are you willing to live with your parents after you get married?

China
November 4, 2009 8:04am CST
hi,friends, are you married or still single? if you are still single, just imagine,are you willing to live your parents after you get married? most people would like to live a "two-persons world",only husband and wife(maybe children in future). i got married last year and now live with my big family,my husband, parents-in-law,sister-in-law and her husband and child.sometimes i really feel uncomfortable to live with so many people! how about you? what's your situation and how do you think of it?
2 people like this
38 responses
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
8 Nov 09
My husband and I live with his parents. We enjoy it here but hope to get our own place as well. There was a time that we wanted to just stay here, but I think now though it's scary to think of all the responsibilities with both want to have our own place for different reasons. Now my husband is working and I hope to start working next week. We hope to have our own house by the anniversary of our wedding day next year, though it's not a high priority goal, it's one we'd like to achieve or be close to achieving.
• China
10 Nov 09
hi,thanks for sharing your situation, and i hope you can achieve your goal as you planned.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
10 Nov 09
Thank you so very much and I also wish that you can achieve your goals! Have a wonderful day and happy mylotting as well!
• Boston, Massachusetts
4 Nov 09
Hi Lucky, We did this right after we got married. After the wedding we had an overnight package in the hotel then in the morning my husband took me to his place. It was an agreement with both our families that we will be starting our new life as couple by ourselves. They approved of it and wished us luck. It is advisable that new married couples stand on their own so they will be able to have more time for each other in the adjustment period with inlaws.
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 09
thanks. it may sound clever but that's the best way that we can do to start our own family not being stressed with the presence of our in-laws-- just the two of us strieving hard to make our decision of being away from our parents work-- and dear it did work.
• China
6 Nov 09
hi, thanks for your reply, i admire your action, it's really a clever choice, hope you live a happy life with your husband.
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
7 Nov 09
When I married, the idea of living with either set of parents was unthinkable. However, 5 years later, circumstances changed. We had a baby and my husband was transferred overseas. I thought we would join him shortly, so I took the baby and went to stay with my parents out on the farm. Besides my parents,the baby and me, there was my aged grandfather, and in the summer, my college age brother joined the group to help with the harvest and getting the land ready for next year's wheat crop. There were too many people in my parent's small house. We managed and got to know each other very well. Due to political unrest in the area my husband was stationed, we never got to join him overseas. I don't know if I'd do the same thing again, but I cherish the memories of the 18 months we spent on the farm. Grandpa and both my parents have been gone for some time now. I don't know how much our son remembers of that time, but every now and then, I pull out the photograph album and dream of the quiet moments on the farm. Of course, they were not all quiet, but it is the quiet ones I remember best.
• China
10 Nov 09
hi,i admire you had such a good life memory spent on the farm, maybe someday if your husband can join, it will be a more happy thing. thank you for sharing your situation.
• United States
4 Nov 09
You know there are times in an emergency....If you lose your home, illness... But I highly reccomend couples to live alone. You mature, you grow. Cut the aprons strings.
@agv0419 (3022)
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
Joint family is very difficult if I were going to marry I prefer to be separated from our parents. Like my mother telling us that we should be separated from our in laws if we are going to get married because it is hard to live with them.
• China
6 Nov 09
yes, i agree with you, couples had better live alone because we are mature. even when some emergency happens, we should try to solve by ourselves at first, then search for help from others if we cannot manage it. thanks for your reply.
• China
12 Nov 09
although the note had already been long,i wanna still reply it. my parents manage me very hard,so i feel unhappy with them living i think that if no especial case,i won't live with them
• China
14 Nov 09
hehe, thanks for sharing your viewpoint. since your parents manage you hard, why willnot you live with them?
• United States
12 Nov 09
Wow - I think it really depends on the parents! LOL I'm not opposed to it if the situation calls for it. And I want to encourage a good family relationship so that when our parents are older they feel welcome to come into our home so we can help them. Right now we already have a large family of our own. Moving in with parents would be a bit tricky. But if times were bad, I know they would help us out and vice versa. Having that confidence of their love and support is always a good thing.
• China
14 Nov 09
hi, thanks for your response and i agree with you, i believe that you can deal with your family relationship well.
@msedge (4011)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Based on my experienced it would be nice to live with our own after marriage.Although i really love living with my parents but there seems to be conflict with my husband because he was different from how we raised up.He was raised with being a selfish and greedy person and my family is very giving.There was always a misunderstanding that trap me between them.I do think my biggest mistake was marrying a guy that never love my family and just love himself.It would be nice also to be dependent and stable before getting married so you could stand on your own.
• China
6 Nov 09
hi,msedge,thanks for your response.sorry to hear about the conflict between your family and your husband, maybe you should often communicate with your husband and persuade him to try to understand your family and adopt to each other but not consider himself. everybody need love from others and should give love to others at the same time. hope you have a nice mylotting day!
@kunizzul (1066)
• Malaysia
4 Nov 09
Hi! Well, I think its okay if after I get married and stay with my parents. But, maybe just until I got the first baby because I think I need my mother help to take care my wife and my child. Also, its a good way to make a good relationship between my wife and my mother. But, its also depends to my wife too. If she want to live at her mother house then I think why not. Live at parents house is only for temporary because we need our own home too one day.
• China
6 Nov 09
hi, thanks for your response, i think you will be an excellent husband and father after your marriage:)
• United States
4 Nov 09
When I got married, my hubby and I were living together already for about 2 years. It's ALWAYS a good thing to have your own space when you get married. This way everybody's not in your business and you have privacy when you want. It's nothing like having your OWN house/apartment/home to go to.
• China
6 Nov 09
hi, thanks for your response. i admire your life with your own space, hope you can enjoy every day.
