Do you believe that you yourself are responsible for your present situation?

@dpk262006 (56735)
Delhi, India
November 5, 2009 11:15pm CST
Hi friends! Many of us keep grudging about our present situation, be it our education, or our job/profession, our partner, married life, unmarried life, be it our children or our in-laws etc.. We have a tendency to put the blame others or point out others to make ourselves feel not guilty. Most of us keep thinking about ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ in our lives. Do you also follow the same thinking pattern and do you feel that others are responsible for your present state of affairs or are you the one who convince yourself that it is you who are responsible for the presence situation. I know thoughts will differ on the issue; I welcome your opinion on the issue. Please do share honestly and without any hesitation. Many thanks in advance.
10 people like this
42 responses
@chaitra001 (3278)
• Bangalore, India
6 Nov 09
Hi Deepak.. its human tendency to point on others for the faults or wrong things and praise themself for good things happening.. I will share my opinion with you honestly now.. Education I praise my parents because they gave me good education so that I get good knowledge and I can stand on my own.. Profession I praise my husband.. he is the one who made my path easy to get inot this profession.. He reffered me to a good company(my current job) so I am happy with it.. Married life I praise myself.. because I am the one who chosen my husband as my life partner.. lol.. Blaming..I dint get any such chances yet..
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
6 Nov 09
Hi Chaitra! Good Morning to you! What a positive response, what a positive response (I need to repeat the lines, because I did not expect it). It really shows your positive thinking and your kindness and indebtness to your parents and your hubby and take my words if you continue with the same positive attitude, you will go a long way in your life. Yes, you are very correct, you should take the credit for a happy married life and a good hubby, because it was you, who selected and approved him.. I am delighted to read your wonderful response. Plus rated. Deepak
2 people like this
• Bangalore, India
6 Nov 09
Thanks that you liked my positive thoughts.. and also thanks very much for your wishes for my future..
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
6 Nov 09
You deserve it.
1 person likes this
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
7 Nov 09
Hi, DPK. I hold myself liable for all the things I have done in the past that made me who I am in the present.No matter what it was, positive or negative. You see, we are given the freedom to choose and I believe that in every situation we face we are presented with an options.Though, we may have been asking some advise or have been influenced by others, still, it is ourselves who will finally decide. We can consider ourselves lucky if we have the wisdom to choose a wise decision that will make us go into the right places. If we choose to make a foolish decision , then, have the strength to face its bitter consequence. We are the architects of our own fate. Have a remorse free life, my dear.;-)
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
8 Nov 09
Hi Eureka! Nice to see you in my discussion. You have said it all and expressed it very intelligently and beautifully. I am really impressed with your thoughts, specially the sentence - "We are the architects of our own fate". It is we who make the ultimate decision in our life, be it our studies, profession, marriage or children and there is no fun in blaming others for the same. Have a great day and thanks a lot for sharing your honest views. Deepak PS - You have potential to be a wonderful mylotter.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (32783)
• India
7 Nov 09
Hi deepak, Our life is linked with so many other people, like our parents, siblings etc. and I think those people can more or less have influence in our life and some decisions are based on their agreements too. So it is natural the blames goes to somebody if the person is not strong enough to decide by his/her own. If the question comes to my personal matter I felt that I am the only responsible person for my life. I don’t like to blame anybody because I don’t like if anybody blames me.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 09
Hi Sree! You can put some amount of blame on others,when in a given situation the decision(s) was/were not entirely your own. However, we are largely responsible for our state of affairs and we cannot not 'undo' the past. You may not blame others, however, you cannot stop blaming you because it is not in your hands.......LOL(Suppose, if your children start blaming you for upbringing, when they grow up, you may feel pretty bad, but you cannot hold their tongues) Have a nice day and weekend and thanks for sharing your honest views. Deepak
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Nov 09
I never blame other for what happen to my life although their are possibilities where the outcomes of all the try out and failures have a great influences on the strength of every person. Though, it is though that you are the only responsible for every things that happen and sometimes you become fortunate if you are lucky or simply get your current status is achieved due to your own effort and perseverance. While others becomes antagonistic and blames all their failures from the unfortunate events that they become less confidence and becomes the problem of the society which really happen when one experiences failure then it allow them to swallow their pride and embrace misery. it becomes bad when out of the mundane situation one is unable to bounce up which every one should need to learn to overcome failures then try again until you see the good effects.
