Are Inappropriate Toys For Children Funny?
@purplealabaster (22094)
United States
November 4, 2009 12:39pm CST
We have had to deal with this at Halloween, and I am cringing just thinking about what Christmas will be like. Alright, I probably should explain.
My husband and I do not agree with the stereo-types associated with boy and girl colors, toys, etc. We have never asked for presents for our little one, but we have stated that if people want to buy presents, then we would prefer gender neutral toys rather than pink, frilly ones. First, neither of us likes the color pink. Second, if our little one decides to like pink, frilly things, then we feel that it should be her choice and not something that she is forced into. Third, there are plenty of educational toys and books out there, so everything does not have to be Barbie. Fourth, we feel that she should be exposed to a variety of things that will be fun, educational, and spark her creativity rather than be limited by what other people feel are appropriate activities for a girl.
My husband's family, however, refuses to abide by our wishes. They think it is funny to buy her things that we do not approve of, and they even laugh when they say, "Well, I know that you won't like this, but we got it for her anyway." I realize that gifts are supposed to be from the heart, but that does not seem to be their motivation.
A perfect example is a gift that she got last Christmas. It was a pink, frilly playhouse with a pink, frilly kitchen set. We did not have a problem with the idea of her getting the kitchen set. In fact, one of her boy cousins has the entire Fisher Price kitchen and dining room set, which would have been perfectly acceptable as it is gender neutral and also less expensive than what they bought her. She does not like to play with it when she is over at his house, mind you, but we would not have objected to it if that is what they had chosen to buy her. Instead of getting that, though, they opted to get her something that they knew we would not want her to have. They even laughingly stated as much before she opened the present! Fortunately, she showed no interest in it, so I guess the laugh was on them.
I do not understand why they think it is so funny to buy the little one gifts that we do not approve of. It obviously is not for her benefit, especially if we do not let her play with these things and she has no interest in them anyways. In addition, they have other alternatives if they really feel that strongly about getting her something, like the Fisher Price playset rather than a pink, frilly one. We have told them countless times the kinds of things that she really enjoys, like puzzles, books, interactive toys, and Duplos, so it is not like they do not know what she likes.
As parents, I feel that we have the right to determine what is appropriate for our child to play with. They do not have to agree with our decision, but they should respect it. What do you think? Do you know why they would repeatedly do this? How would you handle it if you were in this situation?
9 people like this
16 responses
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
4 Nov 09
I have had this issue with my in laws as well. Not so much with the toys as I don't care what they get as long as they like it. I would say not to bother if your little one enjoys what she got. If not return it and then tell them " I know you won't like this but we took it back for something we approve of" that should end it.
In our case it was the damn tv. We do not approve of our kids watching violent show such as wrestling, or UFC fighting especially when they where smaller. I made this clear, my father in law laughed and said his kids watched it then insists on turning it on. I began taking my kids out of the house when he did this and when he persisted I refused to take my kids over there. It wasn't long before tune changed when he realized I could care less for what he felt they are my kids.
2 people like this
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
4 Nov 09
May I add also if you let a few things slide it won't be as much fun to tick you off. A little pink in either a girl or boy's life won't kill them and when it comes to toys like Barbie they can be made to do what ever you like such as camping hiking cooking fishing whatever. Change her clothes and use her as an example of what kind of person you want your kid to grow up to be. Once you deflate the in laws a bit it will go smoother.
2 people like this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
4 Nov 09
Yeah, I wouldn't care so much if it was something that she liked, but even when they buy these things for her, she shows no interest in them. We have returned a couple of things, but that is difficult when you don't have a receipt and do not know what store it came from. Some of the clothes still had tags on them, though, so we did return some of those for ones that actually fit her.
