A Staffing Dilemma
By p1kef1sh
@p1kef1sh (45681)
October 4, 2009 5:10pm CST
Those of you that have been here for a while may recall that I had to dismiss my family's faithful old retainer Creaky when he reached 100 years of age as frankly he just wasn't up to scratch anymore. In the spirit of diversity and equal opportunities I hired a young lady, Wobbly, to replace him. After a promising start during which her worst error was starching my underpants whilst I was wearing them, but it made Her Majesty laugh; she thought that I'd been on the helium balloons again - things progressed steadily downhill. Increasingly I noticed small mistakes - my morning tea would be delivered late; she started to serve my breakfast in the dining room when I was waiting in the Breakfast Room. When the Rolls Royce ran out of petrol she expected me to help push it. But the last straw really was when I gave the old girl a playful slap across her rump - that's how my grandmother was conceived I'm told, not from a slap but from kissing it better afterwards... ahem. Where was I? Oh yes, well now the jolly old thing is reporting me to the rozzers for something called harassment. Not a clue what it means. Darned servants just don't know their place these days. Should I let her go? Give her the old heave ho. Do you have problems with your servants?
9 people like this
18 responses
@ladym33 (10978)
• United States
4 Oct 09
No servents here either. It is not customary to have servents in my country. If we do hire household help they would be insulted by the word servant. Some people have maids but only the really rich ones have live in maids. Many people just hire someone to come in and clean their house once a week. I don't though I clean my own house and cook all the meals for my family.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
5 Oct 09
Well I would say let her go as she is not learning at all is she
I have this problem with my Servant I mean he has this nice fluffy Tail but will he sweep or Dust no
He has lovely soft Fur and will not polish the Floor, he pours the Tea on my Bed, that he brings in the Morning, he eats my Dinner instead of giving it to me, he will not clean the Carpet, by picking up all the crumbs and his Hairs
Instead of making my Bed he gets comfortable on it and goes to sleep
I think I need to give him a good talking to, oh and he slams the Paw when something does not suit him and makes his point by ignoring me
We need to train them P1ke we have no choice, because the other Habit my little Servant has is walking over the Laptop, talking to his Friends on the Phone and sitting on the Laptop sometimes 
xxx
xxx
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
5 Oct 09
Well Creaky ended up in my household and our clean, clear, fresh Canadian air has cured him of his ills, and I of course have whipped back into proper English servant state, so send Wobbly to me and I'll send Creaky back to you and when Wobbly is up to scratch, we'll trade again before you kill off the poor old guy with overwork.
Damn you Brits are hard on servants!
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
5 Oct 09
Works for me! But I'll make sure Creaky is well trained to get your Wobbly in line while you're here messing up the sheets in my Guest Room! LOL
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
5 Oct 09
I know exactly what you are saying,you just cannot get the staff what.My butler is very shakey when he brings in my tiffen that zimmer frame is a right pain.Think I may get him one with a tray on what.The young woman employed to clean my husbands room is always in there with him,he is always moaning the womans useless and never gets anything right.I say sack her dear but he always gives the woman another chance ,isnt he a sweet heart.Well of to the stable what O to give that stable lad a few lessons in polishing.
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
5 Oct 09
Bribery Mr Pike, I see no other alternative here. My suggestion is that you do so in the form of some strategically positioned lubricating substances in all the right places. May I Also suggest the introduction of some Kegek exercises to tighten up all of those wobbly bits? It'll be better for all concerned if you're able to make this happen. There's no point letting her go, the training and disciplinary requirements just aren't worth putting yourself thorugh again. Patience Mr Pike..... Patience. As for the harrassment angles, they should disappear quick smart once these two suggestions are effected. Wobbly just needs some lovin' and attention is all.
May I Also suggest the introduction of some Kegek exercises to tighten up all of those wobbly bits? It'll be better for all concerned if you're able to make this happen. There's no point letting her go, the training and disciplinary requirements just aren't worth putting yourself thorugh again. Patience Mr Pike..... Patience. As for the harrassment angles, they should disappear quick smart once these two suggestions are effected. Wobbly just needs some lovin' and attention is all.1 person likes this
@littleowl (7157)
•
5 Oct 09
Well not much to say to that p1ke. they say things all omein three's and a slap on the rump was the third thing so now you have to face the consequences...my last servant just decided to quit cos I was roo 'strict'! lol...hugs LoLo
@dragon54u (31633)
• United States
5 Oct 09
My maid watches TV more than she does clean and I suspect the cook is merely microwaving frozen dinners! The groundskeeper is spending an awful lot of time in the garage with my driver and today when I went to visit my father, my driver was wearing a new aftershave that smelled awful and he was weaving all over the road!