1 person likes this
@sasalove (1710)
• China
6 Nov 09
I am not the person who like to keep grudging about the present situation. Every time I happened to the difficulties, I will handle it calmly. It is not easy but I have to do it. Every time I make a mistake, I will find reason from myself first. I will admit the mistake and avoid happening again if the same situation happened. I realized that it is insignificant to the issue if we keep grudging as problems are still there, which will not be settled if you did not manage it positively. Senior always advised us that past is the past that we can not date back, future is the future that we can not predict. What we can control is the present time, why did we cherish the time in a positive way to handle the situation? Why did we waste the time on grudging? I won't. It is my honest thinking. Have a nice day.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
6 Nov 09
HI sasa! I am really really impressed with your positive thinking and attitude and you wrote what was in my mind (similar thoughts keep travling in my mind, most of the time). It is really good that you adopt a realistic and practical approach and do not blame others for your situation. Admitting mistakes and making corrections and not repeating the mistakes is one of the biggest positive traits and if you have it in you, you will surely succeed in your life. I fully agree with you that we cannot undo the past and future has not arrived, therefore, we should cherish the present and should do our best. Many thanks for sharing your opinion. Nice to meet you. Have a great day! dpk
1 person likes this
@sasalove (1710)
• China
7 Nov 09
Hi DPK, Nice to meet you too, thanks for sharing the discussion here. Have a nice day and happy mylotting.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 09
You are always welcome dear!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Nov 09
I honestly do not think that I am responsible for my current jobless situation. I did everything "right" or fairly close to it. I went to school and graduated high-school with a 4.5 GPA. I went on to community college (yes, the cheap option) and graduated with a AA degree. I had no children. Nor did I have a messy marriage OR debt. BUT I got sick. Yes, the back wheel fell off the car of life. I didn't get a simple flat. Now I'm on SSD and frankly, off the road of work, but not out of the world...(waves at MyLot).
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
8 Nov 09
Hi dear! I appreciate your honest admission that you yourself are responsible for your present situation, besides your luck. Please do not lose hope, you will get a good job soon, our best wishes are with you. Hope you would have become wiser after your past experience. Have a nice day thanks for telling about yourself. Deepak
2 people like this
• United States
17 Nov 09
Erm....right now, I want to get something round and stable on the back of the car of life so other people don't have to carry my ahem to the store. I want to get there on my own power, get home, and get my groceries put away. * I want more health and more independence before I can even think about a tiny part time joblet. My doctor is in agreement with this particular goal. I want to be able to shake off the common cold within a week instead of the usual three to six months despite eating a good diet. * MyLot dovetails into the rest of my computer activity. I bank online, watch DVD's, shop online (shipping and handling costs about the same as going by taxi for one item).
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
8 Nov 09
Hi Deepak. I am aware that some things are beyond our control, but yes, for almost everything good or bad I've experienced in my life, if I can be impartial and honest, I can trace those things back to myself...my responsibility in making a decision or not, in choosing this thing instead of that. Karen
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
8 Nov 09
Hi Karen! I appreciate your views that you take the responsibility for your present state of affairs, there is not any need to blame anybody, we are largely responsible for our fate and present situation. We can always learn from our past mistake and we continue to learn to improve upon ourselves. Have a nice day and many thanks for sharing your candid views. Deepak
2 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 09
As always, you are the voice of common sense and encouragement! Karen
• Philippines
7 Nov 09
I think our present life is the product of our choices in the past.whether good or bad choices,our life depended on our previous choices.I believe that we can redeem ourselves always.we can fix up our bad choices and make it positive in the present.I would rather focus on making good things in the present than beat myself up over a bad choice in the past.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
8 Nov 09
Hi dear! I fully agree with you that our present state of affairs is product of our choice in the past, irrespective of the fact whether it was good or bad, it is we who ultimately decided our fate and no one else. There is no point cursing others for it. You are very right, we can still make improvement to make our future better and we should think positively about it. Have a nice day and many thanks for sharing your candid views. dpk PS - Do you like coco very much?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Nov 09
^^yes I do love coco rocha!
