Child Neglect
@shortbunny1980 (127)
United States
November 5, 2009 10:09am CST
I really want some opinions here. I recently have been investagated by CPS for neglect. There were no criminal charges but it was founded by the CPS. During the summer, I let my 9 year old daughter take out my other 2 children ages 2 and 20 months. They were not more then 20 yrd from the house and I would check on them every 5 minutes. They were dressed and had shoes on. The apartment complex called the cops because they did not see me out there.
Now let me give you some more information. My oldest daughter is very responsible. She is also 9 months away from a black belt in taekwondoe. Her sisters do listen to her. I would let them out in the mornings so it was not too hot for them. They know not to run in the street. I am also medically trained as is my husband and we pass this and other safety knowledge on to our children. My oldest is also my husbands step daughter. Her father abandoned her at a young age. She lived with my parents due to the military and my obligations there. When we got her she had very low self esteem. Through martial arts and responsibilities around the house it has been elevated. I felt I was giving her a task that she would be proud of and she has proven to me that she can do it. At age 7 she saw what she thought was a stranger in a truck taking pictures of the kids at the bus stop. She wrote down the discription of the truck (she got that it was a white ford) and the license plate number. She was on her way home when the bus pulled up so she went to school and told her teacher. As it turns out, they were building a new rental office across from her bus stop and it was a construction worker taking pictures of the progress but she was smart enough to remember to do that! What kid would do that?!This charge goes even further! Because it was founded, my name now goes on a state list for neglect. They have also put my husbands name on there and he was not home but at work! We can no longer get jobs in schools, hospitals, day cares or anything that have children. Keep in mind there were no criminal charges.
I have looked up the definition of neglect from the state and it says that I would need to put my children in danger other then accidental. I do not feel that they were in any danger of any sort. There is also no laws stating what age a sibling can watch a child but rather guide lines. Looking further into this they are considered soft laws and not chargable. I did not leave the house to go shopping or anything. I was home just not outside with my children.
So please tell me, am I a bad parent for trying to give my children responsibility and trust?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I do not think your a bad parent at all. I have 4 children at home ranging from 4months to 6 and a half. I personally would never allow a 9 year old to care for 2 toddlers that young outside without me present. My stepsons mother actually just got in trouble with the same thing just last year. At the time he was 5 1/2 and she told the cops that she "checked on him every 20 minutes" which was a lie because one of the neighbors had told the police that he had been inside at her apartment for 2 hours! Yet she checked every 20 minutes!? I just dont feel that a 9 year old is capable of what dangers could happen. It sounds that she is very responsiable and very mature, but what would happen if by some blue chance one kid went one way and the other the other way towards the road? Some neighbors really do need to mind their business but they just saw young children with what they though was no supervision. They were just looking out for the saftey of the probably the toddlers.
1 person likes this
@dracoserpintenes (614)
• United States
5 Nov 09
seriously i think someone made what they saw seem like more than it was and child protection people are so geared towards finding the bad in people they seem to assume it in everyone. i think you were being a perfectly good parent and if your daughter is that responsible then she should have the right to keep an eye on her siblings. and you were keeping an eye out too so i dont know what thier issue is but they need to have an internal investigation or something because theres just something fishy about the whole thing i think. is it possible to file a complaint of wrongfull accusations i wonder?
@shortbunny1980 (127)
• United States
5 Nov 09
This is not the first time the complex has tried to get into our lives and we are considering taking them to court for defamation. I do know we will not be leasing here again. I do think there are others behind this. We have our first appeal in the case on the 12th. After that we will hire a lawyer if it is not over turned.
@dracoserpintenes (614)
• United States
5 Nov 09
im glad to hear that and i wish you the best of luck on the appeal. especially because those people are being rude and ignorant i think. i know the world has become pretty dangerous but some of these obsessive over protective people are ruining lives because they think everyone should be breathing down thier childrens necks 24/7.
@raual60 (11)
• United States
6 Nov 09
Wow, i'm not a parent myself but i can see that that isn't child neglect. I remember I used to go outside alone when i was younger than 9! I don't see anything wrong with that.Almost a black belt in taekwondoe! She could beat me up in 2 seconds i guarantee it.Your 9 year old is more responsible than me Lol. Well whatever forget them you are a fine parent in my opinion.
@luigimanzanares (49)
• Philippines
6 Nov 09
Child neglect is when someone exposes her child to SIGNIFICANT harm or danger. I don't see it in your case. I dont believe its child neglect.
@luigimanzanares (49)
• Philippines
6 Nov 09
You are not a bad parent. You didnt have the slightest intention to neglect them. I only consider child neglect if the child was exposed to foreseeable and significant potential harm or danger, and there was none in this case.
@chinthit (70)
• United States
11 Nov 09
I am a former CPS Investigator. In ways I agree with wahmivy that the neighbors maybe did not know, but saw a potentially bad situation and called CPS. OK. A lot depends on your state laws, also, but it seems that the investigator could or should have taken many things into consideration. Were you taken to family court? There are family courts and criminal courts, and they are not the same things. What should have happened is that, if the investigator found no problems, he or she could have closed the case with no indications of neglect. If they did find something wrong, the investigator could have refered you to counseling and closed the case. Personally, I would have to look at the circumstances, including things the the neighborhood environment, to see if there was an incident of neglect. Were you within earshot? A 9 year old is not usually capable of taking care of both a 2 yr old AND a 20 month old. Are you a bad parent? Probably not, but I would suggest providing closer supervision, given your neighborhood.
