How to deal with it?

All children still keeps a hidden feeling of yearning for their real mother. If they are still young, it understandable, but the more older they get, the wiser they will be. No child can accept the fact that they are abandoned, or that their real mother don't care for them that much. They are not jet aware of whats going on and don't know how to deal with it jet, I think. They don't want to hurt their biological mother, or maybe they don't want her to be jealous of you and start bad-mouthing you. it may be their way of protecting you because they do love you.

I am a step-mother and you shouldn't take offense to it. My step-son has always called me by my name. He use to call my husband and his step-father "dad". He once accidentally called me mom in his mother's presence. She said it didn't bother her, but it did. My step-son now calls my husband by his first name and only his step-dad "dad". It really hurts my husband's feelings. His son even refuses to come on visits because it upsets him and his mother. Since their mother only comes around every once in a while, they probably don't want to hurt her feelings but feel comfortable enough with you to know that you will understand the situation they are in. Just keep strong and know in your heart who is there for them.

I think it is out of respect for their mother and you shouldnt take it personally. Embrace what you get. Do not be upset with them, this will upset them and this is not their fault. It is the fault of adults in their lives.

I think you are helping to raise children who care about other's feelings and this is a good example. It is not an attack on you when they speak to their Birth mother of you by your given name, it is them trying not to hurt their mother who despite how she may act is their mother and they love, and want her approval. You may not know but the mother may have mentioned that she doesn't like them calling you by her "name". Or acted put off by it. I am watching my nephew (who is only 4) go through this with his own mother. In that situation my S.I.L. has been raising him since his mother left him at age 8 months. The mother is only in the picture maybe bi-monthly but has a fit and has even slapped my nephew for calling my S.I.L. mommy as she believes blood is the only tie. Personally I would let it go. If you really want to know why they do it though ask them. If it is because they are worried about their mother's feelings then give them support and let them know that you understand. That's what a real mother does, understands.

I don't think that it is something that you should worry about. When I was younger I had a step-mother also. I did call my step mom mommy. I feel really close to her, but I also have a real mom. I did the same thing that your step children are doing to you. With me, I loved both of them very much. I felt so close to my step mom that I wanted to call her mommy. Although this was true, I didn't want to affend my real mother. So in order not to affend her, I wouldn't call her mom in front of my step mom. I guess this is a way not to hurt anybody's feelings.