Nope, you can't get good help anymore. I'm ready to give them all the heave ho and fly my mother in to run my estate.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Oct 09
hi pikey once I get through laughing I will think on this'
dilemma ,oh definitely let Wobbly go since she made you
help push the RollsRoyce he he he then she turned you
in ,oh no , she has just has to be let go.lol lol lol
My servant problem is me, myself and I. Sometimes me
refuses to mind when I tell her she should not eat that
second helping of strawberry ice cream, than myself
comes along and gobbles the darned second helping down
oh how horrible, so then I come along see what all they
have done, and check my blood sugar on the darned
glucometer while me and myself just stand there and snicker.
oh dear I should never have listened to me and myself,
I knew better the B.G was 200 shame on those servants of
'mine,they never listen to I at all. Me and myself are still
laughing at I. wow.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
5 Oct 09
Oh Jeeze P1key! I think you should have stuck with the men
servants! What were you thinking or not thinking! And starch
in your undies? I guess The Boss got a chuckle out of that
one! Unfortunately for me I don't have the pleasure of living
in P1kefish Manor and have servants as you do so I don't know
what the protacol is for firing servants since I never had
any to being with! I do have the roomate, but he works for
food and watching the high definition tv and that seems to
be enough mostly except for some other things that I really
don't want to get into because then this discussion would be
considered "mature whatever they call it"! He even does the
laundry every Saturday morning and usually pays for it too
except for every now and then when he cries about not having
enough quarters for the machines! Well, I have my problems
and you have yours! I am still trying to decide if I want
to keep my "help" or not also! I'll let you know what I decide
too! Oh, yeah, he also cleans the cats "dodoo house" so that
is a big plus! I have to think about this very carefully!
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
4 Oct 09
Of all the nerve! People today just don't appreciate, or take pride in employment. The are undoubtably many ways to address the problem. However with the fact that the general public tends to sympathize with the working class riff-raff (all peas in a pid, if you ask me), one must be very careful. I'm sure that you'd prefer the rozzers to bother some one else, right?
My recommendation would be to bide you time until you are home alone and unattended. Then starch the hell out of Her Majesties bloomers. They'd be perfect if thay can stand on their own. As long as you have the ability to look confused and innocent (better practice in the mirror), the problem should be resolved without any further intervention on your part.
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
5 Oct 09
I am completely confusicated. Apparently one is not permitted to handle the staff these days. Well if you don't handle the goods how do you know if they're any good or not? Perhaps I should starch her underwear. That's make her sit up and pay attention.
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
5 Oct 09
Hi Pikey, well these servants really can be a bit of a problem you know, especially when they turn up univited and don't mind doing the unadvertsised job without paymet. Actually my man was laid up for a while a bit recently and his mother visited him and took it upon herself to employ him a servant. Enter a toothless young hag who apparently is not only not a full shilling but the local village gossip to boot, who refused to understand the words 'your services will not be required' as spoilt the wonderufl opportunity to have a good old route round the place. Some of us just make do without them to save on our sanity.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
•
6 Oct 09
That'll teach you to keep your hands to yourself. Of course you can't sack her, she'll then sue you for unfair dismissal. Anyway it serves you right, I told you I'd do the job and you just ignore me.
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
18 Oct 09
Well unfortunately it sounds like you should have let her go when she started messing up on some of the small things instead of letting things get to this. Personally it sounds like this woman is not ready to fulfill the duties required and even if you might have done things that are not as accepted these days, still your Best interest is to let her go, and find a replacement who is better for you as well.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Oct 09
I have a man who comes in to "do" for me. He often does jobs which he thinks need doing (but I don't) but he rarely does the jobs I ask him to do. Everything would be ok if he didn't speak to me. I'd rather he pottered about in the background...rarely seen and not heard.
@greeneyedlady (1439)
• Netherlands
6 Oct 09
Oh I Know Exactly what you are talking about P1key, getting good help is next to impossible these days, but I happen to be one of the Lucky Ones!
My boy is one in a million! While it took a Lot of training he has turned out to be nothing but the best, and he is Totally Opposite of Your Wobbly...when I give him a good, hard pat on his bottom he knows it's just a love pat and he loves it so much that he always comes back and asks for more...he just loves running around the house with a Rosey Red bottom...(hence his nickname...Rosey)!! LOL
As far as Your Wobbly goes...I suppose if you Really wanted to keep her I could take her in for a little while and train her for you, I mean what are friends for? Just let me know what you decide!
I Must admit that I was a bit confused by some of the responses that you have received to your discussion...do you mean that Some people actually Pay for their servants to work for them? I have Never heard of such a thing! No Wonder they can't get good help!
@greeneyedlady (1439)
• Netherlands
25 Oct 09
This is so very true P1key! I Well Know that I am a Very Lucky One! And you know what? I am even more fortunate than you think, because he is so dedicated to me that sometimes he works more like a slave than a servant...how much more can you ask than that?