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I have looked up the definition of neglect from the state and it says that I would need to put my children in danger other then accidental. I do not feel that they were in any danger of any sort.
Unfortunately thats where IMO you are wrong....they were put in danger..20 yrd may seem like nothing but its far enough that if they were going to be snatched up they would have been and as much as your daughter is skilled in martial arts and mature for her age the cold hard reality is she wouldnt be a match for a kidnapper/pedophile 2xs or more her size and way stronger than her.
I was home just not outside with my children
but thats all it takes....kids have been taken right out of their own yards never to be seen again ya know..
am I a bad parent for trying to give my children responsibility and trust?
No, not at all...I just think that you made a dangerous choice.
my name now goes on a state list for neglect. They have also put my husbands name on there and he was not home but at work! We can no longer get jobs in schools, hospitals, day cares or anything that have children. Keep in mind there were no criminal charges.
As much as I disagree with your choice I think this is seriously unfair. It'd be one thing if you were known for being abusive or had DSS called on you in the past etc etc but that isnt the case from what I understand and I think you and your husband beign put on the list is way uncalled for.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
6 Nov 09
No, I don't feel you are a bad parent at all. My oldest daughter was mature like your daughter. She started her period at age 9 and always wanted to work with me and help with the younger girls. She was very trustworthy as I'm sure your daughter is. Kids like this are rare. In an apartment complex, I'm sure it was fine. In these places there are usually other adults and older children around also. I live in a complex and when I take my granddaughter to the playground, there are often little kids running around with NO adults or older children around. Now that I question. Once there was a little girl sound asleep in a baby swing. No one else around. Now that in my opinion was neglect. I sat there until by and by her older brother...4 or 5 came out and got her. If your kids are right in your yard and you are right inside the house and you know your daughter...should have been fine. I would ask around and see if there is something you can do to get that removed from your record.
@wahmivy (776)
• Philippines
5 Nov 09
I'm sorry you had to go through this, but while your 9-yr-old daughter may be mature and responsible for her age, your neighbors had no way of knowing that. In their eyes, they saw something that was potentially a dangerous situation and acted on it. I think that's commendable. So many people would just turn their head away. However, the effects of being investigated seem too harsh. What's the point of investigation if you're already being condemned? I think a warning would have been enough. Perhaps you can appeal this?
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
6 Nov 09
It really does sound like someone just being plain mean. I think it is a good idea to start giving children responsibilties little by little because as you say it helps their self-esteem but it also teaches them valuable life lessons. It sounds as if she is very responsible, and that her younger sisters look up to her.
I am glad there were no criminal charges, but knowing that someone is being ugly like this, perhaps it just best if you are with them for the time being. I'm not saying what you did was wrong, in fact I think it very right, I'm just saying perhaps just for the time being it best to stay with them.
You also may wish to contact an attorney and find out what the state laws are and how to remove your name from the state list.
Namaste-Anora
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
6 Nov 09
It sounds to me like someone was trying to make something out of nothing. As far as my children go, I let my oldest play in the front yard and even up the street with the other kids that live on our street. All of the parents in the neighborhood all keep an eye out on the children. My daughter is almost seven years old, by the way.
As far as my youngest goes, and my two nieces that I babysit, I will not let them play in the front of the house, but rather in the backyard, which is fenced in. I sometimes go out in the back yard with them and other times I will watch them from the window in my office. Our backyard has a privacy fence with a gate that latches far too high up for them to be able to reach.
I don't think that you are a bad parent, I think it is rather commendable that your oldest daughter is able to be trusted the way that she is.
@Louc74 (620)
•
5 Nov 09
Hi, Shortbunny. No it doesn't sound as if you're a bad parent. Obviously you love your kids. But I do think leaving a 9 year old child in charge of two toddlers is irresponsible. Some adults can't handle two children at the same time, and you know how quick they can be, right?
I'm sure your 9 year old is a lovely child, but she's 9. A 9 year old can't even be held responsible for herself, let alone other children. If they had been in your own garden, where you could see them easily out of a window, it would be different.
I don't know if you know about the Madeleine McCann case? She was kidnapped 2 years ago while her family were on holiday in Portugal. They were 10 yards away from their apartment, and someone sneaked in and took that little girl without being seen. It takes only seconds for someone in a car to pull up alongside kids, open the door, grab them in the car, and drive away. Or even, seconds for even an adult to turn their head the other way, during which time, the toddler runs into the middle of the road just as a car tears around the corner.
I think if you were to tell the appeal process that you appreciate the danger the kids were put in, and that now you've realised that, you wouldn't do it again, they might be willing to consider it.
It certainly doesn't seem like you would deliberately harm your kids, but it does sound like potentially they could have been in harms way due to lack of thought for a short period of time. But we're all only human, and we're all learners.
Good luck.
@qmeyers (42)
• United States
5 Nov 09
I don't understand how it is that you were charged with neglect and i have lived in many apartment complexes in which children under the age of 5 run around in the parking lots and play in the play areas with no supervision and well past it getting dark outside...Your situation should have never been a blip on the radar of those looking for neglectful parents...
@kezabelle (2974)
•
5 Nov 09
You did what you thought was right for your children I think they have to investigate any claim of child neglect and that is good I mean its how they catch real crimes of neglect.
Personally no i think a 9 year is NOT responsible enough to look after two small children of that age BUT she is your child and only you know if she has the capabilitys.
Dont feel bad about it all any mother tries to do is their best maybe you were misguided like I say I would never allow a 9 year old to look after such young children in fact any children but that is my opinion.
