Children - Is it OK not to have any?

@carmelbg (521)
October 17, 2009 3:50am CST
I am almost 30 and my husband and I have no desire to start a family. We have enjoyed the freedom and flexibility of having no children, lived in various countries and been able to do what we want when we want. I feel like people think we are strange or mad because we don't want kids. I see the joy they bring to my siblings and friends but I have no interest in having any. Do you think thats so wrong?
14 people like this
87 responses
@arcidy (5012)
• United States
17 Oct 09
Yeah I think its ok not to have children. A lot of people dont want children and thats ok better not to then to have them and never pay attention to them. And I know people who are in there 40s who never wanted to have children. So its normal not to want them to have them.
3 people like this
• India
18 Oct 09
Its entirely wrong.and one must have children,they are the essence of god and one can forget his or her sorrows by simply looking to the innocent face of a child.
2 people like this
@ladyella (145)
• Philippines
17 Oct 09
no, i don't think that there's anything wrong with that. the decision to have children is a couple's own choice since they are the ones who would take responsibility for raising kids, not the people who are surrounding them. if you really do not want to have children, by all means, do away with it. don't mind what other people are telling you. but if you you ever come to a thought of having children then don't let any hearsays stop you.
3 people like this
• United States
18 Oct 09
I agree. The decision to have children to totally up to you. You should not let other people determine your life and/or lifestyle. If you are not ready for children, then they may be more of a burden, than a joy, at this point in your life.
• Turkey
17 Oct 09
Well, its your decision to take extra responsibility and feel the extra joy of life. I have two kids but we thought a lot for the first one. Then the our little monster came and turned our life into a modest living. I mean, no more going outside at nights or travelling often than before. He thught us a lot about being a family. When his siter came, we are now so called professionals and can go out with four of us even to vacation. We need to share the kids though, that again limits our flexibility but hey, who cares! I love to look at our photographs. If you can afford a day-time or a full-time nanny helps you more than you think. Again, I must say, it's totally up to both of YOU!.
3 people like this
• India
17 Oct 09
I think having children is one of the biggest gift of god and all the human beings have all right and responsibility to have at least one kid.When some one looks at their face thy always very innocent and reduces your tension in life.
3 people like this
• Japan
17 Oct 09
I think the decision is yours to make. But it is also one of those decisions that a few years down the road you can't change, unless you decide to adopt. Don't worry that people thing you are strange or mad, you are living your life not somebody elses. I'm at the opposite end I have 4 kids and people tell me that I'm mad!!! But I love kids and would have had more if I could of. Make your decision, be happy and live your lives to the full!! Good luck!
@maximax8 (31164)
• United Kingdom
17 Oct 09
The decisions people make are up to them. Sometimes a couple don't wish to have children and that is fine. Other people might wonder why because the majority of couples want to have children. I am very keen on traveling to different countries and remember that it is easier to do without kids. It is possible for you to enjoy other people's children but not have the responsibility. Like some people work with children but don't want to have any children of the own. I think if a couple don't have children it is acceptable.
3 people like this
@Sandra1952 (6051)
• Spain
17 Oct 09
The decision to start a family is personal to you and your husband. The decision you arrive at is the right one for you, and nothing to do with anyone else. You have your reasons, and over time they may change. The main thing is, you are happy with your life choices. Nothing else matters.
@doormouse (4619)
17 Oct 09
it's not wrong at all,some people just don't have that urge,i know a couple that don't want kids,they have a dog instead that treat like a child
2 people like this
@carmelbg (521)
27 Oct 09
We have a cat, and I treat her like my child I suppose! She costs me a lot less though!
• Philippines
17 Oct 09
oh, this is not new to me. I know of some couples who wouldn't want to have children this time. especially in your case that from time to time you transfer residence. It would be a bit harder if you have children if you transfer from one country to another. Experiencing the joy of having children is not limited to having your own kids. You can enjoy the company of your nieces & nephews in times when you take your vacation. You can shower them with love & affection so they would love you back. They could be your extended family. In that manner you would feel like parents with less responsibility. If in case you change your mind regarding this matter, you are still young anyway. it would not be too late to have your own child at the age of 35.
2 people like this
@carmelbg (521)
27 Oct 09
I do find joy in friends and family's children, I also love the fact that I can hand them back! I know the decision we made together is right I just get tired of people judging us about it.
• United States
17 Oct 09
I don't think it is wrong at all. Having kids is a big responsibility, and a 24 hour/365 day a year job...you loose your freedom to do what you want when you want (as you stated you and your husband love). Enjoy other peoples children, but don't feel obligated to have any children if you really do not want any, you are not a bad person if you don't have kids.
