What do you tell an adult son who is depressed?

I live my life constantly fighting depression. Im 47 and have 3 kids 10, 8 and 5 and I have custody. All you can tell your son is it is up to him to find the answers. There is no one that will wave a majic wand and make his life better. I am also not a proponent of believing AA or treatment will make him better. He has to fight spiritually to find his way. Find something he believes he can do well. Make webpages, write, Collect art what that can occupy his interest can help. Tell him to read this scripture Deat. 30:11-15.

Hi, Hatley - Happy Thanksgiving!! I think the first thing you need to do is validate his feelings. Let him know that it's perfectly fine to be upset at being uprooted just before Christmas and that you understand that all the things happening this year would be enough to make someone feel bad. But then remind him how he's always risen above it all in the past and that you have confidence in him that he'll find a way to do it again, that you know he's capable of not letting it beat him, that between the two of you, you're sure you can come up with a solution or at least the beginnings of a solution. Everyone needs to know that their feelings have legitimacy - that the things going on around them are not fun things and that almost anyone with the ability to feel anything would be feeling bad. People who are told they shouldn't feel bad or that feeling bad is wrong will more often feel guilty on top of feeling bad and try to hide those feelings. Then, those feelings just eat away at them inside until one day, if not released legitimately, they could come out in a very negative way. If he is sponsored under a state program, are there counselors available through that program? Since he has no income at the moment, I'd think he'd be eligible for programs like free therapy and would be approved for vocational rehab (where they help people get back to work through counseling/training/etc, depending on what's needed. It might be worth looking into those things. Good luck with Robbie. I've been where he is and still have some problems - but it was a therapist who told me she understood why I felt the way I did and didn't blame me at all who started my ability to rise above those anchors I'd allowed to weigh me down. It wasn't overnight, but just being given permission to be angry made such a difference!

What is the sponsoring that will require your son to move? Thats the part I dont understand. Deprsssion can occur at any age. At 50 years, your son may feel moving is a bit much. Has he shown signs of being depressed for 2 weeks or more? Is he eating properly? Is he sleeping properly? If this depression continues, please encourage your son to visit a Doctor. Other than that, trying to get him to talk is good. Be as supportive as possible.

I wish I knew. I wish I was familiar with the "system" he's in, but living in a different state...they all have different regulations, different ways for distributing shelter and aid...I'm so sorry, Hatley. The best thing you can do is what you're already doing. Just being there to listen, and being the caring person you are. In the meantime, I'll be praying for him and you.

Hi Hatley, I'm sorry to hear that your son is going through that, must be difficult for him and for you to see him this way. Yes, some men have a really hard time opening up about what is bothering them or they feel that it's not "masculine" for people to see them be upset, which is far from the reality. My advice is to just be there for him when he's ready to talk. You can try to now talk to him, tell him that you know he'll be find because he's a survivor and everything will work out, that he'll make the best decision. Also that you love and care for him and you'll always be there for him. All the best to you. :)

Sometimes the hardest part of being a parent is to know when to let the kids work things out on their own. I am sure that if he thinks you can help he will get around to asking you, in his own time and in his own way. I hope that all works out well for him

Hi there Hatley I am glad you managed to get him to talk, my Son is like that to I just sit and talk to him or just let him talk We will then talk through the problem Sometimes it does them good just talking about it, as it lightens it a bit and then also they will start thinking and take action, I am sure he will be ok, no matter how old they are they will always get depressed and worried and there seems to be no light You have both been through a lot over the past year and of course it will scare him and he is wondering when will it end when can I settle down and all this will go through his Head Just be there for him, give him advise if he wants it listen to him and it was good that you got him to talk as that will help I hope it works out for him I really do

Hi Hatley. Naturally, you are feeling somewhat upset, but the one thing that should cheer you is that you and your son enjoy a close relationship. He KNOWS you care. He KNOWS you are there for him. Just as you sensed that he was upset, he would have sensed that you knew and he would know that you understand. He probably gained confidence just from spending time with you. Maybe next time he visits you can ask a couple of leading questions that would open the door for him to broach the subject. You are there for him and he knows that.

I think it would be good to atleast offer the ear!

Families can be funny like that. I have one daughter who will tell me her problems and how she's dealing with them...or not. The other daughter does not tell me of problems with her kids. I think she doesn't want me to know for some reason or else she doesn't really care and just accepts things as they are. Her kids are spoiled and can do what ever they want. Her 20 year old son did not do any school work when he was at school and now won't work. He sits at home. His aunt has tried to help him with work but he lied his way out of doing the job. Her daughter is happy not to do well at school. She boasts that she is not bright but that she has lots of friends. This is all wrong to me ...but what can we do Hatley? We have to let them go their own way because they are adults. Butting in to my daughter's kids behaviour would go down very badly and alienate them more than they are now.

Depression can happen at any age and knowing that he has your support is paramount. It is such a shame that he is having such a difficult time finding a job, he must feel so demoralised and overwhelmed at the prospect of having to move; I know I would be! He probably does not want to burden and worry you. Perhaps it may be worth explaining that if he moves he may find a job a lot easier and life will improve all round. Will he still be able to come and see you if he moves away? If his depression continues please advise him to see a doctor and in the meantime give him as much love and support as you can.

For an adult son in depression, the best way is to tell him if he is in difficulty he can come home for help. As long as he has the last resort, he would not do stupid things.

It's hard to know what would have been best. I think, as you know your son, you should go with your gut instincts, and speak from the heart. Karen

I think, men in general are like this. They talk less, and they don't show their emotions. The prefer to action. But, if you give them more time, they will open up when they're ready. So, just wait for your son to talk to you. Don't force him, as the more he will not open up. Act as if everything is alright.

maybe he will open up if you spent some time with him,maybe you can indirectly encourage him by telling that GOD WILL GIVE US THE GRACE AND THAT TILL NOW HE HASNT LET US DOWN.

If he won't tell you what's bothering him then all you can do is be there for him. You can try to pry it out but it may cause resentment so it's best to wait it out and let him come to you on his own. No matter what, you're his mother and he loves you dearly and doesn't want to burden you with his problems but what he doesn't know is that you want to be burdened because you want to know and may know of a solution. I have a similar saying that I tell my husband. I've told him that that's why God made couples, if one doesn't think of it, the other one will. I wish you and your son all the best!!

Tell him that you understand how he feels and would appreciate it if he can share it with you. A problem shared is a problem solved and sharing his problems make it easier to solve. Assure him of your love and that you will always be there for him.

hi hatley,well,if your son is upset it is better to give him spaces and make situation calm.give him time to think alone and when situation is ok then that is the time to talk to your son.males especially really do not open up the things that they bother of and instead they actually kept on themselves.they rather to ask help from their friends than to their parents and i think that is always the case.when things calm down sit down and talk to him..clarify all the things that worried you.good day.

I think you understand your son very well and are a very caring mother.You have taken the right approach and I think he needs a little comforting right now and a little affection from you showing you really care and are there for him will help him open up and release the pent up tension in him.Good luck!

hello hatley.. ive never had a son but the way you are telling the story, your son seems to be very depressed.. have you tried having a heart to heart with him? it always works between me and my mom or my dad.. whenever im sad they talk to me.. eventhough they know i like to keep things to myself, they still encourage me to go on and move forward..so that i wont dwell in the sadness that is happening..