What to do with a friend who's a complete flirt?

Philippines
October 19, 2009 12:22am CST
Ever since high school, I had my own group of girl friends. We are 6 in the group, me being the latest addition (I only started getting close to them around 3rd year high school). We've all had our ups and downs, but we managed to get around all those hardships together. Recently, 3 of us got together. The others were busy, so we opted to wait for them for a while. A few minutes later, we were all talking about a particular friend of ours. We all were boggled by one of her habits: being a complete and proficient flirt. She recently broke up with her boyfriend again, and is back to flirting around. She had always had this habit ever since, but it's gotten stronger now. We are worried by this as we have tried talking to her about this but she merely slams the phone down whenever we try to talking to her. From what I've gathered, she tried hitting on the her ex's cousin just right after she and her ex broke up. In your opinion, what's the best thing that we could do?
5 people like this
26 responses
@taztheone (1724)
• India
19 Oct 09
Trust me, the best thing you could do is allow her to live her life the way she wants. Flirting is not something that can be changed by advices or talks. It's our minds desire & can be reduced only by a true love, or a guy for whom she can sacrifice her desires. This is the only option, because we know it better. However, good or bad, friends are friends. By the way you can introduce her to me. Happy Lotting
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Ha! Her favorite line whenever we seem to "meddle": CAN'T YOU GUYS BE JUST HAPPY FOR ME? You are the first one who has looked forward to meeting this friend of mine. Wow. Maybe I really should hook you up with her. LOL. :)
@danitykane (3189)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
hmmm..if you already told her shes a flirt right infront of her face and shes still don't get it, then it really is a problem. Ughh, I have a friend like that in high school and shes a big time flirt knowing we're all very young back then. But the truth is, theres nothing we can do about her personality or her being a flirt. Its always her decision if she want changes in her life, the ugly thing about it, is that you're her friend and she doesn't listen or even take your advices. Hmmm..let her do her thing and for sure she'll meet the consequences of her actions. But continue to let her realize that it isn't a nice thing to do. Tell her to chill and relax..hahaha.. theres so many guy out there she'll never run out of it.
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Whoa! Talk about saying something right out of my mouth. Hahaha. We've told her countless of times that there are a lot of guys out there!
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Tell her we are talking about her and her flirtatious deeds here in mylot! (that would be fun!!) haha... joke.
@zed_k4 (17618)
• Singapore
19 Oct 09
Try to tell her nicely that she's being a complete flirt? Since you said nowadays, there are only the 3 of you together, including her, right? So you and the other could try and tell her to tone down a bit. Not for yourselves, but for her own good. If she can take it, that's good. But you said she slammed the phone down whenever you guys tried talking to her. Sounds like she's a quite hot-tempered person. Well, the best is to be there for her when she's down and needs an advice. If no advice is needed, it's best to just keep quiet and don't care so much. Hopefully, this is just a passing phase, because different people react differently to a break up.
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Question is, we've tried talking to her before and she merely told us that she knows what she's doing. But we doubt it. She is kind of manipulative and has the ability to turn stories around, making her sound like the aggrieved one, when actually she's not. There are still 5 of us, but just recently, 3 of us met up at a nearby cafe. The friend I'm talking about in the discussion wasn't there. She is hot-tempered! But we've been there through all the times she broke down. I am honestly at a loss.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17618)
• Singapore
20 Oct 09
Wow.. sounds like a tough cookie to me. Then, I suppose there's nothing much you and your other friend can do. Just let her be and when she has come to her senses, she will look for you guys.
@solared (1209)
• United States
19 Oct 09
it can't be changed, in order to change you pretty much have to change the entire person.
@solared (1209)
• United States
19 Oct 09
also this is the type that will even flirt when they are with someone are married, it's all about ego, an self esteem, just feeling a power or worth.
@jlamela (4904)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Never follow her flirtatious nature and be cautious with your actions.Boys never appreciate and adore girls who are flirts, they hated it and they never take you seriously all the way to the altar. Gently remind your friends that being flirt is not a surefire to success, whatever her purpose of being flirt. If she would not listen then do not follow her example and avoid the occasion where you will be in an awkward situation with boys. Some boys judge you also as a flirt if they see you in a company of flirt girls.
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Funny that you mentioned this. I don't want this to sound in an evil/bad way, but a lot of people have been wondering why we (the other members of our clique) are friends with her. People you see, tend to generalize cliques, and many are really surprised that we are the not the type of group you can generalize. We all have different attitudes :)
@LdeL0318 (6411)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
Try to organize a meet up along with your closest friends. Confront her in a nice way. Talk to her and tell her the thin gs she's doing. Tell her the probable consequences. Show her that you along with her other friends are really concerned about her.
