Very lonely and depressed

United States
November 24, 2009 8:41am CST
I am not sure where to start. These feeling suddenly hit me all of a sudden. I have became very lonely. I have been alone for 10 years now. I had just come out of a messy divorce, and tryed a couple of relationships with people I met online, which turned into disasters. Then, I got sick in 2005. I still struggle with digestive conditions, depression, diabetes, and other minor health problems. I deal with a 16 year old that gives me stress daily. And then I started getting really lonely for someone a week ago. Mind you, I have not been with anyone in years. I always seemed to attrack the bad guys. I am 43 years old and still alone. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Then I think about intimate relations. What if I can never have that again? I was diagnosed with HPV, for anyone that dosent know what it is, google it. I am so angry that it happened. Although it is getting better and better, does this mean I can never be with a man again? It has been so long I don't even remember what it is like. I have been having dreams about men. I can't say who they are cause you all will think I am nuts. Lets just say one of them is famous. I don't know why this is happening to me, but I am awful lonely. Is this my destiny? To be alone for the rest of my life living like this? I am sick right now, with something, maybe a virus, so maybe that is why I wrote this. I don't think I could live like this for the rest of my life. I have been isolated in my home for quite a few years now, only because I can't afford to go anywhere. I just wish I had a different life, with someone to love me. Is this a bad feeling I am having? Is it bad to desire someone to love you? Thanks for listening.
3 people like this
11 responses
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
25 Nov 09
I can undersand how you are feeling..I am female,33,singl and sometimes i get depresed for being single for 2 years..try to have relationship,but i am being faced with dillema:continue relationship without any emotion involved(because i don`t want people to judge me a perfectionist..i am not perfect,i jst want someone who share same chemistry with me) or or cut it... Are you working right now?are you active in social community or something?try to socialize more..just remember MJ`s song" you are not alone"..I understand your problem is muc harder than mine as you once got married then divorce..and of course, it affects your life and your kid..i have some friends who are already divorce and single mom now..don`t think that you`re all alone..make friends by joining social activities so you feel better.Hope you also recover from your illness,whatever happens please keep thinking positively..may God bless you always
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Nov 09
You are not wrong for wanting someone to love you. You deserve that love as other before me have said. One thing I find helpful when I find myself feeling lonely, is to get out and do something, now you can do lots without spending money, I know you said you had been in your house for a long time isolated because you don't have the money to go out and do something. GO to the library and see if you can find a club that interests you that you could join. Head out to a local park and go for a walk. I go walk around here and always meet lots of nice people. You could head out to the mall and just walk and sit and watch people, you will find alot of people do this. There are lots of things you can do to get out of your house and meet people that does not cost anything or very little, but the key s you need to get out and meet new friends and when you do you will eventually find that man you are longing for.
@Craicha (801)
25 Nov 09
you think too much and more in negative mix feelings of fear, lonliness, then your sick this time that turns out into depression....don't think your bad past for get all bad past coz it don't help you....let yourself be busy in your work or anything activity that can make you busy then go out with friends that you can trust and talk to that knows how to listen in you...but never goes a friend that the same probs of yours coz it wont help you.....
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (58390)
• United States
25 Nov 09
HPV shouldn't make having a relationship with a man impossible. Unless I've got my medical information wrong, that shouldn't be an issue. But I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I won't go into my situation, but I do know somewhat of what you feel. But not totally. I don't know what I would do if I had a teenager along with what is going on with me now. You've got so many burdens, and I wish you had someone with you giving you a shoulder to lean on. I do hope you find one. In the meantime, I'll continue to pray for you.
• United States
25 Nov 09
Thanks for your support. I feel a little better today. Can I ask you if you are alone? Send me a pm if you don't want to answer here. Thanks for the prayers.
@AmbiePam (58390)
• United States
25 Nov 09
I live alone except for my dog, Sherlock.
• United States
24 Nov 09
No you are not wronge your just lonley which could be leading to worsing depression, are you on any ssri or snri types of medication sometimes after takeing anti depressents for so long your brain just starts to sizzle out you feel numb lonley apathetic worthless and tottaly give up on life itself?
• United States
24 Nov 09
It's not wronge to want love INFACT you deserve the love you crave
• United States
24 Nov 09
I thought it was lonliness. After being alone for so long. I don't think its my medication. I have been on the same thing for years. And I never felt this before. Thanks
@becdmd (705)
• Philippines
25 Nov 09
It's not too late to fill the emptiness in your heart...Just look up above there is Someone who really love you unconditionally despite of your failures and weaknesses, God is there for you to restore everything back to normal...I pray that you may draw closer to Him and know Him more in your life, to experience His love, the love greater than human can give. "the Lord heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds" -Psalm 147:3
• United States
25 Nov 09
Thankyou for your words. I know that God is there, and he has not done this to me. I must just have bad luck. What I need the most is good health. I do pray all the time. Thankyou
@lindiebiz (1013)
• Canada
25 Nov 09
I think that you are letting your depression and sadness get the most of you. The reason you are sick is your state of mind. Yo are not happy and the only cure for you is positivity. Learn to be positive and try to he happy, believe that something good would come your way and why are you always at home, is your health preventing you from going out if not try to go out more often, get something productive to do if you can like a job, volunteer and all that. Try to think positive and be happy and you will feel better and who knows you may meet a good person.
• United States
25 Nov 09
Hi lindiebiz, It is easier said than done to be positive. That is very hard for me. My depression dosent let me. I try to fight it, and I am on medication, but when bad things continue to happen, it gets worse. Yes my health does prevent me from getting out sometimes. I was thinking about going to a park or something, but the weather is getting bad now, so maybe just walking in the mall or something. I know I need to meet people. But I don't know how to meet them. But I will try. Thanks for writing.
@djbtol (5496)
• United States
25 Nov 09
You are definitely in a rough place. Certainly hope you see some change soon, even something to give you hope and the ability to fight your way to a better position. Keep going, one day at a time.
• United States
25 Nov 09
Ive been in a rough place for quite a while now. All I need is one good thing to happen to me and it will give me the strength to change the rest. I am trying, but it isn't easy when you are alone.
@today2009 (160)
• China
25 Nov 09
To be optimistic and positive thinking,courageous go out ,you will find a lot of people love you.Do not feel lonely .In fact,people who love you at your side ,but you have not found them.I wish you early people who find love you!
• United States
25 Nov 09
Thanks for the advice
• China
25 Nov 09
hi ,lagirl ,i'm sorry to hera that ,but i think you can become better in the near future ,find something you are intereted ,such as going shopping ,making friends in the the true world or just on the internet ,doing exercise ,that not only help you have a good body ,but also let you have a good mood ,don't think so much in your daily life ,just enjoy it .
• United States
25 Nov 09
Thanks. I will try
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
25 Nov 09
Oh lagirl. Sweetie, everybody deserves to be loved and you're no different! The thing is, you don't get out much so meet anybody. What about going to a coffee shop with a book and sit there and read your book? You could meet all kinds of people there! Or even a bookstore, you could meet tons of people there too. Don't go to bars and such for they're mostly of low lifes and you certainly don't want that. I have another suggestion, what about registering with eharmony.com? Right now it's free! With all the questions to answer, and they match you up with the right guy, you're bound to find someone who's your perfect match! Come on, give it a try, will you please? I do worry about you!!