Asking for space in a relationship

Nigeria
November 27, 2009 5:58am CST
Hello my friends from the western world. There is something that I have noticed among the whiteman's culture, in a relationship a partner will ask for space and stop talking or communicating with the other. It happend to me recently and I cant seem to understand why or what it meant at first when she said she wanted to "take time off chat" It was confusing at first but its been 3weeks now and she doesnt mail back at all. So I want to ask when a girl tells me she needs space does it mean she is breaking up??? As an african, I have never heard of this kind of thing here, girls dont ask for space here, its more open and specific, when she's done with you, you know it. So please help me out here.
3 people like this
18 responses
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
27 Nov 09
It's universal way of coping, possibly new to you.I think its safe to say she has blown you off for another chat buddy or just could be busy .I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for her. For all you know she may have been 10 years old and mom grounded her for what we tell our kids the most stay away from strangers this includes the internet when ,it comes to kids. I say this at least once or twice a week to my hubby ,to avoid conflict. I am sure there are a thousand good legit reasons for this to be said but highly doubt it has anything to do with the color of your skin.The statement you made is bordering prejudice against whites ! Does not matter the color of your skin ,its a way of ending or trying to save something. Have you never heard the phrase- If you have a bird and set it free ,If it comes back it was meant to be. My-Lot may be a colorful place to express but no time for petty prejudices.
• Nigeria
27 Nov 09
I never said it was due to my skin colour, I see that its something that is commonly used among people in the western cultures (everyone living there regardless of colour)besides this girl isnt white! all I was asking is just to properly understand its interpretation because from my recent discoveries it seems its a mild way of saying "its over" And of course its new to me because here is Africa, if a girl/wants to break up, there are no riddles involved, you see it in the "actions" and when you probe further you will be told point blank. The difficult thing with the "I need space" thing is I dont know if I am to move on or give her time, and if I am to give her time, how long? Because since the "I need space" was declared, all communications have been cut off...I was just hoping she wont turn around tomorrow and blame me, you know how it is to blame someone else for something you really wanted to do? ;)
1 person likes this
@Capsicum (1444)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Understand what your saying vingoze,sometimes the language barrier is hard. After 3 weeks ,I highly doubt she will get back with you,Especially if she is young! Here today and gone tow. Whatever you do don't take it personal.Forgetting about her and finding new chat buddies would be your best move.
@madteaparty (2757)
• Japan
28 Nov 09
In my home country asking for space means that the person is preparing the field to break up with you. When a person begins not feeling ok being with you, will distance little by little and end up finishing the relationship. Not only women do that, men do that a lot too :( Then african girls don't do this?
1 person likes this
• Nigeria
28 Nov 09
LOL not that african girls don't do it, they start by acting strange and funny but if you are smart enough to confront them, they will spell it out to you and tell you what exactly they want. Its better than the space thingy because with the space thing I really dont know the final decision. I dont know if I am being tested or actually being dumped, you see you just dont know until you know... Do you feel my pain now?
• China
28 Nov 09
Hi,vingoze Maybe your friend thinks you are closed before.Just want to keep cool sometime.Maybe her miss you now.you can do something.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
Asking for a space in a relatioship is somewhat clearing up. I mean, a time to think it over either to continue the relationship or not. Before my girlfriend before tell me that she need space to think it over. So i gave her the space she wanted and eventually we broke up . After the space being set and she realize that our relationship is not working up so she decided to broke-up with me. the good thing is we talk again for closure. That is the culture here if someone ask for a space it is not actually breaking up immediately its a method of saying indirectly only 5% who ask for space got together again,the rest of that is really ended. If someone tells you that she needs space, gave her the space she need and i guess if you can set the time that would be better. SO both of you have the closure.
1 person likes this
@Fishy0109 (140)
• China
28 Nov 09
Hello!I think there should be space indeed in a relationship.Although you're her boyfriend,she still needs some spare time to do what she would like to do.When I was in love with my boyfirend,at the beginning,I asked him to give me more time to stay alone.But don't be so distant.Good luck!
1 person likes this
@ebuscat (5945)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
For that matter she has an attitude of moody type you hard to understand that person because moody attitude you got a timing time if you don't got that then it is lost everything and is not a good sign ton have a good relationship other wise you suffer.
