How do you adress or call your parents in law

@Bebs08 (10685)
United States
November 4, 2009 11:05am CST
I feel very awkward hearing people here in US calling their parents in law by their names. I can't stand it when I first hear it. when I heard a friend called her old parents in-law, Shirley? and Ron? oh my!! I don't feel good about it. I still call my husband's parents mom and Dad as what my husband called them. They might be surprised because I am from different culture but I can't stand calling them by their names.What about you? do you also call your parents in law by their names? am just curious how many of you here are doing that.
2 people like this
21 responses
@ckyera (17342)
• Philippines
4 Nov 09
hello Bebs... i also call my mother in law the way my husband call her...and i we call her 'mama'... i respect her and love her the way i love my parents and she's just so nice to me treating me like her own child... maybe it also have something to do with the culture...
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Absolutely, it is culture differences.. I like my mother and father in law too. They are nice and I treat them like my real parents.
@ckyera (17342)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
thanks for the br bebs... i appreciate it!
@williamjisir (22900)
• China
5 Nov 09
Hello Bebs. In China, it is our traditional custom to call our parents-in-law father and mother the way we call our own parents. It is considered to be rude to call them by their names. I always call my in-laws the way I call my parents. They are as dear as my own parents.
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
that's the wasy it is also in the Philippines. But here in America? it is not rude to them because that is what they used to and a part of their culture.
• China
6 Nov 09
Oh, I see. Thank you, friend.
1 person likes this
@sasalove (1710)
• China
5 Nov 09
Hi Bebs, I am a Chinese girl that I would not call the elders or seniors by their name directly as it will be judged as impoliteness. It is fine to call the peer by their name even though they are older than me. I learnt the western culture in my campus, it is quite easy to understand the culture difference from different country. Just like somebody can not understand why the the Chinese relatioinship is so complicated to address, why the simple thing will become complex?. I don't like the red tape here. As I go outside for study, when I came back home, I always can not distinguish who is who, how can I call them. It is really annoying that you should address them correctly otherwise they will consider that you are not well educated.. Have a nice day.
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Well, people from Asia usually do not call the older people by their names. We respect older people but in Western country, that's nothing to them because it is their culture. We just don't like it because we are brought up in a different way.
@sasalove (1710)
• China
5 Nov 09
Hi Bebs, You are right, it is the culture difference, but it doesn't mean that the people in western country did not respect the elder, they just choose different way to show their love. Here, people pay much attention to the family concept, I assumed that is why the complicated addressing occured. Happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
• Boston, Massachusetts
4 Nov 09
In our country we address our in-laws the way our spouses address them. if they call them mom and dad that's also how we will be calling them-- a show of love and respect...
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
That's right!! I think people from Asia are doing that.. as a sign of respect but western people are not used to do that.
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 09
Whatever "name-calling" it may be as long as your in-laws will feel the lvoe and respect i think it's okay! Thanks!
1 person likes this
@sacmom (14250)
• United States
5 Dec 09
Hi Bebs. I've never really been comfortable calling my in-laws mom and dad. To me, that is reserved for my parents only. So, I've always addressed them by their names. I did call my late father-in-law pa a few times, but only when we'd be joking around. Otherwise I'd call him by his name. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
13 Dec 09
Oh really? well, I am uncomfortable doing that to my in laws.. maybe because we never do that in my country, but here in America, it is their culture so, it is nothing new. It is what they used to.
• Malaysia
26 Nov 09
Hi, Bebs! My hubby has no problem calling my parents 'mom' and 'dad', but I still feel a bit awkward calling his parents that way. I seldom call them especially my father-in-law and only take the chance to talk to them when they are looking at me. I guess I am still not used to it.
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
13 Dec 09
I understand that. I know it is awkward much more if we are not close to them, what I mean is we are not together most of the time. Or we are not communicating to them often, it is really hard to call them mom or dad.. hahaha
@mayka123 (13391)
• India
7 Nov 09
Like you I too address them the same way that my husband would address them i.e. Mom and Papa.
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
26 Nov 09
Yes because I can not stand it calling my parents in law by their names? that is rude to me...
@sender621 (14934)
• United States
5 Nov 09
I call my in-laws by the same names that I call my own parents. I call them mom and dad. In turn, they also treat me like one of their own children. We accept each other as family.
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Oh? that's good!!!
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
here in our country its a tradition and a "law"(meaning should be always done) that our spouse's parents should be called just like the way they call their parents. if we do not call them like our spouse's do, its like disrespecting our parents in law and not accepting them whole heartedly. but if you don't like your parents in law, you can call them in any names that you want, behind their backs, they will not know it anyway.hahaha! just kidding!