@jemaries (321)
• Saudi Arabia
4 Nov 09
For my point of view there's nothing wrong to stay with your parents and in-laws even your married, but for me i preferred to have my owned house.I honored the family ties in the family.But i already married its better to make my own thing specially you will have family.And i will be shameful to my parents if i stayed with them,it doesnt mean that you dont want to stay with them.But most the cases sometimes there is conflict between your in-laws and your parents.Sometimes parent interfere with the couples about some decision making to do like that, to do like this.And also your not comfortable with your in-laws house because the brother and sister is with the same house,sometimes they will comment that why your wife or husband is like that, like this. Its better to move or have your own house you can do whatever you want, nobody will check your action, what are you doing everyday.
• China
6 Nov 09
haha,you must be a person with great self-esteem and independent.thanks for your response.
@borhan (1338)
• United States
4 Nov 09
I got married 15 years back. I used to bear lot of dreams to stay with my parents all along. But due to my service, i used to be posted in other places leaving my parents with my brothers and sister in my home town. Thats why had no scope to stay with them even after my marriage. I started my family life almost alone, for first few days my mother had been with us. then she moved back. it is a 3 person family of mine. Me, my wife and our daughter, a neucleus family. Now i got habituated with this life. Yes, everyday 3/4 times me or my wife talking to our parents. Thats the life.
• China
6 Nov 09
i think most Chinese family are same situation similar with you, and i prefer the life same with you, i donot think always living with parents is a good thing because of generation gap, but it's necessary to keep contacting by telephone or internet or something else like that.thanks for your reply.
• Indonesia
4 Nov 09
What you are experiencing now just like me. Now i have been marriied and lived at home with the children and my in-laws. it is my first.it is my firsttime with -laws house, i foundit difficult to adapt to them and this makes uncomfortable feeling. Afraid to do something wrong and it lasted almost a year untill i had a child. I think, in-laws do not like my presence, may feel added weight. But after the first child was born, i began to adapt to the in-laws. An d my guess was wrong. it turned out that my in-laws feel free to adapt to me. So we are equally distant to each other. All problems must be a way out. For sour situation, isuggest to invite them to chat, that aal the uncomfortable be difficult feelings can be lost by opening the conversation, you reply please be difficult to start asking for help your husband(wife). Do not think about things that do not need to acctually make your home does not live with them . Just in-laws lives with more exciting. Why??? Because if we travel with a spouse only, we can entrust our children to them without trirst worry about their condition. Of course all the work at home we are always helped by them. Try to communicate and adapt to them. Have a nice day
• China
6 Nov 09
hi, thanks for your response. your suggestion is really good and should be helpful for me, thank you very much.
@jamzy19 (72)
• United States
5 Nov 09
being in a joint family is really a great help and fun too. but you also need to remember that if you get married, you and your partner need to have some privacy and should leave both your parents house in order to start a new and at the same time you got to know each other better.
• China
5 Nov 09
thanks for your reply.
• United States
4 Nov 09
I know the only reason I would EVER move back in with my parents would be in case of an emergency. Such as my house burnt down, myself or my husband had a terminal illness, loss of income. I moved out when I was 18 and I have learned to appreciate what my parents did for me but I also learned that I am an independent human being. Perphaps talk to your spouse about getting an apartment together and saving up for your dream home or at least a down payment. That is my goal with my boyfriend. I completely understand you being uncomfortable. That seems like an odd situation.
• China
6 Nov 09
hi,thanks for your reply and understanding, it's really an odd situation for me. but my sister-in-law has no apartment presently, they will move away when they get their own apartment in future.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
6 Nov 09
Sometimes because of finacial reason or cutomary reasons couples live with one of the couples parents. Personally i believe whenever possible the couple should have that alone time together to get to know each other very well before facing the complications of having their own family. Be the most important thing no matter what the living situation is the loving bond and good communcation with each other. Becomeing as one all the way around.
@cfmedrano (240)
• Philippines
12 Nov 09
We are living in our parent's house but my parents are not here. My mom is working in KSA and my dad is managing a farm somewhere that you have to travel 2 hours to reach it. But for me, it would be better to live in your own space to avoid conflicts. There really is such a thing since all of us have different personalities and moods. We cannot dictate each other's moods all the time and we ourselves have our own tantrums at times and we cannot be good, i suppose all the time to people we are facing everyday. But it pays to be good. It pays to be kind to others especially to your family. They will repay you with love and affection which is the daily dose of your soul's strength. Happy mylotting!
@hireshd (490)
• India
6 Nov 09
yes I am willing to stay with my parents even after getting married. I am in very good relationship with my parents so I know that sometimes when we need time for ourselves they will give that time instead of being with us.
@jasmeena (846)
• Indonesia
12 Nov 09
i am still single..hmm..my sister is married with one son,but she still lives with us..at weekend,she stays at her mom-in-law`s house.me?actually i prefer having my own house after i get married..if i have to move where my future husband works,why not?as children, we must take care of our parents,but it doesn`t mean you are ungrateful child if you live in different city with your parents after your marriagesooner or later , we must be independent,no matter how and when.the most important thing is we must maintain our communication with our parents,eventhough we don`t live in the same house with them
@Godmother (476)
• Indonesia
7 Nov 09
I don't think it is wise to live with your parents, especially if you have other siblings at home. The romance could very quickly disappear, because there is always so much things to do and not enough time to be together privately. If you live alone, there will be memories later of how you started to build your life together, how you faced all the challenges together and how you matured into wise and responsible adults.
@kush20006 (515)
• India
7 Nov 09
i love my family and i have papa and mummy in it even if i get married i will still love to be at home with parents