• Australia
7 Nov 09
I have been involved in marriage/family life counselling for many years and I must say it is the "norm" for people to put the blame anywhere and everywhere except on themselves. I have very seldom heard someone say that the problems they are facing are their own fault. When I do hear it, I know the solution isn't so far away. I have been very happily married for almost 50 years. I have five wonderful sons who are happily married, in good secure jobs, and are upstanding citizens in the community. I work long hours in voluntary work in a children's and youth ministry and love every minute of it. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. Am I responsible for my situation? No way! I thank my wonderful husband. I thank my family. Most of all, I thank my Father God. Without their constant companionship, help and encouragement I could not have done what I have. Without the work of my Saviour within my life and His guidance and enabling, I would not be the person I am, so a very definite "No! I am not responsible"
@rjvb26 (2518)
• Philippines
7 Nov 09
You may say that you are not responsible for the good things happens in your life cause you are happy right now. I also been into counseling for years now since i graduated. I only have one question to you. Will you blame your family or love ones in anything goes wrong and your world fall apart because of your decisions? Hey i am not being sarcastic i just want a good conversation. ^^ happy myloting.
• Australia
7 Nov 09
I haven't lived for 73 years and not encountered problems. Believe me, there have been many, and some quite hefty. Some have definitely been my fault and some have been "dumped" on me. I have not shirked the fact of my part in causing problems. I have always had the support of my wonderful husband and together we have worked through and overcome. There is NO WAY I could EVER blame my family for ANY problems.
@vathsala30 (3728)
• India
21 Nov 09
Hi deepak I strongly believe that what ever is our present situation, we are only responsible for that. If we are good and helping in nature, naturally people and atmosphere around us will be good. But if we are quarrelsome and bad tempered and do not bother for others, naturally we should face the consequences
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
21 Nov 09
Hi dear! You are very right our conduct determines our reputation. If we behave decently with others, we'll probably be paid in the same coin. It is on use blaming others for our own conduct. Thanks a lot for sharing and enriching the post.
1 person likes this
@loneraver (331)
6 Nov 09
I used to blame others for the mess in mylife because my upbringing wasnt too wonderful, however ive realised as ive got older that most of the screw ups that have happened have been down to my own poor judgement and the bad descisions ive made in life! Now ive realised this im in the process of patch
6 Nov 09
......patching things up but it will be a long process. (sorry for cutting the last bit short)
@Buchi_bulla (8304)
• India
6 Nov 09
I feel the present situation is purely because of my timid nature. Not keeping anything for me, giving away everything, apart from what I earned, I even took loan and gave to my mother's house but it is not at all recognised. Took care of in-laws and visits of their children and their family. Though working, the entire house work was done by me as my mother-in-law said, should not keep servant, was supportive to husband in all the ways. But I feel no one recognises anything that I did. But my children now after growing up, are remembering what all I have done for them and say it every time and take care of me so well. If I refuse, they say, how much you have done for us? This is nothing they will say. At last now I feel content. It is not that I expect and do anything, but you feel hurt when all your services are not at all cared for by any one.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 09
Hi Buchi! It it heartening to know that you cared about others in your life and you left no stone unturned so as to make them comfortable and happy. I do agree with you that whenever you do such favors, least others could do is to acknowledge efforts. It is good that your children pay you due regards and they take care of you. Hope this makes you happy that they are considerate and compassionate about you and they have realised that you did your best for them and others. Many thanks for sharing your journey of life. Deepak
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
6 Nov 09
I guess where we are right now is the sum total of choices that we have made. I had a very dysfunctional up bringing full of emotional abuse and lack of affection and for a long time I blamed my woes on my parents. I wasn’t totally wrong to hold them responsible for my shortcomings but as I got older I came to the realisation that I had to take responsibility for my own life and give to myself what I missed out while growing up and stop blaming and start moving forward. I am the only one who can decide for me and where I go to from here is entirely up to me.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 09
Hi Paula! I feel sad to know that you were victum of emotional abuse and there was not that much affection in your life, as one would like to have. I think blaming parents is no solution, they may be responsible up to an extent but what led them to treat you in indifferent manner cannot be fully assessed by you. It is good that you have realized the real fact of life that we ourselves are responsible for our plight. There is no use blaming the parents, at this late stage, as it is not going to undo the past. Many thanks for being for your honest admission. Deepak
2 people like this
@wlee9696 (595)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I think that we do have responsibility for our present situation. We have the ability to affect our lives in many ways. If we don't like government we can get out and vote, and we can campaign for changes in laws and politicians. If we don't like our jobs then we can look for another one or seek out educational opportunities in order to change careers. No it's not easy but it can be done if you are motivated. A lot of money issues we create ourselves from bad decisions. So while not everything is our fault we do have a lot more influence over are situations than we sometimes like to admit to.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 09