I can relate to the T.V. issue, too. I think you handled the situation well, and obviously your father-in-law finally got your point. I am glad that he came to his senses. Unfortunately, I do not see this happening with my husband's family, though. We are at the point where we do not think that we are going to have any contact with them over the holidays, with the exception of his mom and dad. I come from a family that values family relationships, whether they are blood relations or just really good friends that you accept as family, which is why I have tried so hard to make this situation with his family better. Obviously they do not have the same values that I do, though, so I guess it is time to do what my husband has been saying for a while and cut all ties with them. It is sad, really, that he was ready to give up on his family way before I was. I guess that should have been the first clue that it was going to be a losing battle, but I guess I am an optimist.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
4 Nov 09
We do not ban all pink in her wardrobe. In fact, I think that she should have a variety of colors, including but not limited to pink. We put a ban on Barbie for several reasons (one of which is that she is only two and Barbies are not age-appropriate
), but we do allow Cabbage Patch dolls, although we prefer stuffed animals, especially since she loves animals.
Most of the restrictions we put on things are for her own good, especially since she is so young. I have seen his family put fingernail polish and toenail polish on their one year old. First, no one year old needs to be taught that they have to enhance their beauty by using these products. Second, and most important, little ones always put their fingers and toes in their mouths, and these products are dangerous for them to ingest. They have even already gone as far as buying her play make-up!
), but we do allow Cabbage Patch dolls, although we prefer stuffed animals, especially since she loves animals.
Most of the restrictions we put on things are for her own good, especially since she is so young. I have seen his family put fingernail polish and toenail polish on their one year old. First, no one year old needs to be taught that they have to enhance their beauty by using these products. Second, and most important, little ones always put their fingers and toes in their mouths, and these products are dangerous for them to ingest. They have even already gone as far as buying her play make-up!
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
5 Nov 09
What are duplos? first off, lol. Hmm, I am not sure why they would do that, but I think it's rude. I would sale the items that they get for her if you can get to them first without her seeing them. I mean, not all items, just the ones you and your husband don't agree with. Sale them and use it for her college fund, or a shopping fund for her, or what have you, but sale it!
I would even tell them that your going to do it! I mean I know it sounds mean, but they aren't being the nicest people either. When it's her birthday or Christmas, or any time they usually give gifts, ask them to drop them by the house wrapped a few days prior. Take the item, unwrap it and if it's not something you like then sale it...
They'll either get the hint, or think your a B word, but if you have your husband to back you, maybe they'll finally get it.
I hate pink frilly things too. Pink isn't my favorite color.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
6 Nov 09
Duplos seem like a very nice invention. Maybe that is what my cousins used to have when tehy were younger, they had soft blocks foam things... I loved playing with them when I went over to their house! In any case, I'll have to look that up when My husband and I have children!
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, all it is utter disrespect, and honestly I think if they already think you to be a b (which I honestly can't see how, your seem so sweet) then maybe they are doing this to annoy you, or to hurt you? I don't know... but hey, atleast you have them one up'ed by your daughter not liking the toys.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
6 Nov 09
Thank you so much, SomeCowgirl. Yes, Duplos are wonderful toys, and I would definitely recommend them for when you and HellCowboy have kids. They are gender neutral, so they can be passed down through all your children. Also, the older ones will still probably like to play with them with the younger ones, so they really are a family activity kind of toy.
It is very kind of you to say that I am sweet.
I think that his family considers anyone that does not fit into their little cookie-cutter mold as a B, though, unless of course they are blood-related family, that is. Then, they will just spend their lifetime trying to beat them into submission.
It is very kind of you to say that I am sweet. I think that his family considers anyone that does not fit into their little cookie-cutter mold as a B, though, unless of course they are blood-related family, that is. Then, they will just spend their lifetime trying to beat them into submission.1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Duplos are Legos for little ones. They are bigger and easier for little hands to grasp and put together, and they are not as much of a choking hazzard for the little ones. They come in different shapes, colors and themes like Legos, too. She really likes playing with them and making things, but she likes taking the stuff apart afterwards even better. It is very cute to watch.
It doesn't matter whether or not she sees the things first, because she is not interested in the kind of things that they buy her anyway. We were totally adamant about her not having dolls, especially Barbies, and they are not even age appropriate toys yet anyways, but they made a big fuss about it, so we said that she could have the soft dolls, like the Cabbage Patch ones. They bought her a few Cabbage Patch dolls, which just sit in her toybox, because she doesn't play with them. Maybe when she gets older she will like them, but right now she is just too young and not interested in them. She would rather build things or do puzzles or read or color or ride on her tractor or do about a million other things.