@gunjanpri (603)
• India
28 Nov 09
well, if you are too possessive in a relationship, that you do not even allow your partner or love talk with any other person, or just do not let her/him do anything that makes you feel insecure then, this is where a normal person, be it a western or easterner or anybody else, would ask for space. No it's not like breaking up, It's just to make relation easier to carry with. Nevertheless, if the other person feels suffocated then he or she might mean to rethink about continuing the relationship. So be strong and ask if something is bothering in the relation. It's better if you can realize it yourself and try to solve out things before it is too late.
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
hello vingoze, i believe that most guys started this scenario first most specially in the western culture, when the person is troubled mentally or emotionally, they would asked space to their partner so that they can clear things up. unfortunately time is a luxury you can't afford to waste, i believe they're are better people to hang out with and date with rather than wait for some one who you think is doubtful if the person can ever come back to you. just move on even if it isn't easy just to not to let it suffer you even more
1 person likes this
• India
28 Nov 09
hello,i tink there should be some space in relationships..u call her directly and ask her y s she doin so? both discuss about this and come to some conclusion..don be confused..have a nice day!!!
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6117)
• Jamaica
27 Nov 09
There is no fixed explanation for this .It could mean that you will break up eventually but usually when a girl asks for space you know something is wrong .I think she is giving you a hint that you need to do something before she gets to the point for breaking up. For some women though space means that she is breaking up with you and is just trying to be nice .I think the important interpretation is that you need to do something about it though as you may be able to salvage something from your relationship
1 person likes this
@missweety (628)
• Latvia
27 Nov 09
Hello! I think that she just tried to give you a clue that she doesn't want to go on with your relationship. Sometimes it could mean the straight that she just wants to think everything over but mostly it is just = braking up... I think she just didn't have enough courage to tell you that she is braking up. Or she didn't want to hurt you... it is sad but it is common in white man's culture... I would suggest you to forget her and go on living your life... Good luck!!
1 person likes this
@jawariya (11)
• Pakistan
27 Nov 09
She is running away you, do something
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jan 10
I hate to sound so blunt, but yes, she is pretty much breaking up. When someone says that they need "space" they want to see other people and what else is out there. She cares for you, or she would've just ended it, but I would move on and find someone else. If she comes back, tell her that she had her chance. Definitely move on. This is coming from a woman's perspective.
@dorcam (323)
• Malta
29 Nov 09
I had the same problem, but it's vice versa, I'm white and he is black. He didn't send me a mail for months not weeks, I used to send everyday, but he didn't answer, so I tried this. I stopped sending mail everyday and see if he sends, still didn't have reply, then I decided to send him an e-mail, stating that I was going to break up because I got fed up of him, and the next morning he sent. Try it yourself and tell me how it went. Relationship rules!
• United States
28 Nov 09
Its her way of saying we need to see other people rather SHE needs to see other people but at the same time wants you to be on the side lines. My suggestions is to move on and see other people cause if she asking for space now that means she has issues with relationships. Better to know now than to find out later on in the relationship when your in to deep. Good luck and remeber theres plenty of fish in the sea never dwell on what you dont have and make goals of what you can have;)
@iceydon (342)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
Well in most instances space means "leave her alone she need time" to think about whatever relationship you may have.Breaking up could be the result of that timed silence.Sometimes its a subtle way of telling someone that she is tired with the relationship and needs some time to forget.
@djoyce71 (2512)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
I think it's not about culture. I guess you should give her what she asks for. Let her take time off the chatting. Maybe, if she could think things over, she'll come back, but if she never comes back, then it could mean she's not interested in you anymore. That could also mean she's done with you. There's still a lot of chat buddies that you could find out there.
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
27 Nov 09
vingoze, It seems to me that can sometimes be subtle and even vague especially when your relationship is one which is conducted on the cyberspace. I do not think there is any real answer other than from your online girlfriend. Usually, people will ask for space or time out when there are tense disputes or differences, to chill and try to get back when things cool down. Yet, it could also be a subtle way of saying that she has other consideration of developing this relationship further with you. Some people just do not like to be blunt and direct. As you can see here, there are just so many angles and consideration to the situation. You need to understand your girlfriend and evaluate the situation at your end and yet you need to respect the fact that every relationship is mutual exclusive. So, you will just have to make a call and find out what is happening at her side above your evaluations and perceptions. Take care and have a nice day.