Hi dear! You have positive and realistic thinking and you are right that if we accept the fact that we are responsible for our present state of affairs, we would feel much cooler inside and would not grumble. Thanks for joining us with your opinion.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11934)
• Guwahati, India
6 Nov 09
Hi Depak, I know what you intend to focus on. Yes I have known myself and I have cut all those 'ifs and buts' and have learnt the reality that I ma responsible for what I ma now and would be in the future. But paradoxically many are there who do not realize this fact and become victims of grumblings and fretting. This is a simple equation that whatsoever result emerges we are there with our own task. And it the assessment if the task is ok or not.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 09
Hi dear! It is really appreciable that you reckon that you yourself are responsible for your present state of affairs. It is no use putting the blame on others' head to four ego. We need to face the reality with boldness and courage. Thanks a lot for joining us sharing your candid views. Deepak
1 person likes this
@much2say (35833)
• United States
6 Nov 09
I believe I am responsible for my present situation, for the most part. My parents taught me that whatever I do in life, it's my decision/choice, and I need to take responsibility for it, good or bad. Ironically, I used to blame my parents for the way they raised me and the way I thought about myself. But one day in my early adulthood, I figured I either continue blaming them for a past that cannot be changed . . . or be productive in changing my ways for the sake of my future. I chose to shape up and have since stopped blaming my parents.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
7 Nov 09
Hi dear! I feel it is good for you that you have realized the hard fact that you yourself are responsible for your present. There is no use blaming the parents, I hope they would have done their best in the given situation because most of the parents think about the welfare of their kids (barring some exceptions). It is fruitful for you, if you remain productive and look forward to achieve more goals with your own might. Thanks a lot for joining us sharing your candid opinion. Deepak
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
6 Nov 09
I always believe that I am responsible for the present situation[of course I attribute the final state of affairs to God's will, but as far as human interactions are concerned I have had certain unpleasant experiences in life for which I feel that if only I had had more firmness of approach, detachment and less joviality in mingling with people things would have been better. I would only say that people behave the way they do becasue we allow them. Situations get the better of us because we do not resist too strongly[barring Godgiven misfortunes and traumas]. Regarding work too, we "reap what we sow'.
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
6 Nov 09
Hi Kala! Welcome back to mylot. Hope you would have finished some of your tasks for the ensuing event. You have said it all in your response and the conclusion is - we ourselves are responsible for our present situation. We cannot change the past, therefore, 'ifs' and 'buts' do not actually help. I really appreciate your views taht people behave the way they like with us, because it is we who allow them to behave in that manner, if we show resistance, they may mend their ways. Many thanks for joining us sharing your opinion. Nice to see you back. Have a great day! Deepak
1 person likes this
@CJay77 (4438)
• Australia
6 Nov 09
I believe that I am responsible for whatever situation I am in because I am the one who made decisions for myself. I don't think that all people blame or point to others for their mistakes, but I think it is human nature to come up with any excuse to try to justify the situation they are in!
@dpk262006 (56735)
• Delhi, India
6 Nov 09
HI Cjay! I understand that you are realistic and practical and you know it that you yourself are responsible for your present situation. I agree all do not blame others, those who are saner and wiser (like you) come to terms, without blaming others. Thanks for sharing your opinion. Have a great day! Deepak
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17342)
• Philippines
13 Dec 09
hello deepak! there are somethings in our life that are beyond our control, there are things that we don't choose to happen to us, like being born with the family we have, we can't choose who will be our parents...we don't choose to be born with poor family, we don't choose to be born in the country where we are...but as we aged, we can always do something about it...to get some changes in our lives... now, do i think that i am the one responsible for my present situation...well i think yes. no one can be more responsible with my life but me. although there are some influences from people around me, from the environment i am moving in, but still the last say, the final decisions are always mine... and so i think, what i am, who i am or where i am no, is the result of the decisions that i have made in the past, whether its good or bad still, i don't like to blame anybody...although there are times that we will tend to say this & that but those ere just due to our feelings as human beings...but that as just initial reactions when we are really down... all i know is that i always try to stand up whenever i fall and do my best the next time and learn from my failures... its difficult and time wasting to blame other people for our failure... as a mature individual, we must learn to be always responsible in our acts... have a good day!
@vandana7 (72431)
• India
11 Dec 09
Hi deepak, I am inclined to be satisfied with what I have, and work towards what I want. Therefore, the ifs and buts are there but not that prominent. Blaming others, I dont. If there is some error, I do point it out. But other than that, I believe I make my own destiny, good or bad. Of course, with god's help. :)