I like the suggestion about dropping off the presents early, so that we can approve or disapprove of them, but I do not see that happening. I don't think it would change their opinion of me, though, since they already think I am a B....
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
5 Nov 09
I don't really know how I would respond - we don't have children yet, and while I anticipate a few noisy toys, I don't think anyone would buy our children things that we had stated we don't want them to have.
As a child, my cousins and I had a toyroom at our grandparents' house. While these were good toys that we all liked, I see no problem in leaving toys I didn't want to receive at the gifter's house and saying that my child could play with them there.
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
5 Nov 09
You can't control the actions of others. It's too bad that they are unwilling to try to get along with you; it's worse that they are using your child as a means to show their disrespect for you. But you can't really do anything about how they behave, and continually trying to make them stop apparently increases their enjoyment in doing this. argh. How frustrating for you.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
5 Nov 09
That might work, because it would be the same as returning them to the gifter, since our child does not spend any time at their houses anyways. Don't get me wrong, we have tried, but they have made it known in no uncertain terms (and very cruelly, I might add) that they do not like me. This makes it a rather tense situation at best, which might explain their enjoyment of giving inappropriate gifts. However, I would never use a child as a means to an end, especially when it is against the best interests of the child. Also, they supposedly adore my husband and child, so even if they do not like and respect me, they should at least respect his wishes. All they are succeeding in doing is alienating my husband and daughter, which I really do not think is their goal at all. It really is rather sad, especially since I have been the one trying to keep the peace for the sake of family.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Thanks. You are right that I can't control the actions of others, and it only frustrates me when I try to reason with them. It probably is a lot of fun to them, but I don't think it will be as much fun if we are not around for their entertainment. It is very sad, though.
@hellcowboy (7374)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I know what you mean it is not right to buy gifts that the parents do not approve of, and it is not funny,doing that shows no respect for the wishes of the parents and can send wrong messages to the children,and when we have kids I hope me and my wife do not have that happen to us,and I wish you the best of luck in dealing with situations like this and hope that it does not happen again,and that they will learn to respect you and your decisions.
1 person likes this
@hellcowboy (7374)
• United States
8 Nov 09
I get along mostly with her side of the family even though I do not always agree with some of the things they do,I still love them and accept them as my in-laws and will always be nice to them.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
9 Nov 09
It is really good that you get along with most of her family. That is a great foundation to work with and build on. I wish that I got along as well with my husband's family as it seems that you do with your wife's family. Unfortunately, that does not seem to be in the cards for me.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I definitely agree that it is not funny, and you make a great point about it sending the wrong message to the children. In fact, that really is an excellent point, because it sends the message that what the parents say does not matter, and that is absolutely the wrong message to send, especially to a young child! Then, the children may grow up disrespecting and disobeying the parents, because that is how they see other people treating them. I hadn't even thought about that until now, but that absolutely does make sense. Thank you so much for pointing that out!
I hope that you do not encounter anything like this when you and SomeCowgirl decide to have children. If you get along well with the other person's family, though, then it shouldn't happen. Unfortunately, my husband's family does not get along well with most of the spouses, so I am not the only one that they treat this way. I just think that I am the most vocal about speaking out against them, but I have been told by several other people that have married into the family that all us "outsiders" get treated the same way. 
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
4 Nov 09
Hi PurpleAlabaster, really you should just ask them to buy books or book tokens or get your child to tell them which books she fanices. Toys are a complete waste of time for children in general, they play with them a couple of times and then ignore them. You could always compromise and suggest that they wrap their presents in gaudy pinks and put the books inside.
I would suspect though that they'll just carry on ignoring you and the presents will continue as a sign of disapproval at your parenting ways.
1 person likes this
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
4 Nov 09
Oh don't look at books that go with films, start her off on the classics and definitely bin the barbie book with no apology at all. I'd recommend Beatrice Potter, the Thomas ones, Postman Pat. I instilled a love of books into my son very early and taught him to read just past his third birthday. Ask the inlaws to get Dr Suess books,they can't object to those surely. I believe a child should not be discouraged from reading anything but the wrong sort of book will put them off, and the classics have survived because they are timeless reads and will enhance a childs vocabulary.
