Oh my counselor is going to be unhappy with me..................................
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (159400)
Boise, Idaho
December 8, 2009 3:09am CST
I have been going to a counselor off and on for many years. I have had a very eventful like to be sure. My most recent one is of the opinion that I should move into a place of my own and let my children find for themselves. In a perfect world that would be grand. If I were living on my own I would be doing pretty good on SSDI. But I have a daughter who is bi-polar and has a learning disability. I have been helping make decisions and raise her children now for 38 years. It has become a cycle and one I don't care to quit. I go through phases where I decide I will venture out, maybe find me a man and settle into a life of my own, and I really do put forth an effort. But, then something happens which throws me back into the cycle again and I am pretty much figuring this is going to be my life. I have had to cut down on seeing my counselor due to monetary problems and now I see her once a month which is not nearly enough at times. Now my grand daughter is with child and she is needing me. Do have a similar problem? You know life isn't right but you feel a need to continue? DO you have a time line and feel you can get out? Do uyou feel okay with it? Are you fit to be tied or is love of family and helping them win out?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
8 Dec 09
Hi celtic,
I'm not actually in your same situation at all. I could feel for you as I do have a daughter that seems to always be needing my help and support. She struggles for sure. She moves back in with me pretty regular but is always trying to make it on her own. She is currently pregnant...high risk pregnancy and living with her boyfriend. I have 3 other daughters as well. Life gets crazy and hectic and all. I totally understand why you would hesitate to move into a place of your own. I mean they are your family and you want to be there for them. Still you have to set limits. Now your granddaughter is needing you? You should not compromise what you yourself need in order to help them all.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159400)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Dec 09
If they do what they are supposed to do then I don't have to compromise what I want and need. I do set some limits. I guess I would say I am doing a half ended job of it. When I am stronger I do better.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 Dec 09
I think I know what you mean. sometimes people tell me that I'm way too easy on my kids and that I am an enabler. I have to compromise on that. I do have limits too but I also have a heart and sometimes it does seem as if I'm being taken advantage of but I know my girls. I know where to set the limits.
1 person likes this
@jands1 (835)
• United States
16 Dec 09
Ah my dear celticeagle. Your daughter aside as her situation is beyond her control, your granddaughter surely made her bed. It is you that is choosing to not let her lay in it, so to speak. Perhaps if she is old enough for intimate encounters she is old enough to learn (with guidance) the repercussions?
As for your questions, yes. I feel that way at times. Then I step back and evaluate. Am I enabling? Am I part of the problem? Am I part of the solution?
From my end, celticeagle, you deserve your own life. You deserve happiness. You deserve a companion. Why do you hold yourself back?
@celticeagle (159400)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Dec 09
Yes, she did chose her bed! She recently moved out so like is like a daily vacation without her here! Ahhh! I think enabling is very complex.
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
8 Dec 09
yup I am here buying house with daughter sort of stuck and we have 2 other adults and a 6 month old baby to boot that put no money in on anything we are going broke!
Daughter really hasnt had a good full time job for over 2 1/2 years.
They have only called her for short woork maybe a week maybe a little more! work here is terrible
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159400)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Dec 09
That sounds like a terrible time. I hope it gets better in the next year.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
9 Dec 09
I'm not seeing a counselor so having them give me direction or making sure I'm heading in the right one doesn't compute with me. If you feel you need to venture out and start doing things on your own, or with somebody, that's your choice. You know if you are able to do the things that make you feel free.
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
10 Dec 09
Do what you feel is right.
Sorry for the generic comment but I'm WAAAAAY behind on my friends posts but want everyone to get their pennies, so here I am. Hi and Happy Holidays if we don't cross each others paths before then.