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
We've tried doing so, but to no avail. I think we might have been too hasty with talking to her before so we might try talking to her again. How do you confront her in a nice way though?
• United States
23 Oct 09
Since you've already tried talking to her and she's not interested in what you have to say, leave her alone and let her find out for herself whether or not her behavior is wins or loses the guy.
@gowriv89 (295)
• India
21 Oct 09
Hi buddy... happy mylotting.... from your words i guess she is not a girl who changes according to others advice.. may be she will realise her mistakes after getting into some horrible problem only... try giving her a last piece of advice... if she doesn't take it, let God teach her a lesson....
@aerous (13452)
• Philippines
21 Oct 09
Your friend behavior is really a kind of addicted to some flirting to someone else. What you need is that just inform her that she doing wrong and that is not the right thing revenge what happen to her life...Flirting is really a behavioral instinct and not bad if not that serious where goes to secluded place...Have a nice day!
@jashoaf (298)
• United States
21 Oct 09
If she's slamming the phone down, she's not interested in your opinion. Let her go. You might just make it clear that you have boundaries, though. If she is a flirt who breaks boundaries, she might be flirting with your boyfriend. That's behavior you do not need to put up with. Also if she flirts with the wrong guys while she's with you, then she might get you into trouble. That is also behavior you do not need to deal with. As her friend, make sure she understands what you will accept. Then let her do her thing.
@msinfo79 (325)
• United States
20 Oct 09
give her the cold shoulder after you've told her you won't tolerate her behavior. if she cares about your friendship then she'll stop if not then maybe she's not worth keeping as a friend.
@Zenstrive (239)
• Indonesia
20 Oct 09
Well, the three of you are still friends, right? Then that's the best thing you could do right now, being her friends. Let her does her habit. You have told her your feelings about it, she got furious, but then the three of you are still friends afterward. Really, you should treasure friendships. But whenever her habit backlash on her, you need to say "I told you so!" btw, is she pretty (tsk tsk tsk...shame on you, you dirty old man...)
• United States
20 Oct 09
Let your friend have their fun. My friends were total flirts as well, and I just learned from their mistakes. I let my friends flirt and make mistakes, so that I can take down notes, correct them, and tell them where they went wrong. I learn from other people's mistakes.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
20 Oct 09
I understand your concern but things like this cant be change by other people neither her parents.She would until she will realize what she had done.It says a person learn from her/his mistake.It seems like she's enjoying herself by doing this.Who knows, it might be her way of covering up her feelings from her break up.Perhaps as her friends, even if your against with what she's doing just always there for her because we never really know whats her real feeling.She might be hurting and just tying to cheer up herself by gaining attentions from guys.
@rebaozi (100)
• United States
20 Oct 09
If it's my stuiation I will do something I need to do as a "friend" don't think about too much,you know ,just try to get happy and be happy,you thing too much her ex or something else is not good for a "friend" you know ,be friend for what?just for happy,ha ha ha ha .Life is short ,play more.
• Indonesia
20 Oct 09
you should keep in touch with your best friend that can make you feel better if you manage to meet them routinely, you may have some spare time to meet them, they miss you so much, you miss them also =)
@SQD444 (678)
• India
19 Oct 09
well yuou could tell her about it in a good way .. make sure you don sound rude or else she might fell bad or make her go stronger in what she is doing.. make her understand flirting is not a great thing to do and theres is nothig special about it..but above all i think one should understand it by himself/herself ,,pretty much nothing others copuld do about it
@mommaj (23086)
• United States
19 Oct 09
Depending on how close you are with this friend, you can either tell her it bothers you and you are concerned for her. Knowing she doesn't want to listen to such things, you can let her know you don't want to know about her endeavors when she starts telling you.
@leahsmom (338)
• United States
19 Oct 09
I say do nothing who is she hurting? you knew she was a flirt in the begining it didn't bother you then why try to change her now.
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
hello aixsha, It must tough pressure right now that you're friend is doing everything she could to get over the pain that she'd gone through since that break up. but i think she's doing the wrong way and it's gonna hurt her even more in the end. what was the cause of the break-up? stopping her is the best way, before she could emotionally hurt herself and those other people she's flirting with. I remember a TRUE story once from the News Paper, I think it was from the INquirer a few years back. this girl had a boyfriend and it's her child-hood friend but he was enemy number one at school, till one day she found him cheating. after that, this girl had been spending out with guys and sleeping with them. they said she's a happy person but i think the broke up broke her badly that she tried to get over it by spending night with other men, sleeping with them. i just can't imagine, their whole lives crushed and had to go through this process before they can move on, she did pick up the pieces of her life in the end. help your friend, before she end up hurting herself more and others, emotionally.