2 people like this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
4 Nov 09
Those are good suggestions, Thea. I could stand the gaudy pink wrapping paper if it contained a suitable present, especially since she will just rip the wrapping paper to pieces anyway.
She is still too young to say what books she wants, but she does like a wide variety of books. Even when they get her books, however, they stick with the Barbie theme. Just recently, she got a book as a present, but it was a Barbie "adventure" book. First, the book was way too old for her, since she is still a toddler. Second, they said that there was also a "Cars" book they were looking at, but Barbie is for little girls and "Cars" are for little boys. "Cars" is an animated movie, and the book was based on the movie. That is like saying that she shouldn't read "Thomas the Train" books, because trains are for boys. Now, I might be wrong, but it seems like the cars book would have been more age-appropriate, since it is a movie made for little ones. The Barbie book included mindless, self-esteem bashing quizzes, like "Are you popular?" and "How romantic are you?". Those are not appropriate for an older girl let alone a two-year old.
She is still too young to say what books she wants, but she does like a wide variety of books. Even when they get her books, however, they stick with the Barbie theme. Just recently, she got a book as a present, but it was a Barbie "adventure" book. First, the book was way too old for her, since she is still a toddler. Second, they said that there was also a "Cars" book they were looking at, but Barbie is for little girls and "Cars" are for little boys. "Cars" is an animated movie, and the book was based on the movie. That is like saying that she shouldn't read "Thomas the Train" books, because trains are for boys. Now, I might be wrong, but it seems like the cars book would have been more age-appropriate, since it is a movie made for little ones. The Barbie book included mindless, self-esteem bashing quizzes, like "Are you popular?" and "How romantic are you?". Those are not appropriate for an older girl let alone a two-year old.
@mario_stevens (6971)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 10
hiya PA..
i don't have children of my own...although i do tend to think about what kind of dad i'll be once i do..
but for starters, i might expose them (or him/her if i only have one
) to the stuff i was learning from when i was growing up...like Sesame Street & any show from the Children's Television Workshop. then they might start to develop some interest and preference to what type of toy i should get for them.
if i do get a boy, he'll automatically inherit my own collection of Transformers, StarWars, Dragons and HappyMeal toys... and if i get a girl, she'll get my Furby collection along with the Pokemons i have around the house... other than that, it'll be entirely up to them. and if the relatives want to buy anything, i'll just tell them that if my kids aren't interested, i'll re-sell it on eBay. so far so good..because my family & close friends do understand my quirky-ness and directness at everything concerning me..
hehee..i said 'quirky' 
but for starters, i might expose them (or him/her if i only have one) to the stuff i was learning from when i was growing up...like Sesame Street & any show from the Children's Television Workshop. then they might start to develop some interest and preference to what type of toy i should get for them.
if i do get a boy, he'll automatically inherit my own collection of Transformers, StarWars, Dragons and HappyMeal toys... and if i get a girl, she'll get my Furby collection along with the Pokemons i have around the house... other than that, it'll be entirely up to them. and if the relatives want to buy anything, i'll just tell them that if my kids aren't interested, i'll re-sell it on eBay. so far so good..because my family & close friends do understand my quirky-ness and directness at everything concerning me..
hehee..i said 'quirky' 1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
22 Jun 10
I completely agree with you not only on the educational programs and toys but also on letting them try different things and discover what they like and are interested in rather than trying to force them in a particular direction. I am just wondering why your son would automatically inherit certain toys and your daughter would inherit others, especially since you obviously liked all those toys. Was there any particular reason you divided it up like that?
