the organ into the bedroom. but it would probably interfere with his Tv watching and his ipod. Amyway, he has a power chair and the bedroom is close enough so he can hear my practicing.

CAnt see where there is a problemas it is something ya want to do . I know he is ill but there isnt any reason that you cant go on with your singing to heck with his tv and Ipod you need this for yourself! and with the care you give him you need an outlet to relax yourself!

There are friends who will look after him. And even though he will be no longer able to move, he could at least operate the power wheel chair (we are going to get an incline one) and he can listen to my singing. Also we are going to get a lift in the church and with the improvements -incline wheelchair, he could even come and listen to my singing. But as for submission, most of us wives do it all the time, when the husband asks us to get him a cup of coffee. But sometimes people think it means, that whatever the husband says, goes, or when he says jump, you ask how high? Or as I used to think, he will only say no anyway.

The concert was a success. I was the only soloist there and no one noticed the mistakes I made. I do would like to get a piano and after I save and pay for the lap top computer, I am going to save for one.

I am not that far away and besides he will have someone to look after him on the hour I go for practice. I also have a cell phone so that if there is anything wrong, they can give me a call and it is not that the school where I take the singing lessons is that far away. I can walk home. oH and I am singing a solo in the Christmas concert. Now if only he would let me get a piano.

That will be great, I pray he will let you have one. I wish the best in the Christmas play. I know you will be great, You seem to have a passion for singing. Have a great day.

I'm quite sure it's the illness that is making him this way. I want you to have everything you need to make you happy since I'm quite fond of you but your husband is faced with an illness that he knows will kill him. Probably all he thinks about is how to extend his life--it has nothing to do with his love for you, it's self preservation. It affects his thinking. It is how we are built, for survival! You and your husband have married, raised children, loved, lived together and laughed. Now, he can't think of anything except how to get as much of that as he can. He can't see that he is depriving you. I hope you understand this. It doesn't make it easier but you can at least take comfort in the fact that he is trying to preserve your life together the best way he knows how. My stepmother, a wonderful woman who I love dearly, is going through a somewhat similar situation. She's 81, full of energy and very social. My dad has heart problems and his pacemaker has problems that can't be solved. When the lead to the heart goes, it goes and nothing can help it because surgery will kill him. Likewise, knee replacement will kill him. He can't get around anymore and can die at any time. We love him, treasure him, but my stepmother is a prisoner because of her love for him. Those that sacrifice for the ones they love are recognized. I will be here for my stepmother after my dad is gone. Your children will be there for your when your husband has moved on and is waiting for you. It's late, I'm tired and I don't know where this is supposed to go in my mind but you are a courageous woman who has given up a lot for love and you will be rewarded in this life or the next. I hope that it's both!

I am sure it is the illness. He knows he is going to die and he is a little depressed right now. I am still singing and when he has passed, I might be able to take the lessons I was unable to do because of the cost. I just hope that my age is not against me. I also plan to get a piano - after I get and paid for the laptop computer because I feel that the organ is not that good - it is a spinet one, and that with the piano I can practice my singing more.

We are doing that, but even that does not help. He even told me not to play the organ and sing today because the physiotherapist was coming over. I mean my voice is not that bad that it would scare them away. And when someone is coming over to help, even if I know they will be late, he thinks I should sit down and wait for an hour before they come.

I would tell him that it helps you to relieve stress and you don't want to give it up.

That is what I feel. He has now started to come to church and realizes that he cannot make me stop living just because he is going to die in a couple of years or less. So I am going to continue singing.

AMEN!!!! I could not have sqaid it better!

Not as easy since his condition is getting worse, but I am not going to let him stop my singing or my practice. I feel if he did not complain about his sister sewing all the time, or his mother cooking all the time, he should not complain about my singing. It is not as if he is abandoned. There is home care and respite. And I have friends who will help me.

I still remember how I felt when my father sold the piano. The only chance I had to play on one was when I went to a friend's house who had one and only if it was not covered with the red velvet cloth or whatever. So that meant that most times I never got to use one. I was not that good pianist, but it did help me with to play a tune and it was not until I was in my 50s that I was able to buy an organ and a 2nd hand one at that and that was when I could renew my dream of singing in front of an audience sans the choir. That meant I could play the tune. But I have to practice singing every day or else. I am singing a solo in the concert and I want to be good.

We are now getting help. At least five of my friends have offered to help, and two of them are taking turns when I go for choir practice, and two of them when I go for singing lessons. I do not want to get burnt out. I know how I felt when I was telemarketing and did not like that one bit. And I am singing solo at the Christmas Concert and I need all the practice I can get.

God gave me this ability and I use it to glorify HIS NAME so I figure that God will open the heart of my husband and since my husband now goes to church after all these years since we married, I have had no problem. When I go for practice, there is someone who comes and stays with him and he does not mind my singing at home either.

I still intend to sing. He has realized that I am good at it and also since he is now going to Church and heard me at the concert, that this is not a passing thing. In fact, had circumstances not gone the way and if I had been encouraged at singing when I was in my teens by my father, and he had not sold the piano, things might have gone different.

I am glad to get the input of someone who knows what I am going through. I do need a break not just now and then, but everyday. I do that by writing, singing, or cooking or going for short wALKS. We do get home care and my friends will help me. I have enough so if I have lessons on night, one of them will stay with him while I AM gone. I am not going to give up singing I love that too much.

We are getting home care and some of our friends do take turn looking after him. The 24 hour care means that one has to be within calling distance or a short walking distance and be able to anticipate if anything will go wrong. He does have a power wheelchair so he can wheel in and my practice room is always open so he can hear me. I do not like the idea of a nursing home. That would mean less time to practice, because then I would have to get on the bus since i do not drive, to visit him. As for living in one, forget it. They do have pianos there in the main halls, but you have to get permission to use them and I suppose me not being famous, yet.===

I told him I love to sing. And I told him I am going to sing for the concert and not just the choir. Last Christmas I was really itching to sing a solo, but I was awfully tired then. But right after the Spring concert when I did a solo, I decided to check through my singing books for a Christmas piece so I could sing it by heart. He has heard my sing it a few times = every day in fact, and he has not complained yet.

I intend to. I mean I have always been nervous to sing around him because I am a classicist and he is more inclined for popular and westerm music so he thinks only people who have low voices can sing and us with high voices cannot. That could part of the reason, or it could be that he thinks that creative stuff that is not sewing or cooking for women is a waste of time, just like some of my friends think that i should only be writing children's books.

We do have respite care and I asked some of my friends to help out on Wednesday nights when I do my choir practice. And I do not want to give up singing that solo. I wanted to sing two songs at first, but figured with having to make arrangements with the accompanist to open up the church since I do not have a piano, I would not have enough time, and if I alreaady gave up one, no sense giving it all up. And the choir practice is more demanding then the actual solo, so why does he not say "just sing one song at the concert and forget the choir," but no.