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
hahaha that's not kidding because I know there are lots of that in my country too? they call their in laws by their names when they are talking behind their backs.. hahaha
• India
5 Nov 09
To each his own really! Here in India we call our in-laws as mummy and daddy (ma & papa)…but then daughter-in-laws are also to be treated as the daughter of the house. You see, India traditionally has the system of joint family where married men stay with their parents and kids grow under the guidance of grandparents. So its kind of difficult that you are staying with your in-laws regularly and for so long yet you don’t called them ma & papa…calling by name is of course out of question. We don’t call any elder by their name.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Oh? so India and Philippines are pretty much the same.
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
We also address our parents in law the way our husbands call them. We treat parents in law as true parents as well as they treated us their children too. I couldn't imagine how my husband, would feel hearing me calling his parents by their names. No offense however to those who do, maybe they have reasons for doing so or they are just used to doing it.
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
well, the reason is just culture. That is the way how they are brought up and it doesn't matter to them.
• United States
5 Nov 09
Well, both my husband's parents are gone now and I never got the chance to meet his dad. I had called my husband's mom, mom. Actually the minute she had heard that her son and I were engaged she told me that she loved me as a daughter and she would be honored if I call her mom. (she never had a daughter of her own). My husband calls my parents mom and dad. My sister-in-law always called my mother-in-law by her first name and I always cringed when she called her by her given name.
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Oh? so with me, my mom in law has no daughter too just 3 sons and I know she is thrilled to have a daughter in law.
@wahmivy (778)
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
I call my MIL "Mama" because that's what my husband calls her. I call my own mother "Mom(my)" so there wasn't much of a problem there, no confusion. When I was younger I had a hard time calling older people by their first name as they would sometimes insist. The inhibition goes away as I get closer to them. In the Philippines, we normally use terms of respect for those older than us and that's why it's harder to get used to the first name thing. If somebody's older, we use "Ate" or "Kuya", and "Tita" or "Tito" for people our parents' age.
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Absolutely!! I'm from the Philippines and am proud of how we respect our elders.
• United States
5 Nov 09
My husbands parents are divorced and have been for many many years, his father has since remarried so I call his both his father and his step mother by their first names. I used to also call his mother by her first name up until a few years back and now I call her mom. i am not sure why it took so long for me to call her mom but it just felt weird to call someone else other than my own mother mom, now it sounds weird to call her by her first name. As for my husband he calls my mom by her first name and I think he always will not because he is disrespecting her but that is just how their relationship is.
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Oh!! that's what I don't hear yet from my hubby if he will call my parents by their names since he is an American and I am Asian.
@sabirin (95)
• Singapore
5 Nov 09
called them mom and dad .that why we call them parents in law,
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Well, right!! but some people don't call their parents in law mom or dad.. they just call them by their names.
• United States
4 Nov 09
I call them by their names, they are not my real parents so its not disrespectful to say their given names.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
hhahah I can understand you because you are brought up that way. That is your culture so it doesn't matter but for us? it is a different thing. We don't call older people by their names even if they are not related to us.. how much more for our in laws?
@cynthiann (18613)
• Jamaica
4 Nov 09
I refuses to call by MIL Mama so I called her Miss Hilda. Mt children basically called her that too but on occasions did call her Grandma. She was not nice to me.
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@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Oh sorry that Miss Hilda is not nice to you. There are some in laws that are like that.
@gicolet (1703)
• United States
4 Nov 09
My husband is american and I call his mom "momma" but I call his stepmom and stepdad by their first names also. Like you I don't feel good about calling my in-laws by their first names. I kind of feel that it's disrespectful eventhough it's okay with them. Maybe they're the ones who mind being called mom or dad? I don't know...but my MIL doesn't seem to mind.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
5 Nov 09
I think that is American culture. I always hear Americans call their in laws by their names. Even the little kids called the old ones by their names. I don't like to hear it because I am not used to.
@shia88 (4578)
• Malaysia
14 Aug 10
Hi, Of course, I won't call my parent in law by their names. I have to pay them a respect and for Chinese culture, we will still call them "dad" and "mom". So this is what I call my parents in law. Be it what,they are my husband's parents and also part of my parents and part of my family members.
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
Hi there Bebs, Like you I call my in-laws the way my husband call them. It's Mama and Papa. My husband also calls my parents the way I call them. I just don't know if ever I can call them with their first name. This is not acceptable in our country. Take care and have fun myLotting red_amethyst