I am just wondering why your son would automatically inherit certain toys and your daughter would inherit others, especially since you obviously liked all those toys. Was there any particular reason you divided it up like that?@mario_stevens (6971)
• Malaysia
22 Jun 10
when i do eventually have kids, there'll be no other reason as to who gets what other than that their daddy might want to hang on to a few of those toys for himself to play with...
most of those toys i collect over the years. there's a bit of a story to how i got some of them..and i'm a sentimental dawg sometimes..
except for the Transformers collection, i'm considering of making it a heirloom for me to pass on. who knows? maybe in 30 or 50 years time that Optimus Prime of mine might be worth a fortune on eBay 
most of those toys i collect over the years. there's a bit of a story to how i got some of them..and i'm a sentimental dawg sometimes..
except for the Transformers collection, i'm considering of making it a heirloom for me to pass on. who knows? maybe in 30 or 50 years time that Optimus Prime of mine might be worth a fortune on eBay 1 person likes this
@anne25penn (3305)
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
Its hard to force children with what parents think is cute or appropriate for them even if the children don't like them. I remember my seven-year-old niece fought with her mother because her mother kept forcing her to get the toy that was pink in color. She was choosing the one that was blue. She also fights with her or rather disagrees with her when it comes to clothes.
I remember as a child that there was this red frilly dress that was so itchy to wear because of its petticoat. I hated it, but it was my Sunday dress so I couldn't wait to outgrow it so that it could be given away.
.@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Yes, it is difficult to force children to do what they do not want to do. Making them wear things that they do not want to wear is especially difficult, because after you fight to get it on them, they can just rip it off or ruin it.
We are not trying to force our little one to do anything, though. On the contrary, it is my husband's family that is trying to force her to like pink, frilly things and play with "girl toys". We think that gender neutral toys are best for her at this age, because they are about learning rather than stereo-typing. We want her to be exposed to as many different things as possible, and then she can make her own choices about what she does and does not like.
When I was little, my parents tried to get me to be more "girlie". I did not want to play with dolls or do that kind of stuff. Fortunately, my parents decided that it was better for me to be happy and learn different things than to fit into a stereo-type. That is the way that we intend to raise our children, also.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Nov 09
With your feeling so strongly about these issues, I'm surprised that you still tolerate these people. I know they are family but it is obvious that they not only don't respect you but take delight in ridiculing your decisions and beliefs. This won't stop with time...they will continue to try and "buy" your child with inappropriate gifts, which in time, as she becomes influenced by the way of the world, will become easier to do. I would just stay away from them. I would refuse all gifts and continue to explain why. Stick with your standards and values and pass these precious gifts to your daughter...not the rubbish your family sets so much store by.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
10 Nov 09
Your words are very wise, MsTickle. My husband was willing to give up on them a long time ago. I guess that I am an optimist at heart, because I truly believed that their disrespect would eventually be overshadowed by their professed love of our little one. I believe in family, whether they are blood or just very close friends that you consider as family, so it is not that easy for me to write people off. It seems that it has finally come to that, though.
We really do want the best for our little one. You are right that the values that we are trying to teach her are worth far more than any material things. As she gets older, though, you are also correct that the conflicting messages might make her more easily swayed in the wrong direction, especially as she sees how his family disrespects us at every turn. I strongly suspect that their actions will eventually backfire, since she is very close to her father and I, but I do not want to take any chances. Therefore, my husband is going to handle his family this year any way that he deems appropriate, and I have not put the usual restrictions on him that he needs to "play nicely" with his family, as I fear that they view this as weakness.
1 person likes this
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
5 Nov 09
First of all let me tell you, I LOVEEEE pink and if i had a little girl that would be all she would have!! lol That being said. I think if other people don't want to respect your wishes then you can do what was suggested and sell it on ebay or a yard sale o even take it back to the store. Get her what you know she likes.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
5 Nov 09
I do not think that pink should be banished from the rainbow or anything. Well, technically pink is not a color in the rainbow, but you know what I mean. If she grows up and likes pink, then I might have to go to counseling to find out just where I went wrong, though. No, I'm just kidding. I will be fine with it if she decides that she likes pink, because it will be her choice.