• Philippines
17 Oct 09
Yup, it is alright as not all who married have been blessed with children as their are couples who get married at a later period that even though they desire to have children they would not be able to do so because of biological problems/infertility problems. So many couples resort to adoption or else just enjoy each other company cruising freely around the worlds with nothing to worry about children.
2 people like this
@vingyan06 (2487)
• Malaysia
17 Oct 09
Hello Carmelbg, It is your decision and no one can do anything about that. If you think you are okay to not getting any children, then just do what you want. But it is important that you and your hub have the same thinking. If your hub also okay with that, then I don't find any thing wrong.
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
17 Oct 09
Absolutely, you have my vote! I see nothing wrong whatsoever in not having children - in fact, right or wrong becomes inapplicable in these matters. It is a purely personal decision that is left to you and should be best analyzed by you and you alone. Anyway, we have lots of people reproducing every minute on this earth so there is no question of humanity going extinct either.
2 people like this
@oink24 (67)
• Philippines
17 Oct 09
its better if you will have children..but both of you should consider each other's interest..
2 people like this
@shilley (157)
• India
17 Oct 09
Hi carmelbg,having kids or not is ones personal desire.But i would like to put forth my opinion that yes you should have kids atleast one kid.You say you have enjoyed life without children,so i think you should think about enjoying life with kids.I think kids make a difference to their parents life,it is a wonderful bonding between parents and kids which cannot be explained but can only be felt.Atleast to care of you and in your husband in oldage you need some one beside you.So think over...
2 people like this
@larish (2193)
• Philippines
17 Oct 09
I don't think it is wrong of not wanting to have kids. The most important thing right now is that you are both happy with your decision and that there is no complications on any sides. Me and my hubby are both 34 years old and we are preparing ourselves to start our family --- to have our own kid/kids. It is an agreement that we made. We both know that we are already prepare to be parents and that we are both happy with our decision. For me, It is nice that we don't take pressure because of other people's standard. We always have to consider what makes us happy.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Oct 09
I don't think it's wrong at all. You still have time in your biological clocks if you change your mind. Honestly I've got 3, my oldest being 7 and I miss all the freedom we used to have and things we used to enjoy. We have no child care, no one to drop them off with for even a date night anymore. The IL's used to watch the kids here & there but then we had #3 and they were not able to watch a kid that wasn't fairly self sufficient (potty, feeding themselves ect) and then they got hit with cancer last year. So we do dwell how we are a bit jealous of the neighbors who don't have any kids and get to do what they want in their free time and we don't.
1 person likes this
• Yemen
18 Oct 09
If you feel over-committed and if responsibility feelings override your freedom,yes you will lose your freedom. Let your children having their life and freedom without taking yours. It is OK to enjoy from time taking your wife to a pleasant night without children then. Children should and will understand and learn that mother and father are going to have fun alone once a week or so. Nothing wrong with that,it is not violation of responsibilities toward your kids.If you feel it is a job to have children then you have the right to have a leave.
@mommyboo (13191)
• United States
18 Oct 09
It's important for you to meet other parents with kids so you can socialize your kids and perhaps (this is the best part!) exchange child care with each other. This will enable you and hubby to have that break from time to time and YES, have date nights or stay in together!! A lot of people complain that they can't afford a night out AND babysitting, so if you trade child care with another parent or couple, there is no cost involved with the kids.
• India
19 Oct 09
yes , you can absolutely going in a wrong route who can help u at the age 60 to 80's no one can help because all of the going business so in order take atlest 10% u need a child That gives lot of boost yo your life
1 person likes this
@fan_philo (230)
• India
19 Oct 09
It depends on each one likeings i feel u like to be independent and fun careing and the responsibility of kids u r not read to take thats what i feel anyway u r happy as u r so all the best.
1 person likes this
• Italy
19 Oct 09
That is gr8 if you have enjoyed life according to your own style, not every one is lucky as you are. I want say that our life has different phases, and every enjoyment have certain time period so you have enjoyed your childhood, bachelor life and then a happily married life so kids are also a part of life and this phase has its own joyful moments. I think you must have kids as many as you can decide to have and maybe now or after some more years but you must have to have kids. If you dont have then maybe after some years you will miss this and yo wish that we would have earlier. so dice mutually and have kids enjoy this phase of life also. I again wann say you are so lucky so dont be un-lucky in this mater as well.
1 person likes this