As I said before, if it were just a simple matter of there being a couple pink things, then it wouldn't be an issue. They not only buy her pink, frilly stuff when there are other options, though, but they get her totally age inappropriate things. That is our biggest issue, really, and the pink, frilly stuff is just the icing on the cake, so to speak. You would think that the one time that she actually played with something that they bought her right away (one of them bought her puzzles one time, and she didn't want to open the rest of the presents, because she wanted to play with the puzzle right away) would have clued them in to the fact that what we are saying is true, but it obviously didn't. @bitoffun (203)
• United States
5 Nov 09
I don`t have that problem. My mom and my boys other grandma usually will ask what they want or need. I do the same when I buy gifts. I am one of those gift card givers now. That way they can buy what they want too. There is probably nothing you can do except maybe have your daughter tell them what she would like as a gift.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Unfortunately, she is still to young to tell them what she wants or needs, which is another reason why we, as parents, need to make those decisions for her. She is old enough where she is choosing which toys she wants to play with out of her toybox, but she is still to young to decide what she wants or needs as presents. She does like the color blue, though, and will tell you that she wants blue versus other colors when she is given a choice between colors, but they do not listen to that, either.
Gift cards would be wonderful at this point. Then, it would avoid all the hassles of trying to return, sell or give away all the stuff that is not appropriate or trying to find a place to store it until she is old enough to use it or big enough to fit into it.
@Pitgull (1522)
• United States
4 Nov 09
They obviously do not respect your decision, and you have the right as a parent to protect your children in every way that you believe is necessary. One time is enough. My boyfriend said that he would make sure that everything went by him if they chose to buy another present, and if you do not approve, give it back. If they say it's rude or ask why, tell them "Because you wanted it back".
If she doesn't like it, donate it to charity. And tell them she doesn't like pink, frilly stuff.
She deserves to have the opportunity you are trying to provide for her, no matter who it is, no one has a right to tell you how to raise your children or prevent you from doing so--especially when you are doing it for her best interests, and they are trying to either (a) get under your skin or (b) (and worst) they are trying to dumb her down and make her just "A pretty little thing"...Either way, they aren't worth it. Don't take their demeaning crap. Good luck!!!
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
4 Nov 09
Thank you so much for your response, Putgull. I think you have hit the proverbial nail right on the head. They do not respect us, because they have more money than we do. They think that money entitles them to do and say whatever they want without any consequences.
I like the idea of returning the gifts, because then maybe they will finally get the idea that just because they buy the stuff for her does not mean that she is going to play with it. However, I think that donating the items to charity would be a better use of the presents. They are expensive gifts, and I am sure that there is a little girl out there somewhere that would just love the presents, even though her parents might not be able to afford them. That would at least be a lose-win situation, because it seems like my little one loses out no matter what. Actually, they are the ones losing out, not my little one, because they are denying themselves the opportunity to get to know a beautiful, sweet and imaginative little girl.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
4 Nov 09
Ooops, I'm sorry. I just realized that earlier when I addressed you I mistyped your name. I am so sorry, Pitgull. My fingers sometimes slip and hit the wrong key, and I don't always notice it, although I do try to proofread my responses before I post them.
I am so sorry, Pitgull. My fingers sometimes slip and hit the wrong key, and I don't always notice it, although I do try to proofread my responses before I post them.
@oXAquaXo (607)
• United States
4 Nov 09
I think you are right. I personally hate the fact that boys always get blue-colored items and girls always get pink-colored items. It just seems too traditional, and I like to break the rules a bit. I personally like all soft colors, like like green, yellow, and such, so those tend to be the colors of my gifts. If you think what you are doing is right, stand firm on that fact and back it up. Do what you think is right.
I personally think that they are just messing around with you. It may seem like a joke to them, but if you think they're wrong, tell them. I know that's what I would do.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
5 Nov 09
I like different colors, too. In fact, having many different colors is supposed to stimulate creativity, which is a good thing.
I do think that we are trying to do the right thing for our child by allowing her to decide what she will like and dislike on her own without forcing her into a stereo-type. She is exposed to a lot of different things, and I think that is very important for any child. We would be doing the same if we had a boy, but I don't think we would be getting such hassles. That is really funny, too, because most of the other children are girls, so I would think that they could play dress-up with the other little ones and be neutral with ours.
I also think that you are right about them messing with us, but I don't think they are doing it in a fun and playful manner. I think their intention is to be mean, which is why I was trying not to let them see that it bothered us, although we have spoken to them plenty of times about the issue. At this point, I am not sure what else we could possibly say that might get through to them. In fact, we have decided to avoid the whole thing this year and not go to any family events that they will be attending. Perhaps that will get the message across better than our words have thus far.
@blondexkitty (42)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Well even though I am not a parent myself, I do have nieces and nephews and I have to say I think your in-laws are just being cruel to you. I think that you should take them aside one day and let them know that what they're doing is disrespectful towards you and tell them that they're wasting money on buying things that are only going to make you angry and that your daughter doesn't play with.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
5 Nov 09
Fortunately, it is not really my in-laws that are the biggest culprits. They have gotten her a couple of things that are totally inappropriate, but for the most part they try to find things that we will approve of. It is the rest of my husband's family that is the problem. We have tried talking to them numerous times, but it does not do any good. They have the attitude that they can buy whatever they want for her, and we just have to deal with it. That is partly true, because it is their money and they can buy whatever they want with it. On the other hand, she is our child, and we do not just have to deal with it.
I agree that I think they are doing it just to be cruel. I have refrained from putting a large part of the story on here, because it is too painful for me to tell. Let me just say that they have outright stated their dislike of me, and they have been extremely cruel to me with their words. I think they might be doing this to drive a wedge between my husband and I. Unfortunately, they are using a young child as their weapon, which is really disgusting! The thing that they do not understand is that we are both in agreement on the way we want to raise our children, which is totally different than the way that he was raised. He is the biggest supporter of this, and he would be far more cruel in telling them if I hadn't been trying to keep some sort of peace all these years. I am at the point where I don't care any more, though, and he is free to say whatever he likes to them this year.
@Clairelouiser (684)
• United Kingdom
13 Jan 17
I agree, they should respect your decision, you are a forward thinking parent and they can't accept that which is a shame, but it is rude to deliberately ignore your wishes!
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
13 Jan 17
I think that they intended to MAKE us let her play with those things, because if they got them for her, then she would HAVE to be allowed to play with them. Well the joke was on them, because we would put aside any toy that we did not want her to play with and give it away to Toys For Tots or something like that. Fortunately, even given the choice as she got older, she never liked Barbies. She did like the Tinkerbell dolls for a while, but that was short-lived. She also does not like the color pink ... she went through a phase of liking it for a couple months because her friend's favorite color was pink, but she decided she just is not a "pink-type girl".
It really is rude, but that is his family. They make no pretense of hating me, but then act all innocent when that is brought to their attention.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Nov 09
hi dawnald I do agree with you that as parents your own parents should respect your wishes,you are an adult now and your mom should not think that she still has the right to supercede
your wants. She should and must respect your wishes as you'
have respected her, she is having a hard time forgetting
you are not little Dawn who has to be told what is or is not
right,you are all grown up with kids of your own, Your wishes'
should darned well be respected. Sure they do not have to agree but they do have to respect your wishes as parents now. I think that I would say Mom I love you dearly you know that, but I am all grown up, so please respect my wishes concerning my own kids.I am no longer your little girl.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
4 Nov 09
Hatley, thank you for your response. It is not my parents that are doing this. It is my husband's family. We have tried talking to them, but they refuse to listen. It is not even his parents that are the major culprits, although we have had to speak with them a time or two. Mostly, it is the rest of his family that will not respect our decisions as parents. Then, they get all upset when we do not want to spend the holidays with them, and they even have the nerve to say that they do not have any idea why we would feel the way we do.
Mind you that all of this comes after they laughingly tell us that we are going to hate what they bought the little one, but they got it anyway and we just have to deal with it.
Mind you that all of this comes after they laughingly tell us that we are going to hate what they bought the little one, but they got it anyway and we just have to deal with it.
@rebelann (111162)
• El Paso, Texas
11 Jan 20
You ask how I would handle it, well, if they're going to be that mean then I would divorce myself from them completely, they obviously have no respect for you.
